It was amazing! I loved it a lot!

Author's Response: oh thank you! glad to hear! x x

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Sorry i've taken a bit long to review, been kinda busy lately revising for my GCSE exams. I liked this chapter, Altair's a very human character, and a very easy to sympathises with, for anyone who's grown up in a abusive, controlling family such as hers. Can't wait for the next update ;)

Author's Response: thanks! ive started writing it so hopefully it will be up soon - one of my main faults in writing is characterisation - i can't get into their minds very well so it's nice to hear you thought she had some depth! thanks for the review x x

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“Breath,” she told herself slowly as she clambered out of the bed, “it was just a dream.”

"Breathe," She told herself slowly as she clambered out of the bed. "It was just a dream." (Despite the fact that the narration breaks up the quote and 'it' is not the beginning of a new sentence, you still should capitalize.)

This is the first time I've read a story that involves any sibling of Sirius'. Should be interesting. Your writing style is good, but you could use more description of setting and such, rather than spending so much time in her thoughts.

Author's Response: thanks lol i tend to get broed with description but i will try! thank you for your review x x

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aswel, that should be 'As well' :) When Sirius stood again, seemingly stronger than before Marcia raised a smug eyebrow. It should be "When Sirius stood again, seemingly stronger than before, Marcia raised a smug eyebrow". I found this story very believeable and enjoyable :) Please inform me on the next update, because i'll read it! Don't worry if you don't have very many reviews, remember this is only your first chapter. It always takes awhile to get reviews. My story Lost And Haunted only had three reviews for two chapters two weeks ago, now it has 14 chapters for 4! I can suggest that you make your summary more exciting, that always attravts attention :) I hope I have been helpful, and I look forward to the next update.

Author's Response: thanks! I will indeed and you ahve been very helpful. I'll change those things and rewrite the summary - thank you for all your help! x x

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hey! ooo interesting, I hope you update this soon! I really like it! Aww..I love Sirius..but who doesnt? lol. you made me love him more...wow your good! lol well nice reading another of your stories...I hope to see more chapters and leave more reveiws. I miss reveiwing your old story..that was, and is, one of my favs...lol ttyl

~Ashes

Author's Response: thank you! i miss your reviews... i havnt been getting too many for this one as you can see but ill carry on! hopefully new chap up soon! thnks fso much for reviewing! keep in touch x x

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I liked that line, recently I even had to write an essay on it... "Remember you’re choices define who you are, Ally" You misspelled a couple of words... Breathe, Death Eaters, As well as, Lily , Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry... I like the general idea, the chapter is great, interesting from the very beginning. Cannot wait to see what comes next :) Have a nice day and update soon ~LM~

Author's Response: see the others lol

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I liked that line, recently I even had to write an essay on it... "Remember you’re choices define who you are, Ally" You misspelled a couple of words... Breathe, Death Eaters, As well as, Lily , Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry... I like the general idea, the chapter is great, interesting from the very beginning. Cannot wait to see what comes next :) Have a nice day and update soon ~LM~

Author's Response: lol three times? im flattered hahaha x x

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I liked that line, recently I even had to write an essay on it... "Remember you’re choices define who you are, Ally" You misspelled a couple of words... Breathe, Death Eaters, As well as, Lily , Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry... I like the general idea, the chapter is great, interesting from the very beginning. Cannot wait to see what comes next :) Have a nice day and update soon ~LM~

Author's Response: lol that was such a great review! love it! thanks for all the criticism aswel ill go change those words as soon as the editing bits come back! keep reading x x

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