Reading Reviews for Passengers
  
59 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Chol Chapter One

20th February 2011:
An exemplary piece of work, doubtless. Marvelous use of words, excellent understanding of the times and smooth, easy to read dialogue. Only thing missing is an ending!

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Review #2, by ragnatela_1 

2nd January 2007:
Ok, I'm really bad at leaving reviews, so, sorry.

But yeah, the other day I was thinking that it would make a good story to write about Dumbledore when he was young, so I was really excited when I saw this on someones favorites list. This totally exceeded my expectations, because the brilliant plot and the way you write.

:)

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Review #3, by Ridikulus Chapter One

25th July 2006:
Wow, your writing is really spectacular! Excellen first chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

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Review #4, by Vloyski 

14th July 2006:
Such a prelude! All of this to describe the origins of the gulf between muggles and wizards, the birth of dark magic and Dumbledore smack dab in the middle growing up and involved in it all. I am truly intrigued. You have a very nice gift of writing with such detail that the imagery is almost visceral.



I will be interested in seeing how you show dark magic evolving in this story; i.e. it's purpose. So many people write about dark magic and using the Unforgiveable Curses without really defining any true purpose other then just hurting people. Is it to achieve ultimate power, enforcing servitude, or is it self-gratification? Ahhhhh. Perhaps it is all of that and more. And maybe it will give us insight into Voldemort and how he has been corrupted.



I do hope you will continue with your story. Your writing is excellent. Natasha

Author's Response: That's the aspect that always intrigued me as well, including why all of magic seems to be stunted in the Victorian era. That's what I'm trying to pick at in the story, and hopefully it will all work out by the end.

I really can't thank you enough for your compliments and your criticisms. They will be very much taken into account when I do my re-write.


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Review #5, by Natasha 

14th July 2006:
Every word, a gem.

Author's Response: Thank you :)

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Review #6, by Vloyski 

14th July 2006:
Very well crafted and each minute detail catches ones breath as they read on for the next. BTW I think you could break up the last paragraph to make reading easier. But it is so well written that nothing gets in the way. Thank you again for a masterful read. Natasha

Author's Response: Thank you for your advice, I'll keep it mind when I go through it again. :)

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Review #7, by Vloyski 

14th July 2006:
Just so you know, I don't think the word vignette is used correctly. However, that is beside the point. It is excellent! Just very well done. Natasha

Author's Response: It probably isn't, you know :) But thank you very much for your kind words.

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Review #8, by Vloyski Chapter Three

14th July 2006:
Very good. Hard to say without doing research whether some of the words, like hooligan, were used during those days. but it all sounds authentic and the writing is excellent. Natasha

Author's Response: Yes sadly I don't have constant access to the OED anymore so I check my wording a lot less frequently. I'll probably end up changing the word when I go through another re-write.

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Review #9, by Vloyski Chapter Two

14th July 2006:
Oh bravo! Yes.....I am astounded. Well done. Natasha

Author's Response: Thank you :)

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Review #10, by Natasha Vloyski Chapter One

14th July 2006:
Very charming and quite uniquely original beginning. I look forward to reading more. Natasha

Author's Response: Thank you, it means a lot to me coming from you.

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Review #11, by misshermione Chapter One

14th June 2006:
Brilliant, Ghis, I tell you! Brilliant! You ahve mastered the art of the perfect cliffhanger. There, but not too obvious. You leave people wondering about everything, which is part of the magic in an OC story. :)

I really enjoyed how you started with Bailey, kind of Dan Brown style, it added a touch of mystery. I believe you may have missed one or two commas, but nothing major. Your word choice was good, though sometimes I found it slightly verbose. However, it wasn't to the point where it got distracting, so it is excusable. I am really enjoying the setting, keep it up!

Author's Response: Thank you so very much, hon. I'm a bit wary of you saying I write with a Dan Brown style, as I think he's quite a poor writer! But he is a good storyteller, so maybe that's a good thing. Hopefully I'll catch those commas my next time through revising it. Cheers for your review, hon!

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Review #12, by steve34 

27th April 2006:
I looked (briefly), but I can't find mention of Mr. Petrie in previous chapters. Is this the first time we're being introduced to him? Your villain is very sinister, and I really liked the whole buildup around the man and his mule in the beginning of the chapter. I really enjoy the images your writing brings to mind, and the style is so very appropriate for the mood of the piece. Remarkable writing, as always.

Author's Response: He was indeed mentioned, my dear, I think it was chapter four? He writes letters back and forth with Arthur. I thought giving him a real life historical friend could be quite intriguing, especially at it tied in with what was the come. I hate writing villains so I'm glad you think he's okay :)

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Review #13, by crystal allan Chapter One

26th April 2006:
Firstly, let me apologize for taking so long in reviewing this story. I’ve been keeping up with the updates but just haven’t found the time to get over here and leave a proper review.


You have written quite possibly one of the most intriguing beginnings I’ve ever seen in a story on this site, and frankly, I’m beyond envious ^_^ Really, not that many people can convey such a sense of tension and suspense as you’ve shown there. You kept the reader on the edge of their seat, waiting to see what would happen next. The tone you set was very mysterious and clouded – that was wonderful, dear. You have no idea how many times I’ve tried to convey the very same thing, and this is one of the best examples a person could look for.


Do you want to know what I find fascinating about this chapter? Well, I’m going to tell you either way, so I hope the answer was "yes" ;-) Your characterization is very strong, very distinct here. I can’t remember the last time I read a story that introduced a character and gave them such a sense of individuality in the short time that you did here with each of those that you brought in. You didn’t waste time in unnecessary things, but you gave the reader enough to really show the core of each person. ~ “He had a strong stomach, as was necessary, but he had a weak heart.” This line here says so much about Arthur in so little words, which is only one example of the way you use that technique. It emphasized his empathic side and really gave us a good glimpse of what to expect from him in further chapters.


I know I always praise your descriptions, but I can’t help myself from reiterating here. Simply put, they were amazing. Every scene flowed so perfectly through the words, and each new sentence completed the picture in my mind. I love when you do that, there’s nothing more captivating than seeing a writer paint out a scene with their words. In particular, my favorite part was probably when you introduced Bailey – your close attention to detail there was wonderful. Though, of course, there were quite a few gems throughout the entire piece, and it would take me forever to name them all :-)


I really enjoyed the way you brought in the Council. That was something so unique in fanfiction and I can’t say I’m too surprised to see it in your story ^_^ The era you’ve set this story in is what, I think, really compliments it. That whole scene felt like something right out of the past. Your word use and tone in writing matches the setting, which is one of the reasons I think you’re so brilliant. You have a remarkable ability to almost adapt your writing style to the type of story you’re working on – it’s mostly in tone and whatnot, because there’s still those undeniable markers of your handiwork.

Author's Response: Can I squee at you right now? I've been meaning to squee at you for some time in most large thanks for your review. Sadly I think this is the best chapter of the lot of them and it only goes downhill from here...but I'm so happy you liked this. If you do ever get a chance to read the rest, I hope you like it :)

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Review #14, by steve34 

14th April 2006:
I must have read the last paragraph about ten times. It said so much about Arthur's character and his discomfort at being in this situation, away from his home and his routine. Or at least, that's what I got from it. Your words have such an artistic flow that it's hard to believe that you don't write this in plain English and then go back and fancy it up. The rest of the chapter was really good, too. I'm really enjoying the glimpse of young Albus. :-)

Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad it worked for you (as I always am...) and there was supposed to be discomfort, I think Arthur is always in a state of discomfort at being "inconvenienced" by what's going on.

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Review #15, by Anon 

14th April 2006:
O. M. F. G. You are awesome! It's always a pleasure to read your stories. I can't wait for the next installment.

Author's Response: I loff you :)

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Review #16, by Beowulf 

21st February 2006:
Gripping, thoroughly thrilling. You have a wonderful vocabulary and grasp of language, and the annoying grammatical errors which do so stand out in many pieces are absent. I look forward to more. You go straight to my favourites!

Author's Response: I'm very honoured, many thanks to you! I'll be updating as soon as I get to that point :)

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Review #17, by sauerkraut_poet Chapter One

12th February 2006:
I love the opening, particularly the way you pay so much attention to Bailey's appearance. Your choice of words was lovely, and I especially liked the phrase "large baby in swaddling clothes." Using imagery to things that seem so outdated really helps to give the story an antique feel. I also liked the way you introduced Ruthven, and how you don't waste time describing things you don't need to. It's actually quite powerful that you don't bother to explain why women weren't at the meeting - such things were taken for granted. You've got a wonderful element of mystery and suspense going here as well. My main criticism is that I wish you would use more active verbs, and a greater variety of them. You tend to use the verb"was/is/to be" a lot. Five times in the first paragraph about Arthur, and seven times in the next one. There are so many colorful and descriptive verbs out there, and I think your writing would be much more intriguing and exciting to read if you tried using more of them. Other than that, though, it was a wonderful opening, and I'll try to get more reviews up soon. =)

Author's Response: I know exactly what you mean, and sometimes I just can't see how anything would really work that isn't a form of to be, at least without moving it from being stiff (which is sort of what I want) to being more flouncy. I will try and work on it, though. Thank you for your great review :)

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Review #18, by steve34 

12th February 2006:
Once again you astonish with your attention to detail. I really like how you built tension in the final paragraphs that culminated with Mathilde's scream. Great chapter.

Author's Response: Thank you very much Steve, your critique means a lot to me. :)

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Review #19, by Bibbs 

6th February 2006:
Another great chapter! I loved how you have made somebody be a Weasley... And obviously, there was the name Arthur, though I figured it was just coincidence. I wonder if Arthur Weasley will be named for this doctor? Anyway, this chapter was wonderful! Poor Albus, forced to watch these things that he doesn't want to see. And those poor patients. Can you imagine being stitched up by a child?

Author's Response: Blech no I can't. There used to be this horrible series called Bramwell about Victorian doctors and a lot of my stuff I draw from that, as gross as it was. And like I said before, you'll see what happens :)

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Review #20, by Bibbs Chapter Three

6th February 2006:
Oh! You should have heard me gasp when you said Ruthven's son. Wonderful! You did a really good job of writing Albus as a child. Still sophisticated, yet you can tell he is young when he talks about his brother pulling the legs off ants. I am wondering why Ruthven wants him to learn a Muggle practice... not that they have anything against muggles, but wondering where it might come in useful... Great job, I think this chapter is my favorite so far! (Even if it is a bit short!) =)

Author's Response: It will all make sense at one point :) Thank you for your critique and very kind words!

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Review #21, by icy_cool_hermione 

5th February 2006:
I love this chapter, Ghiz...I've never been to France before and reading this made me feel like I was there. The fact that this chapter has no dialogue in it proves how talented you are; your way with descriptions and all really shows. It was so interesting to read, you built the suspense really well. And now comes the nitpicking, I feel so awful for doing this. I mean, this is such a great story and here I am, picking out the itsy bits. The only problem is commas again...

While Muggle Paris was blossoming the separation between the wizarding world and the Muggle world was becoming more and more apparent as each day passed. (should be a comma after blossoming)

And I didn't really get this sentence: His meal on this his first evening in Paris would not be as delicious, he feared (the this and his bit...typo?) And this sentence: At one time this room had been used as servants’ quarters, but long ago the Comte had had the one servants’ door (I think you meant one servant's)

Overall, great work...and ooh, I can't wait til you update...evil cliffie but wonderfully done. =)

Author's Response: The "this his first night" isn't so much a typo as it's missing a comma. His meal on this, his first night in Paris, would not be etc. And the quarters were for more than one servant, as they would have all bunked in the same room. But yes! I'll fix her up :)

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Review #22, by icy_cool_hermione 

5th February 2006:
Ghiz, you really have swallowed a thesaurus, haven't you? Lol, it reads just like it...but it makes this story even better than it is; the vocabulary used seems to fit the era incredibly well. The only criticism I have here is commas...you seem to have just missed a few of them in some places. Just a few examples:

“Well we could hardly meet in your office, Emeritus,” (I think there should be a comma after well...) "After that night in the meeting hall and seeing the looks on the faces of the Council members Arthur was certain that something was about to take place, all he knew was that he did not feel he wanted to be a part of it." (one after the Council members? Also, this sentence seems a bit run-on, perhaps instead of the comma after place, use a semicolon instead?) "...when the time came to relinquish them for a spot of magic then so be it. " (after magic?)

I'm sure there were a few others around but when I went back to look for them, I couldn't find them. Oh well, they're little errors that are hardly noticeable anyway, they only ever disrupt the flow sometimes when the sentence becomes run-on. I'll try and look out for them next time. Hope you don't mind me nitpicking for such little things; its just that I have nothing else to criticize about...the commas seem to be the only thing. Ooh, I love the inclusion of a Weasley, that you're dropping familiar surnames in here...and it's so interesting to read about Dumbledore in his early days--certainly something you don't come across often. Excellent chapter as usual=)

Author's Response: Oh you are so very helpful! Like I said in the last response I'll get to tweaking soon :) Thank you again for everything.

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Review #23, by icy_cool_hermione Chapter Three

5th February 2006:
Ah, Ruthven...a Dumbledore. Anyway, I know you wanted CC for this story, but I don't know if i'm enjoying it too much or what...I can find hardly anything to criticize. The only thing is punctuation (some commas missing...) and a couple of run-on sentences, I think. I'm loving this story more and more! “I haven’t seen much in the way of blood, but I have seen my brother pull the legs off of insects." Lol, that line just made me laugh because Aberforth does indeed always seem to appear like a weird ol' character, what with goats and all. Anyhow, I love the idea that Arthur had to end up with an assistant even though he didn't want one, and I'm also very interested in reading more, not only about Arthur but also Albus. All in all, I think you've built up everything in this story extremely well, the pace is perfect, characters excellent and your flair for description and detail is just...wow. Sorry that I can't offer too much CC for you. I'll be back to review the next chapters soon!

Author's Response: Thank you so very much! I will go back through the chapter and fix things up once my coursework dies down a bit :)

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Review #24, by Bowles 

5th February 2006:
That bit about Paris in the beginning reminded me slightly of "A Tale of Two Cities". Besides that, I really like the description in this story - I've never been to Europe, but I really felt as if I was there. Although that last paragraph there is way too long, for the most part it was very good, and I like how you managed without dialogue until the very end. This death and this letter are both very suspicious - can't wait for an update.

Author's Response: Too long? Hmm...I'll have to go back through and see where I can make a break, then. Thank you again for your review and your help :)

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Review #25, by Violet Gryfindor 

4th February 2006:
Wow. That was so exciting to read. The suspence that you built up throughout the chapter was wonderfully done. You not only described what Paris looked like, but also what it felt like, especially the the growing rift between Muggles and wizards. I love the way you describe things, adding in little details like David the carriage driver having to negotiate around the barrel or the part about the wiry inkeeper. Such things only add to your story, creating a larger picture that the rest of the plot occurs within. The end of this chapter was brilliantly done, with the way you slowly have Ruthven enter the Count's home. The cliffie is definitely leaving me hanging, Ghiz. All I can ask for is an update in the near future. =)

Author's Response: Thank you very much m'dear :) I'm so happy you took the time to review it, you really made me smile.

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