Reading Reviews for September Secrets
43 Reviews Found

Review #1, by potter_fan_17 Special

14th November 2009:
Unfortunetately, I am giving up hope. I don't mean to be negative because I experienced this too.
Ok to start... Everything is like, too fast I can't understand what's happening, and.. yeah.. even the easiest words are being mispelled; like, wear = ware. oh, gosh I might die.
Also. the punctuation and capitilization. I get easily annoyed here.

Please, also use more meaningful words and instead of like, (just like, I didn't mean you DID this) "Sirius said, "[whatever he said]" instead of,
"[And again, whatever he said]" said Sirius meaningfully/ ,annoyed/ sulkily etc.

I hope I see improvements on the next chapter.
- potter_fan_17

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Review #2, by victoria Taking chances

28th August 2009:
update soon! i wanna see lily and james together :) god i was so mad/angry/frustrated with lily. how could she do that to james and just LEAVE him !?! :( good story, anyway :D

Author's Response: i'll update soon, just building up suspense:D

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Review #3, by Bubblegum Invisible

23rd August 2009:
w8, im confused, wats up w/ ella? is she okay?

Author's Response: well, that's for you to think about and find out later, and for me to already know *evil smirk*

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Review #4, by loopy4lupin Taking chances

23rd August 2009:

Author's Response: soon, soon :D

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Review #5, by marauderqueen Taking chances

22nd August 2009:
I really like this story so far. It's good, well-written and has the whole she-bang :D
Keep it up

Author's Response: compliments *squee*
Thanks bunches :D

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Review #6, by Zacharias_Smith Snow in my eyes

14th August 2007:
I like how this story has a lot of interesting stuff in it and actually has plot, which is something a lot of people overlook in fanfictions. I think it's exciting and energetic, which is good. When you update, feel free to request a review on the forums or PM me and I'll pop over and read/review the next chapter.

Author's Response: This is what I've been aiming for: you wanting to read the rest of the story, because you saw it in an objective manner and it means that the plot is convincing and puts people on the edge. I'll be sure to contact you again, thanks from the bottom of my sould and "quill", you've been really helpful.

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Review #7, by Zacharias_Smith Love me if you dare

14th August 2007:
I like how you characterize Remus in this story. There was some crazy arguing in this chapter! It was good.

Author's Response: I'm happy I can portray him well, I have really tried to make my characters more real, relateable. Still have to work on Sirius, since he's a tad bit cliched, but I'm hoping on getting there. Thank you! *thumbs up*

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Review #8, by Zacharias_Smith December Drug

14th August 2007:
This was quite good and I felt very sorry for James :(
Only thing that really bugged me was
~Across the room~
You should really try explaining, describing, not just putting, well stage directions. It's not really a play, it's a story, and it could be so much better with more than just dialogue.

Author's Response: Oky, doky! Wrote that down *grin*. Thank you for the review!

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Review #9, by Zacharias_Smith Ho-ho-ho! Merry Christmas!

14th August 2007:
I think Lily/James is pretty well done in this story. They are the cutest, hehe. I still think that more description is needed. You do write dialogue well but I just find I can't picture the scenes in my head as clearly as I'd like to.

Author's Response: Thanks for pointing that out. I'll try to edit the story when I get some spare time. I never knew my story lacked that, being able to picture the events in your mind. I really have to get to it, cause, for me, it's important. Thank you for the milionth time! Cheers! :)

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Review #10, by Zacharias_Smith Shake and break

14th August 2007:
This was okay but it is a bit confusing...I don't really like that people have more than one name in this. I see why but I just don't think it's necessary, really. Still, good chapter.

Author's Response: I use pet-names for the characters to try and avoid repetiton while in dialogue or narration. Seemed like a good idea at the moment. *shrug* Thank you for the review again!

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Review #11, by Zacharias_Smith Invisible

14th August 2007:
This was a good chapter. I personally think it's better to move slowly in fics, it gets you used to the characters more and builds up more tension.

Author's Response: Good to hear all is going well. Thank you!

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Review #12, by Zacharias_Smith Crash and burn

14th August 2007:
Good chapter. Your portrayal of Lucius was quite accurate. There weren't too many mistakes, in terms of spelling/grammar, either.

Author's Response: You're really encouraging, thank you!

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Review #13, by Zacharias_Smith Problematic Lives

14th August 2007:
Ohh first review on this chapter! ^_^
Okay I thought this was quite a good chapter. A little confusing but I'm sure everything will come together. I thought that the bit about Michelle was quite horrific but in a good way (well, as in you portrayed the horrific element to it well).

Author's Response: *laughs* Horrific is where I was aiming. Thank you for the review and support!

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Review #14, by Zacharias_Smith Ecstatic

13th August 2007:
This was a good chapter, I liked the ending. Oh just remembered you wanted an opinion on the summary..well, I have to say that I don't think it flows well. It's too long, and this isn't always a bad thing but here it just seems like it doesn't have a specific point to it. Also, the last line - Here we are a day after being lied to a day before lying. - I really like that, and it would be better if you made it stand out a bit more, maybe put it in a paragraph of its own, but you do need to make sure to use correct punctuation. Lack of good punctuation can really put people off reading a story as it makes them think that the story itself will not be properly proof-read, thus difficult to read, and that the writer might not be taking their story very seriously, so it won't be as good.
It's pretty hard to write a good summary and I won't try to write one for you, but I would recommend asking someone on the forums...try this thread -

Author's Response: Thank you for the link and for telling me about that punctuation mistake, I really hadn't noticed it, must have slipped. I'll try to work on the summary, I too noticed that it wasn't good. I did want to tell the one who read it a bit about the plot, without giving away too much... didn't do that well. Hope you could point out more things I did wrong, to correct them and where else I could improve. Your help means a lot. Cheers!

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Review #15, by Zacharias_Smith Notice me

13th August 2007:
This was quite good though I have to say the spacing is a bit annoying.. it'd be better with gaps between all lines of dialogue.

Author's Response: Well, at first it was no spacing. A reader said it's hard to read and I tried this type, cause I'd seen it in plenty of stories. I'll take you're advice on this one too, again loads of thanks! :)

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Review #16, by Zacharias_Smith Special

13th August 2007:
Okay this isn't bad and I can see that you've really thought about the characters a lot, plus the dialogue was pretty good, but I couldn't help feeling...well, a little confused and put off by the near lack of anything but dialogue. I know you said you chose to take out the character descriptions and do them later, but it made this chapter less engaging. Some subtle, gradual physical description would have made this chapter more interesting and kind of balanced out all the dialogue.

Author's Response: Thank you very uch for your honest opinion. I tend to use a lot of dialogue, trying to put in it a bit of everything: action, humor and bits of the character's personality. But now that I have re-read this chapter I'm getting the feeling that you're right. I'll try to re-write it, putting more facts. Again, thanks a lot. Cheers!

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Review #17, by XkleptomaniacX Snow in my eyes

27th July 2007:
I like this a lot. I'm really looking forward to more chapters.

Author's Response: so happy you do, it's really motivating to get reviews, so thank you. hope to hear opinions on the plot, characters and everything and even suggestions. thanks again. Cheers!

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Review #18, by Lizzy Leigh Love me if you dare

16th July 2007:
You are killing me here.

Author's Response: talk about a perfect timing. just before i read your review i was thinking about giving up the stories again... i don't know why, but i'm not feeling it. i'll do my best, i really want to write more cause i owe it to you. promise the next chapter will be in 2 or 3 days :)

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Review #19, by brokenx4xever December Drug

6th October 2006:
awww.....thats rlly saddd....poor james.

Author's Response: Yeah, it is. I'm sadistic sometimes. :)

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Review #20, by brokenx4xever Ho-ho-ho! Merry Christmas!

3rd September 2006:
Oooooooooh! i can't wait for another update! love the story!!!

Author's Response: Thank you very much. The next chapter is written and today or tomorrow i'm gonna post it. Thanks again!

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Review #21, by bookwormhermione Shake and break

30th August 2006:
your story s good but confusing.
in the last 2 paragraphs i got confused. i thought michelle was the one feeling the pain not ella. that part really confused me.


Author's Response: Well, Michelle and Ella are the same person. Ella is Michelle's nickname. So, i guess if you re-read the last two paragraphs, it'll make more sense.

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Review #22, by Cho_Chatterbox Ho-ho-ho! Merry Christmas!

29th August 2006:
Omg! You HAVE to finish this book. I was just looking at all the stories and yours caught my eye. James and Lilly are awesome together. I love the whole thing and you better right more soon, because I have absolutley no idea what's going to happen and I'm going to die if I don't find out.

Author's Response: =)). Well, I am going to finish it and i'm really putting an effort in writting it, cause i wanna make it accurate and original and i want it to say everything i have on my mind. Cause i have read mahy j/l staories that included OC's and in many of them i found that things that i would have liked to read, weren't there. So if anyone else has suggestions, by all means, tell me! Cheers!

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Review #23, by la la lexi Ho-ho-ho! Merry Christmas!

24th August 2006:
i like it. You're good in conversations. maybe you can add a little more descriptions, but i loved it. i cant wait to read more :) xoxox lexi

Author's Response: Yaaaay! I like compliments :D Thank you very much for reading and reviewing :*

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Review #24, by ??????????? Shake and break

26th July 2006:
Great Story!!!!!!!!!

Author's Response: Thank you so, so, so much! i've been waiting to hear these words. :D

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Review #25, by gabzi27 Shake and break

26th July 2006:
ok im confused!??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?/

Author's Response: I know it's confusing and i'm sorry to say you're going to be for a while cause this is one heck of a mystery that is going to take some time revealing

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