You need to beta, check your spellingand grammar. It's a nice premise, but when I can't understand a word it makes it hard to follow the story. I'm *really* not trying to be mean, just to give constructive criticism! Report Review
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! You know, that's a really good idea for a story. I think you are really creative, and an excellent author from what I've seen! I love how you incorroperate all of the characters. Let's see some things you need to work on..... I think you could add a bit more detail, because the pace was a smidge too fast for me. Otherwise, this is a perfect story! 8/10
You should write a sequal.Author's Response: I actuly started one on my other computer but I'm stuck at the begining. Don't worry, It'll come.
What. The. Hell.
That's it?Author's Response: no... I'm tring to write a sequle, a chapter story for it but I'm having problems... Report Review
im going 2 cry good story!!
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