AW xx made my day that kiss xxx

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plz update cus its been 2 yrs!

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Um. I like it a lot but each chapter is really short. You could have like written only ten chapters and made each twice as long. but it's still really good

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YAY! She told Louis! What happens next? Update soon
10/10
~Hannah~

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I LOVE it!!! please more chapters!!!

Author's Response: Soon.
Thanks for reviewing.
Make Believe

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Ooh, I can’t wait to read Louis’ reaction. I do hope he’ll react positively. ^_^ Anyway, another thumbs up for you. I really like how you wrote Gloria’s interaction with Petunia, and the way Petunia straight out told Gloria to leave was somewhat amusing. I can’t believe she honestly thought Gloria would just do as she was told. Though I’m not sure I would like Gloria, she seemed cunning and throwing bricks through someone’s window isn’t very nice. But it’s all in the character’s building, isn’t it? =P I love how Lily slipped up about Rachel. That girl is too naïve sometimes. I don’t see Remus as that type, and I wonder why he was swaggering, but it was good.

Ah, so Gloria knows the Potter? Is James the one she was thinking about when she said she she knew the perfect guy to marry Lily? Anyway, great job! Can’t wait to read more!

Author's Response: Do you think he will? Well, you'll have to wait to find out whether you're right or not. Not too long, since I know it's already been quite some time.

Yeah she can be rather naive, rather like myself :)
Thanks for reviewing =)
Make Believe

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Great chapter! I love how you described Gloria’s character with her aliases and all, though I’m not sure whether to like her or not. =P Her meeting with Grace was written really well too, especially when she slipped and mentioned her real name. Besides if this girl didn’t like her, she would be married off in a flash anyway, and Gloria knew the perfect boy for the job. Who could this ‘perfect boy’ means? Anyway, I like the conversation between Lily and Rachel, though the description about Rachel’s clothing felt a bit off for me. I can’t remember if this is Hogsmeade weekend or not, because if it’s not then I don’t think Hogwarts allowed the students to wear something other than their uniform. I’m not sure though. Anyway, I love the chapter. Now, onto the next one!

Author's Response: Thank you! Describing Gloria's character and having everyone else around her think she's Claire was difficult, and rather confusing to write.
Haha you picked up on that? Well done, it foreshadows whats to come :)
Thanks for reviewing!
Make Believe

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Nice ending to the chapter; it gave it quite a bit of suspense for readers dying for the next. Speaking of which, when will it be up? I noticed that a lot of your comments at the beginning of chapters seem to say "Sorry it's been a while." I certainly hope that won't be the case this time...however, it's good to leave your readers wanting more. Again, update fairly soon!

Author's Response: Eek! All I can say is that my life is a busy one. My education and social life take priority over my writing, so I don't have nearly enough time as I'd like to devote to my writing, but I think what's important is that I don't give up on this project. I know it probably sounds like I'm making excuses but that's just the truth. Anyway,
Thanks for reviewing!
Make Believe

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Ooh, nice ending. I was expecting some sort of intimate sex scene or something, judging from the title of the chapter. I like the violence (lol); the story is finally picking up!

I actually have noticed the change in your writing; I like it a lot better than when I first started to read the story. It's a lot more detailed and it sounds so much better when read aloud.

Great job! I can't wait to start reading tomorrow!

-Lindsay

Author's Response: Thank you! Yeah my writing has really matured throughout the course of this story. But because it's so drawn out, I think it makes it rather choppy, don't you? Anyway, I'm touched that you picked up on that, :)
Thanks for reviewing!
Make Believe

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I'm confused. Where did Rachel come from?

Author's Response: She was a patient in the Hospital Wing the same time as Lily had her accident.
Thanks for reviewing!
Make Believe

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O.My.Gawd!

That was the BEST thing sirius EVER DID! :O :D

TENtative, arent you? get it? TEN-tative? TEN!!!

Author's Response: Lol! Yeah I get it, clever :p
Thanks for reviewing!
Make Believe

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'Evans, you're awake,' he attempted a smile, and seemed to turn it into a snarl without trying, or appearing to notice.

‘Potter, you’re... alive,’ said Lily cooly, her startling green eyes were suddenly cold as she transfixed him with a glare.


That was MAGIC!!! 'Potter, you're... alive,' - yea, that was rich!!! 'alive ha! 10 again!

Author's Response: Lol! Glad you appreciate my humor! More coming soon!
Thanks for reviewing!
Make Believe

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Perfection can NEVER improve...its perfect...

Author's Response: Lol, aww thank you!
Make Believe

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LOOOVE IT TO PIECES! Ten, again!!!

Author's Response: Thanks!
Make Believe

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LOVVVE IT! AMAZING! FUNNY NICE WOWO :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:DD::D:D:D:D:D:D::DD::D:D:D:D:D::D:D::DD::D CANT STOP SMILING! advice 4 readers: try reading this story [1] with a mentle image of it al cuz its AMAZING! and [2]Read it with the mentle image AND with headphones on and while listeneing to songs, it makes it even more AMAZING! Im listeneing 2 Hilary Duff, The Cheetah Girls, ad some more artists.anyway, i dont usually do this, but...u got a 10!!! contact me plese!! humeraalvi_1993_786@hotmail.com.thnx!

Author's Response: I cant listen to music and read at the same time. Lots of my friends can, but it's just impossible for me lol! Glad you liked it :)
Thanks for reviewing!
Make Believe


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Erm, question...where is the plot in this story? I know it's a L/J fic, but it doesn't seem to have a story other than a relationship. I'm not seeing anything but event after event, and no lasting conflict whatsoever. I'm sorry I'm being critical...It happens to be 1:53 in the morning and I've had a very tiring day, including a near-car accident and a lost bag. I do, however, admire your use of vocabulary; you've increased mine somewhat. I guess I'll just have to bookmark the page or something and read on, because the last paragraph contained a hint of a "lasting conflict," as I called it...and I want to go to bed. So...yeah!

Oh, and there's quite a bit of what's called "comma splicing"...I just learned about that in my english class, and I've been noticing it a lot in your writing. Read about it on Google or something; it'll tell you how comma splicing works, and how to avoid it. By avoiding it it improves the style, flow, and look of your writing. Just a piece of advice! Otherwise, your writing is very interesting and captivating.

Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Thank you! This is really my first dabble in writing fan fiction so I think at the beginning it was rather hard to make the story my own when so much of it was already there. I dunno if that makes sense to you, but I understand it :) I looked into the comma splicing and you're right, thanks for pointing it out.
Thanks for reviewing!
Make Believe

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I just realized now that I never reviewed this chappie- sorry! I read it ages ago... oh, well, I'll just review it now. I am so glad that Louis is the father. *sigh of relief*. I like him way better than Alan- yuck! I couldn't believe about Gloria- she's from a wizarding family?! No way!! But I still don't like her. As much as I hate Petunia, throwing a brick through her window was a bit... extreme. Anyway, excellent chapter- I really enjoyed it. You have to update soon and tell us how Louis reacts, I'm dying to know!! Great job- 10/10!

Author's Response: Don't worry about it, you reviewed in the end, didnt you? Lol, yeah she is, but she's a squib. Gloria isnt meant to be liked, :)
Thanks for reviewing!
Make Believe

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omfg, so much for breaking it softly!

Author's Response: Haha, well.. thank you!

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ooo boy.good stuff going on...luving it! please update soon!

Author's Response: Thank you! More coming soon.

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Whoa, good one, yet another cliffie but this time I cannot just dismiss it and go to the next chapter because it isn't here yet! I stumbled across this story a couple of days ago and I've really enjoyed reading it, you've done a really good job with it, keep up the good work!!

Author's Response: Haha, yeah thats a bummer, huh? Oh well, you'll not have long to wait, chapter twentyone is coming soon! I'm really glad you're enjoying it.

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i'm afraid i don't quite understand the whole gloria/claire thing... are they the same person, and is that the same gloria chanel potter was talking about/to?

Author's Response: Yes. Gloria is a woman, who is egaged to Lily's father and she's masquerading as somebody else (whose identity she's stolen) called 'Claire Goddard' in order to marry Lily's father for his money. Or so she thinks ;p Yes, it's the same Gloria :D

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Does she know if it's really Louis's baby? What's Louis's last name? When will they find out the Gloria is nothing but a sleazy woman? Does Gloria just want to marry Jack for his money?

Yeah, I know, so many questions...I think you could answer some though.

10/10

~ Leah

Author's Response: Yeah, she knows it's his. Vuitton lol! No, I'm kidding, it's Cauchy. There's acutally somebody famous called that, dont know what they're famous for, though :D Hmm, you'll have to wait and see what Gloria's intentions are, wont you?

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GAH!!! What the heck is wrong with you?!?! [just kidding] I dub you the Queen of cliffhangers.



Author's Response: Aww thank you! :D

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Ok, can you say bad timing? They're all happy and she's like i'm pregnant?!? And why do I have a feeling it's not really his? This was another excellent chapter! Julianne and Remus slept together---it was a cute setup by Remus. Omg, and Gloria is a squib!!! Is she evil? Then why is she friends with the Potters? So many questions, so few chapters. Update! Please?

Author's Response: Haha, I know. I have no idea why you get that feeling, must just be you... or is it? :p

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That Gloria is just awful. I highly doubt she and Lily are going to "click." You didn't tell us who the father of Rachel's child was! *sigh* Now I'm going to have to be all curious. I'm rather proud of myself for finally reading the whole story, but that means you're going to have to update soon so I can read more! Very nice chapter, 10/10 as always!

Author's Response: Yes, I'm very proud of you as well :) Hehe, no, I decided to keep you all waiting for THAT bit of information. Lol, chapter twenty coming soon!
Make Believe

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