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11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TreacleTart 

27th August 2016:
Hey Renee!

Back for one more review for the gift thread!

This is quite the change of pace from the last two chapters, but I think that's a good thing. After the sort of bittersweet tone, it's nice to have a break of just pure fluffy, happy, sisterly love.

I really enjoyed reading the girls and their imagination. You do such a great job of writing young children! I could almost see the ship and the storm as the two of them described it. And I gasped as Lily was swept off into the ocean. Good thing Petunia was there to save them!

I think the only thing that sort of makes this chapter tragic for me is knowing that their relationship doesn't stay this close. It's hard to look at them this way and then imagine them down the road when they aren't speaking to each other. It's heartbreaking really.

I have to wonder if as an old woman Petunia looked back on moments like these and regretted her treatment of her sister. I like to think that maybe she felt truly sorry for not cherishing what she had more.

Good work on this! I'll definitely be back to read more of this when I can!

~Kaitlin

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Review #2, by Neville Longbottom 

22nd August 2016:
Renee!

Back for chapter 3!

This one was the best yet. It was absolutely darling. Completely wonderful. Beautiful. Fantastic. Awesome. Amazing… I’m running out of adjectives here…

Basically, I loved this chapter.

This moment is so, SO precious. Petunia and Lily’s relationship is so sweet and loving — it’s hard to imagine their relationship turning into what it became as teenagers. Very bittersweet.

I know that I’ve said that you’re amazing writing children, but this is your best yet. The way you managed to morph from reality to fantasy and back is PURE PERFECTION. Seriously, one second they’re playing on Lily’s bed, the next they’re on a ship in the middle of the ocean. You managed to capture a child’s imagination perfectly just by wholeheartedly jumping into the world they’re imagining and writing it like it’s real - with a few modifications of course (“…caught it just south of the rocking chair.” -- That made me giggle).

Another wonderful chapter Renee! I’m off to the next one!

Neville Longbottom

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Review #3, by Someone who loves you 

21st August 2016:
Oh, Renee. How talented you are.

I absolutely love this story, and this chapter really stands out for me. I think partly because whenever I read this story, the end of their relationship is hovering at the back of my mind.

As I read this, all I could see was my own sister and me! You've written a tiny moment in childhood so realistically, and it's beautiful from start to finish. I love how Lily helps Petunia through her fear of the storm, how both the girls can't sleep because of their excitement, how they play pretend.

It's so difficult to write from a child's POV and do it well, but your writing is just outstanding, but everything you do is ♥

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Review #4, by Dinthemidwest 

29th May 2016:
Ther's nothing like the magic of childhood... You have written another great chapter!

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Review #5, by Penelope Inkwell 

18th May 2016:
Hey Renee! So, Kaitlin's blog post on your general awesomeness reminded me that it had been ages since I'd been over to your AP. How did that happen? And then I remembered how much I'd enjoyed those first couple chapters of "Beyond Repair", and wanted to dive back in.

I loved this. I think I mentioned before, but the way you write Lily and Petunia's relationship is amazing. Petunia is still Petunia, still a big sister. I remember a past chapter where she left Lily out. But you also write about their closeness, their sisterhood, and you balance those concepts so well. It's easy to assume that they never had a good relationship, but I like that you've written something very different from that. Here, they are sisters, best friends, which will put so much more force behind the break between them. Petunia grows up to be a rigid, unpleasant sort of person, but that kind of neglect and cruelty she showed--I think it's the kind of thing that most often grows out of broken love, and a sense of betrayal, so the way you're writing that fits with the character's trajectory. It's so much more sad to think of, too!

“With mermaids!” Petunia nodded.
--Ugh, the way you write Petunia here is perfect. It makes me so happy, and yet so sad. This is a little girl in touch with her imagination, a little girl who reaches out to magic with open arms. And it makes perfect sense. Maybe that was what hurt so much, years later--when she finds out that there is magic, but that she can't have it. And, to make matters worse, she "loses" her little sister--her friend, and maybe sometimes, as we see, her braver, emotional protection--to it. This detail killed me.

pulling her gently back into their magic.
--this line too. Same thing. This magic is so sweet and pure, and its theirs. And Petunia is all for it! It just shows how much it might hurt her to be shut out; how that might have been one ache at the root of her total rejection of magic, and everyone that went with it.


CC:
a tangle of lightening
--sp. "lightening" = "lightning". But I love the imagery of "a tangle" of lightning! You choose such great words.

When Lily talks about grabbing a rope from thin air, I couldn't tell at first if she'd actually conjured it, and that confused me a little. Since, you know, she potentially could. It might be good to clarify.

Petunia looked up at the warmth of a small hand taking hold of her own, gifting her a warmth that thawed her fear into something malleable...
--It might be better to avoid using "warm/warmth" in the same sentence. Maybe "the comfort of a small hand", or something like that? Oh, and the warmth thawing her fear into something malleable? Such a great image! Your words are amazing!!



Honestly, your writing is even better than I remembered! I'm so glad that Kaitlin mentioned it so that I could dart over here and read some more. You really are so talented. This really is "short and sweet", as your challenge required. I know you say that it was a harder tone for you to strike, but I think you did a lovely job. This was adorable, and fit with your story so well. You really do paint wonderful pictures, and your word choice is excellent! I hope to be back by here soon! Feel free to poke at me if I forget! I wouldn't want to miss out on this story, or the rest of your writing!

--Penny

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Review #6, by Felpata Lupin 

15th May 2016:
Renee!!!
Oh, my!!! This is the most adorable thing I've ever read!!! *wub*
I loved this moment of pure cuteness between the two sisters! The excitement at the prospect of the trip, the typical older-sibling tickling, the game, that moment of fear when the storm broke and the way they overcome it simply by being together... So adorable...

Also, Petunia did have imagination... That's shocking... (well, no, not really... I'm so sad that she let her envy pull them apart...)

This was so beautiful! Really, I adore this story! You write so wonderfully! I'll be back! :)

All my love, as always!
Chiara

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Review #7, by Dojh167 

11th March 2016:
What I really appreciate about this story is that you don't rush through it. While you could easily establish that Lily and Petunia were once close and then move on to what drove them apart, I really like how you are taking your time with building the foundation of their relationship, because through that we can see what the meant to each other, where the cracks had their formation, and what a great loss their split would be.

I definitely understand your struggle writing something sweet when you're used to bittersweet/angst, but I would also argue that the last two chapters were also incredibly sweet and you handled them very well.

I have to admit that while this chapter is incredibly cute and playful, it does not feel like it moves the plot or characterizations along very much, as opposed to the other chapters. However, the mere doomed nature of these sister's relationships makes it feel that much more significant, and makes me want to savor their every moment of joy. The storm getting worse at the end definitely plays into that sense of impending doom. Good thing thy are extra cute to make up for it!

Another wonderful chapter!

Sam.

Author's Response: Hello again!! *hug*

Knowing how much everyone seems to hate Petunia, I felt I needed to lay a super strong foundation to build the case for them and gain some sympathy for Petunia before the drama really kicks in. I agree with you that this chapter doesn't move the plot forward - but I'm actually okay with it as a moment of happy stasis in their relationship. There won't be any other chapters like this that are purely sweet, so if you ever think he same in the future let me know!

Thank you so much for reviewing and leaving such thoughtful comments. ♥

xoxoxo Renee


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Review #8, by MrsJaydeMalfoy 

14th October 2015:
THIS. IS. THE. CUTEST, FLUFFIEST THING I HAVE EVER READ! I CAN'T EVEN RIGHT NOW, RENEE! I JUST WANT TO HUG THIS CHAPTER!

It's just such a PERFECTLY in-character childish scene between two sisters, a night before a big family trip. It really reminded me of Anna and Elsa in Frozen! It's so adorable! And the way you described their 'voyage', while still incorporating little facts about their bedroom, to remind us they're still there, was truly genius, but it also allowed us to see how much their imaginations carried them away at that age!

I really just can't say enough about how much I adore this! I love the way you write fluffy Lily and Petunia! ♥

Author's Response: Ah, hahaha! This made me smile like a fool! I'm so glad you liked it! *hug*

It totally is similar to Anna and Elsa! I hadn't thought of that!

"fluffy Lily and Petunia" is not a phrase I ever imaged reading, let alone writing. :P Funny how that works!

Thank you for yet another amazing review! Getting you opinion is so reassuring, honestly! xoxo Renee


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Review #9, by Jayna 

4th October 2015:
OH MY GOSH THE FEELS! WHAT DO I DO WITH THESE FEELS!!! This chapter was definitely far more sugary and I think you did a really good job, especially for stepping out of your comfort zone. The ending was just perfect, and I loved how you portrayed the children in this bit. One thing you did exceptionally well in this chapter was all the imagery. I could really see the storm and the girls playing pretend in their room as you described it and it was just fantastic. I also liked how you reminded us that they were just playing pretend by adding things like "twin-sized vessel" and "quilted dinghy". Again, this chapter was just a pleasure to read and definitely put a smile on my face.

-Jayna

Author's Response: Hi again Jayna!

Thank you for yet another amazing review!

It was pretty fun to write them playing like this, although I did have to suppress my natural tendency to make things bittersweet. I'm so glad you enjoyed it and liked the interweaving of reality and fantasy.

I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on Beyond Repair. This was a wonderful challenge and I really enjoyed it.

xoxo Renee


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Review #10, by May 

12th September 2015:
I do like this story it's great

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #11, by manno_malfoy 

10th September 2015:
Hello! I'm still here!

I think it's just so cute! Short and sweet, indeed!

"Petunia looked up at the warmth of a small hand taking hold of her own, gifting her a warmth that thawed her fear into something malleable, pulling her gently back into their magic."

That was, once again, perfect! I just really admire the focus you put on the magic that is childhood. It's basically the magic she and Petunia got to share before she (Lily) was introduced to the more tangible form of magic that would eventually set them apart.

The blend between the imaginary scenes in their heads and the furniture and other objects in the room was a brilliant way to write this part. And all the sailor dialect was a nice touch as well!

Over all, I really did enjoy all three stories. Each of them could definitely stand on its own, but reading them all together just engulfed me in the mood and in the developing bond between the two girls. And I would love to see where you take the two of them along the timeline next!

But you're doing some marvellous work here so far! I've enjoyed the three little anecdotes immensely!

-Manno

Author's Response: Childhood *is* magic isn't it? :)

When I was writing this, I was afraid the blending between reality and fantasy would be confusing, but it seems like that wasn't an issue. Yay!

"Each of them could definitely stand on its own, but reading them all together just engulfed me in the mood and in the developing bond between the two girls."
--> It put the biggest smile on my face to read this! Thank you!

I am really loving writing this story, and I'm excited to continue it as they get older. I plan to go all the way up to Lily's death, so there is much more to come.

Thank you so very much for taking the time to read and review my story! I really appreciate it so much, and your reviews were just amazing to read!

:hug: Renee


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