omg OMG OMG SO GOOODDAuthor's Response: Thankyou :-) Report Review
MORE!PLEASE!I WANT MOREAuthor's Response: Thankyou for the review :-) am hoping to update this week x Report Review
This is really good! Please update soon!Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for the review :D I'm glad you enjoyed it, I hope you'll enjoy the rest! The next chapter should be up soon :) Thanks again for the review! Report Review
Yay, an update! This just fuels my desire to bug you for them though, you know :p . As always I love your writing!!! omg it's JUST like reading as if JKR were writing the marauders going through Hogwarts. You might be writing this a good deal longer than she was the HP ones if you're going to do all 7 though :p .So I particularly love how you're writing Sirius and Lily (I can't decide which one more so they get mentioned together :p ). I can see both Sirius and James becoming the people we saw in the pensieve quite easily, and even though Sirius is in Gryffindor and he is great and all, he can still be cruel. Lily is just wonderful, and I like how you had her unable to stop herself from asking questions, it could have been seen as annoying and I like that she isn't immediately perfect or anything. Also gives her personality. Am very interested in Isabel too.I really liked the moment with Peter lol, I've had many such falls :p . And the reactions of everyone around him were very real, could completely see the situation in my mind (perhaps this is what set me off daydreaming ;) ). Your description of everything is very strong and detailed, which is something I cant do myself but that I like to read. It was just a really good chapter and I can't wait to read the next and them settling into lessons! :)Author's Response: Hey PhoenixStorm! Thanks for another great review :) lol, feel free to bug for updates, I'll be returning the favour :p Wow, that is quite a compliment! Not sure it's true, but thanks :D lol, yes, i probably will be writing this for quite some time but I'm determined to finish it!I'm glad you like the way I'm writing Sirius and Lily. Yes, I think Sirius would have been a little bit cruel, after all he's only had his family for company for the past 11 years and we all know what they were like! lol, yes, someone asking loads of questions could be seen as annoying, does it remind you of anyone heehee Well, I don't think Lily was perfect, who is? You'll have to wait and see what part Isabel plays in this fic :)lol, poor Peter, I think he may have a few more moments like that in the rest of this fic :D I'm never sure about my descriptions, always think I've either put too much or not enough, so thanks :) Thanks for the review, hopefully the next update shouldn't be too long! Report Review
hey, i love this story and i hope that you will update soon.Author's Response: hey shadow wolf of darknes, I'm glad you loved my story, thanks for leaving me a review and letting me know! I haven't been writing for a while, life has been a bit busy and hectic for the last few months but I am starting to write again now, so hopefully there will be an update soon :) Thanks again for your review! Report Review
This chapter was adorable! I loved seeing how they all met each other! I think this is the first fic I have read where it didn't actually place Lily, or Remus and Peter for that matter, in the same compartment with James and Sirius. I like how you have them all separated. I can't wait to see how they come together to be friends later.
The characterizations here were wonderful. I felt so bad for Remus, determined not to even have friends so that he could keep his secret from everyone. James (I was wondering when he would show up) was wonderful. His dad made me laugh. Now I know where James gets it from. Sirius was great too, showing his rebellious streak right from the start. I love the way he and James are already into mischief before they even get to the school.
Next up, the sorting! I can't wait for it. Now I'm going to be checking back for updates. =)Author's Response: Hey Bibbs! Thanks for the lovely review :D. Yeah, I've read a few fics where they all meet on the train so I wanted it to be a little different, also with the Remus storyline I have planned I couldn't have him befriending James and Sirius on the train :D
Yeah, poor Remus (again), he's going to have a rough few chapters, but never fear, we all know he has to break his 'no friends' rule ;). lol, it did take a while for James to be introduced. The story originally started with James but then I realised I needed the chapters with Lily and Remus, so they were added and the chapters would have been way too long if I'd included James in them :). I couldn't resist having James and Sirius start their friendship with a bit of mischief - starting their pranking career very early on :D
Thanks again for your review :D The next chapter may not be up until after the site update, hopefully it'll be worth the wait =) Report Review
What an exciting chapter! I myself really struggle to write a Diagon Alley chapter. There are so many details and I don't want to include everything, but I don't know what I should write and what I shouldn't...anyway, I am rambling. You've managed to bring out the excitement of the whole situation just as JKR did! I think that this is exactly how it would be (for Lily at least). Remus has such an odd past, I'm not sure how his would be.
I loved their conversation. I had a feeling that was Remus she passed when she went into Ollivanders. Great characterizations and descriptions on everything. I feel so bad for Remus now that he is worrying about going to school. His mood kind of ruined the whole situation for him, and he was so excited! I'm really curious as to the trouble he got into 3 years ago
Author's Response: Thanks for another wonderful review Bibbs :). lol, I struggled to write this Diagon Alley chapter (it was re-written and edited many times), so you are not alone there ;) It's nice to know you think I did a good job of it.
You're right, it was Remus she passed going into Ollivanders :D. Descriptions are my weekest point, I think, so it's nice to hear you thought they were good :). Yeah, poor Remus, but being who he is I thought he would worry a bit about going to Hogwarts. Ahh, the trouble he got into three years ago... all will be revealed ;D. Thanks again for reviewing! Report Review
Really well done! I really enjoyed reading this! I saw absolutely no mistakes at all. The dialogue was really well done and you remind me very much of JKR herself. I love the Marauder era, so I think I will really enjoy reading this.
That being said, I loved Lily and Petunia. You actually made me like Petunia (although I have been liking her a little more ever since she knew was a Dementor was). I can fully understand why she hated witchcraft and wizardry. I never really got it before now, but you really showed that she was jealous and maybe a little offended. Honestly, how would it feel to see your sibling get a letter like that, and you never did? I feel bad for her, actually.
I loved loved Lily's parents. They seemed like really fun people. I smiled when Lily's mom fed the crust of her sandwich to the owl. They were really accepting of the whole situation and they didn't seem out of place at all!
Again, really well done, and I can't wait to read the rest. I might get to it later today, otherwise I'll review again tomorrow. =)Author's Response: Thanks for the wonderful review Bibbs :D. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and hope you do enjoy reading the rest. Wow, I remind you of JKR? What a compliment, thank you so much, I'm flattered :D!Ooh, I made you like Petunia? Yay! I wanted her to be a bit more likable as a child, I just don't think she has always been the way she is now. I like to think that her and Lily were friends when they were younger, and that magic came between them. There will be more Lily/Petunia later on in the story :)
I'm glad you loved Lily's parents, I do too :D. I want to make this fic as canon as possible, and from Petunia's comment in PS/SS I felt that Lily's parents were very accepting of Lily's magical abilities right from the start. The scene with Mrs Evans feeding the owl was a way for me to show how Petunia gets (unintentionally) shunted to the side a bit in favour of Lily and magic, but I'm pleased it made you smile :)
Well, thanks again for the lovely review, I'll be over to check out your fics soon too :D
yay! new chapter, new banner, it's been a good day :D. And your story is going from strength to strength, can't wait for the next one, though let's focus on this one for now ;).You have a few mistakes, but not many :D. but he also knew that that was only way the only way. his trunk into the compartment and lifting in onto the overhead storage rack I think you meant lifting it onto. Many generations of Black’s Blacks. who had been happily sitting silently listening to the conversation you've got a bit verb happy here :p. rephrase it a bit. he was beckoning to the last of the first years in a loud, gruff voice this is an odd sentence to me, can you beckon with your voice? beckoning always makes me think like gesturing with your hand, rather than speaking but I really don't know - it's probably just me ;).Now this was a great chapter! plus, you wrote it pretty quick ;). I like your characterisations best, though the plot was certainly not lacking in this, especially the part with the dungbombs. and I like how you've already got an OC in here.I like how you started this with Lily and her parents. It reminded me of what we might have heard about how Hermione felt and I like how you drew parallels between these two characters, giving a muggleborns view of going to Hogwarts She was torn between being excited about what other wonders she would discover in the magical world, and nerves at having to discover them without her parents.I liked lots of stuff you wrote about the marauders, especially Peter. He was written brilliantly, and I love how you've got his character. I loved htis line about Remus and how the only way his secret was assured of staying secret was by secluding himself from the other students because it's so very like him and I really think he would think like this, though it is a very unrealistic demand of himself.Really liked some lines about James and Sirius. James when he was getting onto the train and we had If I hadn’t insisted on putting it in the trunk, I would never have known you had hidden your broom in there. And you would have been in trouble on your first day at Hogwarts haha! how typical of him. and sirius saying I’ve always thought Narcissa looked like she had a bad smell under her nose because again it draws of canon events, hwich is something you do really well. This is another great chapter and I look forward to your next one and especially when they will stat lessons! :DAuthor's Response: Hey PhoenixStorm! Firstly, thanks for another wonderful review :) lol, it has been a good day for additions to my story, hasn't it?!
Haha, yes I did get a bit verb happy there, didn't I? I will rephrase that line! Now, I have just looked up beckon in the dictionary, and you were absolutely right - it does mean summon with a gesture! I'll be changing that line too :D Thanks for pointing those things out!
lol, you mean it was written pretty quick for me! I'm glad you like my characterisations, I do fret about that so it's good to know you like them :D. I wanted James and Sirius to do some kind of prank on the first train ride instead of the usual introductory conversation - you know, start as they mean to go on ;).
I felt this chapter needed to start with Lily and her feelings/views on going to Hogwarts, it would have been a big thing for her and I felt that part was best written in her PoV.
Yay! you thought Peter was written brilliantly - I hope I can keep that up! Yes, Remus has made an unrealistic demand of himself, but he'll realise just how unrealistic soon enough ;)
lol, I've always imagined that James had always been a bit mischievous and that being around Sirius just made him even more so, so I wanted to add something to show this - and his quidditch obsession made trying to smuggle his broom to school the obvious choice. Well, I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter and I hope you enjoy the next one too! Thanks again for the lovely review :D Report Review
Hey! ooo I was so excited to see your fic had been validated. I know how much trouble you had with this chapter and am seriously pleased with how its turned out, you should be too :D. And I am fully prepared to drag you through the writing of the next one if I have to because this is an amazing story! :p. And I am more than happy to give you someone to run your ideas passed, I know it can really help to do that sometimes :)Now here is where I give you criticism and correct your mistakes ;). I have no criticism, but a few grammar things to point out :). They go in the order they appear int e fic so I hope it is easy to find them. a smile which had not left his face since yesterday afternoon this would be better as 'a smile that had not'. Yesterday Remus’ dreams had come true I htink you should tack a 'though' on the end as it seems a bit separate from the previous paragraph but is actually contrasting with it, if that makes sense. Remus’ condition now normally I leave people's use of apostrophes well alone because I have a realistic view of my ability to persuade anyone their use is wrong. However, since I care about your wriitng, I'm going to tell you that names ending in 's' always have the other 's' after the apostrophe and refer you to the topic 'comma question' in the writer's resources area of the forums :). I’ve always said he was a great man. the context this is used in makes it sound like you're saying Remus is a great man, whereas you're referring to Dumbledore. No sooner had he stepped out of the fireplace, brushing the soot off his own robes before his mother had a chance to do it for him, his father appeared firstly, change the commas to dashes because it's a bit of a confusing sentence otherwise, and then you are missing a 'than' before 'his father appeared'. Right, are we set missing a ?. list of items she needed to get, for about the hundredth no comma before for. as every over person seemed to be doing other. pointing things out to her parents though the 'though' is unnecessary. and entered Madam Malkin’s Robes for Every Occasion the sentence this is in means it should be 'and had entered' Remus was the first person she’d had chance to ask about it had a chance.sorry went on a bit there, but I wanted to explain them all rather than just tell you where I felt an explanation was needed :). Now this chapter was well worth the wait (though you better write the next one faster :p, no scavenger hunt excuses either ;) ), you really write this well. As I mentioned before, I'm not used to reading about the marauder era when everyone is 11 or 12, but I think you manage to write htis age perfectly. I am definitely loooking forward ot you writing how they mature through the years (though let's focus on the current year first ;) ).Your characterisation of Remus and Lily, the two characters I sometimes have problems with in my own fic, are brilliant. Really spot-on. I especially liked this line about Remus Remus had always dreamed of attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, but he’d always thought it was just that - a dream. You get in really canon things about him already and have really set the scene well. Oh, speaking of setting scenes, you really do that well! I can never seem to do this, and just home in on what a specific character is saying or doing rather than saying what's going onin the room or the street or wherever they are, excellent job there :).I like how you write the anticipation of both Lily and Remus for going to Hogwarts. finding himself reading the same paragraph over and over without taking any of it in. happens to everyone, and I like how you include these details, it really makes it seem real. Also, the doubt that Lily experienced was a lovely touch What if it had all been a mistake? What if the wand hadn’t worked because she didn’t have any magical abilities?I really liked this comment The school years are the best, and you should enjoy them :D, what child hasn't heard their parents say that? And who really does realise how good it is while they're happening?The end was sad, how even now Remus's condition plagues him and how he is forced to lie. I really can't wait until they get to Hogwarts now you know. It feels like reading the first hp book again and I'm impatient to find out more. This fic has reminded me of why I read the 1st book as many times as I did and I really think you've captured something of Rowling's world here. Wonderful chapter :).Author's Response: Wow! Thanks for such an amazing review! I love getting reviews from you, they are so encouraging and helpful :) Also thanks again for letting me run ideas past you, it really did help! I wasn't completely happy with this chapter but I got to the point where I just needed to get it finished and move on to the next chapter, so i'm glad you think it turned out well!
Thanks for pointing those things out, as soon as I've finished this response I will be making the changes :) I did think the 'I've always said he was a great man' line seemed wrong as I was writing it but I didn't want to keep repeating 'Dumbledore', but I guess it's better to repeat it than to cause confusion ;) lol, I have checked out the thread you suggested and am convert number two on the s'/s's front!
I'm so glad you think my characterisations are good (btw I've never noticed any problems with your characterisations!), that is one of my biggest concerns, as is keeping the fic in canon! lol, the first two lines of the scene setting at the start of the fic is about the only part of the fic that wasn't changed throughout my many rewrites, there was originally more to it (and a reason for it) but it got cut for several reasons. So i'm pleased that what was kept was worth keeping :D
I felt Lily's doubt needed to be included, after posting the first chapter I thought it seemed like she had accepted it all too easily, so I made up for that a bit in this chapter :) lol, I am guilty of saying that to my kids (the school years are the best) and never believed my parents when they said it to me, but it is so true (for most people)
Yeah the end was a bit sad, and I was a bit concerned that people would say Remus was being out of character. But I needed him to be like that for future story lines which will make him into the Remus we all know and love ;)
Well, thanks again for the amazing review, and the next chapter will be posted much quicker than this one was - no interfering dogs or scavenger hunt excuses, lol!!Author's Response: Mmm, I did write that response ^^^ in seperate paragraphs, strange! Report Review
yay! the chapter is up! I don't know what you were worried about, this is absolutely wonderful :-). I've never read a marauder fic that takes place at any time before 7th year so I like the novelty of this angle; starting right from the beginning. You've got quite a task ahead of you if you're going to chronicle all their years, but this is truly a great start. I like the fact that you made Lily and Petunia close to start with because this is how i imagine it really was for them, and magic broke them up rather than them just never having got on. This first look at your characters is spot on, I can't find a tihng wrong with any of it actually. I like the style you write in, and your diologue and character interaction flow well. It's like going back to the first hp book, only with Lily and James obviously. So, all in all, a really excellent start to the fic, and I look forward to reading more, update soon! :-)Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review PhoenixStorm! I am so glad you liked it : )Yep, it will be quite a big task and I may be old and grey by the time I finish it, lol. I think it makes more sense that it was magic that caused the rift between Lily and Petunia, it explains why Petunia was so adament to keep Harry away from it. I have planned quite a bit about the downfall of their relationship over the course of the story. Wow, you couldn't find anything wrong? I'm shocked, lol! I'm glad you think my characterisation is good, especially as you write them so well! I hope I can do the same for the marauders. Well, thanks again for such an encouraging review, it made my day : ) I'll let you know when I update! Report Review
Plz update soonAuthor's Response: Thanks! Chapter 2 should be up soon, hope youi enjoy the rest of the story : ) Report Review
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