Hello. This story is so OOC but who cares! It's relatively good BUT I think it was a bit quick paced.

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OMG!!!!!! hi trisha!!!!!!!!!!!!! I GOT A NEW COMP. srry bout the caps dude....i tried to submit my password but it wouldn't let me....*sad face*

Author's Response: YAYAYAY!!!!!!! ur back my bf!! i havent seen u in 4evr!

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the story sucked and what was with hermione?

Author's Response: idc wht u think so im not gonna say nething, at least u reviewed

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First off, you're story was pretty okay, but one thing I need to stress: DO NOT INSULT YOURSELF IN ANY WAY WHEN WRITING A SUMMARY. It's important not to because then it makes people think you're insecure about your writing - and even if you are - you don't want them to think that! People are more inclined to read the work of authors who have pride and confidence in their work, so this will help you to get some more reviews. Now, moving on...I liked a lot of the description you put into your story, so that was nice. Something I'd like to say (as it disrupts the flow of the story) is that you shouldn't put author's notes (like how YOU - not another character - commented on Hermione's nails) in the middle of stories. It breaks up the flow, and it sort of ruins the mood - and for this story you've created a pretty good one. I also liked how you portrayed Hermione, even if it is a bit OOC. People should write only for themselves, and even though you realized it was OOC, you liked it, and thought that others would like it too, which is a good thing! One more suggestion: Don't put so many exclamation and question marks on the end of sentences (like ?!!!? and ??? and ?!?) simply because it's unnecessary. I think you could really develop as a writer, and urge you to keep writing!

I hope you found this review useful, and I wasn't meaning it as a flame (I mean it as constructive criticism)!

Take care,
AmberEloquence

Author's Response: geez ty, that was really helpful! ill try and fix that so ty!

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