BEAUTIFUL JOB! the emotional language you used was perfect, it really set the atmosphere. I ABSOLUTELY LOVED THIS!!! GREAT JOB! It was a definite pleasure, reading this! :)Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for reviewing. ^__^ Report Review
wow o O. this was so dark and scary...and i dont even know what to say lol as soon as i read these paragraphs:
1)seconds to reach the door but it had felt like forever. I very slowly opened the door, just wide enough for one of my eyes to see into the room. My Father had his back turned toward the door and I could hear soft snores floating throughout the room. As I made my way, carefully and slowly, tiptoeing as quietly as I could toward him, I noticed the bed sheets slowly rising, up and down, up and down, as he breathed.
2)When the faintest noise arose to my ears. At first I thought I was just hearing things, but the noise grew ever louder. It sounded like a thousand hearts beating and then a loud screeching noise hit my ears, the sound was so unbearable that clasped my hands to my ears, trying to block out the sound. I looked back over to my Father, convinced that he was awake now, but alas, he slept on. I did not, could not, understand how he could still be sleeping while I stood here trying to block out the most horrendous noise that must have been sent from the devil himself to rip me apart.
i thought instantly 'The Telltale Heart' which i loved because it was so deep and thrilling. i dont even think we need to know who the characters are its just great! it had me glued here from the begining because it was just so compelling =] love the idea and the speech 10/10. and favorited indeed!
kay~Author's Response: The idea behind this was from the telltale heart so I'm glad you picked up on that. I really tried to make this a darker story so I'm glad you liked it. Report Review
I think you've evoked the creepy in an intense way - I like it. Nice one. PalomaAuthor's Response: haha thank you. :]] Report Review
This was actually quite good. It reminded me of Poe's A Tell Tale Heart (or something a long those lines) And I loved that story. It's a great Halloween story. Your imagery is brillant, although I'm a bit confused about the staircase part. I thought he was in his room. But all in all, this is a great story. :D
~bluAuthor's Response: The idea was based around Poe's writing so I'm glad you cought that. Thanks for reviewing. :]] Report Review
Whoa. I'm pretty sure that was the darkest and most intense story I have ever read. I liked it though. It was intriguing. It held my interest all the way through it. Good job on this. 10/10Author's Response: Thank you. I'm glad you liked it. :]] Report Review
Small little typos, like dishelmed when i think you meant disheveled, etc. Also, the style is very..formal. Rigid. Do you do a lot of techncial writing? Because that's what this feels like, it's very much locked in to what it is without really flowing. Which is a bit of a shame because the idea behind it is really quite good, and the imagery, it it flowed more would be amazing.
Although I don't know who it's supposed to be. It seems to be, from the banner, someone in the Malfoy family, but there's nothing to suggest that in the story. Im all for keeping characters mysterious and making the reader figure out who you're talking about, but a decent clue is usually helpful.
I think that this would do much better as just an original, the concept is great, you have the idea of the insanity down fine, but it doesn't seem to fit any of the HP characters. Other than that, just work on making it flow and it will be amazing. Author's Response: Yeah it's supposed to be about Draco. The writing is based on Edgar Allen Poe's technique to writing. I'll keep what you've said in mind. Thanks for reviewing. :]] Report Review
First, I must say, it was really different from what you usually see at HPFF. It reminded me of Edgar Allan Poe, and that's saying something!
It was really gripping, and I simply couldn't stop till I read it to the very end. It was pretty eerie, too, in a good way.
I never realized it was about Draco (I just skipped the summary part:P), though, but that doesn't really matter, because the story was really, really good.Author's Response: I'm glad you were able to catch the Poe thing, that's what gave me the idea and why I wrote it the way I did. I'm so glad you liked it. Thanks for reviewing. :]] Report Review
There were some grammatical errors and some spelling mistakes throughout the piece. But it was good nonetheless. I like how you showed a different side, not only to Draco but to the entire Malfoy family.
8/10Author's Response: I wasn't able to get a beta for this I'm afraid. Thanks for reviewing! :]] Report Review
It was well written, though very strange...incredibly strange actually...Author's Response: haha..strange is my game. lol. Thanks. :-) Report Review
Wow... My eyes are like, so huge.. :)
Its a great story, you are talented. Keep on writing!!!Author's Response: Thank you very much. :-) Report Review
That was ... I can't even think of a word. So real. *Shivers*In some places I got a bit lost, like with all the screaming and him being pushed down a staircase when I assumed he was still in his room? But I am guessing it's all metaphorical, and is just his insanity coming into play.I have to admit - I only skim-read the last few paragraphs, because the images in my head were too scary to want them there for any longer than I could help ...A very well done piece of work!Author's Response: lol I can see what you mean but yes it was the insanity coming in to play. Was it really that scary? lol. It creeped out my english teacher when she read it. haha. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. *Stargazer* Report Review
Wow! Totally different from what I'm used to reading. I really liked it though... it's different, and not everyone has a story like this one. The ending is creepy! Author's Response: lol thanks very much! *Stargazer* Report Review
Wow, this kinda reminded me of The Ring. Odd? this was very good, you could almost make a sequel.Author's Response: hehe thankies! *Stargazer* Report Review
That's realllllyyy angsty.Author's Response: lol! Where have you been girl? I missed you! lol. Thanks for reviewing. *stargazer* Report Review
This story is perfect for Halloween and yet I'm reading it around Christmas. *lol* It really has a haunted house type of feel to it, like your walking into a graveyard at night. I love the style and flow of the entire story, the way you phrased everything. Not including the insanity and violence that was in the story, the people were scary as well. The father was terrible. It remained me of Edgar Allen Poe's work as well as Steven King. I really enjoyed reading this, it's so different from the usual romance stories.
I think after enough abuse and jealiousy everyone can go mad, and after killing your sister and feeling some greif for it I'm sure just about anyone would. It gave me chills and I could relate to the being jealious of the sister - "She's so sweet, but I can see right through her" thing, although I would never kill my sister.
The emotions in the story were real and created pictures in my mind. You developed the plot and charactors until you reached the kind of cliffhanger ending, you built up the tension and conflict very well. Keep up the great work, I love the banner as well.
Author's Response: lol. I'm glad you caught the Poe thing. Thats what I was trying to go for with this. A different way of writing for me. Thank you very much and I'm glad you like the banner. I tried w/ it lol. Thank you very much for reviewing. *Stargazer* Report Review
Oh wow!! Excellent job!! It reminded me so much of Edgar Allen Poe's Tale Tale Heart, I believe thats what it's called. Oh that was sooo spooky! It was Poe, HP style! Awesome! When Draco got the whip I was like "OMG, OMG, OMG!" That part gave me the chills! This story would have been perfect for Halloween =D So spooky, I can't get over it! =D I do have some CC for you. I noticed around the middle of the story that you went from first person to third person quite frequently. But other than that I didn't notice anything else. You've done an amazing job here and I'm glad that I've read it!! ♥ SaraAuthor's Response: I'm glad you caught the Poe stuff. Thats what I was going for. Yes it would been good for Halloween. Ooo kay, I will check the tense thing out thanks. :p Report Review
I like the intro of this. Reminds me of Lemony Snicket. The language here is quite good. The abuse and the prediction here both drove the main character to madness, which is quite complex and interesting.Author's Response: Lemony Snicket, really? lol. Never thought of that one before. Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks! :p Report Review
Wow... this is a chilling story. Let me just give you a few words of advice: there are a few grammatical errors, and it was a little confusing when the sister grew up (like... maybe put in a transition sentence between childhood and adulthood... if she is an adult?). Their ages were a little ambigous. You developed character so well. Your portrayal of Draco and his sister's rivalry was so real... the jealousy and the competition. Its very scary to think of it going to that level. This story was incredibly twisted and chilling, but was written very well. You did a very good job on this, and your narrative made it all the more eerie. There were points at which he was almost hiding from himself. Good job. Author's Response: Ooo thanks. lol. Thank you for your kind words. And thanks for reviewing. :p Report Review
A very dark eerie tale! It was nothing like I was expecting. I was riveted to the page in anticipation of what was going to happen. It was well written (especially since you didn't have a beta) I was thoroughly impressed! Author's Response: Thanks very much. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reviewing. :P Report Review
Wow, I was not expecting a fic like that. It was...I can't even find the word.. Chilling is the best word that came to mind. Before I praise, here is my constructive criticism.. Clausterfobic=Claustrophobic and you had a sentence about his sister growing up to a women(but it's woman)...Okay, theres my helpful hints. I've never actually read a fic that gave me chills. Your descriptions for the characters and imagery was great, and I could really picture it all happening. Great job on this fic, I'm glad I came across it! =)Author's Response: Aww stupid grammar mistakes. I'll fix that thanks. Thanks so much for reviewing. :p Report Review
Wow! That was really, really good. Did you get your inspiration from Edgar Allen Poe? It seemed like it to me. Which is a very good thing, mind you. I absolutely love Poe's work, and if you were aiming to make this like his; well, you have succeeded. *claps for you*
Without a beta you are doing fairly well. Sure there were missed words, grammatical errors, and spelling errors, but it is much better that I, myself, woudl do without my beta. Great job on that.
I absolutely loved that last line. It caused this little bit of horror that, I am guessing, you were aiming for. Amazing.
As I begin my tale, you, dear reader, will see that I am not at all, in the least, crazy. *is thoroghly(sp?) amazed at how many commas can be in one sentence* :P Sorry, I just found that amusing. hehe
Overall, this was a wonderful story, and you are a wonderful writer.
:hearts: TonyaAuthor's Response: Yep, I was trying to write like Poe. So glad that you caught on to that. lol the last line is my favorite. Thanks for such a nice and wonderful review tonya! :p Report Review
nice story Author's Response: thanks. :p Report Review
Chilling chilling tale you have developed here. So much of it is realistic...the jealousy between siblings, the fear one has of being less than the other. That it could develop into such a twisted situation is so sad and yet so compelling to read. Very tragic tale for him and you've done a wonderful job with. I liked the narrative you chose, it was almost like a voice over in a movie where the character's voice is heard as we read a letter or diary. Excellent jobAuthor's Response: Yeh it was a twisted tale wasn't it? lol. Thanks for such a good and nice review timeturner! :p Report Review
I'm shocked... absolutely shocked. To be honest, I was very unsure of what was going on at first, this is great! Let me clarify that first, before you think I thought it was bad. It wasn't, I very much enjoyed this. It reminds me of a horror movie, and of a poem I once read, a very common poem that I can't remember the name of! I have a few grammar suggestions though, 1)" I supposed she back away" That confused me a bit. 2) This is that you say set a lot instead of set.
Other than that, I really enjoyed reading your story and thought it was very well written. Great Job and I really like how you portray the greusome scenes, and Malfoy's sister. I also liked how you wrote the insane Malfoy, he was great! So keep writing, and maybe someday you'll write a sequel to this... not necessarily the same characters. MegsAuthor's Response: haha yeh that sentence confuses me too. lol I'll check into that. I'm afraid that I didn't have a beta for this so it does some grammar problems. lol. But I'll check into those. A sequel you say? Hmm haven't really thought about it, but maybe someday. Glad you liked it and thanks so much for reviewing! :p Report Review
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