You seem to be rushing a little, slow down and build up the chapters better, also watch your punctuation, spelling and paragraphs, it's difficult to understand in some places. Other than this the plot is fantastic an I would really encourage you to keep writing, I know i'm not alone in saying that I love writing (and reading) post Half-Blood Prince fan fiction and, by the quality of this superb piece of fan-fiction, I beleive you do aswell, please, please keep writing, the plot is one of the best plots on this website!

Author's Response: thanks for the comment i will keep that in mind when i start writing my next chapter.

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nice. leave them with a cliff hanger. thats the best way. again with the indenting thing. cuz when you make the paragraphs shorter it incureges more ppl to read it.

Author's Response: yeah thats what i try to do lol

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ok with this one a lot of spelling errors. you might wanna revise and edit more before posting it. and also when ppl talk you should indent. with each new person starting is a new indentation otherwise people get really confused

Author's Response: okay thanks ill go do that , on that one i was rushing a bit cause i had to go but thanks any way torie

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hmmm. you seem as if you are rushing it a bit. try and slow it down to build up the plot..

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GOOD BUT YOU SHOULDN'T STOP WHEN SOMEONE TALKING.

Author's Response: okay ill remember that for next time thnx for the review though

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GREAT

Author's Response: thanks

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hey awesome lol

Author's Response: yeah thanks i try

Author's Response: HUrry up with more

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