Reading Reviews for Words Unspoken
  
17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Pretty Purple Pelican Words Unspoken

27th July 2006:
It was very short, but at the same time, enjoyable.
Where was Peter, though?
Good piece, though :)

Author's Response: In a way, it was sort of a symbol; after graduation, Peter became a traitor, right? So the idea behind it is that, while everyone else remained close, he sort of slipped away and it led to thoughts of betraying and the likes - if that makes any sense. Thanks for reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #2, by RemusBlack Words Unspoken

21st July 2006:
Why flaming you? I think Remus ` resolution was right for him. They all were. Again a brilliant one-shot.

Author's Response: Thanks, hun. I just don't think this one was up to par with my others, so yeah. Thanks anyways!


 Report Review

Review #3, by unknown_force Words Unspoken

26th April 2006:
Well, I'm not going to flame you, this story isn't too bad, but I think it would leave a more lasting emotional impression on the reader if it was longer or it had some kind of backstory to it. I can see that its sort of a seasonal story. I liked how the resolutions showed the friendship between the marauders and Lily though.

Author's Response: I wanted to make it longer, but I really just didn't have the steam to keep going on it. So you know, it kinda just died right here. I'm going to try and make a better one for this year, but we'll see what comes of it when it does. Thanks for the review!

 Report Review

Review #4, by Harrypottergirl4eva Words Unspoken

25th April 2006:
it wasn'y as bad as you said - you shouldn't flame your own work! have faith! anyway i admit, not as good as some of the others of yours ive read but stillsweet and short and sentimenal which is all you need really. well done

harrypottergirl4eva xx

Author's Response: Oh indeed, it's way under par. Then again, such is life, so that's the way things work. Thanks for reviewing, dear!

 Report Review

Review #5, by Lyn Midnight Words Unspoken

23rd April 2006:
Oh, honestly, what was that author’s note in the end of the chapter? I absolutely loved it! There are not enough words to express my amazement at your genius! I know what you are thinking, but trust me, I don’t go and flatter people all the time. Actually, I do it rarely, as my reviews are usually full of criticism. Well, I do have some suggestions and remarks, so here goes.

I have nothing in mind that your one-shots are usually drabbles, but you could have developed that idea a little further and make the chapter longer. I am not saying it is insufficient, but rather it would have been better the other way. Then, I have to yell at you a little. ‘Set in 1977-1978: the year after the Marauders leave Hogwarts.’ I am pretty sure the Marauders leave school in the summer of 1978! However, the beginning is great! The first paragraph is really hooking.

Now, a little grammar suggestion. You start with ‘would’ and suddenly you switch to past simple. It looks a bit forced and obvious. Then you go with ‘Lily would’ again, and then back to ‘did’. If you must do it for the sake of the story, it is better to use contrast. Like, ‘they would usually do those things, but NOW they didn’t’ or something like that, or simply fix the forth paragraph to ‘James would pale’ if it had happened before. Just choose whichever works well and fix/change everything into that.

I like the idea best of all, also their resolutions were well thought of, especially James’s oath. It showed his real self, caring and brave, just as I picture him. As for the mood, I like the tension; I like the way they understand each other without words. In moments like these one cannot possibly be calm and confident. Everybody fears something, in their case what the future would bring. You illustrated that idea perfectly. Also, I like the way you left most things unsaid, and make me wonder… And still it is written clearly enough, so that one can understand what they are talking about.

I also enjoyed reading your idea of the ritual itself, the figures, and the candles. Great thinking!
This is my favourite part – ‘The miasmas soared above them, enlarging and connecting to form an emblem of their own, unifying them as one.’ All in all, the whole New Year’s resolution plot is very original. This fic is definitely one of a kind /I say that a lot lately, so much original themes/.



 Report Review

Review #6, by hermione006 Words Unspoken

23rd April 2006:
Confidence is key! Don't feel that your story was bad because it was very good! I loved all of your characters and how they all interacted with eachother. I think that it would have been interesting to put Peter into the story even though he was already drifting away. I think it would have been the small thing that completes the story. The beginning of the story was really interesting and I loved how you brought out the feeling of how strong their friendship was.-Hermione006

Author's Response: Yes, I'm sure that Peter would have had an impact to it all, but I really don't think I could have come up with a resolution for him. Thanks for reading, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

 Report Review

Review #7, by andharrywokeup Words Unspoken

14th January 2006:
Don't be silly, it was short but very good! But where was Peter?

Author's Response: I sort of see this as the time when Pete starts drifting away from the Marauders, so that is where he went. Glad that you liked it.

 Report Review

Review #8, by Bibbs Words Unspoken

14th January 2006:
I loved it! I think the ending was fine. It was even a little sad! I love how Lily replaced Peter

Author's Response: Thanks. That's the way that I see things happening after seventh year, so that's how things went.

 Report Review

Review #9, by mrsronweasley Words Unspoken

11th January 2006:
I must say this is a very emotional piece of work here. I didn't really see anything. S little more detail maybe, and I do think it could've been a bit longer, but other than that it was good. From what I can see in this story, you definitely have the talent to be a very emotional writer. Keep up the great work!

Author's Response: Thank you, ma'am! Glad that you enjoyed it!

I admit that this isn't my greatest work, but I didn't know how to improve it. I think that I'm going to modify it someday, but not now.

Thanks for a nice review, hope you read others!


 Report Review

Review #10, by moony127 Words Unspoken

8th January 2006:
thnx a lot

Author's Response: Um, sure thing?

 Report Review

Review #11, by moony127 Words Unspoken

8th January 2006:
yes its famous moony to you and, i don't have to leave. i like it here lol

Author's Response: You are more of a prat than I originally believed. And I have better friends here to occupy myself with. Now good. Bye.

 Report Review

Review #12, by Riddle Wood Lupin Words Unspoken

8th January 2006:
That was absolutely amazing, so I don't know what you're talking about, m'dear. Honestly, it took my breath away. :) It was quite clever of you to have little emblems of smoke when they made their resolution. That, I think, is my favorite bit about this. ;) Though, the candles in themselves was quite a brilliant way to do resolutions. Definitely a good magical way for the tradition. :) I loved all the uncertainty in the beginning, and how you wrote James, once again. I'm hooked on your portrayal of these boys. What perfect timing they had. ;) The pauses in Remus's and James's speech was perfect. Lovely.

I couldn't even find any mistakes. Just this one sentence "Whether it was too great of a resolution, or it was something that he didn’t want to share, but he said anyway." I believe you should either take out the word 'whether' or the word 'but' and it'll work just fine. :)

I loved it. It was beautifully done. :)

-Riddle Wood Lupin

Author's Response: I wanted something significant to happen as they made their vows, and thats all that I could come up with. It wasn't quite what I was shooting for, but it worked. Ah, yes, I see where you're coming from. I'll get that one, too. Thanks once again, Riddle! Much appreciated!

 Report Review

Review #13, by moony127 Words Unspoken

8th January 2006:
yup another reveiw from the all famous moony! lol yup i read this one too on fanfiction yup u did really sucky on remus's new years resoultion. I could of done sooooo much better lol *ducks flying objects* i was just *dodge* voicing an opinion *dodge*

Author's Response: Plonker. All famous my arse. Bugger off. Don't come back.

 Report Review

Review #14, by Lily Evans Words Unspoken

7th January 2006:
I loved this! It was very sweet though sort of depressing ending. Go job! I really enjoyed reading this, and I think that I like James' resolution the best. =) I alos liked Lily's too. Good job.

Author's Response: Thanks, glad that you enjoyed it! I thought that it was a bit rushed, though, didn't you?

 Report Review

Review #15, by StepUpTimneh Words Unspoken

7th January 2006:
This wasn't terrible, but I'll be honest- it was very confusing. It was well written and it was a beautiful idea, but it was hard to tell what was going on. Perhaps because of the tense you wrote in; it's much easier to write and read in the past tense (usually).

The descriptions and word choice were really good, but I don't think you should have called Remus "the werewolf". Sometimes authors do that to avoid overuse, but since this is a short piece, you don't really need to worry about that.

This was a very original idea, having the marauders tell their New Years Resolutions. I've never read a fic like this before. Perhaps it was difficult for me to understand because you, the author, were so into it (which is a good thing!) that the reader can tell that you are passionate about the subject and the fic itself, but can't tell what some of the things that happen are. I hope that makes sense, lol.

This story was really interesting to read, even though I didn't understand it all. I think that is probably because since you obviously felt good about this idea (you mentioned thinking of it as a great idea...which it is), I could tell too. That is perhaps the biggest compliment I can give you- you expressed your own emotions through the characters!

I know that probably didn't make sense...I hope it did. By the way, this story does not deserve to be flamed, it was very well written and interesting. If you have any questions about this rather confusing review, feel free to PM me :)

Author's Response: No big, I actually understood all of that! My friends at school are way more demented, so I've learned to decipher the impossible. I think that I'm going to go through this and rewrite the entire thing, as it is obviously a unique idea, but, as you said, was fuzzy and unclear at parts, and could be reworded as well. Having Remus being called the werewolf must have been something that slipped while I was talking with my pals New Years' Day, and we were discussing magical beings, so that may be where it came from. Thanks for the review!

 Report Review

Review #16, by xobebeox Words Unspoken

6th January 2006:
Now why would you go and put that author note there? You've done such a non-flameworthy job... you don't deserve it at all. Plus, we don't like flamers :). I loved the way they read each other and how they didn't take their lives for granted, and you did an amazing job with each character as an individual. I thought it went a little too fast and there wasn't quite enough description. I liked the idea, though, and your writing was fluid and wonderful. You lost steam during the resolutions, as you pointed out yourself, but they were actually good ideas. Try to keep the power you had over the beginning throughout the story. Sometimes that's hard, but if you had a little more description, it would have stood taller. Really, though, you've done a wonderful job showing the relationships between them all. I really liked how they appreciated the seriousness of the situation and how it wasn't some big party... the times are reflected in their demeanor. Good job, and keep writing!

Author's Response: Well, I believe that we both agree that it ended weakly. I'm going to go back and fix it up some so that it isn't as rushed; I just don't know when I'll get around to it. I always thought that these four were a bit tighter in the end of it all, even though Remus was thought a traitor. I have this mental image that they're able to read each other. I dunno, really, that's how I see it. Glad you enjoyed!

 Report Review

Review #17, by timeturner Words Unspoken

5th January 2006:
It is not flame worthy. *glares* Never say that. It's a bit short and not flushed out but the idea is a fine one. I loved their characters and how well they knew each other...I loved the resolutions and the slight depressing air you gave it as they wondered if this might be their last time to celebrate the new year together. I think you did a good job for such a short piece and, honestly, you could turn this into a really really nice set of one shots for each year they spend together.

Author's Response: I think that is what I'm going to do, but as I started a bit late in their life, I would only have about three more years before Voldie kills James and Lily. Glad that you liked it!

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login