Wow, this was such a sad story! You wrote it so well though, especially for it being pre-DH! My one problem with this was the spacing. It's just in one blob right now, which makes it difficult to read :/ Adding a space between lines should really help that though :) The emotion you have evoked from this is just incredible. The greif and tragedy was almost tangible as I was reading this. It was a gorgeous story, with some amazing imagery and description. I think you picked a really special moment to write about. And the ending of this just showcased that. I couldn't have thought of a better last sentence. It honestly boosted this by so much. Excellent! -NaidatheRavenclaw, Ravenclaw Report Review
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