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8 Reviews Found

Review #1, by melian 

4th April 2017:
Hi! Here for a CTF review!

Well. This was intense. I admit I didn't read the first chapter and so it took a little bit of time to figure out what was happening, but I got there in the end. Must be something, becoming a werewolf, mustn't it? I confess that things like the heightened sense of smell had never really occurred to me, but then again I can't say I've ever given much thought to what it must be like to actually become the wolf. This is probably because I"ve never written a fic that has required that, but that's my loss, by the looks of things. It makes sense, given the lupine nature of the beast you become, that you would become more sensitive to things like smell, but having it spelled out like this really made me think.

And Rhea. An original character, I expect, but a good one. There would have to be a second in command in the werewolf ranks, wouldn't there? After all, Greyback isn't infallible, as we learned in the Battle of Hogwarts. So someone like Rhea would have to exist, but again, I'd never thought much about it. YOu clearly have. She's an interesting character, and I can tell you've given her a lot of thought, even from that small taste you've given us. And that ultimatum! Heavens. I don't blame James for baulking at it, but I can totally see where she's coming from. No killing? Fine. Just bite someone. So easy for someone like her or Fenrir; so impossible for someone like James or Remus. And so perfect for this chapter.

This is really intriguing. Once CTF is over you might well see me back again to see where it leads. :)

cheers Mel

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Review #2, by nott theodore 

4th April 2017:
CTF Review

Hi again! I'm really glad that I got to come back to this story since your first chapter was so intriguing, and such a unique idea! I think part of me thought that after the first chapter we'd continue to follow Remus in James's body, but you've surprised me again and we're doing the opposite.

Actually, I think this is a brilliant way for us to understand the full impact of what Remus has had to suffer through during the war in his role to try and convert more people to the Order's side - and it's even worse to think he'll have to do it again in the second war. But because James knows most of what goes on with the werewolves and transformations and everything, I think it had even more impact to see him struggling here. I liked the details about the heightened senses that he noticed, but also the worse side - the desires that the human part of him wants to completely suppress and is disgusted by. Even after all these years as Remus's friend,he's only really starting to understand now.

I thought you did a fantastic job of mounting the tension in this chapter. Even though James knows what Remus has been doing and has the sense to try and get by on it, he's kind of an impostor being an impostor, and that's quite a dangerous place to be in. When the message came that Rhea wanted to see him, I started to get worried, and you did a great job of increasing that worry throughout.

Ugh, the end of the chapter though! (What he's asked to do, not your writing!) I want to say I can't believe they would ask Remus to do that, but I fully believe these werewolves are capable of it - and now I'm worried about what's going to happen, and what James/Remus are going to be forced to do, and the danger that they're in...

Sian :)

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Review #3, by Gabriella Hunter 

29th May 2016:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie from the Twitter land here with your review and stuff! I was so bored today and I'm so happy that you were cool with me stopping by and everything,

I was so curious about what had happened to James since the last chapter! I totally remember everything from the last time I read this and I have to say that your writing is once again just so lovely.

I love how gritty and realistic you paint the world that Remus has to live in. He is constantly reminded of how much of an "other" he is and can't even find peace in a moment of rest. I think the idea of him living in a hovel, surrounded by werewolves and still being left out is just really powerful.

I get a really good sense of not only Remus but how his relationship with James and the others has shaped him. I honestly liked this version of James here too, he's very compassionate and he's showing remorse for not taking Remus's pain so seriously in the past.

I don't know how Remus would be able to do, it personally but I loved that James was overwhelmed by it all. He's usually such a confident person and I liked seeing him stumble and being unsure of himself. The bombardment of senses and the uncomfortable realization that he's not in his own skin was really powerful to me.

But I'm nervous about that ending! Rhea sounds like a terrible person but I LOVED the introduction to her. She came to my mind like an old, cunning queen and although she doesn't give off the vibe that she's dangerous right away, you can tell that she has her moments too.

But what is James going to do now? He's basically torn between his job and moving forward but he has to kill someone at least to get the information they need! I don't like that all! :o

I'm curious to see if we're going to meet Fenrir later on too. I get chills just from the mention of his name and I'm leery of Gigsby too, I hope James doesn't trust him much.

Hmmm.

Anyway, great chapter! I shall be back!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review Gabbie! I am glad you like the added charters and how I am presenting things for everyone. A lot of this has been clear in my head for years and honestly the results of the Rhea encounter won't be fully explored until much later in the story.

Again glad you enjoyed and I will look forward to when you return to the story!


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Review #4, by Rumpelstiltskin 

12th February 2016:
Hey Marshal, I'm here with the second of your reviews that you won for the "Guess the Present Graphics" Challenge :).

You are doing an absolutely spectacular job with James and the position he's in. The amount of empathy he's building for Remus -- given being able to feel the pain and fatigue that Remus is constantly struggling with, not to mention dealing with the nightmares, the living situation, and the people he has to be around -- is spot on, in my opinion.

As a character, I think it also assists in James' development once he's finally able to understand what exactly has been happening with Remus ("
For the first time, he began to realize that while he and Sirius had made a game of things, it wasn’t as much of one for Remus as they thought.") What kills me though is the foreshadowing in that same paragraph, where James wants to apologize to Remus when he sees him again (and then later, when he wants to speak to Remus about his living situation). I'm getting the sneaking suspicion that James will never actually see Remus again... *Sigh* I'm also getting the suspicion that this story will eventually result in tears (for me).

It's also drawing in the reader's empathy, which as great feat.

I like the idea of the hierarchy within the werewolf society. It reminds me of the natural order of things in a wolf pack and, given Fenrir's stance on his purpose and power behind being a werewolf, it's no surprise that he and his followers would adhere to this instinctual want/need for a hierarchy.

Rhea is an awesome character. I mean, I hate her, obviously, she's a villain, but she's a villain done right. She has this sort of sensually quiet evil to her and it makes her *terrifying*. It's no wonder why she's second-in-command.

I hate the awful predicament that James has been placed in, too. He has to now live in fear of Fenrir's wrath (and God knows what he'll do) or appease him/Rhea by turning a child (or someone). Obviously Remus wouldn't do it, and neither would James. It's just an awful predicament.

And that was quite a suspenseful hook into the next chapter! I wonder what'll happen...

Lovely chapter!

-Rumpel

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Review #5, by long_live_luna_bellatrix 

8th February 2016:
I love the amount of thought you put into the differences of perception between Remus and James. Remus' heightened senses seem like a natural thing to choose to mention, and it's really interesting to see James grapple with it. The part about his dreams was also fascinating. It feels like you've thought of it all, down to every moment of Remus' existence!

I'd be really curious for more of a description of the hovel Remus and now James lives in. Of course from James' horror, I can tell how derelict it is, but I still had some trouble fully visualizing it. Is it a literal shack, with walls and roof and door? Is it some kind of tent? A mattress under an overhang? I suppose all we know of it know is abstract concepts-- how horrible, unlivable, etc. it is-- but I'd something like a little more concrete, if that makes sense. It doesn't need to be a lot, because obviously it's just one moment in the chapter, but you can never go wrong with specific details.

One other question-- early in the chapter, you mention that it's odd for Remus to have a place of his own and that the other werewolves roam freely. Yet later James goes to a place that is clearly Rhea's home. Would you be able to clarify a little what you meant by Remus' "different" habits? What does it mean to have a home base versus to roam around?

I love that you jumped right into a tense situation in this chapter and put James on the spot. It's so awful to see him grappling with this request, all the more awful because he has to act on Remus' behalf! It's such a tough situation, and I really felt for James. You've done an excellent job at moving the story along at a gripping pace.

Again, I really appreciate the dialogue. Every character has a least a slightly distinct manner of speaking, and it betrays their different backgrounds, goals, etc. That attention to detail is definitely something that can pull a story up to the next level.

On the whole, another great chapter! Congrats again on winning the first round of "Guess the Present"! I've enjoyed this story and I will try to return to it, but don't worry if it takes seemingly forever; life gets busy over here and unfortunately reading and reviewing tends to be what gets left behind when things pick up. But you've definitely created an engaging start! Good luck with this story!

- Sarah

Author's Response: Sarah,

I am forever behind on review responses. I am really glad you like how I compared the lives of the two men. The details of Remus' existence is like burned in my brain so to speak having written him for so long. He is a true passion and obsession for me.

You are right that I need to bring my inclusion of descriptions and details to the next level. It is my greatest weakness. I am not an overly visual person and thus my writing reflects that. Still thank you for the critique it is something I hope to take and use moving forward.

Thank you again for the review even if it was for "Guess the Present".


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Review #6, by Seasons_Greetings 

4th December 2015:
Hello Marshal,

Here with one of three surprises from trivia!

Since I already read the first chapter of this story, I was anxious to come back and see how things had progressed.

James seems to be having a hard time with his transformation into Remus and I can understand why. It must be exhausting to be a werewolf. The squalid living conditions certainly don't help matters. If both James and Remus survive, I really hope that James will make sure Remus has better living conditions.

Rhea was quite creepy and I was honestly horrified by her proposal. How could she be so cavalier about attacking a child? I'm happy that James held out because Remus would be horrified at the thought of James attacking a child under his name. I wonder what James will do to gain acceptance into the pack. It does sound like he doesn't have many options.

Well, I must be off to continue on my mission of spreading joy and love throughout HPFF, but before I go let me wish you happy holidays!

SG

Author's Response: Thanks so much SG! Sorry it took me a while to get back to you on your review. I've been so busy as of late but I have loved all the lovely surprised you have dropped off for me!

I'm glad you liked the second chapter and it makes me giddy that you found Rhea to be a bit creepy and terrifying! It was kind of what I was going with for her. I wanted her to be caviler about attacking people much like Grey Back but more controlled. So I count it a success that she came across correctly!

I'm glad you enjoyed the read and thanks for the review!


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Review #7, by Gail Welin 

16th November 2015:
Hi Marshal!

I love that you mention that James is suffering from enhanced senses and has a super-sensitive nose (I feel stupid for mentioning that in my review for the previous chapter ^^' it's much better that you mention it in the second chapter!).

The nightmares James is having are terrible, I pity him so much. Are those manifestations of the beast or worries James' subconscious is working on?

Oh wow, what a tricky situation. Rhea oozes trouble on so many levels, it's terrifying. She'll test James' loyalty to himself and to Lily without even knowing it, as she sees Remus. And I wonder, would the real Remus, who has so much less to lose in retrospect, choose to bite someone so as to maintain his cover and not fail the Order?
And if James follows through, who will his victim be?!

James is now playing the role of the traitor he thought Remus was. This is just riveting. I love it!

I have a little bit of CC concerning the descriptions in this chapter; you could definitely describe the way Rhea's dwelling looks like from the outside as well as the inside. And Remus' hovel, what does he sleep on? It could be the floor or a dirty sheet or even a piece of cardboard. James is already surprised by the new environment, it's probably quite a shock to have to go from living in a house with his wife and son to being a werewolf living in terrible conditions, surrounded by other werewolves each worse than the other :/

This chapter has a much quicker pace. I'm very much intrigued by the plot progression. I love that you changed the POV from Remus to James for this chapter. I really want to read on!

*Gee

Author's Response: Gee!

I meant to respond to this review sooner but time just got away from me! Sorry for the wait! (and here you've left me more lovely reviews which I love and shall get to hopefully soon!)

For James' dreams it is honestly a little bit of both. His subconscious is working on those worries and the beast is magnifying them and making it worse.

As for the ultimatum to bite someone... I've had the situation and the answer to it in my head for years. I don't know if I'll get to answering that question in this story or not. I do know that in my head that this ultimatum is always presented to Remus weather it be James or Remus or any other person in Remus shoes acting as Remus. As for the willingness to bite someone both men are vehemently opposed to it but I promise I have a solution and it will get written one way or another, if not here then in a Remus fic that plays in my head or a one shot if all else fails.

As for your CC I don't know if I'll go back and try to include descriptions but I have taken what you have said to heart. I am trying to keep in mind that I need to visually describe things. I've talked with other writers and it was concluded that I probably skip a lot of describing opportunities because I don't often get visual pictures when reading or writing. But in future endeavors particularly my original fiction I'm going to see about getting more descriptive on the visual, and find the balance between painting a picture and keeping the emotions right where I want them!

Thanks again for such a lovely review!


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Review #8, by ABlack 

22nd September 2015:
Overall, I have to say this was a great chapter. I love that you decided to explore the daily challenges Remus faces with his werewolf half from James’ perspective. It serves double duty, allowing us not only to experience it first hand, but also gives James further reason to appreciate and respect what his friend goes through.

Great point touching on the enhanced senses, particularly the sense of smell. Overwhelming is exactly how I would imagine it to be for James.

And can I admit I really liked Rhea, the alpha female? The “I won’t bite – much” line nailed it for me. She’s dangerous in all the right ways. So good when she trailed her hands across Remus/James shoulder. Poor James, married man that he is, he couldn’t have anticipated this when he asked to have the switching spell used.

What a wicked dilemma you have James finding himself in. Infect an innocent child or perhaps betray his wedding vows and sleep with Rhea? I can’t wait to see where you’re taking this.

Author's Response: Thanks. Remus is my passion, I've been writing him for about 10 years now and through the years I have learned a lot from and about the character. I'm glad you liked Rhea, she was a lot of fun to write.

As I was writing her, I realized plot concepts down the road that I had never considered before. Of course, that is much later down the road. I have lot of things to cover before I get back to Rhea.

Thanks for the lovely review! I'm hoping chapter 3 might make an appearance soon enough though I should work on writing more as I only have 4 chapters written thus far.


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