omigosh. that is something id hate to have happening, but it makes alot of senseAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review! Report Review
Hiya, this is Bethan from the website. ^^^ is my penname. I am SO sorry that it has taken me so long! I spent aaaaaaages reviewing a tonne of stories and my own kind of slipped behind, but I’m back!
Unlike other people, who like to start with the good stuff, I like to start with the ickier bit and get it all over and done with! But have no fear – there is lovely stuff at the end!
You can’t be depressed like this. I understand that you have to be destroying Voldemort, and it makes sense. If you changed it to something like ‘I understand that you have to destroy Voldemort’ it would be slightly more grammatically correct and would flow a bit better.
You can’t bear this weight. Sometimes it’s a little help you need. I’d suggest putting in a hyphen between these two sentences and an exclamation mark at the end to make this sentence flow a little better and really pop!
Nightmares real and in the dream world have already attempted to do that.” I LOVED this idea! I’d elaborate on it a bit and make the most out of it though. Maybe change it to something like: The nightmares from your sleep and those you experienced in reality have already attempted to do that.
I’m not saying that you should stop or give up, because it isn’t done. Because what isn’t done? I’m guessing you mean he hasn’t killed Voldemort… I’d suggest altering it to something like “because your task isn’t complete” or something like that.
We don’t know why you’re waiting either Waiting for what? This wasn’t quite explained so I can’t really give any alternatives.
Now onto the good stuff…
What I really liked about this was the sentence structure and sort of disjointed flow (I know that’s an oxymoron) there was to this fic. The shorter sentences made me picture Ginny sitting there near Harry, him silent, talking at him and explaining how she felt. The shorter sentences made me think of that tone parents use when they’re trying to explain to a child that everything is going to be alright and I think that worked really well.
We’ve heard your yells, your screams. Your terror. This was my favourite line I think. I can just picture Ginny saying the first bit sort of glazed over looking somewhere else and then looking Harry straight in the eye and saying it firmly. Amazingly good!
^^^ooo that’s another thing! With your fic, despite the fact you don’t have the “she said firmly/softly” etc. it works unbelievably well and I can see and hear her saying it nonetheless. The simplicity of it works wonders.
I also love the way that sometimes you’d have half a sentence, a bit of the song, and then some more sentence again! That worked, in my opinion, really well.
I really liked this fic and will be checking out some more of your stuff (when I’ve got the time – *squeal*) I can only apologise for the wait and thank you for asking me to read your enjoyable fic!
ten_oclockAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for the review!! When I have the time to edit this, I'm going to look into these...thanks for the review...said that twice...I love how you did bad and then good....and it was all CC, so I can tell that you actually read this (which I'm not sure some reviewers do...haha!) Thanks so much for the hints and comps! Report Review
Hey, not bad. I must admit I was a little confused but...Yeah. It was good. I love that song btw. =)Author's Response: Thank you! I love this song too! Report Review
i luv luv luv luv how you wrote this! it made me feel just how hard it was for harry to go, but also how hard it was for everyone else too! i luv it sweetie! never ever stop writing ur too passioante and good at it!
luvs mearaAuthor's Response: Thank you! I am glad that you like it! Report Review
yeah i like it :)Author's Response: Thank you very much! Report Review
Right, second fic :D. I have to say I prefer your Rita one, but this is still a nice fic :).Just a couple of mistakes here. Sometimes it’s a little help you need I htink you should change this to 'sometimes you need a little help' because it makes more sense. Nightmares real and in the dream world have already attempted to do that I'm not sure, maybe it's just me but that sentence makes no sense to me and I don't know what it was intended to say. I also think that sometimes you were making Ginny say what would link into the song a bit too much, you repeated things a bit too much for my liking, but maybe you wanted to do that :).I do like how you've expanded on something from the books, taking what Harry says to Ginny at the end of HBP further and giving it more depth. It was well written and it included canon well; I like how you don't deviate from that too much.I thought Ginny's characterisation was good, I can easily hear her saying things like as much as it’s hard to not be included, we need this to be done, for me, for you, for us, for all of us and her being able to accept that. It builds ont he way she reacted in HBP and keeps it true to her character while still getting your point across well.What I really liked was your theme of friends and friendship and how much Harry does need to keep hold of that. You don’t see it now, Harry, but it’s now that you need friends more than ever, it's true, he won't get through it without his friends and I like how you have Ginny make him see that they're there for him and important. I like how you stress the importance of this And it’s going to take all of us. Hold on to us Harry, we’re more important than you know and I htought you integrated the lyrics quite well into this. Another nice fic here, good job :).Author's Response: I'm glad that you still like this fic, even if you like The Secret Life of Me, Myself, and I: The Truth About Rita Skeeter. better. Thanks for catching my mistakes-I'll get to them when I can!!
I'm also thrilled that you liked the expansion and that you read the charac.s as canon! *Dances around*
I'm so happy that the lyrics worked well for you-YAY!
Thanks again for the wonderful review!! Report Review
Hey love the songfic, and I like how you said what ya did at the start *funny* and the banner is beautiful in its own way did you do it? Well any way I love this song and I think ya represented it well even if you changed a few thangs!
~Amanduh~Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm flattered that you liked my banner, I did make it myself...I'm glad that you like this songfic even though I represented it in a different way! Thanks! Report Review
Very good. Keep up the good work.Author's Response: Thanks so much!!
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