Hey! sorry it took so long to read your story. im on it now :D
Ooo so far this looks like a very interesting story. i think its characterised pretty well.
I wont review every chapter but dw i will keep reading. looking forward to see what happens.
Rons GurlAuthor's Response: In return, sorry it took me so long to respond to your review! :P Thank you for taking the time to read and I hope you enjoy the rest! Report Review
Ooh I quite liked this prologue/first chapter ^^
I liked the way how the kids were lured out from their dormitories because of the mysterious moaner, and not only the Gryffindors but Draco as well! I also enjoyed the way you portrayed the characters, especially Draco was great ^^ The interaction between the characters was very good too.
There was one thing that caught my eye though ^^ I think your dialogue could improve if you'd add more variety to the way the characters say things. I.e. instead of writing 'said Harry/yelled Ron/claimed Hermione' I'd use the reverse word order time to time (Harry said/ Ron yelled/ Hermione claimed).
All in all, very interesting, attention grabbing beginning! Good jobAuthor's Response: Thanks so much DandN, thanks for reviewing! Report Review
hmm I didn't like the beginning to the chapter, and I think that it was rather short for a beginning chapter. I think however that having no pairs was a bad idea, and I would consider redoing some parts of the story. Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to review this first chapter. I never intended for the first chapter be longer than it is now, just a sort of introduction to the story.
They're all 11, so I felt it would be wrong to pair them up. I'll go through the first chapter and see if there is anything I should edit. Once again thanks. Report Review
Sum, oh my gosh! I loved this chapter! But before I get into the review, I need to apologize profusely for taking so long to get here. I'm so sorry!! But I'm done with school now, and I had time to give your story the attention it deserves. :D So here I am! And I'm shocked I didn't read this chapter sooner!! Like I said, I loved it. It was really a great way to end a great story. :)
So, right away I was relieved that the group made it back to the castle okay. I was a little worried when they said they couldn't remember anything, but I suppose that's a good thing. After all the stuff they went through, it's probably best that they don't remember it.
I really loved the conversation between the two villains at the end. You wrote it really well. And it was great because it gave the ending a sort of sinister tone to it rather than a "and they all lived happily ever after" thing, which I commend you for. I just liked that it was all still a bit unsettling. And the fact that Dumbledore found the room and sealed it up and everything was good too. I can picture him doing that, and not telling the trio and all them what happened to them. As always, you write the canon characters brilliantly. :)
So, well done Sum!!! I had a wonderful time reading this story. I loved every minute of it. I'm a bit sad that it's over, but I have Alone in My Head to look forward to, so I think I'll manage. ;) lol. Brilliant work hun! I absolutely adore this story. 10/10! *hugs*Author's Response: Awww thanks so much Scrib, I love your reviews they're always great! :) And you don't have to apologize about taking so long to review, I took much longer to update.
I'm happy you liked the coverstaion, I like to think it forshadows something. Good thing I got Dumbledore's chracters right.
Thank you so much for reading this story Scrib, and I can't tell you how happy I am that you enjoyed it! 10 out of 10! Wow! *hugs in response* Report Review
forgetting everything makes it fit into canon..^_^ but then again, maybe Draco would have changed..^_^ over all i give it an 8/10.. nice plot and all but it still lacks details..^__^ good work though!! caio!
-Derr-Author's Response: That was my whole point to make them forget, makes it alot more canon. As for your comment on Draco, how can he change if he doews not have any memory of what happened to him? If he had, yes he would be alot wiser, but hw doesn't so he's the same as ever. Thank you for giving it an 8 out of 10, makes me happy. I'm going to try and add more detail in it, and thank you so much for kindly reviewing :) Report Review
you forgot to capitalize weasley..^^, that's all.. nice chapter..^_^ although I dont think Malfoy would cry infront of them..^_^Author's Response: Thank's for poitning that out to me, i'll sort it out. Well I agree when you say Malfoy wouldn't cry, but he's only 11 years old, and he's crying with anger, he can't really control it, it's just happening. Thanks for reveiwing. Report Review
hmm Rebecca Swan.. where have I heard that name before? maybe its just me.. ehehe.. great chapter..^_^ but I guess the forest and the house needed more description.. Its a muggle house and with only two students that have been with Muggles shouldn't the rest be a little more curious with the objects around it..? just an idea..^_^ Author's Response: I'll try and add more description. Description in my biggest weakness, i'm trying to improve on it. Ron would most certainly be intrested or bemused at least, so i'll add something with him. Thank you for reveiwing. Report Review
hmm original..^_^ its been a while since I read a fic while they were still young..^_^ how old are they here? Author's Response: Thanks, i'm happy you think it's original. This fic is set during the first book of Harry Potter, so they're 11 :) Report Review
Can't wait to read alone on my head! And I can't wait for Lost and Haunted Souls!!! I loved this chapter. Ended perfectly. You are so talented and don't let any of the critisim get you down! Well done!Author's Response: I'm so happy you loved this story and chapter. I'm also really chuffed that you think i'm really talented! *blushes*. Don't worry if I ever do recieve any criticism I won't let it get to me ;) Report Review
You're really improving (even though you were very good anyway). Well done with this chapter.Author's Response: Thanks, good to hear i'm improving. Report Review
I'm gripped!!! Must read next chapterAuthor's Response: Aww thanks. Report Review
This chapter is a real let down after the rest of the story. Sorry no offence but its just not as good as the rest of the story it doesnt fitAuthor's Response: I'm not going to lie, I am dissapointed to hear this. As I said in the chapter this is a forshadow of what is to come in the third story. Also I felt there was nothing more to have in it.
If I get more reviews saying what you have said i'll change it immediantly, if not then i'll keep it how it is. Please tell me what you would have liked to see in this chapter, i'll see what I can do to please? Also tell me what you didn't understand i'll explain as best as I can.
Thank you for reviewing this fic, and liking it so much. Report Review
i love the story literally...HURRY UP AND PUT THE REST OF THE DAMN STORY UP IVE BEEN WAITNG FOR OVER A MONTH FOR IT NOW!Author's Response: If you look in your favorites, you should see chapter 10 now ;) Report Review
Wow! What an awesome action-packed chapter! I was so excited when I'd saw you updated. lol. Yay! And of course you didnt disappoint. :) I was literally on the edge of my seat the entire time I was reading it. You're very good with suspense. I was happy to see more of Harry and Hermione in this chapter. Especially since they were trying to figure out the spells in the book so they could get home. :)
I thought you wrote the Malfoy part very well too. The emotions he was feeling and how conflicted he was and how eventually he realized he didnt have it in him...it's very realistic and believable. You really do a great job at writing him. :) And that part where he goes back to Hermione and Harry, Ron, and Neville burst in and accuse him of betraying them was intense! Wonderful job there. I especially liked the exchange between Harry and Malfoy.
â€˜Give me one reason why I shouldnâ€™t! And please donâ€™t let it have â€˜my Fatherâ€™ in itâ€™ sneered Harry coldly.
lol. I loved that line! It seemed like something Harry would really say to Draco. :) And then when he looked at him with pity in his eyes and Draco thought that was worse than anger...wow. Again, that is something I can really see Draco thinking. GAH! And then Parkinson started chasing them! That was so scary. I was really worried he'd catch them. Glad they got away. I'm a bit worried about where they might be now though...Hope it's back at Hogwarts...
Waaah! I wanna read more! lol. Fantastic chapter though, Sum! This story is wonderful. :) As always, I cant wait to read more from you! It's always awesome to see you at the top of my updates list. ;) So update soon! 10/10! *huggles*Author's Response: Sorry for taking so long to review this, I kept saying I would but then forgetting.
As I said in the review before Malfoy just doesn't have it in him. As for that bit where Harry demands an answer from Malfoy, I kind of imagined Malfoy saying something like "My father-" in it lol.
Sorry for my long update, but i've finnaly finished the story now so yay!
YAY! Oh my gosh, I was so excited when I saw this story had updated Sum! And with this amazing chapter too! Wow, I loved it. Really great job. Well worth the wait, I thought. :) I love all of your characterizations. You are doing a fabulous job at making everyone realistic. I am impressed! Ron and Neville especially. Ron wanting to go into the forest and then him snapping at Neville like that seemed like a very Ron-ish thing to do. lol.
Three things men canâ€™t say. 1. I canâ€™t fix it 2. Iâ€™m wrong and 3. Iâ€™m lostâ€™ Neville explained in a resentful voice.
LOL!!! I LOVED that line! I laughed out loud there. That was wonderful. Poor Neville.I just want to give him a hug. lol. Malfoy is spot on too. I loved how you made him determined and hesitant at the same time. Not an easy thing to achieve, but boy did you do it! It really gives his character depth with the fact that he is having second thoughts about everything. Bravo there.
Aw! I loved Ron and Neville's conversation about what they are going to do when they get back to Hogwarts. Ron stuffing his face.lol. That was a funny image. And yay for Ron with all his thoughts about the weird time thing! Hermione isnt the only smart one. lol. Gah! I was so mad at Malfoy for doing that to them though. But he redeemed himself a little by how unsure of himself he seemed. That and the fact that he tied them half-heartedly. That was a brilliant way of showing yet again the inner struggle Malfoy is having about all of this. I do hope he doesnt do anything bad to Harry and Hermione though.I've got a bad feeling about that.
Wow! Sum, what a great chapter! I missed this story. I hope you can update again soon! Fantastic work again hun! 10/10. Talk to you soon! *huggles*Author's Response: Scrib! I'm glad Ron is very in character. I always find him and Harry the best to do.
I loved that line too, it always makes me laugh. After reading HBP I kinda see Malfoy as someone who can talk the talk, but not really walk the walk, or to put it simply not live up to what he says. He talks about how low Ron is and how disgusted he is about Hermione, and he makes the deal with Parkinson,but when it comes to the crunch time and actually having to do the deed he panics. He panicked when he was 16 years old, and he's panicking now at 11.
Thank you so much for the lovely review Scrib :D Report Review
Sandra, I decided to come over and take a look at your story, it's Tiffers from SAYS by the way. I loved this first chapter, you have the characters down so well. I felt like I was watching a little movie, and you did a wonderful job of making the scenes come to life. I have to say that I absolutely adore your Ron and Hermione, and I love that she said she was going to blame it all on Ron if they got caught. I love this ominious moan that controls this entire chapter, it's wonderful. I love Draco, and how canon you make him seem. RUN! I could imagine them running away in my mind perfectly. I also loved the way that you ended this chapter, what a wonderful cliffhanger, makes me want to read the next chapter all that much more! Overall, a splendid start and I'm so glad that you came to SAYS, and I'm happy with myself for checking out your story!Author's Response: Hi Tiff, i'm so touched you checked out my story *blushes happily* Thank you again for inviting me to SAYS, I really like the site. I'm reallyhappy I have my characters down well, I always want them to be like that and not OOC. I liked writing the Ron and Hermione part, I find those two can be funny. As for Draco, i love writing him, and like Snape just find him easy. Thank you for reading and reveiwng my story :) Report Review
Oh, so it seems things have worked neatly for them and they might return to Hogwarts. Wonder if it will be that easy... Noticed the mistake you told me about and I'm glad you told or I would have been very confused about it... LOL "Hermione instantly scalded herself." I think you mean that Hermione 'scolded' herself. On another note, I notice that some setences start with "Her and Harry." Do you mean to say "She and Harry" or do you mean to say Hermione in a shortened way? Hope you update soon! :)Author's Response: Well the next chapter will be about Ron and Neville and what was happening to them while Harry and Hermione were off at Parkinson's. I've written half of the chapter, and if I really push myself i'll finish it this weekend. I cringed when I noticed the mistake, it was supposed to say 'Wingardium Leviosa'! I think I meant to say She and Harry. Thank you for updating ;) Report Review
*applauds with silly grin* I see how your writing style keeps improving and I'm really amazed. It's like you're style has been maturing little by little. I wish I could say the same for my own writing. LOL But really, from the previous fic (which is supposed to be sequel to this one actually) you have improved wonderfully. Just one thing, you are putting dialogs in apostrophes instead of in quotations. It would be better to put them in quotation marks "dialog" because I normally associate apostrophes with thoughts rather than with actual dialog. Same thing might happen to other readers. "There always seemed to be that feeling that he was been watched,..." 'been' should be 'being' And on the same sentence, although I didn't copy it here 'tree's' should be 'trees' In the sentence that follows 'idea's' should be 'ideas' "..., he heard his name been called" Again 'been' should read 'being' "She didnâ€™t know how old Rebeccaâ€™s niece would be right now because she didnâ€™t know what year this diary was wrote." Should be "...because she didn't know on what year this diary had been written." And you leave readers with an unusual cliffy! Hehehe! Short, but nice. Sorry I got to this after such a loooong time! I've been busy! And actually, I should be practicing for my oral report for tomorrow! LOL Hope to get to your other chapter before this week ends. See ya! Author's Response: It has been maturing :D I know what you mean. As I told one of my reviewers who I PM frequently, I always condsider Behind These Lost And Haunted Eyes as a newbie fic, because it was the first story i've ever done. In some ways Behind These Lost And Haunted Eyes and Lost And Haunted are like Spider Man 1 and 2. 1 is the first and explains the most, while 2 you've already established verything and can just get into the plot and do what you want to do. I;m going to continue doing this story in apostrophes, but i've actually heeded your advice on another story of mine. It's called Alone In My Head, I have a signature for it. I'm going to use quotation marks for the story. I also feel that Alone In My Head is going to be alot more mature in the writing style :D
Sorry about the grammer mistakes. Apart from description, grammer is one of my weaknesses :( When it comes to grammer, I sometimes write way to fast for my own good and miss the mistakes. I'll correct them.
No need to apologize, i've been pretty busy too. I've never had so much homework to do, one of them been essays. I'm getting quite good a cliffhangers/ Thanks for the lovely review Yuu :) Report Review
Yey! Another chapter, and a very good one, despite the obvious lack of Draco, lol. Anyway, can't wait to find out what happens next!!Author's Response: Draco will be playing a big part in the next one. Thanks i'm glad you enjoyed it :) Report Review
Me like :) UPDATE AGAIN! I CAN'T GET ENOUGH!Author's Response: THANKS!! :) Report Review
Yay, you updated! It's long, too...always a good thing ;) I liked this chapter a lot. Especially the diary entries. I got chills when I was reading them. Very well done! And I can't wait to see what happens now that they have the book! I'm on the edge of my seat here :) Update soon!Author's Response: Awww thanks :) glad you liked the diary entries, i honestly didn't know how I was going to write them. Thanks for reviewing, and well done of your story Report Review
Woo Hoo an update!!!!!!! Nice little chapter just good to read something from you again. btw if you haven't got m,y message about the chapter to sent me I really liked it and I will be eagely awaiting its debut on this site. Author's Response: Yes i'm sorry I took so long to update, but my next chapter is alot longer. I recieved your e-mail and thanks for it, it helped alot :) Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
*gasp* Oh no, a cliffie! What does the Diary say? I wonder what's going to happen... Another good chapter! :) So far you have a really good story on your hands. Very mysterious...and that's always good :). I'm really glad I came to check it out! Keep up the good work!Author's Response: Thanks alot, i'm so happy this story is good. It's really gone past my expedctations, I didn't think it would recieve the reviews it did. Report Review
"Harry suddenly felt a lot of warmth and gratefulness towards Neville, glad that he was with them. â€˜Thanks Nevilleâ€™ he said smiling at him."--- Aw, that was sweet! This whole chapter was really well done. Like I said before, you really have got Malfoy down. His character is perfect. I sense trouble coming. Onto the next chapter! :)Author's Response: Thanks so much, i'm so happy! Report Review
Wow, this is getting intense. I think it's so like Ron to get so mad at Malfoy that he would just tackle him instead of using his wand. Good job there. And Draco's a git, as always :). You add layers to your story very well. It flows nice. Good job again!Author's Response: Malfoy is a git, my readers must really not like him. I'm joking I like Malfoy, he's a good mini villain to the story. Thanks for reviewing. Report Review
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