Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker.





  
15 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Dojh167 

24th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

Wow, what a fascinating idea for a story! I dont think Ive ever seen anything like this.

It makes me really sad that Remus had to unnecessarily ostracize himself from what society he had. Things were already really and for him and this just made it worse. At least Dumbledore owns up to that.

I daresay Dumbledore has a lot of One of my greatest regrets

I makes me so sad that Remus has even fallen out with the other marauders. And here he and James are talking so formally to each other, it really hurts my heart.

Haha, Dumbledore poking into the tense moment with a lemon square.

Wow, Remus really thinks Dumledore would ask him to bite someone. That really speaks to the fact that Remus thinks that he is good for nothing beyond being a werewolf.

Im kind of confused why there needs to be a switching. If its so they have someone with them whos better at defensive spells, why cant they just add a bodyguard to the family? But I think we just kind of need to go with the premise here to get to the interesting content.

I really like how you described Remus identifying the changes in his new body. Not just the obvious like the different vision, but the way his muscles felt and his senses functioned. Remus is taking a bit risk with this switch and he knows it, but it also offers him freedom like he has not had before.

Oh, thats really interesting that even though its not a full moon its a very active struggle to fight against the wolf.

Omg Im already confused who Dumledores talking to when he says James and Remus XD

Again, this is a very interesting start and I am very curious to find out what happens. Can I pretend Remus!James doesnt die? Cause I dont want that.

Sam.

 Report Review

Review #2, by Felpata Lupin 

24th April 2017:
Hey, Marshall! Here for CTF!

I've been curious about this story for a while, but never really got the chance to read. I guess this is the perfect occasion! ;)

I love Remus so much, so I can't resist a story that focuses on him. Even if it'll probably focus on James, actually? How did you even get the idea?

Poor Remus, he's gone through so much in his life... the transformations, the constant pain and fight against the beast in himself, the mistrust of all the people around him, even the closest friends... it's so heartbreaking... :(

Your idea is so original, having Remus take James' place and viceversa. I'm wondering, though, will the switch between Sirius and Peter as Secret Keepers still happen? Will it be Remus' idea and he never told James? I guess so, but it sounds so strange... but I guess I'll find out more in later chapters.

The part the I found the most effective was when the switch actually happened and Remus felt free for the first time while James actually experienced lycanthropy. It really showed the extent of the affliction and was just so powerful writing. I felt so bad for both of them, and I feel so bad thinking that James will be trapped in it for the rest of his life.

This was a great start to your story, and I really hope that I'll be able to come back soon.

See you for now.
Much love,
Chiara

 Report Review

Review #3, by nott theodore 

1st April 2017:
CTF Jailbreak Review

Hi there! Oh wow, this is such an original idea, I can honestly say that it's taken me completely by surprise, and that doesn't happen a lot with fanfiction now. There aren't usually many stories focusing on Remus at all, let alone at this period when he's aware that his friends think he might have been the traitor in their midst. I'm so glad to read this story on him though because he's a great character.

It really breaks my heart to think that Remus had taken on the role of traitor, so to speak, so that they could try and work out who the real traitor in the Order was. That shows a lot of trust in him from Dumbledore, but it also must have been impossibly difficult to know that his friends thought that he was betraying them to Voldemort. It also shows how deeply entrenched the prejudices are in the wizarding world, that even the people working alongside him, and his closest friends, are more likely to think that he's the traitor because of him being a werewolf. That's just so sad. I always think that Remus must have been so lonely after Lily and James were killed, but here we see is that he was actually alone a long time before that.

The idea behind the switch is so good but it's also filling me with foreboding, I don't know whether they'll last until the end (which would then mean that Remus is the one who died and James had to live as Remus for the following years, knowing that Harry was there?) but it's really worrying to think of. And I'm so interested to see how they cope with it in the future, and how it will affect the Order and their friendships.

This is a fantastic idea and I've really enjoyed reading this chapter, I hope that I can get back to read more soon!

Sian :)

 Report Review

Review #4, by alicia and anne 

23rd May 2016:
It breaks my heart that he had to be a spy, and that his friendships have been broken because of it. :(

I'm so glad that James knows why Remus had acted like he did, hearing about what had happened between their last meeting just makes me sad to think about. :(

Oh no, I can see this ending so badly :( I don't want Remus to die! I also don't want James to die! I don't want any of them to die.

Is it bad that the first thing I thought was that Remus will have his first full moon in such a long time as a human. I don't think James is going to cope with his first transformation.

I'm so terrified still! :S Can I hide behind my hands and deny that anyone is going to get hurt? THat seems like a good choice... denial is my friend.

This is such an original idea, and even though I'm in denial that anything bad is going to happen I need to read more! I can't wait to see how this develops! It's such an original idea!

Author's Response: Sorry about the feels lovely. I tend to like to play with them which makes for sadness but at the same time an interesting story. While denial may be your friend it isn't the truth of what will happen.

 Report Review

Review #5, by Musing 

6th March 2016:
Hey Marshal! I'm finally here reviewing this story for the HPFF Review-A-Thon!

Oh, oh, oh, how come I never came across this story before now? This is very, very INTERESTING premise! Remus and James exchanged their bodies!? Were they able to change back before the fateful Halloween or it was Remus who died at the hands of Voldemort? Was it actually James who later on became Harry's favourite DADA teacher? This story is going to be an exhilarating read!

Before I get too carried away, I'll resist my urge to read the next chapter and review this chapter first! :P I felt so bad for Remus from the start. Sometimes or rather most of the times, I don't understand what goes inside Dumbledore's head! He made Remus the scapegoat and Remus lost all his closest friends' trust in the process. And the actual mole still went on doing what he had wanted without being caught for the next thirteen years!

James's and Remus's reactions after the exchange are so real. While Remus feels relaxed at inhabiting a healthy body, James surely has difficulty coping up with Remus's worn and battered body. I want to see how the first full moon rolls out for them!

I'm going to read the rest of the chapters soon! Thanks for the GREAT story!

xoxo
Emm

Author's Response: Emm,

I know I am late in giving you a response, but thank you very much for your kind review! I am glad you like the idea of this story so much! Indeed James is Harry's favorite DADA teacher in this story, but that is for coming chapters. I am glad you liked the the start and very much look forward to hearing what you think of the later chapters!


 Report Review

Review #6, by long_live_luna_bellatrix 

8th February 2016:
Hi there! Congratulations on winning the first round of "Guess the Present"! For your superb guessing skills (seriously, I would never get any of those photos correct...) you have won two reviews! I decided to visit your WIP as I found the summary intriguing, and I thought it might be nice to get both reviews on the same story.

I have to say, this was a fantastic opening chapter. It both set up the rest of the story efficiently as well as got me totally hooked in everything going on in the moment. This feels like such a possible canon situation, for so many reasons: the need to protect the Potters, Remus' supreme loyalty to James, Dumbledore's superior magical skills... It all just fit. I was truly touched when Remus and James were talking to each other for the first time in so long. When James said that he was still counting the days, well, my heart melted. What a perfect detail to include to demonstrate how much he cared and still cares for Remus. And the fact that they need Remus to do this not only because of his defensive skills but also because of how well he knows James... Gah, it just all fit! So good! Although, now that I think about it... If the Potters were already under the Fidelius Charm, weren't they already completely isolated from the world? Who would they need to fool, besides Harry?

One thing you got spot on was Dumbledore's manner of speaking. Everything he said sounded exactly like the Dumbledore we see in the books! I know it's a small detail, but it really enhanced this chapter for me. (Plus the mention of the lemon square! Hilarious but also true to canon) Especially in stories that divulge from canon but try to do so in a believable way, grounding things in canon characterizations is so helpful. Remus and James also felt so real. Remus especially; I can totally see him taking on such a difficult role in the Order, and his descriptions of life as a werewolf were heartbreaking. They reminded me a lot of the way we hear him talk about himself in the Half-Blood Prince.

The switch itself was really well done. The descriptions of Remus felt in James' body and vice versa were so fascinating! Again, felt true to canon. It was also just so, so interesting to think about how different lives weigh differently on different people, and we probably don't even notice it, nor could we ever actually, physically understand what everyone else goes through.

The whole chapter is made that much more interesting because, as we all know, Lily and James are not going to make it. Judging from your summary, I'm guessing Remus goes down in James' place. So heartbreaking! I'm not sure if you're going to jump directly into the future or not, but I would be curious to see what it's like for Remus to live as James in the Potter house. That could be really interesting.

I think my only suggestion for this chapter pertains to the beginning. I guess I understood that Remus was pretending to be the mole and was alienated as a result, but I was less sure what he was doing in the meantime. If they didn't know who the mole was, and he became the outcast of the Order, who was he talking to? What was he doing in the werewolf community? A small amount of clarification on that matter might be helpful so that readers can ease into the story smoothly. And maybe I'm just forgetting something from canon that I'm supposed to already know.

Overall, this was an excellent first chapter, and I'm really curious to see what happens next!

- Sarah

Oh, P.S. Did you have any particular way of coming up with the name of the switching spell? I'm always curious about backstories for those, because oftentimes people have them but can never explain them in the story's text.

Author's Response: Oh wow! I wasn't expecting two reviews! I was thinking maybe one or something else like MTA questions or a profile bomb so getting two reviews is like super exciting! If smileys existed on here I would very much be inserting the super exited smiley with the big eyes. Anyway I love this review and coupled with the other it has like made my day!

I am so glad that everything fit. There is nothing I hate more sometimes than to have a story where it makes 0 sense why the characters are doing the thing they are doing. So for you to say it fits perfectly makes me really happy. Though, with your question about isolation and needing to fool another, the answer I believe will come in the 3rd chapter. While hiding there are still Order meetings and I don't think either James or Lily would want to entirely give up the fight either.

I have to say you deeply honor me with your compliments to Dumbledore! I do worry I get him wrong at times particularly now knowing that he's got some ulterior motives at times when it comes some of the things he does. Fortunately there wasn't too much that he had to push. (Also I'm glad you liked the lemon squares! It was a fun little touch I enjoyed adding.) As for Remus, you have made my heart swell with pride. Remus is my true HP joy. I feel like I have spent far too much thinking about him and what goes on in his life and how it was like for him. Though I suppose that comes with having RPed him and written him for over ten years now. So your most gracious compliments make me feel all squishy inside.

I am glad the switch translated well! You are right on Remus going down in James' place. It was something that wasn't easy to write in the later chapters. With that said I didn't jump ahead and while I know you've read chapter 2, chapter 3 we get to see Remus in James' shoes. It felt only right to show some of that and kind of help set up and remind people of canon a little bit before delving into the future too much and people going "wait what?" I think I do a fast forward of time in chapter 5 I think. I could be wrong it's one of those things that the story blurs together, I know the events that have happened but the breaks are less clear in my memory.

As for descriptions, you are not the only one who has mentioned that. Descriptions is a weak point on my writing and something I desperately need to work on. This of course includes going back and making said edits on this chapter but I kind of want to finish the story before I go back and make these edits because I can easily fall into an editing rut and never advance the story. So further edits aside from typos or simple grammar mistakes I'm kind of saving for once the story is complete. (At least that is the hope and game plan.)

With the switching spell, I invented it oh so so long ago. It is hard to say what I did. Usually what I do for spells I look at what the spell does and then search these key terms in a Latin dictionary (Google for the win here) and then combine bits and pieces of the words to make a new word that sounds good and appears pronounceable. What words I combined here I do not remember.


 Report Review

Review #7, by MalfoysCarolinaGirl2010 

28th December 2015:
Hi Marshal I'm here for the Slytherin review exchange. (sorry it's so late)

I'm not the best at leaving long reviews (or any reviews for that matter) so please don't judge me too harshly for what ever I say, in my defense its after 1:00am and I'm half asleep as I type this.

I really liked what you wrote here. I think it is an interesting viewpoint you have here and a pretty original idea having Remus and James switch bodies to protect Lily and Harry.

I understand the stigma and how it was easy to accuse Remus of being a mole but I hate that he was alienated by his friends and that even James believed he was betraying them.

I imagine that this is going to be confusing for both of them and I'm looking forward to reading the next chapters too see what happens.

Peace, Love, and Tacos

Tasha

Author's Response: Tasha,

No judgments here. I'm horrible at reviews myself. I'm glad you liked the story thus far. The idea has been a fun one for me to play with. So while it was late and all I sincerely appreciate the review.

Also I love your sign off. It reminds me of a dear friend I don't get to chat with often. She's a big fan of tacos and your sign off is so something she would do.


 Report Review

Review #8, by my_voice_rising 

3rd December 2015:
Hello there! Here with my review.

I came for the intriguing summary (is this a story with an identity switch?? I hope so!) and I stayed for the Ewan McGregor banner. I'll leave it at that.

There are a few grammar errors, and quite a bit of sentence-cleaning that needs to happen some attention! It looks like you already have a beta reader, so I'll point a few out just to help a bit :)

"In hopes of keeping some peace and prevent those involved from pointing fingers" should say "preventing."

Also, with "mistrust and prejudice against werewolves against him," you don't need to add the "against him" in there. Readers know that he's a werewolf so it's unnecessary. In fact, you don't even need both "mistrust" and "prejudice."

You also don't have to say "wonder about and question the wolf in the pack," as wondering about something and questioning it are the same thing.

"Don on" is also redundant; to "don" means to put something on :)

"All the same he lowered his wand swallowed and took a seat in one of the chairs Dumbledore had apparently conjured up for them to sit in." Chairs are for sitting, and the word "apparently" is unnecessary because you are already describing it, so it's apparent. "All the same he lowered his wand, swallowed, and took a seat in one of the chairs Dumbledore had conjured" does the trick just fine!

You have a very nice tone that fits the mood of the story--just clearing up the extra clutter will really benefit this chapter! I have the same problem in my writing, so when editing I make a point to remove unnecessary phrases and words. It makes such a big difference, really!

Your characterization of Dumbledore is nice--he's one of the harder people to write, too. The juxtaposition of the gravity of their meeting place (I'm picturing a very dark room--but some description would be nice too!) and the lemon square is a nice touch. I particularly like when it goes very dry in Remus's mouth.

Seeing James this way is also interesting. We've heard nothing but their brotherly love in fic, so seeing their tense meeting is intriguing to say the least. And, knowing Dumbledore, there was a reason behind forcing them to meet one another after they'd had such a bad interaction the last time. You could even expand upon that, especially if you shorten some sentences and free up some length to use in the chapter. Their exchange was so brief--instead of them describing the interaction, you could use Remus's memory. Visually showing us, instead of telling us, is always good!

Some more trimming to be done: "His tone was very solemn as he continued to speak" can just say "His tone was solemn."

"assured Dumbledore, his voice steady and unchanging" is redundant, as an assuring voice is constant and comforting--you don't need the second half of the sentence.

"said James interrupting drawing Remus attention," can simply be whittled down to "interrupted James." The fic is from Remus's POV, so the reader already knows that he is paying attention.

I like Remus's line, "Knowing about it and experiencing it are two very different things." No matter how much James went through to make Remus comfortable with his condition, he never had to experience it himself, and Remus was always an island in that sense. And his relief at experiencing friendly human contact after so long without it--how sad!

Your description of Dumbledore's spell is really nice! But, again--ack!--it's crowded with too much text. "As Remus stood there he blinked and his vision shifted. As he blinked things moved from one perspective to another that he began to grow unsure of which was right and which was wrong." This is basically the same sentence twice, and really the first sentence is perfectly strong enough to stand on its own.

Oh wow!

Was the sudden unveiling that he was actually becoming James intentional? I didn't even pick up on it--maybe I was just paying too much attention to sentence structure, but I thought the whole conversation between James and Remus and Dumbledore had to do with being an Oathkeeper and keeping their location secret. But this makes much more sense.

Yay, it is an identity switch after all!

Another thing you could mention is James's vision--he is without James's corrective glasses, I'm assuming, so things would be blurrier. That bit with his sense of smell not being as acute is really interesting.

And seeing how James *finally* understands what being a werewolf is like--that is a good passage, too. The only thing is the weird switch in POV from Remus to James in that paragraph. Is the story through Remus's eyes, or is the narrator omnipotent?

This is interesting. How is Lily going to react? I'd like to have seen Remus question this, too. Her husband won't actually be her husband anymore, and they'll obviously have to continue on as they did before. This could make for a very interesting plot point, too! I'm sure it would be very difficult for her.

Hope this was helpful. It's a great idea for a story, and just needs some tweaks here and there. Thanks for asking for a review!

Good luck!

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for this review! Seriously this is probably one of my favorite reviews ever! My jaw dropped when I saw how long it was and how amazingly detailed! Honestly while you are pointing out the bad you are pointing it out in a good way and I love it. I will be taking a lot of what you have to say to heart. I don’t know when I’ll have the time to edit this first chapter but all the same knowing the weak points in my writing helps me to do a better job of writing! So again thank you!

Now that I have my generic thanks out or the way there are a few comments here and there that I want to remark back to you on. Your fist line about the intriguing summary I’m glad that actually is working and I do not blame you for staying for the Ewan. I don’t blame you at all. I’ve always had Ewan in my head for Remus since before POA was cast, and I really have not been able to depart from the image ever since.

As for the clutter and repetition, I feel like that is my Achilles heel. I have an editor for an OF that I’ve been working on and she points out the same to me all the time. To be honest in some ways I blame Nano for the bad habit of repetition to stretch sentences out. I’ve got to work on stamping that behavior out. Course it helps to have it pointed out so again, thankyou.

I will admit that added description is on my list of things I need to look into. I’m bad at getting a mental image myself and thus the lack of image on my part translates into my writing. It is on the forefront of my mine much like the repetition issue!

Show don’t tell. You are honestly hitting on everything that I am trying so hard to work on! I appreciate it though honestly I do. The more times it’s pointed out at me the better I can work on it. Seriously as I said before I’m in love with this review.

The reveal of the switch I was not meaning to be a surprise. I’ll look and be sure that it wasn’t me and how I wrote things, but yes and identity switch is what I was aiming for indeed. As for the vision, James was wearing his glasses at the time of the switch so yes Remus would be having to adjust to corrective lenses and the smell that I mentioned. If I didn’t mention it in this chapter then chapter 3 does mention the vision thing for Remus as he has to get used to the limiting edges of frames. (Something I notice every time I get new frames my eyes has to readjust to the new shape.)

The store is supposed to be mostly through the main character’s eyes. I’ll have to look into tweaking that because POV hopping is not a good thing. I can’t explain why I did something so silly there. >.<

As for Lily, if I didn’t mention her here, she is mentioned in the third chapter. She knew what James wanted to do but she didn’t know if Remus would agree to it or not. Still I’ll look into mentioning her a bit earlier in this chapter, when I get the time to review things fully. I feel like I hardly have time to write review responses at this moment . >.<

I have gushed lots and lots about this review so I’ll stop now with one last thank you for such a wonderful and stellar review!


 Report Review

Review #9, by Gabriella Hunter 

1st December 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums here with your review and it's nice to meet you and stuff! I don't think we've talked before this so please make sure that you stop by my review thread often! :D

This is a pretty unique idea for a story, I've seen some variations of this but they were never done so cleverly. I like that we're getting this story from Remus's POV first but I wonder if that's going to last through the rest of the story or not. I get the feeling that this might be a bit of an AU type of deal and I'm really excited.

I think that you wrote Remus really well here, he comes off as a tragic hero. I can feel his pain and understand all of the things that he's trying to do, which was another thing I liked: The bit of canon about him being the scapegoat for the Order, I thought you weaved that into this brilliantly.

Remus has been through a lot and he's constantly in war with his own body. I was wondering what would happen with his meeting with Dumbledore too but I never would have expected something like a Vicissitudo charm. Bravo for coming up with such an exciting new spell! I've never heard of it before but you made it sound like some archaic form of magic that I could totally see happening in the actual HP world.

My only thing is what will happen to Remus now that he's taken James's place. The physical differences between them and how they would handle their new lives was really fascinating to me. :D

My CC would be to go through this carefully and make sure that you're not repeating the same words over again. I think that if you smoothed out a few of your paragraphs, they wouldn't come off so choppy but other than that, I think you're off to a good start!

See you again!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Thanks Gabbie for the review. We actually have talked a wee bit. I'm the crazy person who pounced your profile page because of your Sailor Moon icon.

I shall be sure to stop by your page again though! I really enjoyed and appreciated the review. There are so many things I need to do with my story now to help make it better and improve it more but there is so little time and it is crazy. Why can't the world just stop and let me write and edit till my heart is content? (Oh and read stories as well while I'm at it!)

I'm glad you liked the start of things though! It is especially heartening that I was able to convey the charm as believable. It was something I questioned in the past but not too much as the story would not happen without it, so being re-assure helps loads!

As for the differences between them it is explored a bit more in the next two chapters which I'll probably be stopping by your thread again some time for a chapter 2 review.

Thanks again for the lovely review and sorry it has taken me as long as it has to get back to you!


 Report Review

Review #10, by Gail Welin 

16th November 2015:
Hi Marshal!

I really like Remus and never read enough of him! This is going to change!
I must admit I'm tired and it took me a while to understand the time this plays in. The story era is "Hogwarts", so I got confused with Remus being the "bad egg" considering Sirius and Peter as discovered later on. ^^'

Oh, yes, dangerous times... One could never know... I really like that they ask each other about their last interactions.

I really liked the bit about the lemon square suddenly feeling dry in Remus's mouth because surprise, awkwardness or fear would stimulate a dry mouth. If you don't mind my opinion on this tiny detail, I think you could stipulate Remus being too shocked to swallow or even have the bit come as soon as James shows up; because Remus speaks with a full mouth otherwise.

I love your vocabulary; "pressing his fingers together in the form a steeple" is just painting a perfect picture ♥

I love the idea of the Vicissitudo charm, it's a genius move, Marshal! I really loved the way you brought forth this wonderful charm of yours, it was very vivid! And you could definitely expand your descriptions of the way James and Remus now feel as the other! Like the glasses James wear - Remus could take them off and put them back on. Or your brilliant mention of the different sensitivity to smells is so good, you could use it again from James's perspective!

I love that you differentiate the ways James runs a hand through his hair, the different feelings the gesture expresses. It's perfect that Remus notices that.

A small typo here with "fine" Ill be find, Moony, ;)

Wow, you have no idea how relieved I was Lily was already aware of the plan! Imagine the horrible confusion of having to explain it to her after the body swap. :/

A great read so far, I can't wait to read on! The plot is incredibly interesting already and I wonder: is this going to change the whole course of Potter history as we know it or is Remus going to die as James and the latter lives on to marry Tonks and die without ever telling Harry?? I would read both and even a third option! :D

Second chapter, here I come!

*Gee

Author's Response: Gee,

I am finally getting back to you! I have loved this review and your other one so much and they have massively put me beyond words so many times I don't what to say.

I had fun writing the scene of their last interactions it was indicative of the times and a nice way to kind of lay the ground work for what had brought them to the point that they were at in some ways.

As for the lemon square, I'll have to look at that again. I think I was trying to avoid laundry listing every action by the characters but still nice catch and I'll be sure to look at it!

As for the differing perspectives I admit that there feels to be a million and one ways to play with the differences between the men. As you saw in the next chapter I played with it a bit with James and I do some with Remus in the subsequent chapter a bit, I just didn't want the differences to be the focus of the story and the visuals did play on my mine what sight would be like for both men but my words so failed me and it was easier to differentiate with smell.

I'm glad you have enjoyed the story thus far. I am planning on keeping things very cannon, that has always been my intent with this story to tell it cannon but with a new twist. Of course, my James muse wants to gallivant off in a wholly different direction and forget canon but I'm working it out.

As for where the story will end I've been debating this and also where canon might finally 'break' per say.

And that typo! Ack! I had found it early on and I swear I fixed it! Why does that typo hate me? Okay I'm being dramatic but any other typo I would not be annoyed by but that one it mocks me as I know I fixed it! Thank you for pointing it out. I shall go fix that ASAP!


 Report Review

Review #11, by adluvshp 

7th November 2015:
Hey =)

Wow, this was a very interesting first chapter. I absolutely love your plot idea. It's very unique. The idea of Remus and James switching places is surely an interesting one. I am wondering if this means Remus will die in James' place, and it'll be James who actually continues to live as Remus for the remainder of his life. And of course, it'll be intriguing to see how far this follows canon events and how it all ties in.

All in all, a very well-written first chapter. It had the right amount of dialogues and descriptions for me to get engaged. The conversation between James and Remus was also nicely done - their friendship showed. Dumbledore was written well too, and I liked how he's the one orchestrating these events. It made sense.

I'm highly curious to know how the story progresses and what new turns it takes. So far, it looks amazing! Great job! Glad I could stop by =)

Cheers,
Angie
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Thank you for the awesome review Angie! The idea is a fun one to play with I'm glad you liked the story and descriptions. I feel like descriptions is a weak point in my writing so you saying that they were good made me smile.

You are right about the James and Remus switch. I hope you enjoy reading further when you do.

-Marshal


 Report Review

Review #12, by Seasons_Greetings 

12th October 2015:
Hello Marshal!

My name is SeasonsGreetings and I'm here from now until the New Year spreading love and joy across HPFF. After reading your blog about why you love Remus, I thought it'd be a good idea to come by and read one of your stories about him.

The concept of James and Remus switching places really has me curious. Does this mean that Remus dies in James place? If that's the case, once Voldemort is defeated, how come Dumbledore and James don't just tell Harry the truth? I'm sure that will all be answered in the upcoming chapters though.

I never gave much in depth thought to the way that Remus struggles as a werewolf. I mean, I know he had a sad life, but the way you highlight his physical problems really makes him come to life. I felt quite a bit of sympathy for him. I wonder if James will be able to handle it.

I thought you did a good job of writing Dumbledore. He's always very vague when giving out information and the way you wrote his dialogue captured that quite well.

I'll end this here by wishing you a Happy Holiday Season!

Cheers.

SG

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review SG! It was a super pleasant surprise to refresh the page and see that I had a review.

You are right about who dies and about your questions being answered in the coming chapters. Remus' burden isn't an easy one to bare but we oddly end up many times having the grace to handle things we never thought we could because it is necessary we handle those things.

I'm really glad that I was able to exude the characters well. I sometimes question and wonder if I am portraying them true to life. Thanks again for the review!


 Report Review

Review #13, by Rumpelstiltskin 

3rd October 2015:
Hey, Marshal!

A story about Remus? I love Remus!

In the wake of the war, especially with the werewolf prejudices staked against him, I'd imagine that Remus would be made to feel alone. I think you've done a great job exemplifying that via his characterization, making him feel isolated from even his friends.

That constant fear of an enemy disguising themselves as someone who could otherwise be trusted would have been a tremendous threat during the war. Using Remus' trepidation like you have, where he even isn't sure if he can trust Dumbledore to be Dumbledore, was a clever example of this. I also appreciate the continuation of cannon questioning as proof against such subterfuge. Kudos!

"He doubted that he could ever have back the friendships he once had." -Congratulations, you've broken my heart in six paragraphs. I have a love/hate relationship with this particular part of the war; there are so many, many tragedies, but the appeal of the era is so very, very strong. The Marauders had such a tightly knitted friendship, and this is the era when that all shatters. Oh dear, there go my feels again :(.

Anyway (I promised myself that you wouldn't see all of my crazy upon my first review, so we'll move forward).

The exchange between Remus and James was brilliant. I love that you used that question-system as a method to not only bring in the back story of what happened between the pair, but it also created some excellent dialogue. I can't entirely blame James for thinking ill of his friend -- he has a family to protect, and there's an army of evil after him. At the same time, I do feel bad for Remus -- he's only doing what the Order needs of him.

Ah, conflict. You've wielded it wisely.

The Vicissitudo charm, that's where things took an interesting twist. I don't think I've read anything else with this concept. I like it. I like it a lot. If Remus is more skilled than James, than it definitely makes sense to have him there protecting Lily and Harry.

I can definitely see James having a bit of a difficult time adjusting to Remus' worn body, too.

I could only find a little bit of CC for you, but I tried my best:

The first thing was the spelling of "Mooney". In the books, it was spelled "Moony" (though I can't say with any certainty that that wasn't altered in different versions for different languages -- if that's the case, ignore me). That was nothing, though, I almost didn't catch it.

The second, and last, thing that I saw only stood out to me because it's something that I need to work on with my own writing. Sometimes, more often in large chunks of text where there is no dialogue or action, some of the sentences get a bit wordy.

For example, "Honestly even in the Order, even among his own friends there was mistrust and prejudice against werewolves against him."

It's just a little wordy, and can easily be slowed down with punctuation without having to eliminate anything. Ex: "Honestly even in the Order--even among his own friends--there was mistrust and prejudice against werewolves, against him." Or something like that.

Otherwise, your writing seems pretty tight, and I had an awesome time reading it. I think the plot so far is unique and my interest is piqued. This is something I'd definitely continue reading. I definitely want to find out what happens now that Remus has taken James' place in hiding!

Great job, and thanks for the swap! :D

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Rumpel,

Sorry it has taken me so long to get back you you. I figure an awesome review like yours deserved an equally awesome response. Sadly I don't know if I have the skill sets to live up to that, but I am going to try.

First I want to thank you for your most gracious compliments. Remus is a favorite character of mine and I have always thought that he would be a scape goat considering how clear it is that the friendships were broken to some degree in canon.

I'm glad I succesfully evoked the right emotion and was able to paint a clear picture. That was important to me. I wrote this story several years back and honestly I didn't have the questioning scene and the back story was presented in a flash back - I like the questioning better and it felt right - I'm glad it translated well.

I was over all worried I hadn't successfully written this well. To be honest I even posted this pre-beta and the beta'd chapter has not been approved yet. So with the Mooney vs. Moony that has been fixed and I think I tightened up some of the rambling as well as a few other things. To be told that my writing is 'tight' literally made my day. I'm still riding high on it a day later.

Thank you so much again for the review!


 Report Review

Review #14, by carry on with your knitting 

20th September 2015:
This is a really interesting concept!
I thought you portrayed Remus brilliantly, especially with his inner struggles and the hard life he has had. It was heart breaking that he has had to seperate from his friends for thier safety! And to catch the real traitor! Poor guy, I just want to give him a hug!
I also really liked the way you wrote dumbledore speaking, it was spot on!
I'm very excited to read more of this story, I wonder if this means that it was really Remus that died that night and not James? Because that would be an awesome twist and something really unique!

The only thing that I thought could be improved, was to put a few commas in in a few places, but other then that it was great! :)

I would definitely suggest getting a banner from TDA because then your story will catch people's eye when they are looking through the searches :)

I look forward to reading more!

Katie :)

Author's Response: Thank you! You have caught onto the plan. I am glad I was able to write Dumbledore well. He was a concern of mine. I have updated the punctuation some and I have that sitting in the que right now.

Thanks also for the suggestion for a banner, I was thinking I need to do that but first I need to figure out what pictures I want to submit in the request.


 Report Review

Review #15, by ABlack 

20th September 2015:
Hello Marshal!

What a wonderful start to your story. Remus is one of my favorite characters and I love how you take such pains to reveal the internal battle he wages with the wolf within him.

The idea of the Vicissitudo charm is interesting. Hopefully you show how well (or not) James handles the full burden of being a werewolf in the upcoming chapter. Can't wait to read it.

~Alexis

Author's Response: Thanks! I will admit that Remus is my all time favorite character. I feel like in a lot of ways I've been writing him for ages.

I'm glad you like what I've written so far and the next chapter does focus on James and is currently in que.


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login
Add a Review