Reading Reviews for Extempore
162 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Billion Two

19th February 2012:
Hey there, found a few typos while reading:

It might have been nice if the books had landed right-side up but, given your relative exhaustion ,exhaustion, you had put up a fine performance.

Vaguely, you recalled the summer house in York . York.

Molly had advised you against it, of course, feeling that it was unwise to give a man soas young as Harry hopes of a life like that – a home and a family – but you felt strongly that the boy ought to know he had a place of his own.

"Moody is's looking for you."

You had hoped that he might have noticed her bloodshot eyes and the saddened tone in her usually chipper voice, but it seemed that it had gone unnoticed or, at the very least, unrecognized, as Tonks was paired up with VharliCharlie Weasley, for a tour just east of Surrey.

It had always astonished you, the way that a mechanism so clearly linear could make a decision entirely based on emotional reactions . reactions.

The window is open. Yyou told yourself, as your eyes drifted shut.

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Review #2, by Billion One

19th February 2012:
This story has been on my favorites list for ages, ever since I read the first chapter and fell in love with your writing. For some reason or other I never got to continuing it, maybe because of the 2nd person narration? But I'm going through with it now, so to start off, I'll repeat what I just said: love your writing. The way you carry out 2nd person perspective is brilliant. The best way to describe it, I think, is shades of grey (and there are surprisingly many of them). You hit all the subtleties and emotional beats beautifully. I look forward to seeing how the story unravels. :)

Author's Response: I don't check my review thread as often as I should (apparently not at all since February 19th) but I just wanted to say thanks a lot for the review. Not having written in some time, I don't get a lot of them, so I appreciate each one all the more. :)

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Review #3, by Beaming Brilliant One

14th November 2010:
It's really good so far. I honestly never know what to read, and I've looked in the Dobby's about a hundred times for a good one, but my eye must have passed by this one everytime. And now I've found it. Keep up the good work.

Author's Response: Thank you! It's been so long since I've updated anything that I haven't had any reviews in ages - its always nice to come back to something and find that you have one - let alone such a nice one!

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Review #4, by test One

5th July 2009:
test - i am testing the apostrophe problem.



Author's Response: testing response

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Review #5, by katrina. One

13th May 2009:
it was pretty good. its just that instead of saying 'you' you shouldve said 'i' or 'remus'. it got pretty annoying. -_-

Author's Response: Perspective is a tricky issue. I loathe first person writing. I don't know if the problem lies with the kinds of stories written in the first person (see Asher Lev or Twilght) or if it's just the nature of the perspective but it makes my head want to explode and third... I like third, but it forces more of your story to be narrative and it makes a lot of the introspection I tend to write more difficult. Plus, I can never do anything easy or straight forward :P

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Review #6, by death is our fate One

5th January 2009:
Wow great chapter! I love how its in second person, it really sucks you in to the character of Remus! better get reading!

Author's Response: Thank you!

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Review #7, by flamingolover One

14th April 2008:
love this!! Got to keep reading. Some of this is hilarious!!

Author's Response: I only hope it's hilarious in a good way ;)

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Review #8, by beating_faster Two

24th January 2008:
Hmm, so I've finally come back to reread the first two chapters, and you're right, the 'you' definitely wears off after awhile. I'm not taken out of the story as much. I just needed some time getting used to it, I guess. I had a good feeling about this fic from the beginning, but I'd let the point of view get in the way for a time. Sorry for my slowness.

So anyway, I'm not sure where to start. I did say before that I liked your writing, but I'm not sure how to explain why. I guess it's because you paint a really wide picture. There's so much description between the actions that fit perfectly without slowing down the scene. I particularly liked this sentence: One of your favorite things about the kitchen was the way the sounds of the upper floors echoed off the walls, blending into a sort of deafening roar when you listened hard enough.

Mm, yea, you're clearly in control of your writing, probably getting out everything you want to say/see/picture, which is something I need to work on. You show that you really know the natures of the adults' characters. I have a feeling I'll be reading a lot of insights in this fic. I guess I'll be taking it slow, bit by bit then. There's a lot to read. ^,^

Author's Response: Thank you!

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Review #9, by JLHufflepuff One

27th December 2007:
This is extremely well written and interesting. I'm favoriting!

Author's Response: Thanks hon!

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Review #10, by beating_faster One

4th October 2007:
I decided I liked your writing after the first few paragraphs, but I had to stop to ask a very important question: Is it going to be second person throughout the entire story? I know I'm going to end up trying to get through it, but every time I read the word 'you', the sentence falls, and I feel it bounce back at me.

I haven't looked at the other chapters yet, so I don't know if you've changed it, but it'd be a much easier read if it wasn't second person. I'm sorry if you find this offensive in any way at all, because I don't mean to be...I just wanted to start reading this story after I heard all the good reviews and stuff, but it's hard with this POV.

Author's Response: Both Extempore and Chronicles are told exclusively in the second person perspective. I think, or I hope, rather, that you'll find, like a lot of other people do, that after the first couple of chapters, you don't even notice it anymore :) It's hard for almost everyone to get used to in the beginning but once they give it a chapter or two they completely forget about it.

To be honest, while I promise I don't find the opinion offensive at all, I'm going to challenge you to give reading it a try, because I think you'll find that the perspective lends it something that no other perspective would have been able to do :)

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Review #11, by onceuponatime2 One

3rd October 2007:
Ah! I hate 2nd person!!! I read 4 paragraphs and already it is giving me a headache. So, sorry, I was planning on reading this for the story club thing, but I just cannot take 2nd person. Although, it's usually bc it is poorly written, I don't think that's the case this time, judging by all of the good reviews you had...
Anyway, good luck with the story club thing.

Author's Response: Thanks for the well wishes. I do appreciate it, but I wish you would have been more interested in giving it a try. Second person can be done very very very badly, but you'll find that you don't notice the perspective so much after a chapter or two :)

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Review #12, by thesnakecharmer Twenty-Two

21st September 2007:
i enjoyed it.
you have a way with words

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it!

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Review #13, by thesnakecharmer One

20th September 2007:
i figured, after reading your author's note and description that i liked the story already
after the first chapter i am not disappointed. good work.

Author's Response: lol! I'm glad!

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Review #14, by soothingly One

25th August 2007:
haha I haven't even begun to read the story, but after the phenomenal author's note I just had to leave a review... you described all of the cliched and awful fics in about 2 sentances that I absolutely loath, as well as promising you will not use lyrics from unfortunately untalented yet popular bands, and seem like you won't (as so many authors do) neglect details from the actual books and add in illogical characterizations.
and now I'm off to actual read the thing!


Author's Response: lol, alas my authors note does not endear everyone as such :) thanks!

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Review #15, by purewings Two

24th August 2007:
Hello BitterEpiphany,

it's me again, the one who writes too long reviews.

I've read several chapters already, but the reason why I'm placing my review here in the second chapter is that here I found several examples of the phenomenons I would like to remark on.
I hope you won't hate me for my criticism.
In order to avoid it I'll start with the good news.

Your language, your humour, your style is excellent. I love it. I also like your adjectives, adverbs, things most modern writers scorn.
I believe these things can be used very skillfully, it only takes a talented writer.

My "negative" criticism concerns some features of your characters. Mostly features they inherited from JKR.
For example Molly Weasley. While Tonks is the archetype of the "fool", Molly is the archetype of the "Mother", the "sitting hen".
It's ok in the HP books, they are not known for sophisticated characters; they use archetypes to make the story "easy to digest". Everything is unambiguous and well-defined. It's based on the same ideas, advertising psychology uses, pretty effectively.

Unfortunately you tend to use some of these features, "pre-cooked", far too evident assumptions, like in case of Molly.
She was always a mother type, you say. Maybe she really was like that, but you added nothing to her character, only reused JKR's not too complex ideas.
As you mentioned it somewhere, you like to be original. You are, in most of the cases, and if you avoid "re-chewing" these stereotypes, you will be perfect.
You don't have to change Molly, just add her some tiny detail, which fits her character, yet which makes her a bit more or different.

The same goes to the Ron and Hermione's bickering match at the very end of this chapter. It's very well written, I bet most of the readers fall for it, but if you really want to be measured by your standards, I say it's a cliché for you. You can do it better,
You have outgrown these reused pictures, easy to write, funny but at the same time outworn scenes, which are in fact empty.

I hope, and say it once again even if it means repeating myself, you won't
feel hurt.
The story is very good so far and these were only my ideas, I might be wrong.

(My, I got totally confused and left you a messy bunch of commas all through my review; Phoenixstorm, who is the "Queen of comma use" in my eyes would scream if she saw it. Sorry for any other possible mistakes as well :D)

Well, till soon, wings

Author's Response: The characterizations of the secondary characters weren't so much a failure of imagination of my part, but more of an interest to convey them as I think this incarnation of Lupin would have seen them.

This will sound terrible, but I always felt that Lupin, by nature of his particular illness would have been a bit of a misanthrope and not all together interested in people as "big" as the Weasley's. They're not a subtle bunch - loud and numerous and caring and sweet but i think he would have found all of this oppresive, judgemental and exhausting. :)

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Review #16, by purewings One

23rd August 2007:
Hello BitterEpiphany!

I wondered where your name came from. It's one of the few, I like. I have list of "how to create dull usernames" (including mine as well), something like your author's notes. :D

I laughed so much reading these notes that I actually forgot about the story. :D It was like somebody said aloud what I was thinking. You must have offended a great number of people, though. On the other hand, people need truthful mirrors, it's their choice whether they use them or not.
Was it really the validating queue that ruffled you so much that you wrote the notes? :) Anyway, congratulations! :D

About the story, finally:
All reviewers mentioned this second person narrative, I won't repeat them, I liked it too. I think it flowed better in the Chronicles, though. But maybe that's just a question of tastes.

I'm glad you started "sculpturing" Tonks a 3 dimensional (or even more) character, that is what I usually lack in J. K. Rowling's books. (Except for Snape, who in my view had overgrown the others in complexity and subtlety, even Harry and JKR was forced to "ram" him into a stupid situation and death that simply didn't match his character).
Your approach to her is unique and that's very good.

What is a bit, well awkward for me is her clumsiness. I know very well that this was given her by JKR and it fitted her fine, she was the archetype of the clown or fool (not mentally :D).
It was for the sake of bringing a little ray of sunshine and humour into the darkening story.

But this clumsiness is a bit strong for your story, I think.
Not because there are no people like that, it's because it doesn't derive from any of her inner strains.
It's rather difficult to explain without misleading.
Clumsiness is just one word for a very colourful phenomenon, it has dozens of faces.
There is the clumsiness of the uncertain, infirm people,
the intentional clumsiness of the starving for attention, but feel intimidated to take it openly,
the humorous clumsiness of the entertainers,
the unseeing clumsiness of the unearthly dreamers,
the impatient clumsiness of the ever rushing,
the blushing clumsiness of lovers,
the heavy-handed clumsiness of the simple, rough people,
the intricate clumsiness of manipulators, seekers of pity and gentleness
etc, etc.
Yet, your Tonks is fooling around with loads of chairs, and different objects in her room, which is really funny, but does not fit - in my view) your multi-dimensional Tonks.
It's a bit for the effect, I think. Please, don't feel offended! I'm really not trying to hurt, no way, really.
Maybe it's a bit early to criticize, after the first chap, I will read further, but it was a little remark I felt would be useful.

On the other hand I love your language, I learn a lot from you (I'm not a native speaker, you see). You have talent, I'm sure I'm not the first one to tell you that.
I'm very curious about your age, your style tells of some experience with people.

I liked Moody very much, you see, his covert clumsiness is exactly what I was talking about: he was perfectly written, you din't step over the line with him.

I cannot tel much about Lupin now, it's early to criticize him, yet.

I'm very glad I found you on this site (not that it was difficult, though, you're very popular :D).

Go on writing, wings

Author's Response: Hrm....Well, it would appear that my review is too long for this particular response box but, I also don't want to cut you short of the response you deserve so I'm going to do something naughty and take advantage of my staff status and PM you my response :)

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Review #17, by Dark Oblivion One

20th August 2007:
I agree completely with your authors note.
I only wish more people would have the same opinion when writing their stories.

Author's Response: lol :) Thanks

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Review #18, by Emmy Twenty-Two

14th August 2007:
I was wondering, who is the women in your banner picture? she looks really familer to me.

Author's Response: Natalie Imbruglia. She had a very popular song so many years ago called "Torn" - now she acts periodically. I recall her in a Mr. Bean movie :)

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Review #19, by Zacharias_Smith One

14th August 2007:
Ohh I really enjoyed this. It's so interesting to use the second person and normally I find it very forced and it puts me off reading the story. I don't think it sounded forced here; admittedly it was more difficult for me to read this than it would have been if it had been third person but I think that forced me to read it more carefully and I'm glad I did. It made me really appreciate your writing style and all the details in this chapter.
I loved your characterization of Lupin and there were some beautiful lines in this. I also liked how you described the Moody-Tonks relationship as that is always how I view it.
I will be reading more!

Author's Response: Thank you. I always appreciate it when someone takes the time to push past the second person perspective - I think it gives the genre hope for the future because it is occasionally used well by actual authors, not just goons like me :)

I hope you enjoy the rest!

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Review #20, by Paloma Patil Twenty-Two

30th July 2007:
I think the ending is quite pretty, actually. I like your subtle style. It's MILES better than a heavy-handed Epilogue, eh?

Fine work - this has been an absolute pleasure to read - a joy from beginning to end.

Rest, relax, and then bring us more beautiful prose. We'll be waiting.


Author's Response: Do I detect a level of disappointment in the latest book release? :P

Thanks so much for reviewing. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Alas, i'm afraid the next story I feel up to penning will be somewhat less beautiful prose and somewhat more mockfic :)

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Review #21, by Romina Stephanie Twenty-Two

27th July 2007:
It's hard to believe that this is the closing chapter. Not because of its content, but because I was never really prepared for it to end so suddenly. It made me a bit sad as I read this and understood that this was it.

Overall, I really liked this chapter. The beginning, which was heartwarming and highly amusing. As I've told you before, I love your characterization of both Remus and Tonks. You've made them extremely believable, and that's one of the things I've loved about this story.

I loved the ending. Scanning to the end, you found the faces you were searching for, the Potter's - Lily, James and, beneath them, Harry. The article directed you to page seven where you were certain there would be a flowery remembrance, prose akin to that of Robert Frost. Still, you couldn't bring yourself to read it. The date, May 16th, floated serenely beneath his photograph and, for you, that was eulogy enough. It was a perfect, yet very sad, way to end this. I really liked the relationship between Remus and Harry, and how he was determined to help him, no matter what. The scene in the previous chapter (or perhaps the one before that one... I'm not sure) when Remus, Arthur, Kingsley and Moody were in Dumbledore's office was proof enough to show that they'd do everything to help Harry conquer the Dark Lord.

I wanted to review the other chapters as well (the ones I'd been waiting for so eagerly), but I couldn't stop reading and I had to find out what happened to them all. My only complaint is the one of the battle - I would have loved more of it, and I never really understood they were off fighting (but, I do tend to be a bit slow to catch on things sometimes :p) I would have loved to read more about it, more details concerning the event. Other than that, I really liked it.

Well, as said, hard to believe this was the closing chapter of Extempore. It's been a wonderful read, realistic and bittersweet. And it was not only the plot that enthralled me, but also the way you've written this. Nothing I'm used to, which made it even more fun to read. You're a great author and this piece of work is, without doubt, one of the best stories I've read on the site. Great job!


Author's Response: Thank you!

The ending of a story is always very difficult for me - not because it's particularly hard to write, but because there is always so much more ending in my mind - I never seem to properly finish any story and this one was, alas, no exception. There were a lot more things I wanted to say - a lot more things that needed to happen but what I realized was that, faced with the deadline of getting it done as soon as possible (due to the release of DH) it was going to have to end without some of those things and the easiest thing for me to cut through was the red tape of backstory that would be required to explain the losses, the wars, the battles and the resultant, I sort of figured JKR would have that under control herself :P

I really do appreciate the review - thank you!

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Review #22, by Bright Green Eyes Twenty-Two

25th July 2007:
Great story i really enjoyed it!

Author's Response: Thank you!!

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Review #23, by PhoenixStorm Seventeen

25th July 2007:
Ooo I loved this chapter!! It was a...calm chapter, sort of, but I just liked how Remus was written here. I mean, I do normally, but so many little things in this chapter made me love him all over again :D . I liked his remaining insecurity even now the fear that she wanted you only because she didn’t understand some aspect of your personality, and the funny things that made him like Tonks like No where in your progress out of the school – or back into it, when you realized you’d forgotten your cloak. I was also very amused by When you set this date with your future wife, your choice in location was motivated by the safety in numbers instinct.

Now normally I just leave your typos and stuff alone, but I found this entertaining so am going to point out should have been an easy feet is the wrong feat :p .

I really really liked the scene where Remus is looking through Dumbledore's stuff see him in a way portraits never could. His belongings, his angled hand-writing and his silly but oddly profound statements all lived on in these documents, that just made me miss him :( . And the intro to the scene about boxes was fun lol. I wanted Tonks to love it though, and damn you and cliff hangers :p . Great chapter though! :)

Author's Response: LOL! Typos like that happen to me all the time :)

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Review #24, by _alechia_ One

24th July 2007:
how on earth do you manage it? you pulled me in WITHOUT a summary into my least favorite style of fanfic (second person) of one of my least favorite ships, i was expecting it to be TERRIBLE. but it wasnt. it was FANTASTIC! it shouldnt be physically possible, but it is, and you've done it. very very well done indeed, and now if you will excuse me, i'm going to go read the rest of it. :D

Author's Response: lol!! well with all that having been said, I hope you not only read the rest of but that you enjoyed it as much. I do make it my personal mission to save the reputation of all three of those things, so i'm glad i'm doing some good!

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Review #25, by DAC Twenty-Two

24th July 2007:
It wasn't a lame duck ending at all. It was amazing. I went on vacation last week, and I just came back today, and BAM! 4 new chapters. I was amazed and more than a little excited, since I have nothing new to read for a while

(My copy of DH has been read, and half re-read already)

This has truly been an incredibly enjoyable story, and the only thing I've ever read quite like it.

Thank you so much for brining it into our lives and I will happily go back, and re-read this as well.


Author's Response: Thank you so much for sticking with me! This story has been a labor of...something...and ignored and picked up more times than I can count thus, it was always nice to know that, even though you mgiht not show up the day it was posted, I had a loyal reviewer out there who would come back and read it anyway :)

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