I thought that this was great. You write very well (your style reminds me of JK Rowling's) and you are quite accurate. However, I'm pretty sure that Regulus' middle name is Arcuturus and not Augustus. Still great though! Report Review
Hmm. This story could've been really good. When I started reading it, I was interested in the concept of Harry basing his search for the Horcruxes out of Hogwarts. However, you quickly dropped that concept in favor of introducing and forcing your Mary Sue on us in a way that might make him look like a hero. All you really did was make Harry look weak. And your hero? The only heroic thing he did was throw himself in front of a killing curse, which I don't really think counts as protecting Hermione. That was his big plan for making sure she was safe? Ha! I just felt really let down by this story. Seemed like kind of a cop out. I do appreciate the effort that went into this but maybe next time you work out your plot a little better beforehand.
Oh, and get a beta reader. You could really use it. Report Review
I love how topher is explaining to everyone like it's some surprise that Hermione is dying from this book when he's the one that insisted Harry go after it in the first place. I'd be pretty peeved if I were Harry. Report Review
Don't loose hope. Jesus.
Wormtail looking out for someone besides himself? BS.
Breaking News: Random Mary Sue OC can conquer death! Report Review
Yeah I'm gonna go ahead and stick with my opinion that your OC Topher is a Mary Sue. Either that or a huge tool. What kind of guy pushes someone into a relationship only to turn around and force that relationship into peril later? He keeps pressuring Harry into reading this scroll, fully knowing that it's going to kill his GF. And why is Harry taking this idiot's advice? Why did he just give up on destroying Horcrux's? Is this guy so ridiculously important that Harry is going to ignore everything Dubledore wanted him to do? I'm kinda disappointed with where I think this story will end up going but, what the hell? It's almost over. Report Review
I like this story but your grammar is killing me! Using 'worst' instead of 'worse' or 'loosing' instead of 'losing' are two of the major ones that make me grit my teeth in frustration. I'd recommend a beta reader next time. As for the story, I like the idea very much, although the new DADA teacher kinda seems a little too Mary Sue for my tastes. Good story overall. Report Review
hey chris.. am posting this to get a small clarification!
About slughorn, why is he acting like he has frgotten things? cos wasnt he the one who told voldemort@tom riddle about horcruxes and wen he saw the potion cassa sumthin, which is a soul destroyr, why did he not questino harry? why did he not connect 1 and 1???
PS: Am loving this story... cheers! :) Report Review
NO Topher! Why did you have to die??!?!?!?!?!? Report Review
You had me bawling! Amazing story, but seriously, I was dying! Report Review
WOW. That was amazing, so much detail! I cried so much when hermione/harry died and was so happy when I read this chapter. You should totally use your talent of writing and take it further, to bigger and better places! I dont know what else to say, I enjoyed it so much, thank you for sharing your talent with me! :) x Report Review
What happened to Draco Malfoy? Report Review
Thanks, thoroughly enjoyed the story. Report Review
Honestly? I can only say that this story is FIRST-CLASS! I've never read another Harry Potter FanFiction, or any other FanFiction, as great as this. You're a very imaginative individual and I'll be printing this and adding it to my Favorites right now.
P.S. I love Harry and Hermione pairings. :) Report Review
This story was absolutely amazing. I copied and pasted the story into a word document and sent it to my ebook reader. I could not put it down. I could not help reading it everywhere I went. I always like the idea of harry and hermione together. Their courtship in your story was gradual and didn't seem rush like other stories. Again it was great! I look forward to your other works!Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much! I'm so glad to hear you decided to bring it around with you to read! You gotta love technology eh?
Still wonderful to hear that people are enjoying my story, be it in need of editing! Thanks again trin! Report Review
Grade A story telling right here.
This is the best H/Hr 7th book replacement I've read to date.
I look forward to any and all of your other works.
PS I can't seem to find the 11/10 rating so I guess 10/10 will do, but you desirve more. Report Review
I always wished that JK would pull it out on us that harry and Hermione would get together because Ginny barely knew harry so you didn't really get to see there relation ship evolve... I feel like such a girl, but i do enjoy a good romance it seems because most of my fav HPFF's are romances... well 90% of them are... so... yeah...
know you probably wont read this as well but meh Report Review
So, firstly, I have to say that this was quite a substitute to JKR's Deathly Hallows. I realize that it's been 3 years since you started this and so I must say I'm quite surprised at seeing this story get only such nominal appraisal over the last 2 years. I've read three different alternative seventh-year stories so far and this certainly is the most interesting, intriguing and complex amongst them and so (I believe) this story certainly deserves more recognition. I simply love how there's so many intricate details woven in here, just as in JKR's writing, although I'm sure that the detailing probably brings forth lots of problems for you (which I understand might be the reason why there's a few minuscule plot-holes here and there).
But, honestly, I've never been that big of a fan of JKR's original Deathly Hallows book since I find it very rushed (especially in the latter parts with the Horcruxes and the battle at Hogwarts). And so I find this sufficiently more detailed in parts such as the battle at Hogwarts because you are able to tell everyone's story here instead of just focusing on Harry or Voldemort, which JKR does. I was a little disappointed with the first 5 or 6 chapters at first but I think the last 15 chapters more than make up for that.
Well, anyways, I created a PDF of the entire story for my own reading and so I thought why not share it here so that it'd be easier for other people to read too. The PDF is in the same font (Garamond) that JKR uses for her books and I also included some of the comments that you'd added after each chapter (although it is missing a book cover). But, unfortunately, this review doesn't allow me to post links here so if you know of another way to post the PDF here, do tell me, cause I'd be glad to help get this story a little more recognition.Author's Response: Hello malhar!
Well, thank you for the nice review, and I'm very pleased you enjoyed HPOL. As you said, there are some clear plot holes and things I'd like to fix up, but unfortunately I have not found the drive to do so, especially since so few people read the story nowadays.
But it's pleasing to know people are still reading, and sort of glossing over the plot holes and grammatical errors to enjoy the story as a whole.
After reading Deathly Hallows, I felt the same as you, that the first few chapters were dragging. I changed Chapter 2 to sort of get across the idea of a tense world, but I haven't revised the story since then. Obviously if I do find the time to revise the story further, the following chapters would have a bit more activity.
I didn't actually read Deathly Hallows until this past summer, but yeah, definitely felt that some spots were far longer than needed, while others were rushed. The whole final battle with Voldemort and Harry took about 2 pages, which I didn't like. You don't hear much about the battle, and all the deaths happen off-page, which I thought was kind of a cheap way of killing characters, especially Lupin and Tonks.
Feel free to have the pdf for yourself, and do (if you wish) check out my other stories. Still trying to get into the writing gig again to finish my last 3 stories, but it's been slow going.
Thanks again for the review! Report Review
nice story. I would be able to translate it into Finnish. whether it is okay? Report Review
In this chapter Ron and Luna get the Map from Neville, but earlier Harry had already taken the map to look for the snake. Report Review
That was really good i can't think of anything else to say. It was one of those story's that you can only read once. Then after a while you can go back and read again. It was a perfect ending i laughed and cried and was mad at some points but in the end i would have to say that you shouldn't change a thing. Even though i don't like the fact that ginny died. Good work and cant wait to see what you come up with next.Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks a lot for the review, and glad there was a good amount of emotion while you read! There are a few things to be fixed up when I get the time, but overall, very happy to hear you liked the story, even if Ginny had to die.
Thanks again! Report Review
An excellent start to this fic and I can't wait to see how this story pans out. Keep up the good work. Report Review
Very engaging and intriguing story.
Nice plot and characters.
Takao Report Review
lmao wow. you r pointing out many thing that i also thought about. well keep it up i am enjoying this. Report Review
Absolutely wonderful. One of my most favorite stories so far. I'm currently going trough most of the stories i've read in the last 2-3 years and one's i have either slightly started or new ones. Most of them I did not comment in so i'm doing so.
I love all the details,thoughts and ideas you've put in this story and hope you all the best with future stories. I'd like to comment on how many twists and unexpected events there were and how they all flowed smoothy into the next.
mione P45342Author's Response: Hello mione! Thanks for the lovely review, and it's glad to hear I'm glad to hear this was one of those stories you read, and you decided to comment on it!
Detail was a key thing in writing this story. I was tired of reading stories here on HPFF that just ran through the details just to tell the story in 2 chapters. Detail is where a plot becomes a story I think. As to the twists, I'm glad you enjoyed them, though a few were more difficult to write about when it came to that.
Thanks again! Report Review
My god, are you a professional writer? If not, why so? I am an actual writer, and must say, you cetainly have the talent. You have a nack for the little things, which in writing, makes the difference. My note of constructive critisicm...if you are so good at imaginig story lines, why haven't you done research on real mythological gods and tales to create your own world? I understand it takes many a good ventures into your brain, but you seem to have the talent. Keep writing. Keep running into the writing blocks. It is the only way to get better. It will come to you just as it did to the famous J.K. Rowling. Just because she has copywrote many of the magical creations that she (didn't create but put onto paper first) doesn't mean that you don't posess the same. My god, well written and phenomenally written CircinusphoenixAuthor's Response: Hello there "Chosen One"!
Well, firstly, thank you for the very nice comments about my story. I'm glad you enjoyed the level of detail that was in the story. Suffice it to say, it took a long while writing all those hefty chapters.
Believe it or not, I did some research on this story itself on some of the mythology, regarding the Oroborus (the snake eating itself), and other things like that (including the spell meanings in Latin or Greek).
I've thought or going into original stories, and I had some ideas (not fantasy actually, more crime solving and mystery), but I've found myself not finding the drive to write. Perhaps I'll start back at it soon.
But thanks again for all the nice comments! Report Review
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