Wow, that was very good. Very powerful. Well doneAuthor's Response: Thank you very much! Report Review
Not bad at all!
It sounds a bit romanced (I always pictured Riddle possessing her completely not even leaving the memory of what she'd done behind), but you handled it very well. It reminded me a lot of the imperius charm Crouch/Moody set on Harry in DADA class.
As always, it is a pleasure to read your stories.Author's Response: Thank you for your time!! Report Review
A late but nonetheless brutally honest review per request!
I really enjoyed the concept behind this story. Now being four books beyond this point in the series, I think it is easy to forget this very defining point in Ginny’s character. Her horrible experiences were never really a focus in the books, gaining only a few brief mentions, but your story really stands to give the event some depth and perspective. Wonderful idea for a one-shot! I also very much enjoyed the conflicts touched upon here. Not only the obvious one of good vs evil but of innocence vs experience and internal vs external enemies. Running the risk of sounding completely pretentious and overly introspective, the added dimension of Ginny doubting and fearing herself is as interesting, if not more interesting then her fear of Tom.
Moving to the promised CC…I’m sure I would call this criticism but perhaps just a thought to ponder. I found this piece to be what I call for a lack of a better term “poetic.” I don’t mean this to be good or bad, it just is. Instead of relying on tradition adjectives and adverbs to paint pictures there are metaphors and such. More lyrical pieces can be great, as this one is, but one thing I find (and this is of course just my humble opinion) is they can make it harder to relate to the characters involved. Most of us don’t think in such ways on a daily basis so it can be harder to connect with the story. For example, in your opening you say MY MIND WAS THEIR HAVEN, AND THEY WERE MY HELL. This is a great line. I know exactly the emotions you are trying to convey but it doesn’t really make me think of Ginny, particularly at such a young age. If I were her, such thoughts would not come to my mind. Sometimes unaltered raw emotion can be more powerful than descriptive language. Like I said, this isn’t really a criticism, just my opinion and maybe something to think about.
I hope this was the kind of review you were hoping for. Sorry it took so long for me to get it to you. Thanks so much for sharing your story with me!
Author's Response: I don't know how to respond to this wonderful review because it's so long and all of it is incredibly nice to hear.First of all, I htink you've hit my writing style right on the head. I do write in a semi-poetic style. I had been grasping for a way to describe how I write and all I could come up with is "odd" or "completely peculiar" or "not normal" but that nice phrasing of "poetic" is right. Yes, that first line is too mature for Ginny... But I'm rather fond of that line, so I'd like to think that the first line was her later mind adding on a trail of thought to the experience. Er, or at least that is my feeble excuse for the line. Did you know that you are a wonderful reviewer? This review completely brightened my day- not only because you hit the majority of my writing style spot on with a name to it, but you really were nice when being critical. Most of all, thank you! Thank you so much for responding with this absolutely lovely review. Report Review
awww...dats sooo sad...if i didnt no the ending i'd def be crying rite now!!
i loved some of the lines like gin fighting, finding a piece of harry's heart in heaven and ron hating maroon..it fit soo perfectly
i saw u on a list of ppl whose fav i am and couldnt fite the urge to read something by u and im really glad i did!! :)Author's Response: Thank you so much padfoot and prongs foreva! I really am glad you liked the story! I was trying to write more descriptively and I'm glad you liked it. Thank you again for reviewing! Report Review
Wow. That is very good. Very good. I didn't notice any issues, grammatical or spelling wise. So i can't really give you any constructive criticism if I don't have any to give, now can I?
But you had great descriptions, and I liked the way you portrayed the characters. They were very... well... in-character. Good job!
-LizAuthor's Response: I wish I could give you a hug! Thanks for reviewing; you're so sweet and nice to me! Report Review
first, I have to say that I really like your banner...very simple, but nice all the same. I think it works for Ginny..lol
aww, wow. that was an excellent account of CoS from Ginny's POV. I have to admit, I've never been crazy about Ginny..I especially started to dislike her in HBP b/c she just changed so much...but reading this..it's completely in character with the old Ginny, and I can totally see all of this happening in CoS. Awesome job. :)
Author's Response: Some people said the banner didn't work because it was so plain and simple but I thought it sort of fit with her too.
Thank you so much! I know what you mean about her in HBP, but I think that was partially because the book has everything with Harry's bias. Cho was supposedly one of the prettiest girls ever and all of that and so naturally, since he liked her, Ginny became the pretty girl and whatnot. I never realized how much miss the old Ginny but now I do. Report Review
wow really god well done i really really really enjoyed it xAuthor's Response: Oooh, thank you for reviewing, actually. It means a lot that someone took the time to review. Report Review
This was amazing! You have a wonderful vocabulary, i really enjoyed this. Your way of putting into words what Ginny went through is great, keep up the great work!Author's Response: Really? I have a good vocabulary? Thank you, Serena! That's so nice of you! Ginny is one of my favorite characters, so I was hoping she'd come out canon enough to suit the readers. Thank you for your review!! Report Review
Short and oh-so-powerful! This is the first work of yours that I've read, but I promise you that after this I'll be reading more.
The way in which you divorced Ginny from the physical sensations of her damaged and bleeding body was perticularly chilling. I think that we all fear losing control of our bodies to some greater or lesser degree. Here you write perhaps the worst possibility. This was an interesting peek inside Ginny's head and a fascinating addition to the Potterverse!Author's Response: You know, each review of Bitter Me feels so special. It's my first Mature story and so I was rather tentative about posting it. I did not know how it would be received, but all of the lovely reviews (Like you!!) have made it so much better and worthwhile. I really, really like how you point out interesting things like religion and, here, losing control of ones self. It is so unimaginably frightening... Thank you for the review, Fish and Bird. Report Review
I can sense the darkness and insanity within the work that would make Poe himself stand and applaud. Very, very good writing, if a bit typical of dark writings-sort of. Let's put it like this: if I can find music that fits the story easily, then it's a well-writen work. Keep up the great work!Author's Response: Wow, you are so nice. Too incredibly nice to me, really! :) Thank you for reviewing, Harry's Brother. Report Review
This is very well written, your imagery and descriptive language are excellent, and you really take the reader into Ginny’s mind, and give a very vivid account of what exactly was going on in her head. It's the part of the Chamber of Secrets that we didn’t see and were left to wonder about, but you really do fill the gaps in wonderfully.
I am going to pick out some lines I liked because as I said, there is some really terrific imagery here. The line - ’ My mind was their haven, and they were my hell.’ - is quite vivid, it shows the struggle against the Imperious very well.
I also really liked the line - ’ Tom Riddle manically whispered into my soul’ - it's an almost perfect description of the Imperious, very clear and wonderfully concise. This is just one of the many of the Slytherinesque images you pepper throughout the story, you use a lot of twisting and writhing, in tune with snakelike symbolism, it's really wonderful to read.
There were a couple of suggestions I had, but they are just suggestions; the line - ‘Venom dripped off of the ivory coloured fang as it released me.’ - might sound a little better this way – ‘Venom dripped off the ivory fang as it released me.’ - the ‘of’ isn’t needed, and I suggest leaving out the ‘coloured’ part as you don’t need to say it's ‘coloured ivory’ for the full meaning to go across. I also noticed that you spell colour with and without a ‘u’ on occasion, I know there’s the Brit way and the American way, but usually not both. In addition, on the very last line, I think omitting the ‘for’ would help the sentence flow a little better. As I said though, just suggestions :)
This is a really terrific piece, you capture the essence of Voldemort excellently, and you characterisation of Ginny is spot on. And as I said already your descriptive imagery is really wonderful, and excellent piece, I’ll be popping into my favourites.
Author's Response: I really tried to work on my imagery in here, so I'm glad you liked it! I'm so excited that you enjoyed reading the story. :) I fixed my errors. I was trying to use 'colour', but sometimes I slipped. Thank you for fixing the last line especially- I always want it to be clear and you've greatly helped! Thank you so much for putting my story in your favorites! And thank you especially for the lovely, very helpful review! Report Review
Oh, this is terrific, Sophia! I can just imagine the tremendous struggle experienced by Ginny during COS - you've written this dynamic just perfectly. Awesome work! PalomaAuthor's Response: Paloma, you're extremely nice for reviewing so many of my stories! Thank you for all of the kind words you've said. As for this story, I found this idea to be an attempt to fill in the missing moment. Thank you for all of your lovely reviews! Report Review
Whoa! AppleGirl wasn't exagerating! Wonderful!!!Author's Response: Thanks, Elivania! You're making me blush. :) Report Review
Amazing story!!!! Tom Riddle is Evil Love!! I love the mind play and your use of Ginny's character, trying to fight Tom so desperately, like prey in a snake's jaw. Axon... what a lovely use of words.Author's Response: Thank you so much, Applegirl! I was hoping that you would like it, especially since you enjoy stories with Tom Riddle in it. Report Review
Hey! read your one-shot. Got to hand it to you, you write well. First things first, I noticed the fact that you took a compositional risk of writing under a "Imperious induced stupor" (great phrase by the way, my favorite one). The way of writing, having Ginny's personality change only a tiny bit, being replaced by the controlling manner of Tom was ingenious. I myself am trying to accomplish this task, but to no avail. *sigh* You pulled it off like a natural, and I'm envious. Secondly, you fit Ginny's persona into the story perfectly, giving little tid-bits of characteristics mixed in with the hazy directness of Tom. Your descriptions were numerous and you illustrated the vague mood of your story through the vivid words. Overall, I would claim it to a skilled piece of writing. One problem that showed up was that your sentence structure, although intricate, in some places turned out to be slightly confusing. It could be just me though.Author's Response: Thank you so much, GreenAngel. That's so nice of you to say all of those wonderful comments. As for my sentence structure- I have an odd way of writing things differently than most. I do understand what you mean about it be confusing with the way I state certain things. Thank you again! Report Review
This is creepy and wonderful. You portray this sick, twisted relationship between evil and innocence so well. Great job Sophia.Author's Response: Haha- I hope it's a good sort of creepy. Thank you very much, Noblevyne! Report Review
I am still trying to take all of this in. The emotions, descriptions, everything is so vivid and vague at the same time. You left bits to the reader, crumbs to carry them through, but left so much of it unsaid; it all really worked well. I got very wrapped up in it until, suddenly, the line: I was too young to die, really. I was only eleven. And then it struck me just how young she was to be going through all of that. A part that particularly struck me was when Ginny asked, Could I just die here? I love the way that everything else around it is a statement, a normal sentence, and then you throw in the question. All in all, this is the best piece I have read in a long time.Author's Response: I didn't mean to make it that vague. :/ I like the thought of crumbs. . . Mm, bread. But anyway, your review is very nice to hear. But on the simplicity of her words- I think that she wouldn't have had the time to think of long, elegant words to say. After all, she was fighting for survival. Thank you so much for reviewing, Elfy! Report Review
That's some pretty intense reading material, Sophia. Two small things - Ginny's name is Ginevra, not Ginerva, yes? And there was one sentence I noticed was awkward, "He ricocheted off the walls of my mind whilst jabbing keys of magic that unlocked the full potential of my magic." It just reads a bit oddly, because of the two mentions of magic, I think. Otherwise, it was really well done. It seemed well thought out as well. I enjoyed it a lot - it was just vague enough for us to make up our own images and things, but still detailed enough that it's easy to read and follow. Great work. =)Author's Response: I didn't want to get toooo violent/full of fighting, so I felt I needed somethings left unsaid. I've always thought of it as 'Gin-er-va', ever since I've know her full name, which is odd since it isn't the correct way to write it. Anyway, thank you so much for pointing out the errors! You've helped me so much. Thank you, La. Report Review
I like the point of view of Ginny in all of this.Author's Response: Thanks, Charmed Ravenclaw! Report Review
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