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2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by CambAngst 

29th August 2015:
Good morning, Pix! We've come to the second-to-last chapter. I'm really going to miss Wren and Albus when this is over. Just sayin' Ŏ‿Ŏ

GryCReMo (Review #40) {{-- Yay! 40!}}

Anyway, good to see that poor Minnie is still alive and kicking. She's obvious not lost much of her mind, because her first concern is still for the students. She even manages to spare a thought or two for poor, lost Dillon. Overall, you did a good job keeping her character consistent.

Stuffing their coats full of weapons. A couple of thoughts popped into my head. The first was Neo opening his coat after stepping through the metal detector in The Matrix. Something about that scene is way too polished and modern, however. Black leather and machine pistols just don't fit with Smeed and Burns filling their pockets with daggers, short swords and machetes. This is going to be a throw-down, 1700's-style. Well, except for the flame thrower...

Uncle Toby is such a calming influence on the process. Good guy to have around when tensions are running high.

Dillon has crossed the line into full-on "get me the heck away from this kid" megalomaniacal creepiness. His version of "friendship" and "sharing" have evolved into being exactly the way Wren described him: endlessly needy. I can only imagine why he needs the mingled blood of so many witches and wizards, and what I'm imagining isn't good. On the plus side, it seems like Madam Pince is on her last legs...

Burns fixed the group with a cold stare, holding the limp creature up for all to see. "That’s how it’s done. Any questions?" -- This line capped of a great scene. Scorpius thought that he was bad for having kicked one in the head. Burns showed him up with a quickness.

Dillon looked like a little prince of the library overseeing his kingdom. He was perched on a chair set on top of Pince’s circulation desk with a mob of restless thralls around him. -- Any chance you were thinking of the ill-fated King Joffrey here? That's how I see Dillon at the moment. He doesn't know enough to know what's in store.

Scorpius threw up his wand and hurled a red flash at the thralls. Ian caught his stunner square on the forehead and went down hard. -- I approve. Heartily. That said, it doesn't seem like Dillon and his thrawls have much of a plan here. They're sort of randomly throwing spells around, not accomplishing much other than trashing the room. I guess that makes sense for a blood-drunk little boy who only understands magic as a sort of abstract ideal rather than a practical tool.

Wow. The monster mutant rabbit emerging from the Restricted Section was a bigger deal than I expected, and I expected a pretty big deal. In my mind, the scene reminds me a little of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man attacking New York. If it's impervious to curses, James has the right idea, I think.

“Suffer, maybe die. You get in my way again and your fate will be more certain,” Smeed threatened before jumping from the column, another weapon in his hand. -- OK, it just got real.

I think you need to do a little work on the confrontation between Wren and Dillon. The part that wasn't completely clear to me was when he forced her to come to him. I think you need to make it more clear that she moves from wherever she was standing to be within arm's length of Dillon, because it took me a few passes to realize what had happened there. Other than that, I loved it! Wren has spent nearly all of the story doubting herself. Was she weak for letting her Gran's illness affect her. Was she losing her mind? Was she becoming a squib? In this one scene, she casts aside all of the fear and doubt and strikes a critical blow against Dillon. Bravo, Wren! Bravo!

When Wren realized that Bunny was truly lost, she gave Albus the means to kill him. I really liked the symbolism in that moment.

Dillon's final tantrum was pretty much perfect. In the final analysis, he's just a little boy, lost and alone and sad. Also angry. So very angry. And it was his undoing. His own minions turned on him. The line about tiny teeth scraping on bone was a fitting end.

Oh, no! What's happening to Wren now? I have to imagine that Smeed can help her, but no matter what, I loved her final line of the chapter. Beautifully done!

So now I wait. Eagerly, I wait. Wonderful job!

Author's Response:

Good morning!

Aww, I already miss Wren and Albus. There's this hole in my brain where they used to be... and I'd be a lot more worried about that if this story wasn't fiction...

I love the idea of trenchcoats filled with weapons. Maybe I got that from The Matrix, or maybe it's just a trope, but it was so much fun to write. I couldn't help myself. Especially the flame-thrower. Let's just say there's a reason his name is Burns and leave it at that. He's also rather good at rabbit hunting. Scorpius could learn from this.

You're right. Dillon's army is only as effective as he is leading them. Fortunately for the unenthralled wizards, he's not very good. But I'm sure you can understand how someone more competent in his position would be a complete nightmare.

Hee hee! I love your reaction to the monster mutant rabbit making its appearance. Rawr! It did have that Godzilla-feel to it, right?

Smeed's not playing around here. He doesn't want to make the same mistake twice.

Thanks for the heads up. It's hard writing action inside someone's head. That bit should be clearer now.

It was finally Wren's time. She's been so overwhelmed by everything, but once she got a grip on what was in front of her, she did pretty well. :)

Sorry for the wait on that last chapter. I was just doing a bit of clean-up on the story as a whole while I got everything together.


So much fun!

Pix




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Review #2, by RavenclawFTW 

25th August 2015:
PIX
WHAT
PIX WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I won't throw anything at you except sadness and confusion and an intense need to know how it's all going to end!! Ahh.

I honestly don't have much constructive to say-- this was a suitably dramatic and slightly ridiculous (just because of the subject matter) climax with everybody fighting off vampire bunnies in the Library. I like how Wren is responding to Al's "forgiveness"-- she hasn't lost her sense of independence and right/wrong just because she has a crush! Also, I know they're evil and terrible but it's so sad to be picturing these teenagers killing bunnies! :( But it must be done, I know.

Okay I really don't know what else to say-- this was a great chapter and super exciting but THAT ENDING IS KILLING ME
I will be waiting for the next (and final!!) chapter with bated breath!!

--J

Author's Response:

JENN!

You read my penultimate chapter! This is... this is fantastic!! I have been waiting AGES to have this thing posted, and HERE IT IS!

*bubbling with excitement*

I'm not sure how coherent I'm going to be here. I'm so relieved that you found it suitably dramatic, because that's what I needed. And yeah, the slight ridiculousness was also unavoidable, but only if you think about it too hard and really say the word "vampire rabbit" to yourself so much that it starts sounding ridiculous... alright, I see where you're coming from here. Unavoidable. :P

Yes, absolutely, Wren has retained her sense of independence. That was an important element for me in this story. That, and the blood. but hey, they're teenagers like you said. They will go for just about anything at this point.

Just as long as no one's getting Lord of the Flies flashbacks, we're good. Right?

Thanks for being the first to review this chapter. The last chapter will be up in a bit. I'm just waiting on one more beta response before I post.

Pix


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