this is very sad and full of emotion.
just how i like my stories hahaha.
the way you've portrayed ginny is spot on, i think, and you've touched on a very difficult issue to write about and get right.
which you have done.
well done :)
10/10 Report Review
This is wonderful! Ginny is among my favorite characters, but I've never read a fic from her POV of view before in case my enchantment with her was utterly ruined. You've crawled into her head perfectly, I think, and wrote such a beautiful story about her memories and emotions.
I really expected a happy ending, well, happy in the traditional sense. This is so much more real. People are beaten, trust is shattered, and lives are destroyed. The loss of innocence is such an overdone plot in all fiction, not just fan fiction, but you've spun it in a new and unique way. There is no farfetched redemption here, just raw, real, human emotion.Author's Response: Aw, thanks for the review! I feel special. I'm flattered that you braved my story and read it even with the possible disenchantment. I really did try to get into her head a bit, so I'm glad that worked out. And I agree that the whole "loss of innocence" thing is overdone...I don't even want to count the number of books. So unique is wonderful complement. Hurrah for realism, or maybe it's naturalism, but hurrah anyways. Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
Hi there, well its only taken me seven months to review, which is unforgivable. I apologise heartily for that. Anyway, I like the tone of what you have written very much so, it holds from the begining a dark cloud which forms fully at the end. The language you use also is very descriptive without being over emotive, which I liked, it was also direct which I think gives the words an impact when reading them. I liked how you formed the memories and trust issues throughout, and the conclusion was sad and pessimistic. I'm not sure if I believe that Ginny would feel that way, but the way you have written it, makes it a possibility. I noticed a few grammar mistakes with commas, but nothing too major. Good stuff, well done.Author's Response: Well, it took me nearly two months to respond, so let's consider it even. :) It makes me extremely happy to hear that you liked the tone/diction style, because I think that's one of my stronger points. (On the other hand, I can only write one kind of dialogue...) I think looking back, my view of Ginny has changed, now that I've been able to explore her character a little more, but I'm glad you don't think it's utterly unrealistic. Commas: yup, I'm fairly awful with them. Thanks! Report Review
this was so sad!!! I really loved it, you really write beautifully.
I could identify with Ginny very easily. I loved reading the reasons why she "trusted" the diary. The issue of trust is a very important one in Ginny's life, I think you are absolutely right as far as it is concerned.
I usually write longer reviews, but there isn't much else I can add! You writing is excellent, the plot's really good, the characterisation is great. Maybe you could have mentioned who Terence's father is... I think you didn't. Was it Ron? I guess it was. And maybe, the paragraph that ends with "trust is a foolish notion" could have been a little more developped :) but it is great already!
Keep the good work :DAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm glad that you think I'm so right about Ginny's trust issues, and I almost squealed (yes, squealed) when you mentioned how much you like the way I write. I intended for Terence's father to be Ron, but I just don't really think it matters all that much. I'll take a look into that paragraph again. Thanks for the review! Report Review
It's good! I liked how you included that bit about Percy studying instead of playing Quidditch. Also about her before she went to Hogwartrs.
Good.Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I figured that would be the type of thing Percy would do. He seemed very studious and serious. Though I still can't justify to myself why he would have a broom...oh well. Report Review
wow, talk about lulling us into a false sense of security! it started of so innocently with this tiny nagging feeling that something bad was going to happen and then it all went downhill. i felt so bad for ginny because i, the annoying little girl with ever so many older, cooler cousins and uncles have been in the same boat. but they were a bit nicer, they put up with me by buying me something to keep me occupied.
I think your writing style is good, for this type of fic, it has a strangely calming quality about it. but what i would suggest is that you break the serenity with the death of harry, make it simply chaotic to change the tempo. show wild emotions, rage, bitterness, anger, tears, screaming. show us the mixed emotions of poor ginny, let her hurl bitter words at dead harry for breaking his promise and then huddle up next to him and beg him to come back. break her silence, it'll be much more effective.
you've put a lot of sorrow into this, but it's not really effective because we see all the sorrow jammed into a few lines. make our hearts miss a beat by telling us the things that have happened in short versions. how did charlie, fred, percy, ron, the parents and harry die? how are the survivors coping without them. make us feel for them.
kerry, reviewer Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I, too, have a bit of personal experience with the tag-along cousin, but it wasn't anything so drastic as what I put Ginny through.
I love the idea of breaking the serenity there, and I wish I had thought of it before because it's just the type of thing I should've thought of after English this year...Drat. In my defense, it was originally written before I learned about that type of thing.
I also like the idea about the detail. My only qualm there is that after "talking" about her husband's death and all this she's been through, I can't see Ginny (or many other people) willing to go into detail about how their loved ones died.
Thanks so much for you opinions, they were truly helpful. Report Review
Okay, where do I start? I LOVED IT! More than that, I adore it! It’s perfect! I very much liked the monologue idea, I always do. Unlike other people I am perfectly content with no dialogue. Ginny was completely in character. I enjoyed her personal drama, her issue with trust, very good idea indeed.
But honestly, I got goosebumps at the end of the story. I did not expect him to die. What she said that they are all that’s left, I could cry, and My Lina, my light. made matters worse. *Tear * And the last lines were the climax: Now, I have learned, once and for all, that trust is a foolish notion… I trusted Harry when he promised me to be there forever.
And that has brought me only more pain. So much for forever.
I have only one suggestion, I think Quidditch should be spelled with a capital letter, but maybe you have to make sure first!
All in all, I really do love that fic, but I wish it were longer. I most like the pace of the story. Everything is in perfect order. This is my favourite line, though: The-boy-who-I-had-a-crush-on. Gotta love it! :P So, thank you Liz for writing such a wonderful story! It was a pleasure to read it, and I really mean that!!! Author's Response: Thank you! I'm flattered. I wish I remembered where the idea came from, and I'm going to have to look around for that inspiration because I really do want to remember. Hmm. Yes, the end is rather chilling. I do like the part about Lina, simply because it shows that even when it seems there is no hope, there is some. Plus, I couldn't leave Ginny like that! I'll change the Quidditch capitalization--I hadn't even realized I did that. I'm very glad you enjoyed this so much, and thanks for the review! Report Review
Hello! This is hermionegirl from the forums.
This was very well-written. The simplicity of the sentences was powerful and I feel the lack of dialogues was actually very good for thsi story. I love the way you showed how Ginny grew up and lost and regained her trust at different times. Also, the way you just flat out said that Harry died was very moving. I'm not one to cry, but I'm sure if I was, this would do it. :)
Her voice is ever so present, which I comend you on greatly. The one thing that bothered me was Helena and the list of names at the end. They seemed rather extranneous and digressive from the tone of the rest of the story. Wonderful work, and keep it up!Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Most of the things you like were not so much conscious decisions as they were things that flowed from my fingers. I guess it worked out : ). I think I'll keep Helena in there, because I can't leave Ginny completely without any happiness, I just can't. However, I'll work on that list of names. Thanks again! Report Review
So. Sad. I loved your characterization of Ginny, and the way you showed how she became brave, and grew out of tea parties, how she felt compelled to be good at riding a broom. I also like how you left out some of the fine details, of Harry's proposal, and other reactions, leaving the reader to imagine the scenarios. Hitchcock used this technique in his movies, never actually showing the murder, but leaving the audience more afraid. CC: I want to see certain events, certain parts with dialogue and description of setting. This was a wonderful story. Thanks for a good read.Author's Response: Yes, it is rather dreary, isn't it? I loved this idea of Ginny because it can't have been easy growing up in a house of six older brothers. I think that's part of what makes her so strong and vibrant "now" as a character. About the details-I think part of leaving them out was because I didn't feel like it. Though I did come to realize how nicely it worked out, did that some more and left those alone. : )
Okay, I'll have to add in some more specific details event-wise...and more dialogue (to my chagrin). Let's just say...dialogue isn't my forte.
I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for the review! Report Review
Wow. That is an INCREDIBLE story! Your descriptions are definitely a strong point for you...."They seem too fickle, too flimsy for anyone to value."..."My mother was excited, sentimental, and coddling. Hermione tutted at our “young age”. Ron fought with the idea of his best friend marrying his little sister. Dad just offered his congratulations. Repeatedly. "...are just a few that I particularly liked. I really enjoyed this! A tearjerker. :) Great work!Author's Response: Why thank you! "Incredible" is very high praise. Yes, descriptions are definitely my strong point. I could describe and describe and describe all day, but conversely my dialogue is awful. I guess you can't have it all. : ) And that opening line is one of my favorites as well. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for the review! Report Review
Nice fic! It's pretty well-written, except for a grammar error, but that can easily overlooked. Anyway, like I said, nice fic. ^o^ It stirs emotions. Well done!Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it, and that it "stirred emotions". I do poorly with emotions in writing simply because when I read I don't get emotional (except twice). I guess it's just because I know it's fiction (which is why I did get emotional those two times, because there was very little preventing it from actually being reality for someone). Anyways, thanks for the review. Oh, and which grammar error? I'd like to fix it but I've gotten to the point now that my eyes just slide over this story and know what the words are saying without really reading, so if you could let me know that would be great. Report Review
I really loved this story. It seemed very well thought out. I liked these lines...I have always wondered why people put such a high value on trust and love. They seem too fickle, too flimsy for anyone to value. Now, more than ever, I am sure that this is true. because it set the tone for the story and was good foreshadowing.
There were just a few mistakes. As Harry and danced together that night should be "As Harry and I danced." Harry and I had been dating since the beginning of my fifth year, his sixth this should probably be "since the end of my fifth year, his sixth"
I thought you did a good job of writing Ginny's feeling and opinions. I thought the ending was very strong and finished the story nicely. Now, I have learned, once and for all, that trust is a foolish notion. I like this line because it connected the beginning and ending of the story. Great writing-Hermione006Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review! Those are definitely some of my favorite lines as well, I'm glad you like them! As for the corrections...just fixed 'em. Thanks for pointing those out...You know, I almost didn't have that last line. Then, it was sent off to be beta-read. Ha. Anywho, thanks again for the review! Report Review
This is very well written, well thought out. I really like how you make it Ginny who lost the trust first. I think I'll call this story melancholy. It's not really sad or happy. It just is.
Your spelling and grammar is really very good. There is one word missing, however... Five after that perfect wedding day. I'm guessing you meant five years. Nice job! Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked it...and I think melancholy is just the right word for it, it is rather...stark. Which is what my heart wanted it to be, if not my mind. Thanks for letting me know about the missing year...but it was actually supposed to be "Five thumb tacks after that perfect wedding day." Just kidding. Anyways, thanks again for your review! Report Review
I've read this one shot before, and I swear I left a review! Oh well. I found your one shot quite tragic and sad. You wrote it in a way that was very heartfelt- the pain was a close feeling to me. I hope to read more of your work!Author's Response: Oh that stinks! I'm glad you took the time to review again, though. I'll count it as double. : ) Anyway, no matter how weird it feels saying it...I'm glad you thought it was tragic and sad. Wow, that almsot sounds like I'm contradicting myself...oh well. I'm glad you felt the pain (I mean I'm not glad that you were in pain or whatnot) because that is the point of angst-so that means of done this correctly! As for the more work...it's on its way. Eventually. Sometime. Soon, I hope. Report Review
I really like this story! I enjoy reading narratives as such, especially ones as well-written as this! Great job! Keep up the excellent work! This is going into my favorites! This is just wonderful! Great job!Author's Response: Awww, I'm glad you liked it so much! I'm flattered! I just...*blush* Report Review
NIce story. I like this kind of story that doesn't end perfectly right as if god had decided to protect all the good characters.Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it! Like I've said, I was in one heck of an angst-y mood when I wrote this, so it just couldn't end perfectly. Thanks for your review! I appreciate it! Report Review
Aww....how sad! I really liked your title, and just for the sake of mystery, I didn't read your summary and didn't know it was about Ginny until they got to the part about 'girls don't play quidditch'. Very angsty, which is good. I like your whole trust concept with Ginny that you've got going on, giving her a deep character. Well done, I must say!Author's Response: I'm very very glad that you liked it. I'm glad you liked the title. . .got it from FaymosAmos. I'll suppose it's a good thing that it's a bit mysterious about who it is. I like using my "thinking cap" so I like to make people use theirs. . .often they'd rather not, though. I'm glad that you liked the trust-centric nature of the story, just thought it up and I must admit it seems to give it a bit of a different viewpoint, which I like. Thanks for the review, I love reviews! (Now really, who doesn't?) Report Review
Omg, I think that is the best H/G story I have ever read ... I absolutely love angst, I can't get enough of it, and you only made me grow more fond of it. You are a brilliant writer, keep up the good work!!!Author's Response: Well, thanks! That's one heck of a compliment! I'm terribly sorry for increasing your angst-y addiction. . .I hope you read some humor or something to balance it out. ; ) I'm really glad that you liked it, it's always nice to hear that your work is loved. Thanks so much for reviewing!!! Report Review
Great fic, you had really good potential as an author! Carry on, and plz r/r my fic! thanxAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review! I've read your first chapter and am coming up to (eventually) the second, but I'll be very busy for a while so sorry if it takes a bit of a long time! Report Review
In your first sentence of the second paragraph, you should write " . . . I trusted, even loved" instead . . . well, what a great story! I love the story-line, but it goes by just a litle too fast. Obviously its a one-shot, but even as a one-shot, it can be enriched. The part which can use help is after the wedding and before the fall of Voldemort. What I think you should do is add in a paragraph about their happy marriage. I think this will make the tone of the ending more tearful. Author's Response: Ah, good point. I didn't even mention it, not at all. I'll have to add that in. Thanks for noticing that! Generally people seem to think that I've been rushing the romance, but no one esle caught that bit! Thanks for taking the time to review! Report Review
Hmmmmm....very very interesting one-shot. I actually did NOT know who was narrating this story until the middle, where Ginny began playing quidditch with her brothers.
I don't know if you intentionally did that, i'm just giving you a heads up. First person POV is quite difficult, though you've done quite well with it.
This whole trust thing is a wonderful plot pusher. I'm really glad you pulled in experiences that we as the readers know about, AND don't know about.
Wonderful!Author's Response: Yes, I think I sort of did that odd narration thing on purpose. . .keep everyone guessing I suppose. *Shrug* What can I say? I'm a little crazy. Thanks so much for your review! I really like when authors incorporate stuff we know about but haven't really been shown in detail from the books, sort of like a little hidden treasure thing if you can remember. . .lol, so it made sense there and I liked it. Glad you enjoyed it. Report Review
That was wonderful. So very well written, you have a gift. I like the point of view you have taken for this event, and the sombre simplicity. Very nice.Author's Response: Thank you, thank you, thank you! Report Review
That was depressing - in a beautiful, elegant way, but still it was very sad. I'm adding this story to my favorites ; )Author's Response: Awww! You made my day! Thanks a bunch! Report Review
oh wow - that was so sad. so tragic - so hopeless. poor Ginny, she seems so cold, so very closed and robbed of everything. She seems to be so despairing that she's beyond hope. nicely written, effective in its simplicity. good work!Author's Response: I know! Now whenever I look back on it when I'm not in such an angst-y mood, I pity Ginny for what I did to her. . .the strange mind of the Shizz, I suppose. Thanks for reviewing, and I'm glad you liked it!!! Report Review
Hey there Liz! First stories are always fun to review. I myself wrote my first fanfic on a different site, but you can tear apart my hopelessly annoying story, Pure Luck, if you'd like. :P Alright; let's get this party started. *First of all - you might want to separate your disclaimer from the rest of your story by either using a line, ***, or a double space (meaning hitting enter twice) or maybe an indent, it doesn't matter to me. *"They seem too fickle, too flimsy for anyone to value." Although choppy sentences...well, not quite choppy, but sentences like this represent messy thoughts or just weird thoughts in general, you might want to have it be grammatically correct. "They seem too fickle or too flimsy for anyone to value." Of course, when being a creative writer - you can make your own grammar rules. Just look at e.e. cummings. *You don't need so many commas in certain places. I feel that if you use a total of five commas in a sentence without listing something, you should split the sentence up. *"The-boy-who-I-had-a-crush-on." You don't need hyphens there...just letting you know. If you want to portray messy or rushed thoughts, I guess that's alright, but I'm just letting you know that it isn't necessary. Oh yeah, and you should put a semi-colon before your other sentence and just add “the boy I had a crush on” thing there. *By the way - you don't need commas in front of the conjunction, 'and' when you're not listing something. *You should look at sentences with commas closely - where there's a comma, there might be a spot for a semi-colon. *Quick thing - it seems like you're rushing through the years a bit too much. You went from 1st year to a proposal. You should explain before you spring that on people. Include the dating and such before all of that happens so you can slowly allude/foreshadow the proposal to come. You've got to make the people work for the climax. *"He smiled at me; he told me he loved me; and he died." Periods should go there rather than semi-colons. *"I just sat there, not one tear fell from my eyes." Instead of a comma - that's where a semi-colon should go. *I think the irony and the emotional effect you were going for would be much better communicated if you added something about wedding vows and Harry saying, "I'll always be there for you, Ginny." Etc. etc. etc. *I do, however, like the way you introduced the character and alluded to the identity of the character rather than just blurting it out in some stupid sentence like, "Hi, I'm Ginny Weasley - this is my story." Although that can work sometimes - just not in this one. ***Final analysis: To tell you the truth, I'm not a big supporter of Harry/Ginny fics. Your character development could use a little more focus on other characters besides yourself/Ginny just because we can't always assume everything. You can't assume that everyone knows who Harry is and so on and so forth although we all do. If you think that way then you'll add more detail and make your story even better. Your grammar could still use a bit of work on the American side. As for your plot development - since you rushed this story so much, I don't really see a plot except for the life of Ginny Weasley. You've got to add some more meat to those bones! You've got the right idea; now all you have to do is give it a little sugar and spice. I'm sure that you can improve very much and I hope that you take my comments and use them wisely. Do not take this as a flame, but suggestions for you to become a better writer in the future. I hope my comments have helped and post again in my thread if you want more reviews. :D –JoAuthor's Response: Thanks so much! Really appreciate your input. Yeah, I've always been pretty bad with commas and semi-colons. I'll definitely have to add some more "meat" to my story. Thanks so much! Report Review
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