that was good. i loved this side of sirius and i soft side of regulus. it was brilliant! Report Review
This is really well written Report Review
I love this. It was beautifully written. I loved how close Sirius and Regulus were and how Regulus always looked up to Sirius.
The poem was beautiful too. It tied the whole story together. Great job!Author's Response: Thank you. Glad that you enjoyed this despite the unusual style. Report Review
This is a fast-paced story.
Its nice to read.Author's Response: Thank you. Great that you think so. Thanks for the review. :) Report Review
Aw, Nutty, you gave me a Regulus fic to read! I love Regulus! Haha, I have to admit that it wasn't until I saw Gryffindor in the poem that I realized you wrote it! At first, I was like, this poem is insanely appropriate, I wonder where she found it! Especially the first two stanzas, where it was about brothers and stars, and it just screamed the relationship between Sirius and Regulus. I really loved how the poem pushed the story along throughout the whole thing. It made up for the lack of descriptions, and it filled in the gaps between the dialogue. This was definitely something new for me - the complete lack of descriptions. Haha, it's almost like losing a favorite blanket that you feel safe in. You really do love experimenting with different styles huh? I can't tell you how much I envy you for being able to control your writing and not letting it control you. My english teacher always said that was the sign of a true writer, lol. If anything, this piece was just striking.
I love to read about the relationship between Regulus and Sirius, and sadly, with most fics, the authors has Sirius completely abandoning Regulus and Regulus hating his brother. I abhor it when I see that; I always believed strongly that they loved each other no matter what happened in the end, and that Regulus was busy trying not to lose Sirius while pleasing his family. It must have been so hard for the poor guy, and you really showed that through your dialogue, especially at the end, when Voldemort orders Regulus to kill Sirius, and he sacrifices himself as a final defiance that was so courageous. If I hadn't read DH, I would have believed this to be the true way things had happened. It's so fitting, and it would have been sad that Sirius would have never known about his sacrifice.
I love the moments of confusion and helplessness in Regulus that showed through his conversations with Sirius, how he never truly understood Sirius's way of seeing things, and he tried so hard. And that bit of conflict you put in with James - being such a big James fan, I have to admit that it did hurt a bit, seeing it this way, haha, seeing how in a way, he did take Sirius away from Regulus. You captured the tainted thoughts of Regulus's point of view so well! It was almost unbearable to see him so hurt over what seemed to be Sirius's betrayal in choosing James over him. And in the end, Sirius still loved him and recognized his courage. Regulusβ¦ *starts bawling*
The only thing I would have liked to see is maybe an attempt at conversation and reconciliation between Regulus and Sirius after Hogwarts when they went their separate ways, maybe with Sirius trying to persuade Regulus to give up their family's way one final time. I think it would have added another degree of depth to the story. But besides thatβ¦ you never cease to amaze me. Time for me to add another person to my favorite author's list :)Author's Response: *L* you're right I'm the type who likes to experiment. With all the emphasis given on descriptions just wanted to try one without the descriptions. I even tried one without dialogues between characters ... now that's strange *lol*
:) I like James as well ... but figured given Regulus's POV he'd be seen in a different light. You're right about that added depth. I'll keep that in mind when I'm in a rhyming mood so I can edit this. :)
Thanks again for another great review. :) Report Review
The poetry really helped the story work, it was really good.Author's Response: Thank you. Appreciate your review and your saying that the poem works :) Report Review
Oh gosh, I really enjoyed reading this! Regulus is one of my favorite characters and I loved the way it was all dialogue. Brilliant work!Author's Response: Thank you. Being that you like this and that he's your fav character means a whole lot. Thaks for reviewing :) Report Review
Good chapter. It gives us insight into the friendship that they shared till death. I liked it.Author's Response: Thank you. Appreciate your review :) Report Review
I really liked this one. I think that you really got Sirius character, and that you were able to show the emotion better. I also loved the lyrics. Nicely done. 8/10Author's Response: Thanks. Good to know that Sirius was capture well and that the poem worked. Appreciate your review :) Report Review
I loved the poem and the story, but there's absolutely no description. It was hard to get into since I was unable to picture myself in the story. The whole fic was dialogue. Adding description would help tremendously. There are also quite a few grammar and spelling errors that you may want to look into.
Best of luck,
CarrieAuthor's Response: Thanks for the honest review. Actually the omission of description was intentional. This is a style I was experimenting on ... figured it'll place the poem in the forefront and allow it to push the story forward - give everything a more surreal dramatic feel.
I'll go check on the story again for typos and the likes. Thanks. Report Review
Wow, I loved the ending! I also enjoyed your take on Sirius and Regulus's relationship. It was much more real than many people make him out to be. Most of the stories I've read don't show this side of him, the side that loves and cares about his brother. At the end though I don't think it was necessary to write 'Epilouge'. It was easy to understand anyways.
Keep writing, MyaAuthor's Response: Thanks. Really appreciate your feedback. I'm glad you liked this depiction of their relationship.
I guess the epilogue was just to emphasize the Heart of a Lion in relation to his name... :) Thank you again for your review. Report Review
That was really cool. I have never read anything like this, and it worked. You got your point across. Um, I personaily think that it was funny that they used the house to harbor Death Eaters and that sent Sirius away, and then the order. Anyhoo, great job:)Author's Response: Ironic isn't it?
Thanks for reviewing. Really appreciate this. Report Review
I loved this. It was awesome. I can't exactly say well written, 'cause it is conversations, but you wrote that very well! :D :D Keep it up, I'm off to your other story. 10/10
~VeraAuthor's Response: Thanks :) I know it's not exactly what I'd call a story ... I don't know what it is *L* Report Review
... ... ... That's me being speechless. This was absolutely amazing. The poetry wasn't cheezy are poorly rhymed. It was all incredibly gorgeous and well written. I don't have a single bad thing, or constructive criticism, to say about it. Beautiful work.Author's Response: Thanks for saying the reviewers like yourself on this site had been a great help in assisting me to continuously revise it :) Report Review
This is a wonderful story. It really captures Regulus, shows who he really is. The poetry and dialogue was wonderful, I don't think I've ever read a story like this before. Great job!Author's Response: Thank you. Regulus just seemed so tragic ... I appreciate this review :) Report Review
Technical stuff first:
You had never cower
Should be "You had never cowered."
or, if for the sake of rhyming, "You never did cower."
Why youβve suddenly closed the door
Should be, "Why you suddenly closed your door." The have is unnecessary.
He turned you against the our family
the or our? Please decide, dear...:D
For what I had became
Should be, "For what I had become."
or, for the sake of rhyming, "For what I became."
I didnβt know what Iβm getting into,
Should be, what I was getting into.
You have a few run-ons and mixed-up tenses that could be easily cured by a beta.
Sorry for the terribly detailed suggestions. Couldn't help it...
On to the commentary:
Actually could not believe you did it again. You're a real poet so go you!
Loved your portrayal of Regulus Black.. It made me like him.. I hated James and felt kind of sorry and kind of mad at Sirius.
It was nice and beautifully written. Especially the ending. Almost made me cry..
And, yes, poetry does its job credibly..
9/10 for all the technicalities...
Author's Response: Thank you for all those corrections. I'm really bad at self-betaing ... but I'll look into this fic again and try to beta it.
Great to know that the this style of poetry and dialogues showed just as well as descriptions the emotions and thoughts that runs through Regulus' head as his brother drifted away from his and the rest of his family.
Thanks again for that great CC. This is the 2nd fic you've helped me revise and improved. Report Review
Ah a Regulus fic ^^ Since Regulus has become one of my favourite characters I was very pleased to get this one to be reviewed and even more pleased to after I read it.
I think you have captured Regulus very well as a character, especially his conflicted relationship with her mother and brother and how he was balancing between those two very stron personalities. It was lovely to read a story where Sirius and Regulus actually have a very warm relationship when they were children, just too bad that didn't last, eh?
The pieces of poetry hidden in the story were great! I think it gave the whole story an extra dimension, something for the mind to chew on.
All in all, great job I really enjoyed reading this!Author's Response: Never thought of it that way ... Regulus must have had a hell of a time with Sirius and Walburga.
It's always sad when brothers drifts apart but Sirius played a part of that as well as his family. Being that they grew up together I'd think Regulus and Sirius would had been close and maybe Regulus would not had been happy when Sirius started to see James Potter as his brother instead of his real brother.
Thanks for the great review and looking forward to seeing where you'll take your Regulus fic. Report Review
Oh, beautiful, and such a new technique. Its gorgeous.Author's Response: Thank you. I'm glad you liked it. Report Review
That last line made me shiver.
Beautiful combination of the poetry and dialogue and to hear from Regulas' perspective with things like Lily and Sirius and Peter's betrayal. Really excellent.
Congrats.Author's Response: Thanks. :) Report Review
Aw, that was more than precious! I absolutely loved that you had to take who was talking from the dialogue, and that the time was shifted by proses and whatnot. This has to be one of my favorite Sirius and Regulus fics, if not the best.
However, there were several punctuation and capitalization errors, and spots where you neglected to put an end punctuation mark. While it doesn't really take away from the story, it would be wise to go through this again and recheck everything.
Like I said, it's a favorite of mine now, and is for sure going on the list! Thanks so much for writing it out!Author's Response: Thanks. Punctuations has always been a weakness of mine. Hopefully I've improved by now. Report Review
Great story! Author's Response: Thanks :) Report Review
Wow...i'm speechless. That was beautifully written! It's a very interesting perspective from Regelus' point of view...beautiful, simply beautiful...Author's Response: Thank you I'm glad you liked this style and the interpretation of Regulus. ^_^ Report Review
This is great. I've always been interested in Regulus (long before HBP, I might add) and this, IMO, Iis my favorite portrayal of him. I liked the poetry, and I liked how you portrayed his death, thoughts on James, and how it was he who brought Wormtail to Voldy's service. I think this was brilliant, and it's going on my faves.Author's Response: Thanks for the review and adding this to your favs .. uhh... what's IMO? ... Regulus has always been interesting - I'm glad HBP made plenty of people pay a bit more attention to this character. ^_^ Report Review
Beautifully written. You effectively used poetry as a powerful tool.Author's Response: Thank you. Nice to hear that. ^_^ Report Review
Very good! all I can say, two words. Oh no I can do better V.G two letters HahahahaAuthor's Response: T.Y. ^_^ as in Thank you ^_^ Report Review
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