Reading Reviews for Feline
  
1 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Crimson Ribbons In the Dead of the Night

7th July 2005:
Well, the idea is interesting enough, but I thought it was rushed. It would have been a lot more realistic if Harry had had trouble using his new talents. Also, as it is Areli is a Mary-Sue. She can use magic without a wand, can transform, and even if she has animal traits like ears and a tail, they don't take away from her appearance. It would be better if Lycans were unable to hide their traits, because it would make it harder for them to live in the normal world and would cause more problems for Harry, therefore deepening the plot.
Don't get me wrong; with a little tweaking it could be a pretty good story. But I suggest that you go back and revise it so things are paced a little better. Some other points could use altering, too. For example, instead of Areli saving Harry from a vampire (which was a little random) and making him a Lycan that way, you could have her attack Harry herself, thus causing him to transform. The reason for her attacking him could be that when in animal form, Lycans don't think as clearly as they might when human, and because of this Harry's presence felt like a threat to Areli and she bit/scratched/otherwise harmed him. This lessening of control could be one of the reasons Lycans are viewed as dark creatures, because they don't have a lot of control over what they do and sometimes attack people without realizing what they're doing - like werewolves. These are just suggestions, of course; do what you want. I hope I didn't offend you or anything. It's really not bad, especially for a first shot at a chapter 'fic, it could just use some fine-tuning. Good luck with your story!

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login