Hey this was different not many people write about neville they mainly focus on Harry, Ginny Hermione Ron and Draco. Il iked it.
Worndering if you could pretty please with sugar on top review some of my stories to help me make it better for readers.
Please give it some thought, you'd become my favourtite author, well maybe lol
Ariana GAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review, Ariana! Report Review
Aw! I loved this story! Love the tomato plant analogyAuthor's Response: Thank you, Obsidian! Report Review
I have to say, this was simply amazing. Incredibly sad yet beautiful at the same time. When Neville was finally able to see his parents I wanted to smile and cry at the same time. I'm so glad that you made Neville strong, as its always the way I've seen him myself. I don't know what else to say besides this was truly brilliant and I loved it. :]]Author's Response: Aw, stargazer, thank you so much! It's really nice of you to (completely out of the blue, and without request) come and review my story! I'm really glad you like it. Thank you so much! Report Review
I love how descriptive you are! You are able to see vividly what is happening as you are reading it. I was able to picture everything so clearly.
I was able to see one or two spelling error, but they are hardly noticeable at all. It also would have been nice if you went into just a little more detail about Gran’s feeling while bringing Neville to see his parents, but it would not be necessary. I would also think that Gran would not be quite as blunt when telling Neville what happened to his parents, with him being so young but it is not a huge matter.
One thing that I love about your writing is that you show the emotion in the story so powerfully without just saying the characters thoughts and feelings outright, which can make the writing boring. From what I have read of your writing so far, one of your strong points is making characters feel very real, if you know what I mean.
Author's Response: Oooh, where are they? I thought I had the story beta'ed... :/ Thank you so much for the constructive review. It really does help me. I never really think that I can do descriptions well enough to suit whatever it is that I am trying to describe. I think in pictures when I write, which may seem odd, but I guess it helps a bit. Thank you, thank you for the kind review! Report Review
So original this idea. Quite sad too. Good story.Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review, charmed ravenclaw. Thank you for reviewing so many of my stories, really. Report Review
Oh, I loved this story. You portrayed the characters so well, and the ending made me cry-especially the last line. I love your descriptions, and the tomato plant thing was just brilliant. I felt sorry for Neville-he is obviously quiet unhappy even before he learns where his parents really are, and they way you have him is just brilliant. I genuinely have no criticisms for this story. Excellent work.Author's Response: Thank you so much, rainbow92. I'm so glad you enjoyed reading the story! Report Review
For someone who had never read a Neville fic before starting that thread, I seem to be reading quite a few lately, and htis is definitely up there witht he best :).Now I do have some corrections/criticisms before I go any further. he thought himself unequal in their presence ok, looking at this i actually htink you could get away with it probably, but Neville is only 8, I'm not sure he would be thinking in those terms just yet. Perhaps he would find her friends intimidating or scary, but possibly not feel himself unequal. Then again, he has lived with his gran for 8 years and that's probably enough to make anyone think that. He crept into the comforting trees and bushes that outline the table should be outlined or creeps. Finding a enclave of branches very small mistake, should be an. Two years had past since Neville should be passed. August knew that soon she must tell him what happened missed the a off augusta. scared by Dumbledore, who swept into the door somehow I don't think he swept into the door ;), in through perhaps. He scrapped his chair backwards scraped only has one p. They almost had equally thin, pale They had almost. It would be only a matter of time only be, not be only.Now I really liked reading this, I think you write neville really well. It's an event you don't much think about, the first time he met his parents (oh hmm, just thought of something. Why is Augusta so reluctant to take him to see them? In the books she thinks he should be proud of them, and is shocked he hasn't told his friends about them). I like how you've built upon a canon event that must have happened, though it is never described. You've really captured Neville's mentality well. when he thinks and then his Gran would finally be proud of him you can just imagine Neville saying it.I also like the way you've written his gran. This line especially mad eme smile Even charms, but no body needs that everyday :D. She's almost exactly how I would imagine her to be and you've done a great job writing her. I like how you put her into awkward situations, dealing with Neville's curiosity and so on. This line Why don't I have parents, Gran? is especially good and is also really sad.This is obviously a very sad fic, and I think it's really touching the way you've written it. When Neville's wondering whether his Mum still had her shining eyes, and whether his father still had his striking cheekbones is the saddest part, and you wrote the emotion really well. It's so tragic what happened, and you convey it all brilliantly.My favourite aspect of this fic is the how you've included the allusions to Neville's ability at Herbology. Neville detached himself from the earth he loved so much foreshadows it all really well, and I thought it was an excellent touch, especially how it made his mother remember something. I had never considered that he had inherited the ability and love from her and really like how you've included this. I really enjoyed reading this, a great fic :).Author's Response: Yay! Lonnnggggg review! Thank you! This is exactly what I needed. You're still being so nice to the story, while pointing out my errors. I corrected the mistakes, which I hadn't noticed earlier. Those little problems are the things that annoy me in other people's stories, so thank you for being so patient. I figured that Neville's love for plants has defintely been a part of his life that was there since he was born, so I thought it would be natural to include it. Thank you so much for the review, PhoenixStorm! Report Review
Fantastic! There were so many things I loved about this. It was really touching how you focused on Neville's relationship with the garden. Something he could be close to and was good at and you conveyed this spectacuarly. Also I think it was a great idea to split the story into three stages so we could see what Neville was like before he found about his parents. The carefree bouncing boy of the first section contrasts sharply to the grieving son he became later on and I defy anyone not to feel for him in that final paragraph. Definitely putting onto faves! Author's Response: I was going to post this as a three chapter fiction, but that didn't make any sense as the chapters would be really, really, really short. Thank you so much for reading, reviewing, and putting this in your favorites! Report Review
Aww, that was beautifully written and so sad! The idea of a little boy just hoping that his parents will be as his grandmother described them, so sad! You have real talent. I got your penname off of the top 10 reviewers list. how on earth did you manage to submit that many reviews in 7 days??? You must move like the wind or something!xxxAuthor's Response: Haha. I hadn't read any stories for a while, so I went on a reading spree, as you saw. :) Thank you for the awesome review, ten_oclock! Report Review
awww thats so sad! i loved it, it was heartwrenching =[Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading, invisible_spirit! Report Review
Wow, I really like this story! It made me cry ;) Great job! I am a huge fan of Neville and I love seeing him portrayed like that! I loved what he put about wanting to be the "snotty" Boy-Who-Lived, because I imagine if I was a witch and had never met Harry, I would feel the same way. It was a perfect mirror of the books. I think Gran could have been a little more subtle in telling Neville what happened to his parents, and I think he should have been younger, like six or seven when he found out, but other than that, it was perfect. I LOVE the last sentence. The metaphors were amazing and the words so powerful! This is going under my favorites, definitely! Great job!Author's Response: Hm. . . I think he definitely could have been younger, but Neville isn't the brightest at face value, and his grandmother slightly intimidates him. But that's true- it makes sense that he should be younger. Neville is a wonderful character, and I'm a fan of him too! Haha, I can tell you are a fan of him- its particulary visible with your penname. Thank you for the kind review, LongbottomsLady! Report Review
I couldn’t find anything wrong with it, no grammar or spelling mistakes. I liked your descriptions , it was sad and touching. I’m a sucker for angst so yea, good job.Author's Response: Thank you for looking over it for me, Darkheart. Thanks!! Report Review
Wow. Very touching, and just as well written. I especially like the comparison to tomato plants at the end. Only one (minor) thing: "not caring that her face was taunt and aged"- it should be taut, not taunt. That's all.
I really, really did enjoyt this. Congratulations on a job well done.Author's Response: Thank you, thank you, thank you! I never noticed that. I'm going to go change it right now. Thanks for the review and for helping me with my story! Report Review
That was a really sweet and emotionally written story. It was lovely to delve into a story that focused on a smaller character within the HP verse, and you wrote it really spectacularly. Author's Response: Thank you so much, elfbwillow! It's really nice to heart that. Report Review
Ooooh, that was touching and sad. Poor Neville. His Gran was wonderfully characterized, though. =) There's just one little thing I'm picky about. You said, "They had quite some problems with Voldemort at those times..." and then a moment later said "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named." It would be better to pick one or the other, probably "You-Know-Who/He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named" because nobody other than a few characters actually say his name. Anyway, other than that it was really nicely done. I enjoyed reading it, although it was a little bit sad. Good work, Sophia. =DAuthor's Response: Oh, right! Thanks, Chelsey! :) Report Review
*I noticed that sometimes you put "August" instead of "Augusta". *On the first part of the story, you put Augusta's dialogue on two different lines, when it really could have been on one (but I'm just being nitpicky there, you don't really have to change it!). *A corner in the back of her mind made here remember that..... You put "here" instead of "her". *This story was really sweet, and written well. You did a really good job taking up this challenge, and I'll be adding it to my favorites. The characters (especially Neville's Gran) were written very well, so great job!
-AmberEloquenceAuthor's Response: Oooh, I meant to make it Augusta, sorry. I'll follow what you told me. Thanks, Amber! :) Report Review
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