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4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Felpata Lupin 

22nd July 2017:
Here I am again! I thought I would profit and just go on reading. :P

I remember reading the first part ages ago, when you were writing it, in one of our Skype writing dates... I so miss them... anyway...

First of all, your description was great, as always. The sultry afternoon, Petunia painting her nails, McGonagall's appearence... also, I love that you sort of created a parallel between the weather and the narration, the growing tension between the two sister and the sense of suspension before the storm explodes.

By the way, the argument was just so sad... especially because they both just said right the things that would hurt the other more without meaning it. That's just how bad arguments go, isn't it? Wrong words and misunderstandings. But it really looks like the beginning of the end and it is so sad to see. I felt so bad for Tuney here...

Another great chapter! I really love this story!

Love you, my dear!

Chiara

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Review #2, by TidalDragon 

3rd August 2016:
Howdy Renee! Because I am horrible, it has taken me...-frowns more deeply- over a month to get here. I'm REALLY sorry (especially since I know you were working on it for Camp) and if there's anything else you want reviewed, PM me and I'll do so ASAP.

As for your story itself, I think this is a really interesting concept. Petunia is an easy character to demonize - heck, I make her pretty mean and petty in my story - but it's later on and so I think it's really interesting to explore the nuance of the relationship from the earliest days on through to the end.

I know one thing you had expressed concern about is the consistency of Petunia's characterization throughout this chapter and I will say that on my first read-through, I really didn't pick up on anything that stood out to me negatively in that respect. I actually found it refreshing that there's a bit of oscillation in Petunia's thoughts and feelings about her relationship with Lily at this point. Though I don't have any siblings you seem to hit the classic touchstones of that relationship with the positive side of spending time together and shared activities, the dueling parent-child dynamics as perceived by Petunia, and the desire for independence that can come about naturally. I thought it was really helpful in fact to have laid that out at this point in their lives PRIOR to addressing the Hogwarts issue because it lays the foundation of a natural sibling relationship first, and THEN introduces the complication that really sends things over the edge.

In terms of other aspects of the story, I thought you did a good job with the dialogue of kids at Petunia and Lily's ages. Too many times (even in canon, honestly) kids are portrayed as having a clarity of speech and thought that are unnaturally advanced and instead, you made the interactions and accompanying speech both simpler and more impulsive and emotionally-tied than adults which made everything seem much more authentic.

Finally, perhaps my favorite part of the chapter was the end, where you turned around the dynamic of Petunia calling Lily a "freak" with Lily planting the seed that Petunia thinks she's odd and undesirable as a result of being a witch - something that I'm sure Petunia will later pick up on and in a way, the fact that Lily introduced the idea in the story makes the insult more cutting I think.

If I had any CC, which I really don't, it's that occasionally, when we see the breaks in dialogue that provide an opportunity to hear Petunia's thoughts, they are accompanied at times by an action, or description of Petunia that feels unnecessary. For example "Petunia didn't respond" is something that speaks for itself if you just insert Petunia's thoughts and have Lily speak again thereafter.

All in all though, I enjoyed the story and think it's a good and brave thing to take on that the fandom needs still more of.

Author's Response: Kevin, hi!! I had completely forgotten I requested this review, so this was a wonderful surprise!

I remember from past reviews that you don't shy away from CC (one of the reasons I requested from you!), so I'm flattered that you didn't have too much of it. I think I mentioned in my request that I struggled with this chapter for a long time. Simply knowing you don't think it's terrible is a relief!

"Petunia is an easy character to demonize"
--> this is so true! I have other stories where I demonize her, too. I think JKR was a bit cruel with her in canon. As you've seen in this chapter, I think her life was quite difficult in some ways, but she doesn't get any credit for that.

"I actually found it refreshing that there's a bit of oscillation in Petunia's thoughts and feelings"
--> I often ponder the dilemma between character consistency and the reality that people are not always consistent. I'm glad this came across in a way that, from what I gather, didn't feel unnatural.

This was a very helpful and reassuring review, thank you so much! And don't worry at all about the delay... you should see how behind I am with MY review thread! (EEEK!)

Thanks again! :)
Renee


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Review #3, by MrsJaydeMalfoy 

26th June 2016:
What's this about a new chapter? And Aww man! Kristin beat me to the first review! :( *Raises eyebrow at Kristin*

Okay, enough rambling: once again, I LOVED this, as I knew I would. As soon as Petunia mentioned Lily being 11, I just KNEW it was going to be THIS chapter, where they find out about Hogwarts, and I was really excited to read it. And, once again, you have blown me away with your description, and the little details you include about Lily and Petunia's relationship and their feelings.


I loved your description of Lily's excitement and her automatically knowing why Minerva was there, and then the way Minerva smiled about it. I could easily see those things happening because you described them so well, and because you've made this so realistic.

The seeds of this argument have been growing for quite a while, just because Petunia is the older sister who's easily annoyed by Lily's actions, and then here we got to see just how things would have escalated once they found out (for sure) about Lily being a witch and heading off to Hogwarts. Here, you've got the beginnings of the whole 'weirdo'-type namecalling from Petunia, but you've explained it in a way that shows Petunia didn't mean it that way and in doing so you've made her much more relatable and likeable as well. It'll be interesting to see how the argument / divide between the girls progresses from here - and I'm sure it'll be heartbreaking as well. :(

Petunia thinking about Lily being off in a castle was a nice touch, too - it helped remind me of her thoughts and hopes from earlier chapters, and it's already helping me to see how jealousy's going to be a factor here, as well.

Anyway, this is another WONDERFULLY written, VERY descriptive and emotional chapter that I enjoyed very, VERY much! I'm so happy I finally got to read more of this and I can't wait for you to update!

Well done, lovely!

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Review #4, by marauderfan 

25th June 2016:
Renee! I read the first five chapters of this ages ago and I could have sworn I'd reviewed this before, but it look like I didn't! I'm so sorry. I am the worst. So I'm going to make up for that now!

First here is me gushing about the story as a whole. I love this. Your portrayal of Petunia and Lily is so adorable, so touching, and so realistic. Petunia as a child is not always nice, but I can really understand her. Maybe because I'm an older sibling myself, but all the moments when Petunia is jealous of Lily being so doted on and the golden child of the family - I could relate to Petunia. And what I especially love about the way you write their relationship - of course they fight, and they're jealous of one another sometimes and try to look cool in front of their friends and don't always get along, but at the end of the day, they are sisters and they care about each other. I loved the chapter where they're on their pretend boat, it was adorable. I just love the realism of the way you portray these two characters, and the sweet sisterly moments between them are even more special knowing how it all turns out later.

Which makes this chapter so much sadder. It felt like a long string of misunderstandings, and reading this chapter I just felt like it didn't have to be the way it was! Even after all that's happened, Lily is excited to tell Petunia her thoughts about Hogwarts and says she'll miss her sister, and Petunia backs Lily up in that scene when Lily's parents find out about magic. Until the last section of the chapter, it didn't feel like she thought Lily was a freak, just that she was sad to be left out of all the excitement, and annoyed that Lily could share that excitement instead with Snape, whom Petunia hates.

And then they fight, just as Lily's about to leave for months, which means they leave on a bad note, and then you have that ominous ending line about a storm coming. You've had all sorts of symbolism in the story so far that I really love - they used to sit through the storms together, and Petunia was afraid of storms (which is so appropriate, because here you have storms symbolizing conflict, and Petunia totally demonstrates this aversion to conflicts several times - not thinking about Snape's background, covering for Lily at the slumber party... it's all there and I can tell how much thought you put into it - it's fantastic. Anyway, before I got sidetracked talking about your excellent symbolism, I wanted to point out that the end of this chapter made me sad, because it really feels like the point where they stop being friends :(

on the topic of less sad things:

Shed been on the phone arguing with Susie, and his lecture interrupted her phone call. It was totally embarrassing. -- haha this is classic! Daaad, stop embarrassing me in front of my frieeends! this line made me laugh.

And I loved the appearance of McGonagall arriving to explain about magic. Everything about that scene was wonderful :D

this was such a great chapter, a wonderful story overall, and of course that a/n about you having a backlog of finished chapters makes me very happy as well.

now go summarize your research article. :P



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