This was... beautiful and poignant at the same time. I think you did a good job with Remus, and his thoughts, or ramblings rather, made me sad. The way he remembers, the way he suffers... It's enough to make my heart ache.
"I know too much of death and life, yet they both push me away into nothingness!" - I loved this sentence. It shows rather clearly of what he's speaking of and what his feeling.
Anyway, this was wonderfully written, though leaving me sad, as I said. But great job! I loved this.Author's Response: Thank you for your kind reviews! I really felt this meshed with Remus' overall mood... He is really filled with sadness. Thanks for your review! Report Review
Wow, this was interesting. No matter how strange or weird a line sounded, I kept wanting to know more. good job! =)Author's Response: I don't think I did Remus justice. But I'm very thankful that you read my story!! Thanks, hopelessNirvana! :) Report Review
Sophia, you never cease to amaze me. You're writing's so flowing, so absorbing, with a completely unique tone. Save for a few typos (okay, one typo: all right instead of alright), the mechanics were flawless as well. It's very well executed, what with the opposing views and all. Very abstract, but very well done.
I'd write more, but I really have nothing that critical to say. I did find it a bit confusing, though that might be part of the whole tone of the story, too. Excellet job :)Author's Response: You never fail to amaze me either. You're such a wonderful person :)Thank you for this review. What you've written makes sense. I do have a peculiarly unique tone. Some peopel don't like it but others do and I'm glad you're one of those people that do. I'll go off and change that typo right now. Thank you so much, Jenna. ;) Report Review
it was very different than anything i've ever read. it kind of confused me in the beginning, with the way you wrote an' all. but i get it now. it feels like a manic train of thought. one's mind in disarray. scattered. torn. your diction is so eloquent and yet blunt. your sentences are so sophisticated then turn to something so simple. i love it. who knew something like this could be written? it's absolutely marvelous.Author's Response: First of all, I like your penname. But on to the review. People seem to say that a lot... How I write sophisticatedly but then it gets very blunt. I'm glad it works out... I never realized I was writing that way. I had only been attempting to show the voice as I thought it should be portrayed. Thanks for reading my story and reviewing! This review really makes me smile. Report Review
Hello it’s me HogwartsMafia/Ambient Breakdown.
I came here to review as you have asked.
First off, I totally dig the dark poetic theme. Reminds me of how I used to write. I’ve notice that you write in a rhyme-ish kind of way. Which is alright though I would cut back or spread them out. You should use them rarely gives it a more dramatic effect. Ohh I totally enjoyed the middle and the recalling of dear ones from the past. You’re descriptive words is much better and not so much. I mean eloquent and straight to the point.
Why the hell don’t I get to be a girl magnet? I don’t know why even though it doesn’t seem to match the mood of your story, it was quite hilarious.
“Werewolf! WEREWOLF, WERE WOLF!”? - just pointing out the question mark.
Over all I’d say Remus has some issues, but I totally dig it. A different aspect of Remus Lupin. Thumbs UP!
“I see you, Hermione Granger, as you send letters of how you don’t love Victor, to Viktor Krum himself. But Viktor doesn’t realize what you’re saying in between the lines. I think he’s had too many bludgers to the head. Dummy.”
Great Point out. I haven’t read much who actually read and took it in, Espeically about Viktor. I would think Viktor as the same. Woah, that was actually pretty great. I’m glad I actually advertise to review. I’d say Remus is tired of his mask. Over all hardly any mistakes. There was a whole bunch of punctuation it’s better to use than not to use. I hope you ask me to read another dark story of yours soon.
Peace!Author's Response: I've been saving your review to look at because I like it so much. It's really pleasant and it makes me happy to see such a wonderful review. Yeah, I think I started writing in rhymes for this because I was getting writers block so I was like "hey, this way is easier- imagine that, i can actually write!" He's moaning about not being a girl magnet because he's bitter, I guess. Hey, I would've been jealous (had i been a guy and in his circumstance [and im not applicable for either])!Thank you, thakn you, thank you for all of your kind comments that really have been nice to read. I won't dare burden you with reading another of my stories! You've been to nice to me already. Thank you once again! Report Review
Nice depiction of insanity.Author's Response: Haha, thanks. Thank you for reading and reviewing, charmed ravenclaw. Report Review
hey again. wow, where do you get all these original ideas from? All your stories have been so very different from other fics that I've read.Now I do have some criticisms. I'm sorry but I feel there is something off with the voice you use as Remus, I just sometimes couldn't imagine him saying some of the things in here, or maybe it was the way they were phrased. Well it's just my opinion and I still liked the fic :). The wooden panel walls, so vertical, unwaveringly, and straight this should be 'unwavering' . You never knew how much I cared for you, never knew I cherished your memory I think this is an odd sentence, the second half doesn't really make sense. I think it should be 'will never know how I cherish your memory' as when she was alive he obviously didn't cherish her memory as this sentence implies. I don’t wan to know where you are now just a typo, you've missed the t off want.Now the thing that I loved most about this fic was your imagery. Everything at the beginning and throughout about the walls and the buildingd is really powerful, it really creates a sense of how trapped Remus is feeling and how he can move neither towards life or death. I especially like how you make Remus want to be like the walls, bowing down to no one.The best bit has to be the two contrasting lines at the end of each section I just don’t want to live and I WANT TO LIVE. They really get your message across of how he is caught in the nothingness between the two. The indecision he's feeling is really clear, and I think you've done a wonderful job there.I like the references to the past that you put in here like Do you remember all the times you made her angry? I can just picture all these things happening, and I think that the reference to R/L is very plausible. Espeically the fact that Remus never told her, that is one thing that is definitely very Remus.I like how the two sections are very clearly separate and completely contrasting with each other, it was a clever way to write this story. So all in all I did really like reading this, and I think your writing is great :).Author's Response: Yesss! I love your reviews, did you know that? It's so awesome that you review so much about things that really matter to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I wish I could put you on a list of the most awesomest reviewers ever! ;) I fixed the problems. I understand what you mean about the voice not really being Remus sometimes. It was hard to write him, so this became such a challenge. I don't understand how he could act so submissive towards what the Marauders did, and play along with some of their cruel pranks. So I guess I was trying to make him stronger and have more backbone then I view him having on the surface. :/ No offense, any Remus lovers reading this. I think he's a great character too, don't get me wrong. But anyway, thank you for the simply wonderful review! Report Review
I am totally speechless...This story is like...wow! So real, I could picture Lupin saying all this stuff. You gave him a new side, that makes him real and so easy to identify with. This story has everything: humour (''I think he’s had too many bludgers to the head.'' lol), pain that is so intense that is almost tangible (''Did you hear me? I WANT TO LIVE!''), perfect descriptive tecniques('' It sings of red garnet liquid, that slips and slithers in the moonlight.'') and the great antithesis that runs through the whole story (I just don’t want to live. - I WANT TO LIVE!) This is a...masterpiece. I have nothing more to say. Excellent job Sophia! ~AnastasiaAuthor's Response: Wow! Haha. I'm so glad that you liked it! I'm at a loss for words. . . Thank you very much! Report Review
odd, but I still love itAuthor's Response: Thanks, brownleaf. It's definitely not the most normal, I know. Thank you for taking the time to read and then write a review. Report Review
Ah - poor Remus - he breaks my heart every time. Nice work. PalomaAuthor's Response: And Remus is so nice, too! Why does he have to get all the torn clothes? Not fair. :( Anyway, thanks, Paloma! Report Review
Really powerfully written. You built up the tension really well through the whole piece. Excellent piece of work!Author's Response: Thanks so much, elfbwillow. It's so nice to hear feedback. Report Review
I didn't quite feel it until the very last sentence. You did a great job of building the pressure then letting it explode in the last moment possible. I'll be honest and say that it wasn't my favorite, but I'd be the last to critisize it. Author's Response: I'm sorry you didn't like it that much. Report Review
Oh wow. That was very angsty. It's difficult to read about Remus in such a state. I really liked this one-shot. And I enjoyed reading it.
♥ LisaAuthor's Response: Thank you very much for the lovely review, Lisa. :) Report Review
I think that was as agsty as you can get. ;) Anywhy, you are a fantastic writer and you did this perfectly! Since I set this challange I have had so many different kinds of responses, and this one is great! It's so origional and creative! Anyway, Congrats.
--MickieAuthor's Response: Aww, thank you so much, Mickie! :) Report Review
A-maz-ing! You did a fantastic job with this! You really did! Excellent job!Author's Response: Thank you! :D Report Review
Wow. The urgency in the last couple paragraphs really showed a lot of emotion. A really interesting exploration of Remus' feelings, thoughts, expressions, and emotions. It was short, but it didn't need any more. It's quite perfect the way it is. I really enjoyed it, Sophia.Author's Response: Thanks, Marisa! Report Review
Wow...I'm in awe. I can symphathize with him, but I don't know how that feels-I've felt everything else, but not nothingness. Also, my 17th chapter is out now-just before the submissions closed.Author's Response: Thank you so much, ginny_lover. Kudos to your story! Report Review
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