its been over 6 year when you gonna update Report Review
sorry i would have posted a review sooner but i wanted to read the story first and i must say that you are one hell of a writer and i cant ait for you to post more chapters soonAuthor's Response: Thank you! Hopefully, my academic weight will be lifted a bit soon and I'll be able to add more chapters to this fic. ^_^ Report Review
Yay you updated! I found the third part intresting: Soshlan opened his eyes, shrieked, and pushed Janryu away. "You were in my mind, you freak! You were strangling me while in that hideous demonic vampiric form you take! I couldn't even wake up! You were killing me in my dream!"
I'm certain that it's Damien, I alwasy knew that there is something strange about him. and the line where it says Dumbledore looked furious only strengthens what I think. I find Neville and Luna's growing relation ship so touching. The bit where Harry meets the Fairy Queen is really good and I was wondering who the one with the pure heart was. I was so happy when it turned out to be Neville, good for him.
The ending shocked me with Damien turned into that monster. Not surprising since I always suspected him to be evil lol
I can't wait for the next chapter espescially since you left it on such a cliff hanger. Look forward to it ;)
Sumeiyeh/SandraAuthor's Response: Hehe! It's funny I haven't updated when it's supposed to be 'easier' for me now. I must force myself to finish chapter 27. It's about halfway since a very long time ago, which is embarrassing. I'm glad you liked this chapter, especially sine it was a bit tough to write. I've become too slow, but I do hope to get my 'fast' groove` Report Review
This is really cool! I especially liked Samiria, she was kind of mystical and physic and...cool. I also liked the fact that Dumbledore is still alive.
This is beautifully written and you can't even tell English isn't your first language. You speak (write rather!) English better than me!
Keep it up :)Author's Response: Glad you liked her! I enjoyed making her even if she is only the first chapters only. And yup, as this is AU Dumbledore is still alive in this story. Totally disregards HBP. I needed Dumbledore for the excitement! :) Thanks for your lovely review and I'm sure you have more vocabulary than me! Come on! lol Report Review
Yay! I thought you might have abandoned this, so glad you didn't! can't wait for the next update and good luck with your classes.Author's Response: Nah. I will never abandon this. I promise! Thanks for reviewing and for wishing me luck! :) Report Review
So happy you've updated, this was a good chapter and I now know that there is something bad about Damien. Why didn't his brother kill him instead of putting him in a sleep for all eternity? I'm curious to discover what will happen to Luna, can't wait for the next chapter :) Author's Response: Damnian is really something. I've enjoyed making that character, but had to be careful about how sadistic I could make him without crossing the line. Wasn't too difficult though. About why his brother simply put him to sleep? Well, Damnian was still his little brother, if you know what I mean. The next chapter is written and will come soon. :) Maybe I'll submit it for validation tomorrow. Report Review
English is not your first language, but you are the best speller on harrypotterfanfiction .com Author's Response: Wow... That's a very nice compliment. Thank you! :) Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
I have decided I do not like Damnian at all....he's creepy. And Angelus needs to help them! or else they're all gonna die! And what is Angelus anyways?Author's Response: Ah! You'll know what Angelus is. Man! I need a computer to write! Hopefully, I'll be able to have my own computer and connect my old hard disk soon. *crossing fingers* Report Review
Good story! And English isn't your first language!?!? I would've NEVER guessed if you hadn't told us. You actually write better English than some of the people on here that DO speak English as their first language! lol...great story! plzzzzzzzzz continue!!Author's Response: Thank you very much for your review and lovely compliment! I hope to get back to writing as soon as I'm completely established in the country I've moved to and get a computer! :) Report Review
email me when u update pleaseeee
Author's Response: Sure thing! :) Report Review
heyhey omgosh i love ur story and im soo excited for them to get back to hogwarts!!!!! i hope that u wrtie a few chapters on him returning to hogwarts cause that would be amazing!!1!!!!:O!!!!! omgosh~~ haha and malfoy would like attack him ahahha well im getting ahead of myself better keep reading on :)Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! At last I can get my hands on a computer! I won't be able to update in a while, but hope I'll have my own computer soon enough. Thanks again! Report Review
I quite enjoyed this chapter :) Yes there is alot of dialouge but it's not something I find annoying. I think thats one of my weaknesses, I not good at criticising people's works. There is something very strange about Damnian. He seems to be attracted to Dark things, and loves doing Dark things. He also seems to hate his brother been nice or affectionate to anyone else. I think he is a bit evil. Poor Ron and Hermione at the ending. I wonder if Nebureth will go back to Hogwarts and get the other students as well. Great chapter :)Author's Response: Thank you very much for your review! Nebureth could only get Ron and Hermione because when they opened the link between the two worlds, they made themselves accesible. For now, the rest of the students are quite safe. Damnian is quite the character, isn't he? I enjoyed writing him because of the aura of darkness that surrounds him, but as he is a bit psychotic I have to be careful with how I write him for this site. Can't get carried away and turn him too violent. :) Report Review
Its been awhile since I could get on here, but I am most definately still addicted. :)Author's Response: Thank you, Heather! I'm glad you're still around! :) Report Review
Intresting so Angelus has a brother. Ron and Hermione won't evolve like Harry and the rest will they? i'm really intrested in this story and I can't wait to see what happenes. I'm surprised that Angleus feels no love towards his brother, I wonder why? I'm guessing that will all come out in the next chapters. Can't wait for the next chapter :)Author's Response: Yup! Angelus has a younger brother. And nope, Ron and Hermione won't evolve. They were not 'chosen' like the other three. Instead, they might need to be rescued... Angelus loved his brother at some point in his life, but there is a huge difference between them. You'll see in the following chapters. :) Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
This is a fantactic chapter, i didn't find anything wrong with it at all. but knoing me i might have missed something. i cant believe you got this chapter out so fast, i could neva have done that.
if you dont mind can you send me an email everytime you finish a chapter? you dont have to do it, but it willbe most helpful.Author's Response: Thank you! Glad so far no one has found anything wrong. Phew! LOL For now I'm fast because Some chapters were written at least as drafts. I have chapters written up to 26. I should really start writing the final chapters! Report Review
Now they are in for it. Sorry i haven't Reviewed your other chapters but i try and make a review after i have read the whole story, or as far as i can. This is a great story by the way. It is a story that you can read the very first chapter andnot get bored straight away. It is confusing that they must not wake the man in the coffin, but he seems very nice, but i have learned from this story so far that people are not what they seem. i cant wait for the next chapter. Can you please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org as soon as your next chapter is out. thanksAuthor's Response: True, people are not what they seem and in the case of the man that was dormant it will be pretty obvious. I decided not to play with readers much, although knowing the truth about a character and having to stand knowing it might be as twisted. Hehe! I'll e-mail you. It will be around soon. Thank you for reviewing! Report Review
You really caught Harry’s emotions with Dianeia. It’s fitting that Harry would feel like she was treating him like a child rather than thinking there could be something else behind her silence. The scene between them there was touching. I like the concept of death being seen as a more natural, accepted thing in that world. There was something very moving in the connection you’ve created between Dianeia and her brother, and that part about her knowing whether or not he was dead was interesting. Twins and the way they interact is something that fascinates me – that sounds strange, I know. But it has been said that they share a psychic connection, and I really enjoyed seeing that implemented here.
Now, the attack scene was well done. The way you focused on Nemaisse during that beginning part was wonderful. There was quite a bit of ambivalence on her part and you showed that perfectly, and there was something undeniably heartrending about that moment when she was about to turn and run back to caves with the other children only to find that it was too late. The way you played out everything that followed was brilliant. So, we finally got to see what Dianeia really is, and yet again you managed to give us more questions than what you’ve answered ^_^
Kroy is very intriguing, though Dianeia and Dionaius’ reactions were probably even more so. Even with everything you showed with Kroy’s heritage, the blood issue with Harry is what I found most fascinating. It doesn’t make sense that he could transfer blood like that, but at the same time it seems as though there is something more behind it. Something that you’re not telling us. A cross between Pegasus and Draconian is interesting, especially when that comes into play with everything else occurring.
Oh, poor Janryu. That was a very random birthday announcement and I’m not quite sure what to make of it. Is there something more behind it or is this just another instance of Janryu’s eccentric behavior? Author's Response: I really enjoy that seemingly psychic bonds about twins and decided to implement it a bit. Glad you liked it. I also had fun making Harry a bit angry and feeling as if he was indeed being treated like a child. Glad you thought the attack scene was well done. Sometimes I feel more comfortable writing things like that than anything else and feel awkward when I try to write other kinds of scenes. Of course, not everything can be attack and escapes so I have to keep on trying with other aspects of writing if I truly want to improve. About Nemaisse, I wanted her to join them in a different way and that's how I came up with trapping her in a sense as if she didn't have another choice. I needed something different in order not to become repetitive and everyone joining the adventurers nicely or out of the blue, like with Janryu, Dianeia, and Soshlan. I'm glad it was played nicely in order to avoid cliche or repetition. lol About Dianeia's race, you'll see more of it, even if in glipses. About Kroy, I think I'm still trying to develop his character and having a hard time with it. Although you'll see more from the different races. The answer to why Harry was able to receive that transfusion will come soon enough for you. You might either like the reason, be neutral, or despise it. :) Janryu, probably one of the most interesting characters and one full of surprises. I'll leave it there. :) Thanks for reviewing!
I know it's taken awhile, but finally I am reading the next chapter.
Awww thats a horrible way to kill a dragon lol great description though of how the Basilisk killed the dragon. Nice to hear from Ron and Hermione again as well. Oh No! Ron and Hermione have finally been taken, is their fate going to be what the Dark Lords done to the children? I hope not! Stupid Malfoy laughing at Ron when that was happening, didn't he realize that it was dangerous! Probably not. Very like Malfoy though, well done. I can't help but feel annoyed at Dumbledore, he seems to be messing alot of things up, leaving the school just to help Harry, doesn't he realizse that the school needs him? I didn't see a plot hole in the story, but who knows I may have missed it. I really enjoyed this chapter, it was great :)Author's Response: It's all right. I haven't been able to review in a few days either and I might be slower for a while because I have to do several things that have deadlines. Anyway, back on track, I had fun making the basilisk kill the dragon in that fashion. I wondered if it was a bit disturbing... lol I was truly evil when it comes to Ron and Hermione. I know. And then I also had fun portraying that little Mafoy scene, especially when I know it sounded so much like him. Oh, Dumbledore. He wants to do so much and at the same time doesn't realise that he is messing things rather than solving them. He thought Hogwarts was safe and remember that he doesn't know Hermione opened the link again. He did tell her never to do it again so he kind of assumed everything was all right and the dark lord couldn't get Hermione and Ron. ;) Glad you haven't seen any plot holes. Phew! Still, I might have to re-read quickly throughout the whole thing to see if there any strings to bind as I write. I've already found a phew, actually. Thank you! Report Review
Interesting to see Filch feeling guilty at what he'd done and also quite humorous to see him back to his usual self when he left Dumbledore's office.
Hermione and Ron trying to piece together what happened was a little brief, but it was still good, because it showed that they cared and wanted to solve some kind of puzzle.
You've also written a funny, yet embarrassing bathroom scene. Although awkward, I think the way you've portrayed Luna's behaviour seemed to fit nicely, especially given the type of situations they are in. There's a certain cheekiness mixed with innocence that I find hard to describe with words.
Harry using his hands to "execute" his magic powers, instead of using his wand is an interesting idea. Alternative world, alternative use of powers was what I thought.
Like before, you've nicely fit the theme or idea of RPG into the story. Example, skill orbs, weapons, clothes, healing pool, monsters and the characters have their speciality or specific skills.
I felt bad for Neville when he was sad that he couldn't defend as well as the other two members. But I was glad Samiria was supportive.
And good to see that you've kept the "thread" of the "mysterious Al" at the end of the chapter and making the characters wonder about him.
The sentence, "saved his sword in its scabbard on his back" - you could try "sheethed his sword". But it's just a small suggestion. Anyway, thanks for the chapter. I have a lot to catch up.Author's Response: Now this was a neat surprise! To find a review from you all of a sudden, Jase! :) You actually reappeared in these grounds! lol Embarrassing is quite the nice word to describe the bathroom scene. *blush*I'm glad you liked how the RPG part merged into this, although it diminishes a bit through the fic so as not to confuse people too much, but still dwells on magic and physical fighting. I always picture Neville as being quick in putting himself down. That's why I made him react that way, but there of course was Samiria to admonish him. I might try your suggestion about how to express that Harry saved his sword because this chapter was never beta-read. lol Thanks! And thanks for reviewing! I appreciate it! Report Review
Oh, this was a brilliant chapter. Really, I loved it :-)
There were a few things I wanted to mention before I said this but I just can’t seem to think clearly at the moment – well, you had me giggling hysterically. And that’s something I just don’t do, as rule ^_^ God… well, where to start? I suppose Luna’s “I want to bathe with Neville” line was probably what began my laughing fits – that was just precious. I love writing Luna as forward and ready to speak her mind, and I was delighted to see that here too. Okay, then it moved to poor Harry’s predicament, which was priceless. Not many people put much focus on bath scenes but this is the second you’ve written and it’s possible that I enjoyed it even more so than the first. I can’t even write down my thought properly right now. It was just such an amusing little piece.
Now, during the bed scene you got more serious, which I think was in order and I like the way you led into that. I have to say, it was about time those to got together. Though somewhere in the back of my mind I can’t help but wonder what Neville and Luna were up to…
This review isn’t really helpful or productive, but I’m hoping that you can see how much I did enjoy this chapter even though it may not make sense entirely. Author's Response: Oh, I'm glad you liked this chapter! This was one of the chapters that made me uncomfortable when writing it. I wasn't sure how readers would react to it. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I had fun making those funny bits and I'm really glad that you found some of them hilarious. I really tortured Harry in a way. Sometimes I wonder if bath scenes make readers uncomfortable, but that's why I insert comic relief in them. Neville and Luna are a bit more innocent in many aspects, but they'll show their feelings too, eventually. Actually, the chapter where they do is written, but not posted yet. I know what you mean with the review. That happens when there's humor. One doesn't know how to give a proper CC. BTW, if you find a plot hole tell me asap, please. I've had that fear a lot with this fic since it has so many things in it! Hope you enjoy the following chapter. It's one that I enjoyed writing a lot and it gets the story back into serious mode. :) Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
'Neville seemed on the verge of a nervous breakdown' Porr Neville, that quote made me laugh. I really liked this chapter where each of them had 2 touch a relic, and c if all of them was good at heart, very enjoyable. Now Neville's going to mutate like Harry, and he'll have 2 go back 2 Hogwarts looking like something like Harry! Neville's Grandmother will no doubt have another stroke when she lays her eyes on Neviile lol Has Neville mutated like Harry has yet, or is he not complte yet? I definetly know that Luna is next. Basically they're all going 2 return 2 Hogwarts looking very different. I'm really fasinated by the Dark Lord of the story, and would really love 2 see him have an encounter with Voldmort, I think that would be comical. I can just imagine them together throwing insults at each other while the Death eaters huddle around and watch. Harry wouldn't need to kill Voldmort, the 2 dark lords would pratically do it themselves, trying to kill each other lol I remember when I asked u in my reviews which of the villans did u consider most evil, well now I think my villan is much more evil than yours. While yours might be greedy, and taking children, mine is much more different in a way. I'm not going 2 say because it's the big plan of my sequel ;) I'll be checking the update, i'm enjoying this story!Author's Response: LOL Bad guys are sometimes difficult to handle and may come out too funny rather than too evil. I'll see how I go around that. Harry's case was different so Neville won't change as much. You won't see his mutation in action either until chapter 27! Eep! But by then Luna will have also get her own changes. Hmm... An encounter between Voldy and Neb might not happen, but who knows? And things will be a bit more dramatic than the two dark lords doing each other. Hehehe! You'll see. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
The beginning here was sweet, really it was. Honestly, it made me wholly jealous of your ability to contrast angst and normality. Really, I can never seem to break away from the more downtrodden scenes just to bring in something lighthearted – you’ve done that here perfectly. You captured Harry’s shyness with females just right. I couldn’t stop smiling when I read through that part when he was asking about mixed marriages and age differences – that was priceless. I’ve told you this before but you really capture that more childlike side of Harry, innocence is probably the best word for it. There’s something really wonderful about that, and you know, at the same time you also get the ‘in-control’ strong Harry. He’s a very intriguing character and I always like to explore his complexities, but here you have a very charming portrayal.
I like the introduction of Dianeia’s brothers. You’re slowly giving us more information on her character and her family. I love seeing all that unfold :-) The whole confrontation on the ship was really quite interesting. What I found most intriguing was Dianeia’s twin brother. It seems like there’s something more behind that, though I’m not sure what at the moment.
The concept of the king taking away children to protect them was fascinating, even more so when we meet the king. It makes me wonder how many children have been taken by the dark lord in comparison to those that were taken for protection. I want to see more of the king, definitely. I’m trying to figure out how all of this will connect together because so far you’ve done very well in making each of your plot points interweave – that’ll be interesting for later chapters, I’m sure. The description of the children that were on the grounds was rather eerie. I can’t quite explain it but something didn’t seem kosher so to speak – it’s a rather odd situation to begin with so I’m not sure whether or not I’m just looking to far into things ^_^
Oh, yes, the piece with Janryu and Soshlan was just hysterical. For some reason I still don’t quite trust Janryu. I know he hasn’t given reason not to and it could be just the fact that he was biting someone to see how they tasted – I’m not sure yet. Then again, I’m not sure what to make of Soshlan… Author's Response: Never thought I had an ability to contrast angst and normality. Interesting. lol I kind of like making Harry innocent and strong at the same time. You actually noticed. Hehehe! For some reason, it felt right to make Harry like that. I can't explain it though, but I'm glad you like it. Ah, Dianeia's brothers. Those guys are really something. I loved making them Weasley-ish in the sense that they are many siblings. You'll see a bit more of Dianeia's twin, but then none. I might bring him up again when writing the final chapters, but not sure. You know, you've just made me think about some strings I will have to verify in order not to leave any loose ones. Thanks for that! It happens when I've been taking longer times between the writing of chapters. I'm glad you liked the bit about the king. At first, I thought about making the king old, but something snapped in me and I had to refrain from doing such a thing and making the king a child instead. I felt it was best for some reason. I haven't written about the young king again, but you've just indirectly given me an idea for a chapter I hope to be writing soon. :)I laughed at you feeling something eerie with the children on the grounds. I kind of felt that too when writing, but decided against making a sub-plot out of it. So there won't be anything strange or better said, Harry and co. might never discover is there was anything odd. Janryu is very immature. That's why he doesn't project himself as very trustworthy. He is good, but there's much more about him that might show up either later or little by little. Soshlan is also good, but prejudiced. Bits of that will show up also, but he'll learn a bit. Still... :) Thanks for such a lovely review! Report Review
Lol – I loved the beginning. Angelus raises even more questions, yet again you only gave us little tidbits but I suppose it’ll do for now ^_^ I couldn’t help but laugh at poor Janryu and his frustration. I can just imagine them walking for hours and him constantly questioning but never getting a response – wonderful. I also thought Dianeia’s theory on why was quite interesting. The Crumple-Horned Snorkak scene was hysterical. From Luna’s shock right down to Janryu’s hunt, it was perfect.
The scene with the monster was, as usual, wonderfully crafted. I’m not sure why but I love the way you write those. It’s such a unique thing and I enjoying reading it. I’ve never been able to write action sequences that involve multiple people, but in almost every chapter you amaze me when you pull it off so well. I’m thoroughly jealous ^_^
"I don't think he does it on purpose..." said Neville - That is my favorite line, possibly throughout the entire story. It was such an in-character moment for Neville. Now, I really like the subtle relationship you’re growing between Harry and Dianeia. It’s really very sweet. Normally I don’t like OC relationships but this is just too good to pass by. There is nothing at all clichéd about what you have there and I think that’s probably why I like it so much.
The new people you bring into this story are always fascinating and Soshlan is no exception. I can’t wait to see where you take that, or what Luna’s solution is ^_^
Now, I also wanted to thank you. I’ve been in a bit of a reviewer’s block – that on top of my eye problems have left me not wanting to read much. Something about this story has sparked my love for fanfiction again and that means a lot to me. I was getting rather frustrated about wanting to read something but having no desire to. Does that make sense?
Again, thank you.
Author's Response: Oh, the truth about Angelus will be revealed way later and it still won't be complete. I plan for readers to gasp in the final chapters when they learn the real truth about Angelus. So far, no one has predicted it. Wonder if you will. There are many hints about Angelus throughout the story, about what his role will be, but no one has yet pointed it. I don't know if I should be glad or desperate. lol You might actually find the answer. I'm glad you found the Crumple-Horned Snorkacks scene hysterical. I was laughing myself when I wrote it and almost considered me witty for coming up with such a thing. LOL Luna's shock was so nice to write. I could just picture her horrified expression at watching Janryu with the poor Snorkack hanging from his fangs. Poor Luna. I brought her a bubble of excitement only to pop it in her face.Oh! Glad you enjoyed the monster scene! Don't be jealous! I'm sure you can pull out an action scene too! OC relationships can be awkward, huh? I've almost had nightmares about the pairing in this fic. Especially since I don't feel I handle het relationships very well. I've been trying to do it a lot lately. I'm also glad you don't find it cliche although I feel I rushed it a bit. I feel so warm and fuzzy inside when you tell me such a thing and thank me! Never thought I would be helpful to anyone in getting to love fanfiction again. That's nice and I hope you will recover from your reviewer's block for good. I know what it's like and it's a nightmare to have both writer's and reviewer's block at the same time and I've gone through that too so it does make sense. You are very welcome! :) Report Review
Ha! I was wondering what was going on with that smirking merchant. For a minute there I thought he might be in the business of child snatching, but there’s my angsty side coming through. Now, I’m not sure why, I can’t really explain it, but I loved that scene. Perhaps it was the way you wrote it, I don’t know. There was something rather realistic about it. Sometimes I see people writing chapter stories where the main characters have little or no interaction with anyone outside the main circle of people, and that was just a charming little scene that fit so well with the rest of this piece.
I can’t help but think you were trying to tell us something with that scene in the last chapter with Al being betrayed. None of the new characters have given any real reason to trust them, but at the same time there’s no real reason not to. Perhaps I’m just getting paranoid?
The scene with Zheylks was terrible – not in a bad way of course. You gave us a bit of information, yet even more questions along with it. It’s like giving a dog food, letting it eat just a portion, and then taking it away ^_^ Ah, I loved it, even though you teased us a bit. It’s interesting that Zheylks has wings, more so that Dianeia was trying to hide it. It doesn’t seem as though she was hiding it from Harry and the group, but rather someone (or something) on this island. Very interesting.
I love that you gave Luna’s crazy creatures a bit of justice in this world. She’s always looked upon as crazy but it was nice to see that you drew a connection there :-) I like seeing the three working together again. In the last few chapters the focus has been elsewhere and I really like the way you write them. That whole scene was wonderful, very suspenseful. For a minute there I thought you were going to kill poor Luna, but the way you came through with a solution was brilliant. That was probably my favorite part. Not only did you give us excellent description, but you paid attention to the emotive aspects of that piece as well. Wonderful!
The ending was intense, very much so. It was one of those great moments that you had me on the edge of my seat waiting to see what would happen next. I love those :-) The mysterious man makes another arrival and I see we’re learning more about Dianeia. I’m not quite sure what to make of that last scene though, other than that it was brilliant. Author's Response: The smirking merchant was a scene I had fun with. I could just picture the man smirking at them and Harry getting angry about it. I guess I try to bring many emotions into this and different sides to Harry and the others. I find funny that you mention child snatching as I did the bit of the merchant as a foreshadowing, even if it doesn't have anything to do with the merchant himself. It's interesting that you mention the bit of Al getting betrayed. I've made it (by the point the story is) as if all can be trusted and that the non trustworthy one is obvious. You won't see him yet. lol But I do have unexpected plans and twists. Kind of exploring the human nature where a person can be judged as good as heart, but take a flawed decision in the middle of a bad situation because that person is scared and that person wants to survive, kind of like a Slytherin would react selfishly. I won't say more. :) Zheylks. Ah! That's one I actually like even when he can be so harsh. I don't know if people will eventually hate him or like him. He will have his other interventions in the fic. One, you will see soon enough. I twisted the theme of races and magical creatures in this world. I was afraid I would create a Mary Sue out of Dianeia, but if people judged by the races that would mean that everyone in the fic is a Mary Sue and a Gary Stu and if everyone is a Mary Sue then no one is. (That reminds me of Disney's The Incredibles.) Back on topic, I do hope the characters are interesting as this other world needed unusual OCs to work well. Luna's creatures have some scenes in this fic, definitely. The temptation was too great. If they survive, Neville and Harry will always defend Luna's creatures as real. LOL Kill Luna? No! Not so quick in the fic! And maybe never. Haha! Glad you found the ending intense. Hehehe! Thank you! Report Review
Your descriptions really stood out in this chapter. I’m delighted to see that they’re getting better along the way, though the one thing you would do well to work on is describing landscapes and whatnot. You do very good with the smaller, intricate objects and I was a bit surprised because that’s usually where most people falter. Nonetheless, it’s the tiny detail like the color of someone’s eyes or a mere facial expression that I enjoy reading most of all – so this was just perfect :-)
The beginning here was quite intriguing. You have no idea how much I’ve been enjoying that ^_^ The tone you used there was nearly ethereal, dream-like. The way you’ve been bringing this story together is really quite captivating. That scene with Al gave us a bit more information on the back-story that you’ve created here, and I love seeing things like that incorporated into a chapter story. It gives it more dimensions than simply the current journey of the characters.
I really like Dianeia, though there’s certainly something about her character that you’re not telling us. Again, your descriptions in that part specifically were just wonderful – especially when you went into her physical features. Beautiful. I don’t think I’ve mentioned this before but so far I’ve had fun watching the way you portray Harry. I always write him all dark and angsty – it’s great to see a more ‘innocent,’ light-hearted side to his character. The way he blushed when he realized that Dianeia gave him mouth-to-mouth was just priceless. It’s the little moments like that in this story that make me love his character all the more.
The conversation between those two near the ending was lovely. There was something sad and wistful about it that I thought was quite moving. You showed us a different side to both their personalities (with Dianeia it was quite a contrast from the beginning of the chapter ;-) Characterization is the one thing that holds a story up. You can have the greatest plot in the world but weak characters will always ruin it. I was happy to see that this story has very strong roots in characterization, especially for an AU. Wonderful, dear. Author's Response: Wow... You can't imagine how happy it makes me to know that at least at one chapter I kind of handled descriptions. And yes, I kind of can describe people, but completely forget about their surroundings, the environment, landscapes, whatever you may call them. I guess that I concentrate so much on the plot that I forget about giving insight to where the plot is actually developing and that is definitely my weakness. I've just been getting aware of this quite recently. Not even my betas had pointed it out so most of the fic will probably be lacking. It would be funny to start getting into description in the last chapters... Although at some point I do want to go over all the story and see how I can improve it in those aspects. I kind of have fun portraying Harry's teenage side. Even when he has gone through so much I want people to see that he's still a teenager, at least in this fic. lol I'm glad you've had fun with the potrayal of Harry here as I enjoy writing it myself. Thank you so much for that insight review! Report Review
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