SCARY, when they kissed at the end, and when they found out they had to dance with each other, and when he got her the necklace. But It's awesome! I like Meeting the Evans' or whatever. I forgot to review it. You should make another chapter, though, or a sequel to this.Author's Response: lol, I wrote this when I started out writing fanfics...a long long time ago and seems to sit just fine by itself. I'm not going to mess with it, it would be nice to have a sequel to it- but its better on its own, if that makes any sense to you. =]
You mean, Meeting The Evan's Family? lol, I enjoyed writing that one-shot, glad you enjoyed the two of them :) Report Review
It was a cute story about the, as you put it, beginning of the end for Lily and James.
I did want to point out that you have a major punctuation error happening all throughout your story. You are forgetting to put commas inside your quotation marks when someone is speaking. For example:
‘I don’t do slow songs’ James whispered into her ear.
‘Then we have something in common’ Lily said, the two of them laughed.
Both of these should have commas after the words "songs" and "common" because you are continuing the sentence by saying who spoke and any other details. However, if the person is asking a question, exclaiming something or the sentence ends with the end of the dialog then a comma isn't necessary. For example:
‘Evans!!’ Lily looked around to see James come jogging after her.
‘Potter, do not talk to me!’ she said angrily and she continued her walking.
Both of these have proper end of dialog punctuation since they are shouting.
Just thought that I would point that out to you.
=^_^= Report Review
Good story. I liked how you took a different route on how Lily and James got together. There were a couple of grammatical errors (mainly misuse of commas). Other then those couple fo mistakes, the story was pretty good. I enjoyed it. Report Review
I love Lily and James stories, especially ones about how they got together. I felt your story had a nice idea to go on. I enjoyed how you put Lily defending Snape in there, as well as the little issue Snape had with Sirius. I think you did the best characterization on Snape.
I think there were lots of it that was confusing. Like one moment James and Lily were being civil and the next they were being mean. And if you could put a little more space between the paragraphs were time is jumping that would definitely help.
Other than that I think you did a good job, and I hope you continue writing other stories!
~Leo Report Review
Um, I'm not exactly sure where to begin here. I'm not exactly big on the romance stories, so it makes it a little more difficult for me. The idea is nice, but there wasn't much build up to the change in Lily.
However, I will admit that I was a bit distracted because of the lack of punctuation in your dialogue. There was never anything at the end of the dialogue unless it was specifically a question or exclamation, which sometimes made it rather difficult to read. I'd suggest looking over this again, or maybe getting a beta to do it.
There were also quite a few errors in words and spellings. For one example:
'Ms. Evans don't you dear call Potter names!' - dear should have been dare.
If you could look over this story again and fix these punctuation and spelling errors, it would make for much easier reading.
CheleCooke. Report Review
good story lineAuthor's Response: thanks xxx Report Review
This was very sweet and all but don't you think everything was a little too sudden, I mean she didn't exactly like him in the begin of the pic and then she is accepting gifts from him in the end. Well I still think it was very sweet. Report Review
aw thats so sweetAuthor's Response: thank you. =D Report Review
aw. its so perfect. the only thing is bout the necklace. i dont think she would change her mood towards him that fast, unless its... her 'week'. hehehe. im a lily/james shipper all the way, wich is obvius if u pay ne attention 2 nething bout me. but ur not a stalker so... 10/10Author's Response: lol, I just wanted it to be short and fluffy. I know she wouldn't change so fast, but it's the way I just wanted to write the story, and nope I'm not a stalker ;)
thanks for reviewing. Report Review
Mabye you could make lily's reaction to the necklace more natural and may i sugest editing? Besides those things It was totally awsome!Author's Response: I know, I know! I was a little newby when I wrote this, I need to go back to all my elderly fics and edit them all...but when I get the chance :)
thanks. Report Review
thats soo sweet =]
i love it
gem xxAuthor's Response: thanks for the review =)... have not gotten one for this fic in ages... im glad you liked it =). Report Review
Sorry, don't know what happened with my last review! Ah well, I'll review again =D! Beautiful one-shot, I love the way you make Lily and James become a couple! The ending was also excellent, they kiss, yay! I must say that I really enjoyed reading this, it was... fantastic! *adds to favourites* =DAuthor's Response: Thats okay.
Awe -blushes- thanks for adding it to your favs, it means a lot to me.
The end was a little rushed, but overall a sweet fic. You have some little grammar/spelling issues here and there, and always remember that having a school dance to get the two lovers together is a cliche (though that's not always a bad thing!!). Also remember to work on Lily's attitude toward James a little more, since it was a little sudden. Keep writing!Author's Response: I'll go back and see if I can slow it down a bit. I'm only a little newby, so it'll take some time...I'm not goo with the grammar front of things. I know I know it's cliche. Report Review
Hey, who's the girl on the right of your banner? I might need her for one of my stories. :obAuthor's Response: Thats Bethany Joy Lenz.;) Report Review
aww! lovely story!Author's Response: thank you! Report Review
Um...weird...I think James was kinda out of character at the beginning. He's not usually the one being annoyed or telling Lily she needs to get to work. It's normally the other way around. And the ' ' were confusing. Quotation marks " " would have been easier I think. It was a nice story though. Very cute.Author's Response: it was one of my first fanfics, so I was just starting off and didn't have a clue what I was writing about. So I'm not surprise about the characters being out of character.
thanks Report Review
please write more to this story! it was awsome!Author's Response: sadly I'm not going to write more to it, it's staying as a one-shot.
thanks for the review Report Review
aw! that was so good! Loved the end.. 9/10! very good!Author's Response: thank you very much. I was in a really fluffy, happy mood so I wrote it.
xx Report Review
awwww! i heart it!!Author's Response: hehe, yea, it's a cute story.
thanks Report Review
That was great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Author's Response: thank you very much for the lovely comment. Report Review
aww that ending was so sweet! Author's Response: thanks =] Report Review
very fluffyAuthor's Response: thank you, I love writing fluff! Report Review
Oh! I love it!Author's Response: glad you liked it xx Report Review
Awwwww.................... how sweet......... not much of a plot, but cute.Author's Response: no, the plot is just the beginning of when James and Lily started going out, and thats it. thank you. Report Review
this was a very good stort that i can only guive the highest apllause to which is * * * * *Author's Response: *blushes* Report Review
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