28 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Alex W Observations and apparations

25th August 2005:
P.S. Dumbledore's Legilimency reveals that she truly loves Harry. Kudos to Draco for standing up to his father, but I think he only has a physical connection with her... I mean, he has to use "Potty's" appearance (pathetic)

Author's Response: He just wanted to do whatever he could.

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Review #2, by Alex W Observations and apparations

25th August 2005:
No offense to Draco lovers, but I thought this was a fic for Harry (according to summary: characters)

Author's Response: If you read on in the summary it says that when Harry wasn't the one she found will love begin between a most unlikely pair? But thanks for the review.

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Review #3, by mystical666 Observations and apparations

30th July 2005:
ooooooo, HOW COULD SHE?!?!?!?! I'm sorry but that is so gr8, i love this chapter, update real soon, i wanna see how it ends. Lu xxxx

Author's Response: I know I got so much better at details.

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Review #4, by mystical666 A Meeting That Changed Everything

30th July 2005:
if i was lary rite then, i wud have ignored th ebloody doorbell. Ok, good chappy, but tht little spat with lusious, was a lil mental. it was like, o, watr u doing here dad, oh nothing, just trying to kill you're girlfriend, well too bad, o, ill go then, ok, goodbye. Ok, now tht may have seemed a il wierd, but tht was wat it was like for me. ok, just ignore that and continue, im confused.........

Author's Response: Sorry about the confusion. I had to wait a bit before I could finish and I forgot what I was going to write. *growls at brother* He kicked me off in the middle of the story.

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Review #5, by mystical666 The Good Old Days

30th July 2005:
ok, now after that chapter, alot of what happned makes alot more sense ot me now, so thanks. I think this is really good, but i can't help but think......if she did love him, thne y did she turn him down all those times and then think she loved harry, im confused........but o welol, this story ROX

Author's Response: She had to turn him down because of his father. She didn't want to put her family at risk for her love life.

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Review #6, by mystical666 The photoshoot

30th July 2005:
LOL, OK NO IDEA WHAT JUST HAPPENED THERE. you kinda need to ecplain why they just randomly had a photo shoot, like, you could sya she gets pocket money from modeling, although that is a totally kik ass idea and i love it. And then randomly why it's beenbedtime about five times or the nite went by in and hour as well as they whole day, makes not alot of sense to me.........but i really like where you are going with this, so keep going!!!!!

Author's Response: I explained that in the next chapter.

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Review #7, by mystical666 What??!!

30th July 2005:
OK, still with the sudden springing of info here. You need to take you're time and explain each thing carefully, why was she about ot jump to her death, and why did draco like her so much and why. But it rox so hard so far, and i really want to see how it all turns out os im going to end this review NOW

Author's Response: I didn't know what to do. I am writing without a plot so I had to add something weird to keep up interest.

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Review #8, by mystical666 Where am I?

30th July 2005:
oooooo, that was fun. other things to improve upon: woah, that was very suddenly sprung upon us, and u shud put more detail into each event, like tell us wat they was talking about, or maybe wat Harry was saying to his friends. Details make a story, without , it boring. gr8 so far, NEXT CHAPPY

Author's Response: I had to rewrite it quickly because my computer crashed on me earsing the story. Sorry about that.

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Review #9, by mystical666 Meeting Laryandra

30th July 2005:
hey you, this looks really good and i can't wait to get to the next chapter, however, the writing is a little difficult and arduous to read as its all in one big clump, and i found that i caouldn't imagine wat Laryandra looked like, or ayone elses, as there was no decription of her, but its gr8 so far, NEXT CHAPPY

Author's Response: I am going to fix that soon. Thanks for reviewing.

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Review #10, by jaife Observations and apparations

27th July 2005:
good story... a bit confused but still good!

Author's Response: thankies!!

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Review #11, by loving_london Observations and apparations

25th July 2005:
Your story is really good, I can't wait until the next chapter. I hope you get it out soon.

Author's Response: Thank oyu!!!

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Review #12, by sophia Where am I?

23rd July 2005:
niceee.. yet sorta confusing. by the summary it sounds like shes gonna end up with harry thouu, but keep writing. <3

Author's Response: Okay. Thanks I think

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Review #13, by ... Observations and apparations

23rd July 2005:
wow... yay u updated! hope the next one is also good!

Author's Response: Your my first review for this chapter! I'm glad you liked it. I finished it when I was driving up from Florida.

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Review #14, by me A Meeting That Changed Everything

25th June 2005:
good stories,

Author's Response: thanks

Author's Response: next one should be out soon

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Review #15, by xXxTormentedxSoulxXx A Meeting That Changed Everything

24th June 2005:
Once again you have SURPRISED me I would have never imaging draco's father... lary is a lucky girl... getting to kiss draco.... O I must say while i was reading found some spelling mistakes not major onces just simple ones that are quite easly mistaken.... I must say I'm hooked on your story.... I have a new chapter out of my own story.... Lots of love and can't wait till the next one...

Author's Response: Hey I know you! LOL just kidding. Yeah I started writing and then I was like, well actually they won't expect this so I added it. I am getting better and can't wait for the next one myself. Don't know what it will be like for the whole Draco/Lary thing.

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Review #16, by IceAngel13 The Good Old Days

12th June 2005:
OMG! OMG! OMG!!!!! That was the best chapter yet! Simply fabulas, I'm glad that you explained everything and you caught my intrest! Great Job! I understand everything a lot better now and it makes a hole lot more sence and Draco is back in cannon! Keep up the good work! P.S. your story is offically added to my favorites!

Author's Response: YAY! I'm so happy you lliked it!

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Review #17, by xXxTormentedxSoulxXx The photoshoot

6th June 2005:
Ok i'm a little confused what where the photos for? and i do think draco is out of character i mean sure he can be sweet but more then likely he'll be cold hiding his true emotions because thats how he was raised and about him loving her i mean sure people can love but even the most of loving people need time to get there love doesn't just spring in2 life in a matter of seconds i mean some believe on love at first sight but even then you can't be truly sure it's love it could be lust well all I'm saying is how did he get to the point that he now believes he's in love with laryandra? another thing would be that your rushing a bit and not explaing the story enough which will confuse the readers and then they'll stop reading so explain a bit more after all once you begin a story it's like your beginning a new life you know and life is slow at times LOL well i hope i didn't confuse you more and keep up the great work

Author's Response: Thanks for the tips. Sorry about the confusion.

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Review #18, by xXxTormentedxSoulxXx What??!!

6th June 2005:
whoa i saw it coming but still LOL this is getting good I am now a loyal reader of yours!

Author's Response: Thanx.

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Review #19, by xXxTormentedxSoulxXx Where am I?

6th June 2005:
whoa yea i think its going a litte to fast might want to slow it down a bit hehe and you might want to stop using he and she in the beginning of the sentences so much and more detail

Author's Response: HeHe. Sorry about that. I don't have a lot of time to write so I end up cutting out detail.

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Review #20, by xXxTormentedxSoulxXx Meeting Laryandra

6th June 2005:
hey i finally got an account LOL i'm likeing ti so far but yea breaking up the paragraphs would be better and your doing well for your age so keep it up and i'll keep reading ~*~your princess~*~

Author's Response: Hey it's Mel. Wow took me long to find that out. Responding to this one last so I was confizzeled.

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Review #21, by IceAngel13 The photoshoot

30th May 2005:
Ok, I have some constructive critism for you. First off, I think Draco's out of character in this story. I highly doubt that he would willingly be a male model in a photoshoot, or randomly dance with someone, yes, I know he's in love with her. That's another thing that I wanted to say something about. You might want to explain the process of Draco falling in love with her, in the story it just seems like a random kinda thing. Also, I don't think that Draco would automatically come out and tell someone that he loved them, remember the way he was brought up, taught that love was a weakness. One more thing is that it is kinda choppy, so you might want to smooth it out. I mean, it goes from them talking, to a photoshoot, to dancing. It just seems kinda rushed. You might want to include some down time, all good stories have some down time included. Another thing you might want to do is explain things better. Why is Laryandra doing a photo shoot, what is it for? these are a few questions that you might want to answer in your story. You might already know the answers, but remember that the reader is clueless when they read the story. No matter how much of a pain it might be, you have to explain everything. It's one of the most annoying and slow going things about being an author, but the readers will appretiate it. Also remember that your character is a living breathing person and that your pen is it's oxygen~ that's something that I read in the writer's resorces and loved. It's a good thing to keep in mind when your writing your story, that your character is a nomal breathing person with a normal life (other than the fact that she's a witch). you have to keep some reality in your story (this comes from the photographer comming into her house, which I am still thourally confused about). So that's basically it, and don't just answer these questions in the responce, but answer them in your next chapter, so that the other readers can understand what's going on too. Sorry if I offended you, I only want to help.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the advice. I will get to that whne I write the next chapter. I will have to hold off for a bit due to some problems at home so for those of you who are awaiting the next chapter please look for it next weekend at least. My birthday is next week. Yey!

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Review #22, by Jessica (No user on hpfanfic) Meeting Laryandra

20th May 2005:
Listen, first of all, not breaking up paragraphs does not make your story seem longer. You really should consider using more detail. Try again later, hun.

Author's Response: I started breaking up the paragraphs in the other chapters. Take a look

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Review #23, by GOD What??!!

13th May 2005:
MAKE MORE OR ILL SMITE THEE!

Author's Response: Sorry chapter 4 is in limbo right now. So I am happy that you liked the story.

Author's Response: Chapter 4 was rejected but I have another one in limbo.

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Review #24, by emmieB What??!!

12th May 2005:
Ii it true your only 11? You right so well for an 11 year old! And good for you for taking the advice and putting paragraphs in, it makes it so much easier to read! It's great your able to take constuctive critism and build on it! Ok then... I liked the twist with Draco, the plot is a little rushed and a little short, but saying that you can write well and have some great ideas in there! You'll find that as you get older, your wriitng will improve, but I must say,your spelling and grammar are really good, lol! I wish I was that good when I was 11! A tip, write about what you know about, write about the emotions you feel! If you do this characters and stories jump to life! Oh, and I think your descriptive skills are very good! So keep on writing and more impotantly enjoying your writing!

emmie

Author's Response: Thank you so much. I am happy that you enjoy my story.

Author's Response: I feel special cause EmmieB reviewed.

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Review #25, by IceAngel13 What??!!

9th May 2005:
What the <<tag not allowed="red">tag not allowed="red">censored? ... (sorry for the language) sorry, I didn't mean that as an insult, just in shock. That was an interesting twist, I must admit. I didn't expect it to be Draco at all. That expains the last chapter, somewhat. I liked the chapter. Try and make the chapter longer next time.

Author's Response: Okay I will. I told you it would get interesting.

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