Well that sucks for him. You kind of have to feel bad for him. Good job Report Review
umm seems unfinished. but thats just me. good story though Report Review
Nicely done. I like this short glimpse into Sirius' family life...says a lot doesn't it? :) Report Review
That was a nice little one-shot. I do love my Sirius. It was good. I spotted some mistakes, but they've already been pointed out. Good job :]. Report Review
hahaha!!Author's Response: Haha, I assume you liked it? I'm glad, thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Very good, although for the Howler you better change the [ and ] into < and > and write the Bs and Is in small letters, so it turns out like you wanted. :ODAuthor's Response: dude, I can't tell you how much I suck at coding. I had it, then I didn't, then I did, then I didn't, then I quit. So I'll go back and do that like, today. Report Review
Word to the wise mate........you can't use these barckets .....you have to use these ones .............so yeah........man......thoses were good times!
JAmesAuthor's Response: Erm, okay, then? You do worry me, mate. To the point of scaring me. Thanks for the review, though. :) Report Review
I felt sorry for Sirius in this story, you showed how his innocence was tainted with hate for and from his mother. This story would have worked out better as part of a longer marauder era fic, but it isn't too bad on its own either. I think you made a mistake in the italics code in the story, you have to use parentheses and lowercase letters in codes.Author's Response: Yeah, I have to go back through it and attempt to fix things up some, so it'll be better once that's taken care of. I'm working on a full length one right now, so that should be something to look forward to. :) Thanks for the review! Report Review
Well, once again another very short and sweet one shot. You're really good at little stories like this and they don't get uninteresting to read either" Just a couple of things:
"...spoil out blood?" - i think you mean 'our'
and when you've tried to put it in italics, it's not working because you need to use little arrow things < like this and not brackets [ like this. Just to let you know!
Other than that - well done and keep wririntg
*harrypottegirl4eva* Author's Response: Ooh, I put that? I'll have to fix that up, then. :P And as you can see, the stupid codes weren't working, so I'll have to figure them out later. Report Review
Now, here I have more remarks. First of all, there were a few minor mistakes, which I will point out before I comment on the general idea of this piece.
In the first paragraph, it is written ‘never had they seen such a group of birds such as this.’ ‘Such’ sounds repetitive, so you should omit the first one. Then, you have ‘James through caution’. ‘Through’ means ‘via’, you need ‘threw’, throw’s past form. Also, you might want to fix the tags. In the forums, they are like this [b] bold text here [/b], but on the site, they are different, bold text here . It is really important, so don’t forget fixing that. It takes away the purpose of the tags, and distracts the reader from the contents of the letter.
There is another mistake that seems to be made a lot lately. ‘Then’ refers to a certain time period, while ‘than’ is used as a comparison between two or more things. For example, ‘He is better looking THAN her.’ And ‘He THEN slammed the door under her nose.’ See the difference? You mixed the two up two times, so I decided to point that out. You have written ‘then’ instead of ‘than’. Oh, and why don’t you change ‘clean blood’ to ‘pure blood’. I know you probably wrote it that way for a certain purpose, but it sounds weird, like weird in a literal sense. ‘Pure’ may be used in a figurative way, plus it is canon. But this is just my suggestion. You are the author.
As for the rest, it is well written, Sirius is in character in regard to his feelings and thoughts. I don’t get one thing, though. Why does everyone think that Sirius’s friends would call him Siri? /not to mention some really hilarious nicknames such as Jamie and Remmy/ I mean, it sounds ridiculous /no offence to those who think it’s cute/. I don’t have a clue! Do you? Anyway, you have a certain talent for expressing your thoughts in a creative way / ‘The voice was that of a woman, piercing and loud, as a vulture's cry.’/. Also, the letter is quite plausible! It sounds just like Mrs. Black to say those things. I laughed out loud at ‘on the bottom of my shoe!’ :P And finally, the end is funny! Good job. You have a knack for picking up a simple event and turning it into an enjoyable read. Well done!
That was so insensitive! You should see what Sirius did to his mum in my fic :P That was nicely written, but a bit on the short side, oh well! I still enjoyed it! btw that tags aren't working......they say :[I][/I] They should say: insert text hereAuthor's Response: Yeah, the tags are screwed up and aren't doing what they're supposed to be, so I just left it all out. ^^ It makes things so much more easier, no? Thanks again, Steph! Report Review
Hello, dear! I have come to review your story, but I'll also stick this up at TCC!
I really liked this fic. It was short and sweet, but very profound. I don' tknow if you know this, but your html codes are not working for the bold and italics. Anyway, poor Sirius! And I like the way you ended it, bittersweet humor...ever so delightful..psshhh whatever!! It was wonderful, as your fics usually are!! Author's Response: Ashley loff! I miss you!! Anywho.... I'm glad that you like it, as always. And yeah, the codes are a pain. I just gave up with them. Better that than delete the story all together. Thanks for reviewing! Hoofle loff!! :) Report Review
Well...that was...interesting...you've certainly instilled fear into my heart over a dead fictional woman ^.^ It's a really good story - you should come out with a full length Marauders fic. =)Author's Response: Trying to, but nothing good has come to me yet. I've been thinking and thinking and thinking, but I still have nothing. Glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
And here I am to review once again :). I have found quite a few mistakes in here, but will get to them in aminute because I just want to say that I really enjoyed reading htis short one-shot. I htink it's very original.These are all grammatical mistakes/typos as I can find nothing wrong with your story itself at all :D. As ritual at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry I think 'as was ritual sounds better, this sentence isn't really correct without some sort of addition to it. When he assumed it was not to have been sent, he gave up his search ok, this one is just odd. try 'must have not been'. James through caution to the wind wrong through, it should be threw. Just then the envelope burst, sending forth burst into flame perhaps? puring onto the table small cinders and ashes pouring. piercing and loud, as a vulture's cry no comma. All those damned Slytherins who throught thought. Just basic mistakes really, nothing that really affects your story. Oh, and i stand by my suggestion of 'vile' crappy really doesn't go.Well I've never read a fic about Sirius's family's reasction to his being sorted in gryffindor which made this all the more interesting to read. I think it's very canon that mrs black should send a howler, and this whole piece could have come straight from any marauder book rowling could ever have written.Sirius was characterised wonderfully, and i just loved how he handled the whole thing. Even as a first year he's got a certain confidence about him, not at all scared or intimidated to be yelled at in front of the whole school. I like the whole paragraph where you say about how he hates the blacks, it really is very him and I thought you captured it all beautifully.Mrs Black was written really well as well. I could easily imagine her saying all those things, and I especially loved this part that sirius said My dear ol' mum's probably hexed it to explode anyways :D, I just completely htink she would have and it's great how you've latche don to her personality from what we've seen in the books. The last line was also great, I introduce you to my ever-so delightful mother. lol, perfect end and just what i'd imagine Sirius would say, not in the least fazed by the hwoler. He really must have been quite the irritance to Mrs Black. This is another wonderful fic by you, a great read :).Author's Response: On the grammar front: I plan on getting all that changed, but at the moment, I'm so swamped that I doubt I could do a thing without losing my mind. That's why it's taken so long to get back to reply to this.
I've always seen Mrs. Black getting more than uppity about such a thing, and that a Howler would be the least of Sirius' worries, and for that reason, I think I'm going to have to do some sort of continuation to show his first summer back from Hogwarts.
Aw, thank you! I love Sirius to death, as you've probably guessed, and to know that I'm hitting his personality at such a young age as he's at is more than a confidence booster.
I'm glad that you enjoyed the simple lines that I threw in to it all. I'm more than pleased to know that you, once again, enjoyed. Thanks a ton for reading!! :) Report Review
That was another very unique story. Having Sirius get a Howler when his mother found out he was in Gryffindor, very nice. The parts that you put stars on, you just needed to italicize them really. A little more detail might've been nice too. Anyway, I really loved the humor you put in it. I also really liked that last line you wrote. Excellent job!Author's Response: The italics were on the fritz, but I'm going to get that fixed up, as well as some of the dialouge. When I do that, I'll add a bit of text to it as well.
Glad that you enjoyed this one! Report Review
Sirius' hatred for his mother was written very well. Makes me feel bad for Sirius even more then I already do. His mother can just be so dreadful sometimes. Well, not sometimes, all the time. Poor Sirius! His mother was so hard on him, and only because he got sorted into Gryffindor. *snorts* talk about judgemental. Anyways, good job! This was written very well. Good job!Author's Response: I'd understand her feelings if it was more of a realistic issue, but the Sorting was ridiculous, no?
I really hate Mrs. Black, and love Sirius, so this was a difficult one to piece together, but I like the end result nonetheless.
Thanks again! Report Review
I wrote a short review for this story a while back...but I've improved my reviewing skills, and will write more :)
I didn't like how the howler was in all caps. Exclamation points would do just fine, since you're expressing anger and hate. I felt so bad for Sirius- but he's a brave Gryffindor; he'll pull through.
It was really short- but it's the perfect length. Some authors drag their stories on so it can be longer- but in reality, readers don't want to read a 2000 word fic when it can neatly fit into 600 words. Great job on that.
Overall, great! I know I wrote in my rather feeble review (haha) that Sirius and James seemed innocent, and I still think so.Author's Response: Hm, that's right, you did review this one before! Glad you came back to it!
Since my coding is working again, I think that I can just go back and put it in normal font and italicize the important stuff.
I hate when fics are drug out when there's nothing really to be said as well.
Thanks for another awesome review! Report Review
Nicely done. I love Sirius, he's my favorite, and this was a nice explanation of what may have happened that day. You kept him very in character and his reaction was classic Sirius. Nicely doneAuthor's Response: Thanks! I wanted to add a touch of light humor, and I hope that I did that. Glad that you liked it! Report Review
This was good too. Your one-shots are all really good. The way you end it is good.Author's Response: I'm rather fond of this one, as it was one of the first one-shots that I did. Glad that you enjoyed it! Report Review
Eek...that was a lot of yelling in that Howler. I liked the one-shot, but I thought his mom saying 'crappy house' was a little immature and not her dialect and James calling Siri was weird when we know they used Padfoot and Prongs. I liked how you portrayed SIrius's feelings about his family, though. Author's Response: Well, they aren't Padfoot and Prongs yet, as it's the day after the sorting and they took the nicknames after they became Animagi. I'm going to go back and rephrase what Mrs. Black says, as several people think the same thing. Thanks again, Urvi! Report Review
'James through caution to the wind and took the letter from the bird's talons.' Try threw. 'THEY'RE *TRUE* BLACKS!' Take out the stars and italicize that.Author's Response: Sorry about that. And once again, the computer was messed up and the codes wouldn't work, but I'll get that fixed up eventually. Report Review
Lol, even though I felt bad for Sirius and it was no laughing matter, I couldn't help but laugh thinking of Mrs. Black. Anyhow, it was enjoyable to read. Author's Response: Lol, you laughed at Mrs. Black? That's great.... Glad you liked it. I'll go r/r some of your fics when I get home today. Report Review
Great jobAuthor's Response: Thanks! Report Review
A story like this makes me wonder how you ever came up with an idea like this! Very creative! But, in my opinion I really do not think that Mrs Black would use the term "crappy" when describing a house. I know shes mad, but I think another word could have been used. The ending was funny. It just wrapped the whole story up right there. Great job =)Author's Response: I've had complaints about using the word crappy during her tirade, but I never got aroung to change it. Glad that you liked it, and thought that the ending was amusing. Report Review
This is good, a few spelling errors, but good nonetheless.Author's Response: Thank you! Sorry about the spelling errors, I'll go fix them later. Glad you enjoyed! Report Review
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