Reading Reviews for My brother the hero
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Dragoness101 Chapter 2

9th May 2011:
Just letting you no the format for your second chapter is strange. Not the way you did it just the format of the web page.
I loved your story so far. Im looking foward to where you take this.

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Review #2, by gran/ger chapter 1

5th May 2011:
I like your story a lot. It's a smoother read than previously. Your plot can't be faulted; and I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Hope it will be as soon as; but I'll still be an eager follower whatever. A convert to crossover!

Author's Response: Thank you, It's always nice to hear reviews like that, I have submitted the reworked second chapter so it should be up in a few days... I'm gonna try hard to rework and expand upon the original but at the moment i'm writing a pirate novel for my nephew so I'll update as frequently as i can. Since your a convert or crossovers i will give you a heads up... in later chapters there will be a Charmed and Wizards of Waverly Place crossover.

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Review #3, by sinwillys822 chapter 1

18th April 2011:
i like the way the chapter is going and can't wait to read what happens next.

Author's Response: Thank you, I'm currently reworking the chapter so I'm not sure when it'll be up, hopefully soon.

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Review #4, by puiwaihin chapter 1

15th April 2011:
The criticism that you need to restructure your dialog is dead on. As a general rule any time you change speakers you should start a new paragraph. You also need to use proper punctuation within quotes. It is causing confusion and making your readers enjoy your story less.

Personally, it seems you are writing a Gary Stu story. And Draco suddenly becoming good breaks the bounds of believability. Not only should Draco not change his attitude so quickly ("Mudbl-- Grang-- Hermione" and abracadabra he's all cool and good?) but Harry and Hermione should remain extremely suspicious of him.

I would suggest in your rewrite that you *severely* restrict Billy's powers. If he's going to have a versatile power like energy manipulation (apparently psychic-based) that it require a lot of mental effort on his part and that he not be at superhuman levels of physical strength at the same time.

Good luck with the rewrite!

Author's Response: Yea i was basically criticizing myself, i know i can write better. The way i wrote it before seemed like everything happened in a snap, it was to quick. I never even thought about it but since you mention it its more of Gary Stu lol. When i first thought of Billy's powers it started out Dragon ball z'ish and i'm trying not to make Draco change overnight more in this one... the one i had written before was 5 years ago and i only got to the third chapter.

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Review #5, by Lockheart chapter 1

12th April 2011:
That suck i was enjoying but now i got to start all over thanks a lot

Author's Response: Sorry it'll still be basically the same story but i didn't like how i wrote some of it so i chose to rewrite. Some of the plot will change.

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Review #6, by Dracosgurl715 chapter 1

18th February 2007:
i gall my brother bubba, he's younger
i love the intor
and dam this chapter is so long
but i liked it, a lot

Author's Response: thank you

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Review #7, by Apollyon chapter 1

4th May 2006:
woa... i like it, but its so off the wall... this is going to be an interesting story. ^^ so far so good, lets see the rest of it.

Author's Response: Thank you, im going to try to post more when i can

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Review #8, by Draco_lover202 chapter 1

22nd April 2006:
i really liked that but when some one starts talking start a new line. it got kind of confusing. great plot though. you're on my favslist

Author's Response: thanks

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Review #9, by hp77fanactic chapter 1

28th September 2005:
hey dude!!!! ITS ME THE WONDERDUL BRI!!!! aka hp77fanactic. i like it so far, the only thing is is that the way u have the sentences (the tlking parts) is kinda confusing, but its really good!! i like the idea!!!! NEways, im gonna email u through yur contact thingy, so yeah. c u l8er then!

Author's Response: thanks for the review, i do add a lot of dialog, sometimes i get a little carried away with it lol. A heathy dose of critisism never hurts anyone lol. I'm writting the third chapter at the moment so i'll post it when i get done.

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Review #10, by kickingsomeonesbutt78 chapter 1

6th September 2005:
thats cute!!!! i like it!! but i gtg because there is school tomorrow and my mom will kill me!!!! good night!!!

Author's Response: woooo... my first review, thank you lol.

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