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1 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Gail Welin 

30th November 2015:
Hi Marshal, it's me again! ♥

I love your story and I was really looking forward to this moment in the plot! I have a few thoughts regarding the characterisation in that chapter, if you don't mind :)

Take James for example; he just found out Voldemort is dead and that means he can go back to his wife and son, in his own body, to live happily ever after! This is the news he had been waiting to hear! His reaction may be too polite considering the extreme excitement he would feel, even Remus would be overjoyed (writing that pinches my heart since he died like that; I still can't get over how much I love this body-swap twist) and saying "it's great" sounds maybe dismissing.
I love the way he finds out his son is alive - that's genius and heart-breaking at the same time. ♥
A little CC concerning the toast: To Harry! is vague, they could be toasting for a one of their buddies named Harry if they're having a party in his name; you should mention his last name :p

I think you should mention why Dumbledore's message is so cold (I'm assuming it's to not blow the cover) and also that him saying he has "some very grave new[s]" does not necessarily evoke the terrible or even dreaded fact that Lily is dead and that James thinks that already is hinted with "he dared not to think what he knew this meant." Also, the way Dumbledore delivers the news it too blunt for the usual Dumbledore. Instead of saying Dead, Im afraid, which sounds too light-hearted, I think he would feel empathy towards his loss and say "I'm sorry" (the "there was nothing we could do" kind) or something along those lines. :) Considering his words and the entire way he treats the situation, I'm very glad that James made him bleed! :D

The five stages of grief start with denial, then anger then comes bargaining and depression and finally, acceptance. Of course, not everybody react the same way and it's impossible to put a stamp on grief.
Here, I feel like James skipped openly grieving Lily or even stopped to think "what went wrong with the plan?" and ask what broke the Charm and what happened to Sirius - he skipped it all to focus on Harry. Which I love considering his paternal instinct and how much more it hurts when Dumbledore tells him he has to live on as Remus and let Harry live with the Dursleys.

I really love the painfully twisted direction this story is headed towards. I am re-thinking all I know about Remus and every time I think "wow, imagine that's actually James speaking", I feel even sadder for him and Harry. And then I think of Tonks and Teddy and hope Harry never finds out :o (but what a turn of even that'd be, I'd read that!!)
I feel even sadder already for James, considering the guilt he will have to live on with the guilt of knowing Remus died in his place. Seriously, your plot is a very heart-wrenching one. ♥

*Gee

PS: I'm sorry I rambled on for so long when you didn't even ask me too, I might have gotten carried away and over-thought a few things or two ^^'

Author's Response: Gee,

You are free to ramble as much as you like in your reviews for me. Ramble as much or as little as you care to. I'm just glad to hear that you are enjoying the story!

Yeah, the emotions and yet keeping James where he needed to be were difficult to juggle so I'll look at things eventually and see what tweaks can be made. you are right on the toast I should add a Potter at the end. I didn't even think of that clearly! Nice catch.

As to Dumbledore, I think I might have been channeling my Dumbldore is technically a jerk vibes in this chapter more than I should have. Also I think he was trying to be gentle but quick with things. Sort of like a adhesive bandage. You don't want to take it off slow but a tearing jerk can be almost as painful and he was trying to go for that in between be soothing and yet slap him in the face with the truth.

As for Tonks and Teddy the idea for this story originally hatched before we knew about them so I don't know if I'll be going as far as telling that story with James or not, I have considered it but we'll see what my muse decides once we get through this book. I still have much of the story to go. (I've only written up to a third of POA with this story.)

Anyway thanks for the lovely review as always Gee!


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