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11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by nott theodore 

27th April 2017:
CTF Jailbreak Review

Hi!

Wow, this was a really powerful and effective start to the story! I'm not sure what I was expecting when I began reading this, but for a prologue you've done an incredible job, because I'm definitely hooked as it is and I really want to read on and find out what's going to happen next.

Also, I have to say that you have done something that is pretty rare in stories like this one - you've actually made me feel sorry for Lucius Malfoy. Draco is a character I have more sympathy with, given that he's younger when all of this begins, but Lucius is usually another matter entirely. Still, seeing him suffer so much and being clearly so terrified - not only of what Voldemort was going to do to him, but what he was going to do to his family - actually made me feel sorry for him.

Your characterisation of Voldemort was spot on in this. I don't think that he's an easy character to write, but you captured him perfectly - every single action of his, every time he moved, just felt so sinister and menacing. He had such a power in this prologue and it's easy to see why so many people are afraid of him and how he imposes his will on so many. That last line was great as well - it fits brilliantly with his character and was really chilling!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Toward the end, after Voldemort returns, I felt a lot of sympathy for Lucius. It's easy to be ruthless and stand behind ideals the first time around when you're winning the war. It's easy to be cruel and support your master while you're waiting for him to come back. It's an entirely different thing 20 years later when you have a family and said master is known for taking his rage for you out on those you care for. Lucius is no longer the young Death Eater with only himself to worry about. He has so much more to lose and it took him too long to realize it.

He IS hard! It took a while to get all this right! I was very nervous posting this when I first started, but I'm glad it comes across okay.

Thanks for visiting!
-Liz


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Review #2, by melian 

27th April 2017:
Wow. That was intense.

You don't see a lot of chapters from Voldemort's perspective in fan fiction. I'm not sure why that is, but perhaps it's because his mind is so warped it's too hard to get into. I can understand that. Sometimes it's not possible to get into the heads of your characters. But you've done a really good job with getting into the mind of the man who was once Tom Riddle. (I say once, because he's not really human anymore, is he?) YOu've got the coldness, the dispassionate nature, the calculation and the lack of emotion absoultely down pat. Well done!

I think I've read a few one-shots where Draco is branded with the Dark Mark, and certainly some where he's given the task to kill Dumbledore. But, again, always from Draco's point of view. I think that's what makes this one stick in my mind so much, becuase it's a persepctive we so rarely see. But we have all the other elements here - the humiliation of his father, the weight of responsiblity falling on Draco's shoulders, as now he alone can restore the family name. (I do wonder at Narcissa not being called upon, to be honest, as we know Voldemort isn't particularly sexist, with his unofficial deputisation of Bellatrix, but I'll ignore that for now. Let's leave it as Draco knows he has to rescue the Malfoy name.)It's a heavy load for a sixteen year old, but he knows what he's signing up for. He may not agree with it all, b ut he has to do it. And Voldemort knows that, and it shines through. That's really well done.

Great chatper!
cheers Mel

Author's Response: Well hi there and thank you! This was a pretty difficult chapter so I'm glad it comes off well to the reader!

Well, first, given that Draco is a student and the task is to kill Dumbledore, it's easier to use someone on the inside. As far as Narcissa goes, though, to my knowledge, while she supported the Death Eaters (and by that I mean, she supported her husband), she never actually took party to any of their missions and she certainly wasn't accepted into the Dark Mark gang, or at least she didn't want to be maybe? But whether it's true or not, I guess that's my headcanon is that she was there for Lucius and Draco for their sake, but never actually joining in on the goings on. Does that makes sense!

Thank you for reading! (And consequently getting put in jail. XD)

-Liz


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Review #3, by IchigoPan 

10th September 2016:
BvB Review!

I didn't realize I had held my breath reading this first chapter. Voldemort's presence'll do that to you.

You have beautifully captured the haunting and terrifying existence that is the Dark Lord in this prologue. And the reaction of the Malfoy men was sheer perfection. From Lucius' cowardly and meek responses to Draco's need to prove himself, this is a great start to the story.

Ahmahgawd, what happens next?! (palms at face dramatically)

- ichigo ^_^

Author's Response: Daww, thanks! It is rather terrifying to write from a Voldemort POV and I'm already flirting with the idea of doing it again!

You have to read to find out, silly! Thanks for stopping by!
-Liz


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Review #4, by mymischiefmanaged 

10th September 2016:
Hi! I'm here from review tag. I'm excited about this story because it doesn't seem like anything I've read before. Writing this review as I read so hope it makes sense...

I like that you've started in Voldemort's POV. I don't know whether you're going to stick with him or not but at the moment it feels like a very original opening. And I feel like your writing style matches the character you're writing from, so you sound quite detached and distant and it's very effective.

It's really heartbreaking how Voldemort tries to turn Draco against his father. I think it fits quite well into the image of Lucius and Narcissa searching for Draco in the battle of Hogwarts instead of fighting. They care so much about his wellbeing and about what he thinks of them. By showing Draco his father's weaknesses, Voldemort is punishing Lucius.

And then Voldemort praising Draco feels horribly sinister. Draco has been raised to value Voldemort's admiration but as readers we can see how wrong it is. He's being manipulated into completing a task he doesn't understand.

Fantastic first chapter! I'm looking forward to seeing what comes next :)


Emma xx

Author's Response: Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say it won't be like anything you've ever read before because there are definitely a few familiar tropes and clichés running rampant in this story. Hopefully, though, if I'm lucky, they will come across as a fresh take!

This is still my favorite part of the story because it took a lot to climb into Voldemort's head and not come out a raving psychopath. I was really nervous about it, but a lot of people approve, so I feel like I've done my job.

Thank you for starting this story- it is my baby. I hope to see you around again and I hope you like what comes next!
-Liz


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Review #5, by celticbard 

13th August 2016:
Hello SilverMoonFairy,
This was a great beginning to what promises to be a very cool story! First off, let me just say that your characterization was spot on. Very good, indeed. Voldemort in particular, I think, exhibited that same cool, detached evil that made him so chilling in the books. The Malfoys were also very well-writtenLucius wavering, as usual, Draco eager to prove himself. I very much liked the little look Draco exchanged with his father, the look of disgust. I think it speaks volumes as to how dedicated Draco is to the cause in this fic. The fact that he would so openly express his dislike for his father's behavior really shows (and of course, showing is much better than telling!) how different Lucius is from his son and how this war, like all wars, has splintered their family in a dangerous way. Also, I wanted to mention Voldemort's dialogue. It was very crisp, expressive and well-written. Voldemort strikes me as a character who wouldn't want to waste words and he certainly doesn't in this opening chapter. He says only what is necessary, and reserves his true thoughts for Nagini alone. :)

If I absolutely had to criticize anything in this chapter (and I'm just nitpicking here), it would be your opening sentence. It read a little bit rough, repeating the word dark twice, while also including the word black. I think it probably could be strengthened to better catch the reader's attention and create mood without using the dark twice.

Again, I'm really glad I was able to read this opening chapter and I look forward to reading more. Great job!

Best,
celticbard

Author's Response: Kahlessi, you honor me with your review! *bows*

I thank you for your kind words. I was actually very excited for the responses I've been getting for this prologue and I'm glad you enjoyed it! The opening line was difficult, as it always is. I still haven't found a way to reword it, but when I do, I'll see if you like it better.

Thank you very much!
-Liz


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Review #6, by Lee Jason 

16th May 2016:
I have to say, I am desperately in love with your writing style. It's slithery like a snake (if that makes no sense, I'm trying to say it flows well). The plot is wonderful and uber interesting. Why JK Rowling didn't include this scene in her books, I will never know. You've filled a Malfoy-sized hole in my soul. Thank you. I can't wait to see what happens next :D

Author's Response: A Malfoy-sized hole? O_O I didn't think that was possible! I'm so glad you liked the Prologue! If you haven't read ahead, I feel obligated to tell you, this just sets up for a plot point for my MC. But, it will come to play in a Dramione I'm planning in the same universe!

Thank you for the lovely review!


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Review #7, by oldershouldknowbetter 

15th May 2016:
SO this is a start.

Hi there, I'm here for some BvB action and to pay you back for a lovely review.

Telling a story from the point of view of Voldemort is a reasonably tricky thing. One does not want to find oneself in the mind of one of the most evil wizards of all time. As well, he might be a hard character to portray, but you have seemed to do all right with the challenge. It is probably all for the better that you have employed third person for your narrative.

With only a small modicum of exposition you set the scene and the time that this must occur. Poor Lucius, as Dumbledore said, he was happy enough in Azkaban away from the displeasure of his dark master for failing to get the prophecy.

Voldemort crucios him straight out, wow. I was initially surprised at this, until I remembered that when he returned at the graveyard, he crucioed one of his followers then. So it is right in keeping with the character that JKR established for him.

I'm glad you are giving a bit of a spine to Lucius; in making him not cry out under the torture. Though I personally don't like the man, you are giving him some necessary character. It is well done, as too the grudging respect that you show that Voldemort has for him doing so.

Lucius has kept failing him hasn't he, and Voldemort hasn't, at this point in the story, found out about what happened to his diary-horcrux yet. Oh boy, what will happen then, if this has been Ludius' treatment for something relatively minor.

But you give us a tantalising hint of what is to come in the story. Just whom was it that was seen at the bridge? (nice pull, by the way, of a cannon event into your story). From the events that we know from JKR's books, there is no one that we know of who was at that bridge, so it must either be a cannon character who was there for reasons that lay beyond what we know, or it must be some character of your own devising. We shall just have to wait for the events of the story to unfold and why Voldemort was so concerned about this mystery person.

And Draco. I find him an interesting character. I hated him of course all throughout the books, what wasn't there to hate: arrogant, bigoted, nasty and arrogant. ;)

But then at the end of this adventure, that you are charting the beginning of here, he doesn't kill an old man - not because he couldn't, but because he wouldn't. All the difference in the world. It is the start of his redemption and the start for us all to think of him differently from just being a nasty, schoolboy villain.

You capture his character well for this stage of the story line. His father has impressed upon him, by example and word, how great it is to be a pureblood and hence how great Lucius is himself. When his son sees his father humiliated in his actions before Voldemort, I think that you have nailed the reactions that Draco would have. His sheer disbelief at the weakness his father shows - something that Draco has never experienced before.

Then you show some of his clever Slytheriness, in the way he couches his answer to Voldemort.

Draco was always impulsive: quick to anger, quick to react, and quick to judge. So when Voldemort goads him, Draco falls into the trap which was oh so easy for Voldemort to set. He jumps up and almost demands to be given a chance. For what exact reason, you deliberately leave vague - for his father, for his family name, or to prove himself. It's good that you do because it is probably a mixed up combination of all three and also that it's probably not that clear to Draco himself either.

Volunteer he does, but for what, he doesn't know as yet. Though he wasn't expecting to get a Dark Mark, that was a bit of a shock. He might be more proud of it, as he was later, except that it hurt him so much. Again the way you show his reactions here is well done. Having him regain his place, but not kneeling, shows a lot of things, but especially the beginning of the end for poor Lucius.

We are privy to the inner thoughts of Voldemort, and so we understand that he had always thought that Draco would probably not succeed in his mission and therefore die. Dumbledore expected this of the motivations of Voldemort, but here you express it explicitly.

The ending is a bit strange until one realises: what would Voldemort gain if this family of apparently loyal supporters dies? Why the Mansion of course and everything they owned. And not just that, but final revenge upon someone who has failed him one too many times (one failure is too many for Voldemort).

Now in my mental cannon, this scene has not had a place. I didn't really think that Draco would have been there as his father was being punished by Voldemort, but you have presented us with this scene so well, that I just might have to rethink things. Well done.

Andrew,
Oldershouldknowbetter.

Author's Response: Wow, thank you for the amazing review!

Just the prologue is from Voldemort's POV. It's to set up major plot points (yay, foreshadowing!) later on. However, all these BvB reviews have me thinking that maybe I *should* try my hand at a Voldemort story! I was honestly terrified of writing it!

I'm so glad you enjoyed it so much and that everything I was trying to put in there came through clearly! I was really very nervous about that!

Thank you again for such a wonderful review!


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Review #8, by UnluckyStar57 

14th May 2016:
Hi there! I'm here for the BvB Review Battle!

Wow, this is a really intense prologue, and I really love the title of the story! It definitely makes me think that Bad Things will be happening soon!

You did a really wonderful job of building the suspense and tension in the scene. Even though the story was mostly focused on Voldemort's thoughts and feelings, you managed to convey everything that Lucius and Narcissa were thinking as well, and that's really important for adding color to the story. Clearly, they were confused and afraid, but very unwilling to admit it.

Ooh, ouch. It makes sense that Voldemort, an evil Major Bad Guy, would use the Cruciatus Curse on Lucius, but it doesn't make it any easier to read about! Voldemort is incredibly true to canon here, which is so hard to write, and I admire your ability to write it. He's cruel, he's sadistic, and he's going to get revenge on Lucius by going after his precious lil' baby Draco.

One comment that I do have about the story flow is that the wording of the first sentence is a little bit inverted. I think it would make more sense if it was worded like this: "A tall dark figure dressed in black robes paced slowly in front of a roaring fire in a dark room." That just rewords the sentence so that the "tall dark figure" is the subject and the action is clear. But that's definitely just a suggestion! :)

Ooh, because you started the story with Draco getting the Dark Mark, I wonder where it's going to go next. And I wonder who Wilkes saw at the Bridge--was it Harry, by chance? It's all very suspenseful, and I hope that I can get a chance to come back and read more soon!

Cheers!
~Mallory

Author's Response: That is a much better opening line, I'm editing now! Thank you so much!

Wow, I feel like I should write a Voldemort-centric story now. I was so nervous about this prologue.

I hope that if you do continue to read, you don't get too disappointed. The prologue was to set up a very important plot point later on for my OC, specifically who was seen at the bridge! But everything will be used eventually as other one-shots and stories get written!

Thanks for my review!!


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Review #9, by PaulaTheProkaryote 

14th May 2016:
Hello! I'm here for BvB review battle!

I really enjoyed your characterization of Lord Voldemort. You make him seem very cool and calculated, which some writers seem to miss. Even torture was only mildly interesting to him. Nothing new, nothing thrilling. That's the way I'd expect him to be.

On the bit about Lucius not even being worth the inner circle, I think you're right. Sometimes I wonder myself why he'd pick someone so cowardly. I honestly think it has a lot to do with how loyal and fierce Bellatrix is. She'll keep him in line for him.

Honestly, this story just makes me feel so terribly sympathetic for poor Draco. That must be traumatizing for him.

I loved this line:
"I would never... Intentionally fail you, my lord," because that's such a diplomatic, smart answer. Draco should have been a politician! I suppose growing up in the life he's had, he's sort of one already. Draco is much more brave than his father in this story and I really like the way you've highlighted it!

My heart hurts a bit for the entire Malfoy family through the way you've depicted them. While I hate such a manipulative punishment that's meant to be a death sentence, I think it was smart for Lord Voldemort to do it this way because if he does redeem the family through succeeding, he's developed a very strong follower.

Overall, I think this is a very interesting prologue that would definitely capture the reader. I think you've painted all of the characters very true to themselves and you've made me very sympathetic for the Malfoys, someone I'm not usually sympathetic towards! Great job!

Author's Response: You are all a lot faster with these review battles than I am!

Thank you so much! Even though this prologue is just a plot set up for the rest of the story, I very much enjoyed writing is and I'm very glad that other people appreciate the depiction. I stressed and stressed over it because I wasn't sure I had it just right.

I'm also glad you like that line! I feel like Draco is at a crossroads and he's being forced down a path he really doesn't want to take, but not taking it means death. Of course, that all ties in with the AU I'm developing for all of my stories. ^_^

Yay, sympathy for the psycho cowards! They would all be simply better off if... Lucius had been locked up after the First War. XD

Thank you!


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Review #10, by BellaLestrange87 

13th May 2016:
This is for the Blue vs Bronze review battle!

I really enjoyed this. It was a really well-written look into Voldemort's perspective. I really like the added information: that Voldemort was trying to get rid of the Malfoy family by assigning them Draco a task that couldn't be fulfilled.

You wrote Voldemort really well. He appears really sadistic, as he should be. His enjoyment of Lucius's and Draco's pain was really obvious and fitting for the leader of the Death Eaters.

You're making me feel really sorry for Draco. He's so enthusiastic and eager to prove himself now and we all know how his feelings change over the course of sixth year.

I didn't see any typos and I'll be back at some point to read the next chapter.

~Olivia

Author's Response: Wow, that was fast! Thank you! I've always wanted to write Voldemort and while this prologue is only to set up for more important things later in the story, I was more excited for it than for the rest of it. XD

(Which is why I will be writing a Draco centered story later...)

Thank you for the review!


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Review #11, by dreamgazer220 

3rd September 2015:
Nicely done :) I can already tell that this one is going to be much darker than your previous versions just based on the prologue. Can't wait to read more!!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad we're going home!

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