i can't believe that you had this written before the book came out, its like you had a direct line to JKR!

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I long chapters. I love that line where Hermione says, "It doesn't matter if RAB was a dog, we'll never find out who he...or she was. And i can't wait for the next chapter please writ soon!

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I've just read all your story so far and all I can say is... clap, clap, clap. Very well written. I'm really looking forward to see how it continues. But I guess you won't update anytime soon, will you?

Thank you for you story, I've really enjoyed it!

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“Who said R.A.B. was a man?” Hermione yawned as she rubbed tired eyes.

“It doesn’t matter if R.A.B. was a dog, we’ll never find out who he...or she...was. These books are useless,” Ron complained.

Boy I love that line, Hermione would so say that. She has gotten over the Half Blood Prince yet. LOL! You Ron and Hermione dynamic is so on point and so interesting. Most writer can't pull it off half as well.

I love Hermione's reaction to all the books and Ron's concern. And your portrayal of the house elve is really right on point.

Just a really excellent chapter all around, I can't praise it enough. A 10 of course.

DA

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good chapter

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good chapter

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good chapter

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I wondered when RAB would be mentioned. This chapter flowed smoothly and you're setting things up nicely. The house elveswere fun to read! Yay Winky! 10!

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Not much comment on this chapter, however I'm looking forward to see the action later when they will tried to barge into Dumbledore's office. :-)

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that was a really story i really do hope you continue to write it

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OOOh, interesting. Can't wait for more!

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Aw, that's so sweet! good job!

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dun-dun-dun!!! lol! great chapter!

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hm...pretty powerful stuff.

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I loved this chapter!! Keep up the great work! ^_^

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I really like this story, I enjoy reading this that you captured well characters' personality in the story. You should publish this story.

from llaa

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Another good chapter.
ohhh the magic thing is confussing though. There is a spell to stop magic arounf the burrow, but harry is scared of algies spell and candels are floating

Love the writing and story though!!

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This is a very good story, i really like it. The most likley so far.

one small comment though that makes it unbelievable... harry has almost stopped doing magic, both with death eaters (he would disarm them) and punching the doors at gringotts, it would be that much better if he at least attempted to use magic in these situations...

Thanks for the story!

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A powerful beginning! I look forward to reading more of this story as it looks as if it will shape up to be roller-coaster of a ride!

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I adore your story. :-) You haven't given up on it have you??? Please don't give up on it! And please update ASAP. Great fantastic absolutely superb chappie and story!! 10/10

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I read this whole story so far last night (slept in this morning missing uni) and i must say it is an excellent story.

It has given me the focus and drive I have needed to continue on with my own story.

Craig

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With the car thing below - sorry - shouldn't have posted it - had slightly forgotten about the whole Stan Shunpike agreement...

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How pernickety can I be? Well - really quite.

"with not even dreams" - perhaps 'without' even

"the upstairs tended to be a bit on the cold side during these frigid days" - I find this sentence doesn't quite flow. I think it's a good point, but perhaps swap something for 'these' (ie. the frigid winter days) etc. or substitute 'little' for 'bit'. Something so stylistic as this is really your choice, only I like your story and I figured that these comment boxes are (at least in part) for detailed criticism about what we think of your writing.

"and muffins ready for Harry" - at a guess you mean English muffins? These are called English Muffins in England and (unfortunately) are not English. Likewise French Fries are not French, but are fried in the French style. Perhaps just toast? Maybe with marmalade? Far more British =D

"for Harry, and Harry" - You don't need to restate Harry

"Harry assured her, “we better get going, hadn’t we?”" - should be 'we'd better', a contraction of 'we had better'... Though granted, Harry wouldn't speak necessarily in perfect English.

"Since you’re coming the Ministry wants make sure you get there safely," - does it? Harry and Scrimgeour aren't pals and they didn't help last time he went to court.

"the center of Courtroom Ten again." - centre is spelt 'centre' not 'center' ;-) Along with 'colour' being the correct spelling.

"pointing to the “mortal peril” position " - I think this is my low point, but the 'mortal peril' position I believe need only be in inverted commas, though if the clock were to say, "mortal peril" it would be speach marks. Lol. Ignore this one huh?

"Ron had mentioned that Fred and George wanted to paint over "mortal peril" and write "incredibly attractive." They just hadn't had the chance yet because" - three things here. First, no full stop after attractive. Your sentence continues after this and if anything you need a comma. Next I think perhaps, 'They hadn't yet has the chance' (though this one is less important) just to help fluency. Finally, that 'because' at the end I think ought to be 'as' or 'since'.

"She looked distracted and was wrung her hands nervously." - wringing

"Harry said gently, as he reached out" - either no comma after 'gently' or use 'reaching' instead of 'as he...' Same goes the next line. Perhaps add 'in return' after Mrs. Weasley's action as well? Break it up a bit.

"Harry happily accepted Mrs. Weasley’s hug." - for one he's already been hugged (and so doesn't have a choice) and also, is this fragment necessary?

"but it was never made good on because" - you don't need the 'on' I don't think

"and bolted out the door." - and bolted out of the door.

I'll carry on tomorrow - bed time now.

You have a good story on your hands - if you find me a pain in the arse by all means say. And of course, you don't actually have to listen to me or agree with me if you don't want to.

Nice one and kudos for the quick succession of chapters!
x



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This is so Cool!
I love it! Gonna read the next chapter!

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please continue

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