Still it was a good story. It was good to see what each had gone through while each had been separated from the other. And what they meant to each other when they were finally back together.Author's Response: i'm glad you enjoyed it Report Review
Well finally. I am sure they are glad now that that is over. Very good.Author's Response: thank you :) Report Review
I hope he tells her that He love her. And she tells him the same.Author's Response: hm who knows? Report Review
Now they really must talk to each other and tell each other what has been happening. It is good they are together again.Author's Response: oh they will talk lol Report Review
Finally through all her loneliness Harry shows up. This is good.Author's Response: i'm glad you like it Report Review
This is kinda of sad. But I think things will change.Author's Response: fear not, it gets happier Report Review
I guess when you feel like you want to avoid the holidays to avoid painful memories, that just can't happen. Good work!Author's Response: thanks Report Review
Ok no way?!!! I loved the opening scene. I loved the waking up with Crookshanks and the "oh my gosh is he still here?" feeling. But the proposal?! Come on! Way too fast. You should have had her say no. Haha.
This story definitely fills that fluffiness that Harry/Hermione shippers need to feel, but it really could be a non-fluffiness story with actual goodness to it. I just can't believe you pulled that card. I was so hoping you wouldn't.
When you said it was snowing in the beginning I thought "aw". I thought that you were going to end it with them looking out at the snow having a morning cup of coffee/tea. Then they both would've thought about Hogwarts or something and how they could build new memories or something. Then Harry could've said something like that and then said Merry Christmas Hermione and that would've been the end.
Or what would be terribly clever... If you did them looking out at the snow and then all of sudden Harry's like "Oh I have a present for you" and it turns out its a book. Because in the beginning you talked about how all the other characters ever get Hermione are books. I just think that would be funny and ironic.
Anyway so great job with fluffiness I guess. I am a little disappointed but whatev. Anyway I finish you off with a 7. Sorry once again.
~MegAuthor's Response: hey no worries, i just wanted to write a fluffy story Report Review
Ok last chapter was good. This one was still good, but not as good. You have me on a roller coaster. I'll really like what you're doing and then the next chapter I'll get turned off.
First thing, the "presto turkey" situation. Once again I say that one of J.K.'s rules is that you can't just conjure food. So having Harry make a turkey just pop up is not right.
Secondly, you have a lot of grammatical errors and mostly spelling mistakes. They're mostly just small spelling mistakes, but they kind of made me lose focus in the reading.
Ok now content wise. I think this chapter needed to have the kiss, but then again I believe in slow progression. So that's just a personal opinion, but I think at the end you are rushing the whole "Harry/Hermione, we together now and now we're going to go do the nasty" situation.
At the beginning when they were wondering about each other's feelings, I really liked that. But, I was very distracted by the fact that you put it in Hermione's point of view and then you switched to Harry in the same paragraph. So make the Harry POV be a second paragraph or preferably just cut that part out. It's always good to leave the reader guessing. We know how Hermione feels because she's been the POV we've been followiing. It throws everything off when you put in a new point of view and then you completely told exactly what he was thinking about Hermione. You didn't leave anything up for interpretation or for hope. You have to give the reader a chance to hope. That way when Harry all of sudden says "I can't take this anymore". The reader can be like, "Score! I knew it!" or "Wow. I didn't think he actually felt the same!". Just let the POV follow Hermione then that would be great.
Their kissing scene was pretty good, but you had them immediately kiss passionately and when I read that I really didn't think it would be like that. Hermione is kissing her best friend and a guy that she hasn't seen for three years! I think the first kiss would be very timid and testing the waters like. I think it would eventually get very heated, probably very quickly, but I don't think it would begin with passion right off the bat. They have a lot of anxiety and then all of sudden you make them kiss passionately like that anxiety wasn't there in the first place.
Anyway I think this chapter was honestly like a 7.6. I'm sorry. I feel like a really harsh reviewer. Anyway I'm still going to read on because its the last chapter and even if it is rushed who doesn't want to see Harry and Hermione get frisky? Haha.
~Meg Author's Response: don't worry i appreciate the criticism Report Review
Ok so yeah I didn't come back the next day, but I'm here now! That's what matters.
Anyway this chapter was amazing. Much much better. Very well written. You had them yelling which is what needed to happen. Some of the dialogue at the beginning was a little weird for me and I couldn't really picture it. It was there and it worked, but I don't think it flowed. Ya know? Anyway but it did get better. I think you're really starting to get situated. So good job.
I thought you were going to make them kiss at the end and I would've been pissed at you. Slow progression is although very annoying at times, it is the most believable and powerful. Anyway I loved the last paragraph. That was perfect writing. I'm not even kidding you. That was the perfect Hermione and Harry moment and I could picture it clear as day.
So wonderful job on this chapter. You have me officially interested. I'm going to read on, but only one chapter because I have to be up in like 4 hours!!
Anyway I give you a 9!
~MegAuthor's Response: thanks Report Review
It's late so I'm going to bed. But I will continue to read the rest of this story tomorrow.
You want to know what I was secretly hoping you would do? Well I bet you do! Anyway I was secretly hoping that Hermione would open the door, say "Harry?", take one look at him, and then slam it in his face. He's been gone for like 3 years! I would've slammed the door in his face.
Anyway I'm still liking the story although I will admit I am still not hooked on it. I feel like it's predictable. There's no twist or any complication to tie them up.
Ok I know you may get tired of this, but I'm going to present a scenario of a complication. Ok so before I talked about how Hermione would have friends and that maybe she would get invited to a Christmas party. Well let's say at that party she met someone and then was on her way out for a date with him and opened the door to leave and Harry's there. Bam! Complication.
That's what this story needs right now is a twist or something. Anyway I'm going to bed, but I'll be back tomorrow to finish up.
~MegAuthor's Response: i'm not going to lie, this story is predictable, but it was meant to be Report Review
You got a little repetitious with the whole Hermione is sad and she has nothing to do for the holidays. I think that when you miss someone I think you end up doing the opposite really. You end up busying yourself to NOT think about that person. This story would be much more interesting in these first two chapters if you made Hermione lonely, yet busy.
My favorite things that authors do is subtle hints or just the smallest clue of what a character really is feeling or thinking about. She could be busy and have that brief moment where she clues into what she's really feeling.
Being a head Auror she would have loads of connections, collegues, and quite possibly friends from that. You made her live in Ottawa and you built this entirely new life for her. She could go to a Christmas party or meet up with other aurors. You could even write that the other aurors take pity on her or something. Say she attends a dinner party or something and then decides to walk home and thinks about the snow. That still hints about how she misses Harry and how she really is alone. Ya know?
I understand that the whole point of the story is to make her feel alone, but I think you can do that and still have her do something. It adds a dynamic to the story.
It's still a good story though. I'm still going to read on and I'm still interested. Most definitely.
With that said I have one other thing that I think needs to be mentioned. One of Jo's rules is that you can't just conjure food. Magic can't create that. You write Hermione conjuring food and such which as another side note I don't think fits her. I always love it when authors write Hermione doing something the muggle way. It's such a lovely character trait. She's the brightest witch of her age and yet she still does things the muggle way. It's opposite of what the wizarding world would see "the brightest witch of her age" doing.
Anyway I still am liking the story. I'm going to read on and see what Harry says.
~MegAuthor's Response: thanks for the review Report Review
This is a really good beginning to your story. I'm really liking it thus far. It's very well written. Maybe a little predictable with the whole Harry leaving after the last battle and their dialogue right there, but then again it's necessary for the story so I see it's purpose even if it is a bit corny. So I'm going to read on...
I give this chapter an 8.7 because I really feel like it's better than an eight but not quite a nine ya know?
Side note: I really hate the nicknames that people give Hermione like "Hermy" or as you used "Mee". sorry but I find them ridiculous. "Mione" I think fits and that is the only one I really accept without cringing. Just a side note.Author's Response: lol to each his own Report Review
excalentAuthor's Response: thanks Report Review
That was precious. How he could be gone for over 3 years baffles me a little. I mean a month maybe two I could understand, but I think that Harry would go completely crazy without being able to see Hermione and tell her how he feels. But the good thing is that he came back, that's the most important thing. I don't think he could have picked a better time. I enjoyed reading this story a great deal. If your other stories are as wonderful as this one I will definately read and review. And the ending wasn't really corny. In my opinion it's one of the most perfect endings I've read, and believe me, I have read quite a few stories. Fabulous, I loved it. A sequel of any kind or something would be wonderful. Thanks.Author's Response: wow thanks for the amazing praise, i'm glad you liked the story Report Review
Nice Christmas present. (o: Very cute. Quite enjoyable, and you had me reading and wanting more! I'll try and come back and check out some more stories. I see you write Harry/Hermione fics, and there really aren't enough of those out there! (o: Anyway, nice story! Author's Response: thank you for all the great reviews Report Review
Definitely awkward and great. I'm a fan of awkwardness. LoL. I love that they finally kissed. That kitchen was filling up with tension like a hotair balloon with hot air! LoL. On to the next chapter...!Author's Response: there always has to be some awkwardness, thanks for the review Report Review
I love a good argument, hehe. Nothing like tension and emotions flaring and yelling to get things moving. (o: Nice work, great chapter, good job with the emotions and the fight. Excellent!Author's Response: i do find fights very useful in this type of story Report Review
Well, indeed it was short, I want to know more! hehe. But I reckon I'll just have to read on. I'm glad you finally had Hermione hug Harry, because I thought she would have mauled him for happiness! I like how they easily fall back in to how they always were. And I like how she's checking him out, hehe. (o;Author's Response: lol i figured she just had to check him out Report Review
Way to go on a cliff hanger! Now I have to read on to see what happens!! (o: You have good writing and it's enjoyable to read. And you did a swell job of getting us into Hermione's mind and life. Author's Response: lol the dreaded cliff hangers, thanks Report Review
Nice set up for the story. You've done a great job filling us in on the backstory and getting us situated for what's coming. I like how you have Harry leaving - it does seem like a Harry thing to do. And I like that Hermione's love for him was something she realized then (as opposed so this secret love feeing she's had for years, etc...) It fits nicely how you've done it. Good job. (o:Author's Response: thank you, i simply couldn't have her loving him for years and years, it just didn't work for me Report Review
LOVED THE STORY!Author's Response: awwww thanks Report Review
I'M LOVIG IT!Author's Response: thank you Report Review
Another great but short chapter!
Author's Response: thanks Report Review
godd chapterAuthor's Response: thanks Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection