I really like this story!
It is so cute!
This will go in my favs! Report Review
:O i must say that was shocking!!! but good!! but still i think my eyes nearly fell out from shock! Report Review
I'm here! *“And I definitely didn’t know she would mistaken you for me. It should be mistake instead of mistaken. *"Of course not my fellow private!" There should be a comma after Of course not. *"OKAY! I get the point." Lee scowled, and he appeared to be in deep thought. That dialogue should have ended in a comma instead of a period. *"Bloody hell, I knew we had forgotten something George!" There should be a comma after I knew we had forgotten something. *The waist length, blonde hair girl seemed to be unfazed by her words. It should be haired instead of hair. *Be careful to watch out for its vs. it's, because I noticed you've used it's instead of its at one point. *Seeker should be capitalized. *'The' in The Quibbler should be capitalized, as well as Quibbler. *All the school subjects should be capitalized (like Charms). *I've noticed that on more than one occasion, you write dialogue, add a tag (ie he said or she said etc.), you add a comma, and then write more dialogue. In the cases I've seen you doing this, there should be a period there, and not a comma. *"Hey! Is she in the common room alone!" That second part is a question, and should therefor end in a question mark. *With a growl, Cho stormed away in frustration of the twins antics. It should be twins' antics to signify it's an act that they have "posessed". *"NO! That's bloody idiotic, you git." George exclaimed,.... That dialogue should end with a comman, not a period. *This was really sweet! I think the description was just right, and everybody was IC. Fred, George, and Lee are all very well IC, and most people aren't good with them, so nice job.
-AmberEloquenceAuthor's Response: Thanks! That was the most helpful review I've ever received. Not only will this review help me clean up my writing, but I'll probably get a better percentage in school, :-P.
I'll make sure to keep everything you said in mind. And I'll get around to editing the story as well. I'll put a thank you on the bottom of the story when I get around to fixing it. Report Review
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