Reading Reviews for The Choice
  
19 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Firemnwnb Hogwarts

31st January 2007:
I love this and update soon

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Review #2, by mrsmolly Discovery

29th January 2007:
please update

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Review #3, by mrsmolly Hogwarts

25th November 2006:
please write more, i really love your stories

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Review #4, by blackruby Hogwarts

1st November 2006:
Hope for more soon

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Review #5, by blackruby Hogwarts

1st November 2006:
Hope for more soon.

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Review #6, by Queen of Irish Dance Hogwarts

26th September 2006:
Please update soon!!! I want to find out what happens next!!!

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Review #7, by Cattlyst Hogwarts

24th July 2006:
Expand Ideas, Detail!

This story has a great plot, but it could be so much better if I didn't feel like you were running a marathon as you read it. All of these chapters could become exciting, enjoyable and suspensefull, if you're willing to put the effort in to make them.

I'm happy to help you with these things (and the things mentioned in reviews of previous chapters of this fic) as beta.

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Review #8, by Cattlyst Training

24th July 2006:
The Slytherins had started to attack Draco when they saw him in the halls. But, since the Gryffindors had stated to protect him, he had been moved into Harry and Ron's dorm, much to the horror of Seamus and Neville. - This has been completely undeveloped!

Harry and Ginny had gotten back together a couple of days after the destruction of the horcruxe. Although Harry still had his doubts, he knew that Ginny would still be targeted by Voldemort, but at least this way he would be around to protect her if anything happened - Develop this from the chamber scene better (A little fluff never hurt anyone).

"We have decided that it is time for you to join us during our missions, we are losing too many members so we need as much help as possible. We will do all we can to protect you while out on the field, but I dare say that you could probably do well on your own now." - This dialogue is a bit out there, this needs to be reworded and put in perspective of the great trust McGonagal has for Harry.

Moody steered Harry out the door before anyone could protest. Harry followed him down unfamiliar halls until they reached a portrait of Merlin. "Harry, behind this wall is a room that will give you any thing you need, it is like the room of requirement but you can control the time in here. In this room time is distorted, what seems like years there is only days here. You will be able to learn to control your powers while in this room, when you come out you will be more powerful than you can imagine." - Knowing aobut this secret room would seem to me to be beyond Moody's knowledge. Perhaps Dumbledore's portrait could aide with the location of this special room. I like the inclusion of merlin, but I think the portrait itself should be out of the way and hidden. Merlin is practically god in terms of HP, can you imagine the significance of a talking painting of God himself?

I think it would be good to include an extra chapter on Harry's training in the slowed time world. His work ethic, his progression, his success against moody, his longing for Ginny. Also I think it would be best if Moody revealed that he would only be missed for two days whilst he trained for twow years - I can't see harry agreeing to leave Ginny and his friends and the wizarding worl behind for two years. Perhaps you could leave this explanation to Dumbledores portrait.

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Review #9, by Cattlyst Chamber of Secrets

24th July 2006:
Sometimes the dialogue feels devoid of emotion. When Harry is revealing things to McGonagal, I think it would be nice to see that 'warming up to Harry', which was distinctly dumbledore. You need to develop the trust and relationship(non-romantic) between harry and McGonagal.

As for the Horcruxes, you seem to be confusing a fwe of your ideas. Have a look at: http://www.hp-lexicon.org/magic/devices/horcruxes.html
Slytherin had a locket, not a pocketwatch. Hufflepuff had a cup (teacup) not a goblet.

If Draco is to help here, I think that hearing the story of the Horcruxes should give him some revelation or epiphany, which leads him to believe that something he previously heard about was actually a Horcrux and that he thinks the cup is in the chaber of secrets. I would then cut to a new chapter at this point (or perhaps place up to this chapter in the last, which was short) before going on to a DETAILED explanation of the adventure into the chamber. I think you should definitley mention Ginny's reaction to returning to the chamber (a perfect opportunity to develop H/G).

Don't hide the reader from the happenings in Slytherins mouth - show it to us from harry's perspective, show him as he deals with the curse and as he panics, causing the entire statue of Slytherin to explode.

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Review #10, by Cattlyst Confrontations

24th July 2006:
Expand! After so much in the last chapter this one seems almost empty ;)
Continue to expand ideas, reactions, emotions etc.

Draco has pride, I like how you started off, helpfull but still snide and obnoxious. I think you should continue this, just because he's helping Harry dosen't mean he throws away all of thier history. He's allowed to be regretfull and sad, but allow him to keep his pride. Perhaps over time in this story Draco will learn to become friends with Harry and his friends.

If you're going to have Pansy attack Hermione, you need to build up the anger over the whole incident. She may be a slytherin, but she's not an emotionless hurting machine.

Increase the whole 'mystery' behind Harry's powers. The slytherin's should be shocked, shouldn't they?

You've made an attempt at a Ron/Hermione scene, but it could use some buttering up as well. :)

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Review #11, by Cattlyst Discovery

24th July 2006:
Wow, talk about putting a lot into one chapter!
This chapter is another classic example of ideas which you haven't expaned upon enough. This chapter alone (in my opinion) could be expanded over two or three chapters. It feels like im reading a plot outline here :P

Once again I can't fault your plot, you have a talent in creating quality plots, its just executing them in stories which you seem to have a little difficulty with.

I think it would've been nice to start off with the scene with Dudley in the invisibility cloak as a flaskback and then go on to a interior monologue of Harry revealing the other powers that had been revealed since that day.

Then (either in a new section of this chapter or in a new chapter) I would go onto Hogwarts (familiarise the reader with it the castle, the routines and the mood of life at Hogwarts). Lead this onto a discussion of Death Eaters, the increasing frequency of the attacks (and student teacher reaction to this) before detailing the battle of Hogsmede (some detail would be ideal!), and finish the chapter at: "I am going to tell you everything I can. " (Cliffie Potential)

Then go onto another chapter on helping Malfoy and interrogating him and then later revealing his powers to his friends.

If you want to make Harry/Ginny a major component of this fic then you're going to have to work to express the connection the two have with each other.

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Review #12, by FFlUvEr Hogwarts

12th July 2006:
I love it lol that was freaken awsome the whole snape thinkin he was james lol the whole fight keep the chaps comin

Author's Response: :) Yep, Snape is still going to get whats coming, my muse has to make a return soon anyway. Thank you for reviewing. Oh, I did edit the stories on my other site sdo they so make more sense now. (Fanfiction.com, same titles.)

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Review #13, by mia Hogwarts

3rd May 2006:
yay i love it! plz post next chapter soon.

Author's Response: I am working on the next chapter right now. At the moment I have not received a lot of reviews, until I do I probably won't post it. But thank you for the reviews that you have left, I really apprecite it.

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Review #14, by mia Hogwarts

3rd May 2006:
yay i love it! plz post next chapter soon.

Author's Response: Hey, I have more chapters posted on fanfiction.com, same titles. :)

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Review #15, by mia Training

25th April 2006:
I love this fan fic, its great. I hope harry can find a way of getting back to hes normal age (without losing hes powers). cant wait for the next chapter.

Author's Response: Harry will most likely not go back to his former age, it won't change anything with his friendships or with Ginny though.

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Review #16, by Ohios_Princess_Jane Chamber of Secrets

25th April 2006:
one of my favourits!

Author's Response: Thank you for your review. I'm glad that you like it, once I receive some more reviews I will post the next chapter.

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Review #17, by mia Training

25th April 2006:
I love this fan fic, its great. I hope harry can find a way of getting back to hes normal age (without losing hes powers). cant wait for the next chapter.

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Review #18, by tweezers Training

25th April 2006:
this story is amazing, i cant believe hardly anyone has reviewed! i love it loads. please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please write the next chapter soon. I CANT WAIT! yay

Author's Response: I have chapter 5 submitted, and am now working on chapter 6. Thank you for reading my story and for the review!

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Review #19, by Sarah Confrontations

26th March 2006:
Hi I read both parts of your story - they're brilliant!! Are you going to add more?

Author's Response: Yes, I am working on Chapter 3 right now, it should be done by Tuesday. And thank you for the review, I really appreciate it. :)

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