1 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Ydnas Odell depths of darkness

4th June 2006:
This story hasn't received any reviews since you pulbished until now and the reason is that I've noticed that people on the site don't tend to review stories that are bad. I hate to tell you this, but this is badly written..

Good writing has wo parts: 1) A good story. An imaginative story 2) Well written, no grammar errors and a good pace that is easily engaging.

You have the imaginationn part down. I stuggled to read the whole thing and I could tell that you have a blockbuster of a story in your mind. Fighter planes attacking. A family fleeing to a shelter. It is obvious that there is something mysterious about this family. You have something going here, you just don't tell it well.

Why? Well the grammar is good and the spelling is OK (better then mine), but the sentence structure is too monotonous. Every sentence sounds the same. Try varying sentence structure and construction. Don't start every sentence the same, vary the length. Part of reading a good story is enjoying the rythmn of the story. There is a beat to good writing. Your's sound too much like noise. Read a lot, read good authros, not just JKR and it'll make you a better writer in the long run.

Also try reading your story outloud. Read it to yourself or to a friend. I know that sounds corny, but it will help with the "sound" of this story

Good writing is also rewriting. You usually need 6 or 7 drafts before a chapter is halfway decent.

Don't let this discourage you too much, keep up the fight! You have the imagination part down, now you just need to practice communicating it better. That is the fun part! Good Luck!

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