“Sirius, Harry, what are you two doing up? It's a quarter to six!” Harry and Sirius looked at each other, slightly baffled. Had it really been that long? Mrs. Weasley gave Sirius an odd look. She seemed angry, but wasn't sure she had the right to be.
“Relax, Molly. I haven't told Harry more than he needs to know.”
Haha, this was great! I love it!!
10/10Author's Response: Thank you very much! I too am quite fond of that ending. I appreciate your review, Allie. :) Report Review
Very good. You caught the tension between Molly and Sirius perfectly. Great job! This was written very beautifully.Author's Response: Thank you, Nymphie! I really appreciate the review. :-) Report Review
Hah, the ending made me laugh. Mrs. Weasley is such a tight-ass. Lol. Anyway, I loved this fic. I feel like I have said this before in my other reviews, but what can I say, you leave me speechless. :D I like the way you write. And unlike others, you tend to write stories that touch the heart. Look at Monochrome, for example, it really made me think about Regulus' character.
The dream in the beginning was nicely written...and pretty scary. Sirius is great in this fic, you have written him very nicely, Chelsea. The interaction between him and Harry is really sweet, and your description and sentence structure great as well. Good job. I am so giving you a 9.Author's Response: Thanks, Tahi! *huggles* Report Review
The beginning really sets the mood - it has the same feeling as Rowling. A few points to correct - linger is said twice in a short span; Sirius says I wish wish there was some way to turn back time (maybe you mean just wish?); the outburst by Sirius feels weird (just a feeling, I guess, not necessarily wrong); Could Sirius possible feel (should be possibly). Both Sirius and Harry are portrayed very well, and aside from Sirius' outburst, they reacted just the way I think they would in the books. Excellent work at keeping them in canon! When coupled with your writing style (a lot like Rowling's), you've got a really good system working. You should definitely write more, Chelsea. Oh, and I love Ron's line - it's very cute.Author's Response: Thanks Elfy! I wasn't really looking for corrections -- more of what you thought about the story -- but thanks nonetheless and good luck on your "equaling reviews" endeavor. Report Review
wow. that was really good. could u please make me a banner? please email me asap at firstname.lastname@example.org! thanks!
~Estrella Author's Response: The banner for this was actually made by the talented Double Decker at the-dark-arts.net. I do make banners though, but if you wanted one from me you'd have to request one at says-skills.com. Thanks for reading the story! Report Review
Personally, I think that Harry's so brave because he has to be. Sorry, had to tell someone my opinion, haha.
Anyway, this was a very good story. Very Sirius-like. Sirius/Harry (not as a ship) stories make me so sad. Sirius was the closest thing to a father Harry'd ever known, and he only got 2 years with him. Sad :[:[. Good story :]:]. 10/10.Author's Response: Thanks so much! It was really nice of you to take the time to review. =) Report Review
That was sweet, Infairi! Harry needs more moments like this in his life. Your descriptions are very detailed and wonderful, my mind dosn't have to fill in any blanks. I don't usually read one-shots, but I liked this one. 5/5 and a definite fav! Thanks for such a good read.Author's Response: Thanks so much, Selene! I've read a few chapters of Creperum, so I guess I should stop being lazy and send a review your way. =) Report Review
That was a good story. But, in the beginning, you went from person to person(s). "...keeping close to the person who was now..." ---to--- "They leapt out..." ---I'm not too sure what you ment there. Did you mean both the snake and the wanderer or just the wanderer? But, besides that little detail, you have done a good job on this story. Keep writing!Author's Response: Now I'm confused, too! I'll have to have a look at that. Thanks for taking the time to review. :) Report Review
Brilliant story, wonderfully written. I really like this story, and every thing in it! Super!Author's Response: Thank you very much! Report Review
That was really good Chelsea!! I liked the ending; so perfectly Sirius. Your writing was really good; and your descriptions were amazing - especially at the beginning with the dream. You did an excellent job! I can't even find anything to criticise. Darn it! 10/10! Author's Response: Thanks so much, Jessi! YOU~ROCK!:D Report Review
I think it's simply marvelous... I feel that it is the one scene in OoP that is missing-- Harry and Sirius just talking.I really appreciate how you made it not so mushy- you really captured the mood. And I really love the last line-- very witty. It's beautiful.Author's Response: Thank you very much! I appreciate it. Report Review
In response to your review request:
Hmmmm... I liked it. Good job, the idea of Harry thinking about suicide works well with the situation. But my major complaint is that the story didn't really go anywhere. The dream sequence at the beginning felt like you were setting up for something. A bit of a letdown. I would've thought that the story was going to continue. The rest was quite good but you lay down the foreshadowing pretty thick with Sirius' "I'm not immortal" comment. I'm going to recommend that you go through it again, just to make sure you're happy with it.
P.S. I'm actually giving the story a 7.5Author's Response: I'm sorry it was a letdown, and I'm perfectly happy with it how it is. Thanks for reviewing and for giving a 7.5. Report Review
liked itAuthor's Response: - Report Review
What a nice entry to the challenge :), you worked with the specifications well.You have a few mistakes in here but not many :). surrounded by otherwise darkness otherwise surrounded by darkness, there hsould also be commas around this phrase. accidentally knock something else over as you say 'something' twice, I think you should specifiy an object one or both times, it's alittle too vague. inflicting great caution on Harry well the house didn't really inflict caution on him, something like eliciting would be a better word. Harry jumped slightly, but realized it was only Sirius not a mistake but if you want to go british it's realised. Harry realized a question still lingered in the air realised. quite distinctly withheld the meaning held, not withheld. He suddenly realized that he was sweating again realised. I wish wish there obviously one wish shouldn't be there. in a somewhat unrecognizable tone unrecognisable. I also thought that, at times, Sirius was a bit OOC, maybe you can work on his characterisation :).I loved the introduction to this, the dream. It set a good tone for hte story and was an event we know well from canon. I really liked your descriptions and phrasing, short sentences that impacted more and descriptions like The creature's face was flat, and snake-like; haunting to all who were most unfortunate enough to lay eyes on such a thing.To start with, I thought Harry was being a bit passive in the conversation with Sirius but then you had some great dialogue that showed some of hte anger we got to know in the 5th book, I especially liked Of course I'm trying! You think I want to see you die, just because I was too caught up in self remorse?. Also, one bit that I did think was very Sirius was You promise what?ā€¯ Sirius asked sharply, not for an instant slackening his grip, it was so him to make him promise that and make it specific.Now I really can't decide if I like this line or not He was longing for his best friend, but would make do with his son, and Harry was longing for his father, but would make do with Sirius, I don't think it's a good image to paint but I love the way you say it, the parallel between them. Really liked reading this fic, good job :).Author's Response: Thank you so much for putting so much thought into the review. :) You really made my day just by telling your honest opinion. (And thanks for helping me make my sentences correct.) Report Review
That`s a very well-written one-shot and I like it a lot! Good work! :O)Author's Response: - Report Review
Haha! I loved what Sirius said at the end to Molly!
You've done an excellent job with this challenge, I'm really proud of you! Thank you for taking it!
The details that you put into Harry's nightmare were phenominal and really made it seem realistic and frightening. You've done an excellent job with the descriptions (but I knew you would, from your other fics I've read). The conversation between Sirius and Harry was brilliant and natural. I like how you slipped in the prophecy. Sirius obviously almost told Harry that it could have been Neville. You really tied it in well with the book, which is what I wanted, a "missing moments" sort of thing rather than AU.
Again, wonderful job! You met all the requirements of the challenge and this is exactly the type of thing I was looking for! Loved it!Author's Response: :O Wow, you liked it that much? I'm glad this is what you were looking for, and I hug you for that. *hug* :) Report Review
That was great! I'm adding it to my favorites. I like how it was dark and at the same time funny. I also responded to this challenge, and our fics are very different. I like how you used the dream about the door, and then the discussion about it. I focused mine more on the memories of James and Lily(that's why it's called Memories). I also like how Sirius and Harry talked about the promise to James and Lily - very well written. Great job! :) P.S. If you ever read my fic(which you don't have to), just know that the "You can't leave me" is also in there(slightly different) and I did NOT take it from this fic. Author's Response: Wow, your favorites list? I'm sincerely flattered. :) I'm really happy you like it, and I wouldn't think you had plagiarised. =) Report Review
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