this story is terrible with primary school idelisms about it. badly written. terribly written

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mm it was ok but it felt very rushed and you need a beta or two and why would they take a plane?

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Cute chapter!!

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oh lala

Author's Response: thank you, did you like it?

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Since when does Ron use the idiom, "Bobby-Dazzler?" Especially in reference to his sister?

"The congregation grooved as Ginny shimmied down the aisle..." What the hell does that mean?

A "Chief Bridesmaid" as you so eloquently put it is usually referred to as "The Maid of Honor"

Who is Stacy Slater? What happened to Fleur?

You need to work on your exposition. When two or characters engage in dialog, it is important to refer to each character in turn, so that it is clear which one is talking.

Also you have no story here. It's just a list of events, void of any creativity. Not a single vestige of plot, or intrigue. No conflict, no content.

I really liked the "But nothing, will you marry me?" line. It seemed very much like something Harry would say. Ginny's nervousness also seems quite characteristic of her.

All in all, I've seen worse, and you have some interesting and well thought lines. You still have a long way to go however. I look forward to watching your work improve.

Author's Response: thanks your so considerate I'm only 11 (almost 12) you were much nicer than that anon person

Author's Response: I meant to say charlie not bill. and i don't know why i used the idom "bobby-dazzler" it was the only thing i thought of at the time (Cheeky grin)

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okay this story would have been better if there had been more detail. Oh and iut "Matron of Honor" not Chief Bridesmaid. Um c'mon, wut song was it! thats all I really have to say oh and wut the heck is this rated Mature for? muchlove

Author's Response: well you call it a matron of honor if you are americanor are a brummie, i'm english from london so i speak differently than other people in engalnd.

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This is the stupidest story I've ever read. Okay, well it's actually and OK premise. You need to work on slowing things down, you know? Not all of that could have happened so quickly for heaven's sake! It made me physically exhausted as if I had just run a marathon! And work on grammar, it might just work out.

Author's Response: thanx your so kind! not!!!!! heres some advice if you don't like my stories don't read them then it's the simpleist solution!

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This is the stupidest story I've ever read. Okay, well it's actually and OK premise. You need to work on slowing things down, you know? Not all of that could have happened so quickly for heaven's sake! It made me physically exhausted as if I had just run a marathon! And work on grammar, it might just work out.

Author's Response: what do you mean?! i had to write in a few weeks because my computer had to have it serviced and i would loose all of my work!

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