AAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol.Author's Response: lol. that was generally what i was going for... :D Report Review
It is very sweet! I love it. Well done. :)Author's Response: thank you!! im glad you liked it x x Report Review
me again with my spelling. in HP it's "Lily", not "Lilly"Author's Response: thanks! i'll change it soon x x Report Review
Aww, so cute, and... tear.. no, no... Well, I really liked your perspective on how they got together, but the end is slightly cliched. You know, I love you, I love you, too. I actually feel that those words are devoid of meaning when I have read them like 1000 times. Sorry, your story is magnificent, it's just that the end is predictable. Oh, just a little more CC, I advise you to get a beta reader, because there were some minor mistakes throughout the chapter. Here they are:
was if-->was as if
I was an fool-->a fool
not matter-->no matter
wanted him to give him that-->wanted to give him
it was me aswel-->as well
Otherwise, I could just cry at the end. Honestly, I have no tissues around. You know, I love those two. And the best thing about your story was when she was sorry, too. The dialogue, the doubts, everything seemed very plausible and touching. Good job. Keep writing about them :):):) Author's Response: aw thank you. I know i know, I have got a beta reader now and my writing improoves all the time. Yes, this was a little cliche and admitedly not my favourite bit of writing but it's all practice eh? and in due time ill probably take it down... when I have something better to replac it with. Thanks for reviewing! Everything you said has been taken into count! x x Report Review
What a lovely story :) , I thought it was really sweet and well written.You have a few mistakes in here. She sat, although not obnoxiously, with proud confidence I htink the word order here is odd and that it should maybe go 'she sat with proud confidence, although not obnoxiously,'. Lilly, I have to tell you something This is consistent throughout the fic, Lily has only 1 L (or atleast JKR's Lily does). the only sign of acknowledgement James’ received no apostrophe. thought that I achieve all my dreams effortlessly thought that I could. whatever you did to me wouldn’t go away not matter how hard I tried no matter. it was me aswel as well. watching a bleary eyes smile bleary-eyed. I also thought there were a few aspects that didn't seem that canon, I know it says in the books that James 'deflated his head' during 7th year, but this does kind of seem a complete personality u-turn. I htink you could get away with it though, but Lily seems too regretful to me. She was right all those times she rejected him, he was an arrogant prat, and I'm not sure how guilty she should really be feeling.Having said that, i did really like this and you had some really lovely moments in this. I loved the way you started this, the description of how James was feeling about Lily was really good and vivid, i could really picture it easily. The merest traces of a smile dancing around her lips sent shivers of joy down his spine. I also really liked the very first line, that was a nice opening to the fic It seemed as if she was but a dream, on the brink of reality, you have some lovely imagery in here.I liked the raw honesty you had in places, like in he couldn’t be a friend to her – it was just too painful. I've known a few who thought they could settle for 'just friends' but found it unbearable and I like how you include this idea and how real it is. It makes the characters relaly easy to relate to and really adds something to your fic.I loved how James mistook what Lily was saying, and the whole reconciliation in the rain. It was a lovely setting and you wrote it well. The parallels you drew between the two of them were great and a lovely touch to the story. I also liked the little details like how she looked him straight in the eye before answering, they just really added to the moment. Lovely fic you have here, I enjoyed reading it :) .Author's Response: wow... thank you. that was an amazing review! all that help is amazing and I don't feel deflated at all because of all the compliments! I was actually very proud of this one - it just sort of flows I think.
I will go through and correct those mistakes you mentioned because, thinking about it now, you're right!
You mentioned you think Lily feels guilty but I was trying to propose more than that although I admit it probably didn't come across quite as well as I hoped - she doesn't feel as much guilty about rejecting him as being too imature to understand that he was just being a little boy. Even though she was alittle girl, she grew up very fast in my opinion - perhaps too fast and although she knows she wasn't old enough to understand he just wanted her to think well of him and showing off was the way he thought was best to gain her good opinion, she still feels it could've been so much better if she had realised. make sense? haha probably not but that is what I was trying to say.
I like writing about Lily - she reminds me of myself. So thanks, this was the best and most useful review I've ever recieved. It truely made me smile. Report Review
I know I have critisized your work a lot LOL but this is pretty decent actually. :) lol but really. Anyhow, I'm just wondering this, what does "aswel" mean? Also? As well? cuz I get confuzzled. :) byeasAuthor's Response: err thanks i guess that would be a huge compliment... u say u don't like ti but u keep coming back to read stuff so i'll be content. thanks for the review and it mean as well. x x Report Review
awwwww its cutteeeeeee wow...I missed reveiwing for you! lol I Really liked it! Super cute! I missss reaiding your stories! Write more of them!! Please! lol...my stories aren't this good...but I'm working on getting better. Check out Young and innocent!
~AshesAuthor's Response: ill deff go read it! thnk you so much i am writing its all jst coming a bit slow... wat were those other reviews about? im wel confused lol x x Report Review
wow that was good, amazin loved it really dramatic and inspiring 5 star keep it up
Author's Response: thnks! nuther oen shot cumin soon! x x Report Review
love it. Amazing, beautiful the love that had been hidden for sooo long finally came out!!!
MELAuthor's Response: aw thnks love this one shot - i think its my best work yet! :D Report Review
so..... good... (and sweet!)Author's Response: aw thnk u! x x Report Review
awww...sweet...<3333Author's Response: thank ya! :D loved writing it x x Report Review
Awwww...that story was so cute...great job...Author's Response: thank you! im so glad u reviewed x x Report Review
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