Awww how incredibly cute! ^^ I loved the way you compared their relationship to chess, it was new and very fitting, especially as chess is one of the rare things in which Ron is better than Hermione. Lovelovelove it ^^Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
I agree, the chess analogy was nice. The story was a really nice idea. However, I found this story a bit confusing (or maybe it's just my slightly sleep-deprived mind.) I wasn't sure about when this was supposed to be taking place. Or where, for that matter. Is it at Hogwarts, someone's house? Maybe you could make that more clear.
And I noticed that this has already been mentioned, but I figured that I'd put it in my own words. Ron and Hermione definitely didn't seem like themselves. Maybe you weren't trying to keep them in character, I don't know. But neither of them would ever come out and say "I love you" out of nowhere. And Ron would never kiss her so casually like that *laugh*. I think if you were ever to rewrite this, you could add a bit more hesitancy on Ron's part, make him a bit more awkward. It would expand the story, make it more interesting, and make Ron more relateable as a character.
That being said, it was still a very nice story, and you should applaud yourself on using the chess analogy!! :]Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I'm sorry it was confusing. It took place at the burrow.
Yeah, I know, I didn't really keep them in charater. I wanted this to be more of a fluff, and I liked them being like this in this story, if that makes sence.
Anyways, thanks for the review. Report Review
Love this! Great idea and so true! You have a flare for writing and a superb beta!Author's Response: Thanks so much! My beta is amazing! :) Report Review
very original. I've never thought of Ron and Hermione's relationship like that. Nicely written. Keep up the great work. 10/10!!Author's Response: Thanks! I'm so happy you liked it! Report Review
loved it 100%, it was so adorable ^_^Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it! :)
~Addie!~ Report Review
WOW Great job! This is highly original! Great job! I can't wait to see more of your stuff, so keep writting!
that was great, it really just made my day...or night rather! ;)
Luv AKAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm so glad that you liked it! :)
~Addie~ Report Review
Cute and fluffy.like a baby bunny!!!
Nicely writtenAuthor's Response: Thanks so much! I love fluffiness! :)
~Addie!~ Report Review
This was really well done!Author's Response: Thank you so much for the reviews! Report Review
very good. original as well! it was sweet too! (im tell_me_what_the_truth_is, btw) im glad i read this :)Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading this! It means a lot to me! =] Report Review
Hey! I loved that! It was completely awesome. My only suggestion is to have spaces between each paragraph. That would make it an easier read. And I agree with your beta. I love your analogy of a chess game. I thought about it a while ago, but would never be able to write about it as good as you did. It was wonderfully written. 10/10Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it. And, yeah, I'll go back and change the spacing, it's pretty hard to read, I never knew it was like that. Thanks so much!
~Addie Report Review
Ron-Hermione Chess analogy! I thought the idea was brilliant! And I love how you've told us what Ron is thinking simultaneously as well. Good Job!Author's Response: Thanks so much! I needed to hear that right about now. Report Review
I'm pretty sure that you asked me to review a while ago, so here I am. Alrighty. Well, the analogy was fantastic. I really loved how you referred to Hermione as the queen. One thing that was really not good, though, was the spacing. You need to put a space between paragraphs otherwise it's difficult to read. I also recommend putting his thoughts in italics. It was really difficult to tell when he was speaking and when he was thinking. Also, although it was very sweet and everything, I don't think that you showed enough of their character. They're Ron and Hermione; I just don't think that either of them would come foward like that. Just develop things a little more. Your writing is definitely good; you just need to think about characters a little more, I guess. Nice job! :)Author's Response: Thanks! I totally get where you are coming from. I made an updated verison that was like three times this size, and I was going to change it, but I decided not to. When I think back to when I wrote this, it was amazing for me. I hadn't really ever came up with an idea and rewrote it, and stuff. So, I wanted to keep it, so I can look back, and see how far I have come. Again, I know for the reader I could do alot, but I feel like it would change it too much for me! Report Review
I think it's sweet. Could have more info, but, still, sweet.Author's Response: Yeah, I know what you mean. I would go back and change it, but I think it's pretty good, for when I wrote it, and where I was with my writing then. Anyways, thanks for the review! Report Review
That was extremely good! I agree with Jenna on the good idea for using chess as an analogy. Keep writting because you're an awsome author!Author's Response: Thanks! I'm having a really bad day, and it means a lot to me to hear that from someone! Report Review
That was great! Very cute and very original!Author's Response: Thank you so much! =] Report Review
I loved this. I admit, I would have liked it to be a bit longer, but still, very good. The analogy is AWESOME!
kissedbyavampireAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! It just kind of came to me. Anyways, I really love the review! =] Report Review
Lmao! That was so funny!
And I loved how you made Ron intelligent because he is and so many fanfictions play him down to be some kind of idiot!
*turns nose up at Amber* I dislike this 'Amber' psh! No one can stand imbetween Ron and Hermione! Not even in a hypothetical game of chess!
I really loved how you compared love and chess and Ron's definition of love! Bless him!
10/10 for you!
Lv WizardoraAuthor's Response: Haha, thanks! I also really love that line!
And, I totally agree, his isn't an idiot. I wanted to have the line in there, to show he is smart, but has a low self steem and never really thought of it.
Lol. I know what you mean, I totally agree, but you know you've got to have the love triangle in there some place!
Thanks! I tried to do my best to compare it, without going into to much detail, seeing as how I don't know how to place chess, lol! Report Review
Nice. I like how you combined chess and love as Ron's life. It was really sweet and it was cool, the way you made his feeling for Hermione like a game of chess to him. Of they would be! He's good at chess! I liked it.Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing! I love when I get new reviews! And, thanks for reading! Report Review
wow! that was beautifully written and I LOVED IT! It was soo good! Wow! OMG! WOW IS ALL I CAN SAY!!!Author's Response: Thanks so much! This made my day!! :DD Report Review
Um...not much of a build-up to the ending, honestly. I felt that it was rushed, so I didn't really *feel* it much when they kissed. Also, sometimes I wasn't sure who was actually talking, because you put commas instead of full stops before things like "he smiled at her". You should also space out the paragraphs because right now it's just all one big chunk, makes it harder to read. I do like the idea you had, especially the whole approach Ron takes towards Hermione, the whole chess thing, but the only thing was it all sounded very rushed.Author's Response: Yeah, yeah, I get it. I did the best I could at the time. Report Review
Really original and very cute.Author's Response: Thanks! Report Review
Hehe, very cute and fluffly and very well written. =DAuthor's Response: Aww thanks! Report Review
Great chess analogy..really excellent. You've got talent, keep giving it oppurtunities to growAuthor's Response: Thanks so much. I love when i get new reviews! Report Review
That is soo beautiful! i luv it!Author's Response: Thanks, I always say the word "beautiful" in my reviews also! lol. Report Review
i ToTTaLy LoVed iT
:DAuthor's Response: HaHa ThAnK yUo VeRy MuCh FoR tHe ReViEw! LoL! Report Review
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