807 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Bluewolf80 Discussions Whilst Shopping.

3rd May 2016:
I realize that this was written before Deathly Hallows but I just couldn't get through it. The characters were way too OOC for me.
Dumbledore yelling at the Dursleys? Since when does he care? He's the one that dumped Harry there and never checked on him. Harry stunning Ron ? Even if it wasn't on purpose. They'd fought many times before and it never came to pulling wands on each other. Then Harry puts him in a coma which much not have lasted long since he was fine the next morning, and when Harry sees Mrs Weasley she just smiles at him. Oh, so it's ok with her now to be dueling each other and for Harry to have possibly hurt her son?
When they're in my the barn practicing Lupin asks about them doing underage magic. Of course Dumbledore's got that covered by a spell. Harry can do magic now but Ron can't. Why didn't he get in trouble for the fight the night before seeing as he used his own wand?
Let's not forget 7 Minutes! Harry willing snogged the heck out of Cho with no qualms whatsoever (and maybe even more girls?). This was after his discovery of his feelings for Hermione. Yet later we find he's liked her since third year. Not enough to pass up the smooches though. Hermione sits passively by not saying a word... Later we have the "chat" with Ron... after just playing tongue hockey with Cho and God only knows who?
That also doesn't jive with the declaration of love that we get less that 36 hours later after Harry apologizes to Ron Really? I know teens have crazy hormones/emotions but that's ridiculous. You just can't go from kissing someone else to saying that you'll die for someone.

I don't think that you are a bad writer. You are very creative. I would however, recommend that you plan out your plotline a bit better. And get a Beta!

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Review #2, by Anonymous Heirs United.

29th June 2015:
No idea if you still check this site, but you should consider re-writing this story. After struggling through 4 chapters, all I can say is that the idea that you have tried to present is pretty nice. However, the way you have handled the characters and their respective personalities, is miserable. I read your replies to the various reviews, and you have stated that the writing gets better. With all due respect, I can not imagine reading through this till it gets better. Honestly.

Kudos for an interesting idea. Maybe your writing does get better, eventually. I, for one, will not be continuing with this story. Your replies to the reviews show a distinct lack of maturity with regard to criticism, so I assume this will have the same effect.

Good luck with your writing ^^.

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Review #3, by M.C. A Private Lesson and A Late Night Session.

27th June 2015:
This language is too formal and stilted, and nobody would talk like that in real life.

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Review #4, by hcharm Back To Privet Drive.

11th August 2014:
It's a great concept but the continuity of this story is a bit off. Seamus dating Parvati towards the beginning then out of know where you say Seamus and Padma (who is is Ravenclaw)...

You start off with them ( Harry etc) in their sixth year then your refer to them as seventh years and
then you imply they are still in their sixth year as Ginny just completed her OWLS (5th year).

Plus you just dropped a couple of interesting storylines you brought in... (Draco and the fairy)

I do feel that the change in Harry from the beginning to when he gets together with Hermione is a bit rushed in development. I believe it would be likely for a lot of girls to be attracted to him and for guys to seek his advice but I dont believe that (even the Harry you have been developing) would be such a lady killer and so suave with Hermione... partly because I think Hermione would be turned off by that level of cockiness...

Also I love the development of friendship between Harry and Neville ... however I really dont think a "father;y figure" is accurate or appropriate... I could see neville claiming Harry as a brother figure or even a best friend but fatherly... it's just weird with the timing... if that comment came after Harry took Neville shopping and gave dating advice it might make more sense.

Finally I read in you review responses that you don;t like using a Beta to edit your work because you prefer reviewing your own work... I think perhaps you should print off a copy and give it to someone to review and then make changes as you see fit... There are a lot of grammatical errors. Luckily your concept is strong otherwise I wouldn't have made it through.

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Review #5, by chanchal Halloween Evil.

13th May 2014:
One thing I like to mention is why in every story of yours Hermione begged to harry to not go to any fight like situation, a brave one as hermione is, never feel like it I think, she would rather go with him to save him

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Review #6, by jharry1960 Flee of Evil

17th September 2013:
I really hate it when people write super Harry stories and then make him super stupid too. He can conjure lightning and he doesn't just strike all the giants dead? He can level buildings and trees and cause earthquakes and bury all the death eaters before they can attack but he waits for them to potentially kill all his friends instead. He can't blast every death eater he sees on his way to find Voldemort? I could go on and on but the most ridiculous thing is that he would wrap Voldemort up in ivy instead of killing him?

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Review #7, by Alys Different Side of Snape.

12th July 2013:
I like your reason better then the real version of why snape joined Dumbledore.

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Review #8, by Snape 394 A Private Lesson and A Late Night Session.

29th March 2012:
umm.. i want to say two things.
1) please don't use so much adverbs to finish each and every sentence. it becomes monotonic.. i have read all of your stories and they all have this particular problem.
2) please check the grammatical errors and edit them.
apart from these 2 problems your stories are very good.

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Review #9, by GnR A Private Lesson and A Late Night Session.

9th January 2012:
I noticed that you have few spelling mistakes, if you ever do re-work these chapters.. (until this chapter i noticed that the past plural is "was" for you, but the correct one is "Were" (We were together not We was together)

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Review #10, by Original Name Back To Privet Drive.

16th October 2011:
Great Story brief in some parts but really good.

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Review #11, by Original Name Heirs United.

15th October 2011:
Absolute classic:
Mr Weasley, you have as much chance of beating Harry, as a Flobberworm. haha loved it.
On the down side some constructive criticism.
The spells well are used to in JK's books are mostly latin to have spells that are just english with "ius" on the end is a little disappointing.
Like a killing curse isn't "Killius Himius" if you understand where im coming from.
Great otherwise

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Review #12, by Original Name Birthday and A Decision.

15th October 2011:
I think you done a great job in most parts.
One part that lacked in detail was Ron confrontation of Harry about Hermione it severely lacked there otherwise its been very good

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Review #13, by Original Name A Will and An Award.

15th October 2011:
Im really enjoying this alternative to HBP and am going to continue reading your work hopefully its all up to this quality.

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Review #14, by JCleve Back To Privet Drive.

19th May 2011:
This is the most perfect story of Harry Potter on this website :D!
My new number one favorite!!!

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and I'm glad you enjoy it so far (I noticed your other reviews). Hopefully, with some patience, you can continue to monitor my account and check for the next update to my stories to continue the reading.

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Review #15, by Sushi4Lyfe Heirs United.

17th April 2011:
Seems a little ironic that the trio just -happened- to be part of the heirs... but hey whatever works
+5 for me for commenting on this well after it was released

Author's Response: It's not ironic at all, or coincidence. Those people are the heirs and it's for good reason that they are the heirs. There are many powers at play in their life and so their involvement with each other was predesigned before they were born.

Thanks for reading thus far.

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Review #16, by Pheonix Animagi O.W.L.'s.

25th March 2011:
read this story like 5 times now, never seem to continue the series. i will this time though, this is my favorite story on this site, thanks for posting

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and I hope you finish the lot!

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Review #17, by dona682 Christmas and New Skills.

7th March 2011:
I think you should encourage readers yo do this story before the one of harry after his 17th birthday. So far it is answering several quesions like how H/H AND R/L happened.

Author's Response: Thanks for reading. I do add a disclaimer in the story's description, I might add a note and link at the start of the first chapter to encourage it more though, thanks for the suggestion.

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Review #18, by dona682 Christmas and New Skills.

7th March 2011:
I think you should encourage readers yo do this story before the one of harry after his 17th birthday. So far it is answering several quesions like how H/H AND R/L happened.

Author's Response: I believe this was a double post, so I'm ignoring it! Please see my previous response :p

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Review #19, by mike Still The Same.

12th November 2010:
i think this is one of the best stories i've ever read. i'm a huge harry/hermione fan. the only criticism is that you use adjectives very often, most of the dialouge ends with calmly, importantly, etc. i just think you may want to use mor synonyms, but that's just my two cents.

Author's Response: Thanks for reading. This was an issue with my writing I began to learn and since I use fanfiction to tune my writing skills I have adapted this. As you progress you will see that there are significant changes with the adjectives used and also not using them at all.

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Review #20, by steve Back To Privet Drive.

2nd November 2010:
in the begining of the story dumbledore told harry he was allowed to use underage magic. so why is he threatening dursley with it at the end?

Author's Response: Threatening is the crucial aspect of that statement, plus Harry is constantly secretive regarding his abilities and most definitely doesn't want Vernon overreacting.

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Review #21, by steve Christmas and New Skills.

2nd November 2010:
it said in an earlier chapter that harry mastered apparition. but here he was still trying. and losing fingers. whats up with that?

Author's Response: I'm not sure if the story does do that, I cannot recall due to the age of the plot. If you let me know what chapter this is in, it might be worded incorrectly.

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Review #22, by steve O.W.L.'s.

2nd November 2010:
so howd mrs weasley yell up that tea was ready when they put a silencio charm on??

Author's Response: The charm stops them from being heard, but not from them hearing things outside.

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Review #23, by harry A Private Lesson and A Late Night Session.

13th September 2010:
ey.i reallylike your ideas.they're the same ideas that have been running through my thoughts ever since i started to read Harry Potter.I always hoped that Harry potter and Hermoine got together.Please tell me you'll always write and never stop... I look forward to finishing this book and then reading the sequals. Is there anyway in which we could come into contact

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and I'm glad you like my stories.

I will always be writing but unfortunately the time I can dedicate to it has reduced dramatically. However I chip away here and there and sometimes just thrash out an entire chapter and get it up.

Unfortunately there is no way for us to come into contact.


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Review #24, by bennenbenn5 Back To Privet Drive.

5th July 2010:
Wo that is all. 10/10

Author's Response: Thanks! Hope you continue to read the stories following.

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Review #25, by bennenbenn5 Personal Guard and Valentine's Day.

5th July 2010:
Hey if you have noticed my other reviews I'm posting this to say that I won't post another untill the last chapter. However I Loveee your story and still think it's awesome i will leave a review if you need any improvement somewere. ( I doubt it )

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and please continue to enjoy!

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