5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Narcissa48 The Shield

26th February 2007:
OMG wot is gonna happen?
u HAVE to update. OR ELSE!

Author's Response: Lol ill try!!! Thanx!

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Review #2, by My Karma Ran Over My Dogma The Shield

16th May 2006:
I care!!! I want you to finish it!!! Come on, you've left us on a CLIFFIE! AND THE WORST KIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah sorry spaz... But you did say you wanted someone who cared...

Author's Response: Yeah, well, i havent updated in months and nobody seemed to care.

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Review #3, by nataro19 The Shield

20th November 2005:
your stories is wonderful and yourshould keep writing . your characters are well thought out and make this storystand out

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm going to continue it!

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Review #4, by ginnyevenstar The Shield

18th November 2005:
Hmm...very interesting perspective! I don't think you need to say Lyn was Lyndus' nickname though because we can infer that...otherwise great job! i wonder what that gold mist was...~

Author's Response: lol, thanx! I put that just in case people arent very bright! :}

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Review #5, by sauerkraut_poet The Shield

18th November 2005:
This is a really neat idea - kudos for writing about such an unusual character. I do have a few suggestions in terms of the writing though. Sometimes your word choice gets a little repetative - perhaps you could come up with alternatives to "said"? thesaurus.com is an excellent resource. ;-) Also, instead of this: "The merpeople had known that Severus had only been pretending to be on Dumbledore’s side. They knew that he had killed Dumbledore and they knew that he had fled." you could say something like "The merpeople had always known of Snape's masqerade, and were not at all surprised when he killed Dumbledore and subsequently fled." It's more concise, flows more smoothly, and cuts out the repetition of the phrase "they knew that he had ____" It would also be nice if you lengthened the first paragraph, and used more descriptive word choice. Sentences like "She got out of bed and dressed." are a little bland and mundane, especially for the opening paragraph, which should really draw the reader in. Anyway, this is a very intriguing topic, and I hope my suggestions help somewhat.

Author's Response: Yeah, i try to use other words then said, but... I'll see what i can do to make it better! Thanx!

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