Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker.





  
16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TreacleTart 

27th August 2016:
Hi again!

Back for another gift thread review!

This was a sort of bittersweet chapter. We have a chance to see both Petunia's best and worst characteristics here. Later in life, we know her as very vain and caring about what everyone thinks. Her comments about not wanting to play with a baby at school seem to sort of reflect that. Even at a young age, it seems she cares what the others might think of her.

Then we see her being a great older sister and perhaps feeling bad for the harsh words she said to Lily. The snuggling with her during story time and the teaching her to ride a bike show just how much she really does love her. And her reaction when Lily goes flying is really good too.

Lily's moment with her mum in the garden is really sweet and it's nice to see that they have such a good relationship. I love that they sat there weaving daisy chains together until Lily felt better.

This chapter has left me feeling a bit conflicted because I know that deep down Petunia loves her sister, but I unfortunately also know how she turns out as an adult. Part of me almost hopes that this is going to be an AU and they'll develop a strong, unshakable bond.

Good work so far! I'm off for the next chapter now!

~Kaitlin

 Report Review

Review #2, by Neville Longbottom 

22nd August 2016:
Renee!

Iím back!

Wow, this is another wonderful chapter!! I liked reading from
Lilyís POV, especially because we get to see Lilyís obvious
admiration and adoration of her big sister. Petunia is
everything to her, and itís obvious that Petunia loves being
the big sister.

Lilyís determination to be just like Petunia is so telling.
Clearly sheís a Gryffindor through and through (not that
anyone ever doubted it), and putting all of that determination
and loyalty into being just like her big sister. Itíll be
interesting to see the point where Lily stops wanting to be
like PetuniaÖ as Iím sure she will eventually.

The bicycle part was my favorite bit, to be honest. I loved
that you brought up Lilyís desire to fly. That was a really nice
touch that added a whole new level of emotion to the scene.

And perhaps Iím reading too much into it, but I canít help but
feel like itís all a bit of a metaphor for Petunia and Lilyís
relationship - eventually, Lily will be moving too fast for
Petunia to catch up, and Petunia will be left behind as Lily
goes off and joins a world that sheíll never be part of.

And when that happens, Petunia wonít be able to be there to
pick Lily back up. Which has got to hurt, for both of them.

Anyway, Iím off to read the next chapter! This story is really
fantastic so far! You should be proud of this story!

Neville Longbottom

 Report Review

Review #3, by GryffindorandProudofIt 

7th August 2016:
Wow! This story is very insightful and intriguing at the same time! It's very interesting to see the backstory of Lily and Petunia, especially with the story beginning on the day Lily was born. I'm really liking this so far!
-GryffindorandProudofIt :)

 Report Review

Review #4, by Dinthemidwest 

29th May 2016:
Being an older sister has its moments-I thought you captured the relationship between the 2 girls perfectly. And healing her scrape? Lily's already at her magic! Beautiful images all through...

 Report Review

Review #5, by victoria_anne 

16th April 2016:
*rushes in*

*pants*

Running is hard work.

Hello again Renee! ♥

I read the first two sentences of this chapter and you've already got me gushing. Lost for words. Can't even.

What you've written about Petunia's type of magic is just amazing. What a beautiful beautiful thing.

I love how you've written it in language for Lily's age as much as you can, too.

Don't put the word 'always' in there, what are you trying to do to me?!

Lily riding the bike ♥ I forget sometimes that she grew up completely muggle, so that was a nice reminder. Bikes not broomsticks.

... But always choose broomsticks.

Aw, they flew anyway :) ♥

This is amazing, all the wonderful things I've heard about this story don't even come close. These little snippets of their relationship, they're just things I've never read before and I love how you've done them.

Everything you do is amazing Renee

♥ B

Author's Response: AW, B, stahp. Everything YOU do is amazing!

(but actually)

This is still my favorite chapter in this story, so I'm extra glad you liked it. Thank you for such a lovely review.

xoxo Renee


 Report Review

Review #6, by Felpata Lupin 

12th March 2016:
Hi, Renee!
Back again!
I did tell you I would come back, didn't I? And today I was just on a reviewing spread! :D

This is so adorable! You can really tell that the two sisters had a sweet relationship!
Petunia is Lily's hero, like it is normal for younger sibling to see the older one. Petunia is conflicted between feeling too cool to deal with her little sister and being overprotective of her, which is once again so typical and cute!

The bike ride was so lovely!!! And Lily used accidental magic? For the first time?

"Lily stepped up onto the pegs and rested her hands on her big sisterís narrow shoulders. And together, they flew."
Siriusly, how adorable is that closing line??? I love it! So much!

This is just brilliant, sweety! Loving this story more and more!!!
Tons of hugs!
Chiara

Author's Response: Chiara!!! Hi!!! *HUG*

Thank you so much for stopping by! I always love hearing your responses. I'm very please you thought the sister relationship seemed realistic. :D

I've always imagined Lily as being quite powerful, so I suppose her first accidental magic was probably as an infant. At this point she's beginning to have some intention with it. You know? Thank you for your kind words about the closing line.

Thanks so so much for this lovely review!
xoxo Renee


 Report Review

Review #7, by Dojh167 

11th March 2016:
I have to admit that a part of me hoed that all of the chapters would be from Petunia's POV, simply because she is such a fabulous and underwritten character. Still, I think that narratively it is a good choice to have the POVs switch between the two sisters here.

And I LOVE how Lily is convinced that Petunia is magic. It's just so perfect in all the ways. It is also a great touch that Lily is envious of Tuney going to school, as Lily's future school will be such a huge divide between them.

And again, you do an absolutely fabulous job of writing children, including believable differences based on age, both between the sisters here ad Tuney's growth since the first chapter.

Although they are still such young children, I can definitely see that Petunia has a need to be superior to her sister, indicated by not wanting to play with "a baby." I can definitely see how this characteristic will come into play later.

I love all of the flower references.

The quiet forgiveness of the storytime scene is really sweet.

Lily has so much determination, trying to learn to ride a bike by herself, and not giving up despite all her falls.

Petunia helping Lily learn to ride the bike is a really sweet scene, but it also speaks to her pride and need to be the older/smarter/more powerful one, which I expect will be the part of her that is most threatened when Lily starts showing magic.

I am so excited to see how things will develop here. It is one thing to oversimplify Petunia's hatred of her sister, and still another to say "they were once close, but Petunia couldn't deal with Lily having magic," but you are going into such wonderful depth, and now that you are establishing their intimate bond, I am really interested to see how it will be broken down. Even given what we know of what happens, it seems like it will take a lot for this bond to break beyond repair.

Sam.

Author's Response: SAM ♥

You are without question the first person to refer to Petunia as fabulous. Petunia being fabulous is your rendition of tomatoes ;)
But I agree - I find her fascinating! (Ok, so I might be a little biased...)

I actually never made that connection with school as a dividing force in their relationship. Er, I mean, yes! I totally meant to do that I am so clever! ;) Seriously, though, that's a really interesting and smart observation!

writing children is SO fun! :D

I'm really pleased that you see so many traits in Petunia here that might translate into tension later. I think Lily's stubborn determination also comes into play in their relationship.

This is just an absolutely lovely review and you are the most amazing! ♥ ♥ ♥

love you!
Renee


 Report Review

Review #8, by MrsJaydeMalfoy 

14th October 2015:
Aw! That is so sweet! I mean, it was sad at the beginning because of Lily feeling excluded and what Petunia said to her, but that moment between them with the bicycle was just so perfect and cute and fluffy! I think it might have actually softened my opinion of Petunia a little bit, and that's saying something! :P

I know how their relationship turns out, but I still love this chapter so much! You do a GREAT job with portraying the dynamics between an older and a younger sister!

I have to admit I'm a little wary of what I know is coming, but I'm still excited to read the next chapter! Well done dear!

Author's Response: Hi again! :D

"I think it might have actually softened my opinion of Petunia a little bit, and that's saying something!"
^^This is one of my goals, so YAY! I had a ton of fun writing that bicycle scene, too. :)

I am always so relieved when people say the sister dynamic is believable, because I only have one sibling, a brother, and he is quite a bit older than I am.

Thank you so much for another oh-so-kind review!


 Report Review

Review #9, by Jayna 

4th October 2015:
Hello again! This chapter gave me warm and fuzzy butterflies in my stomach. Although there was that one part that was a little sad, for the most part this was incredibly sweet. I really liked how you portrayed Lily and Petunia's relationship in this chapter because I think it was very realistic and believable. For me, this is pretty similar to how my relationship with my little sister was at this age and it was good to see how they fought and made up so quickly.

One thing I noticed was that you seem to have a typo.

"The next day was Tuneyís first day of summer hols,"

I believe you meant to say summer holiday.

Overall, I really enjoyed this chapter and the whole thing just flowed so well.

-Jayna

Author's Response: It makes me SO happy that you recognized your own sister relationship in this chapter, because I don't have a sister, and so I am constantly trying to imagine what it would be like when I write this story. I found this chapter really fun to write, and I'm so glad you found it believable.

Thanks for the review, Jayna!


 Report Review

Review #10, by manno_malfoy 

10th September 2015:
Awh. No, really, that's all I have to say. Awh. This touched me a lot because my fondest memories with my sister are of riding bikes, and this story is making weird feelings well up in me. Awh!

The way you started the chapter was just incredibly captivating. Saying the Petunia 'is magic' is practically rubbing salt into the wound because we know that this is exactly what breaks them apart in the future. That she isn't magic. But the way you've explained what Lily considered magical about Petunia is so perfect and soothing and kept a smile on my face all the way to the end of the chapter. Really. This is SUCH a memorable opening line! Simple, but memorable.

I really do love the overall simplicity. The friendship between sisters is something that is so natural but also always changing as they grow, and you portray that so well in this chapter! I can see why you're proud of it.

Ooh! And I do like they're reading Matilda! It's such a good book! And now that I think about it, Matilda's telekinesis abilities could practically count as magic, so was Lily aspiring to be like her an intended nod at Lily's magical future?

Lily's determination with the bike and how outgoing she was through the entire process does demonstrate important qualities that we know about her. I do believe though that she was slightly too calm about her injury, especially if it was as bloody as you've describe it. Although it's cool and believable that she could heal herself (and not think that there's anything odd about it), I think slight fear or a little bit of wincing would be an appropriate primary reaction? But that's just a small thing...

I did love that despite their little spat the previous day, Petunia decided to help Lily learn to ride the bike anyway. In my personal experience, siblings, especially at such a young age, forgive each other very quickly. And a lot of the time, it doesn't even require an apology, as much as actions that prove that words were not sincere. And this is exactly what you've done here, and it's just spectacularly realistic. All of it.

I do see that there's another chapter after this one, so I'll go take a look at that!

-Manno

Author's Response: So, I wrote a response to this review, and I don't know where it went??? Weird.

Anyway.

I actually ended up removing that bit about Matilda, because (to my surprise) Matilda wasn't published until quite a while later. Sad news. But I loved the connection between the story and Lily's magic. I wish I could have kept it.

Thank you very much for the compliments about this story. I'm so happy it brought back fond memories for you!

AND thank you very much for the feedback - I have actually edited the story now using advice from you and other reviewers. YAY for helpful reviews! :D

Thanks again, dear!
Renee


 Report Review

Review #11, by Penelope Inkwell 

13th August 2015:
Tuney was magic. Lily had no doubt about this.
--what a fantastic way to begin! Killer hook :D

You do such excellent work with the details. They really pull the story together and make it feel realistic. Things like describing Lily's morning routine before she hops on the bike, or the fact that you can see the picture window's reflection in the t.v. screen, are so great. They really make your story stand out.

Also, I love the bit where you say that Lily wants to be like Matilda. Adorable foreshadowing!

CC:

ďI miss Teacher Gardener!Ē She moaned. ďI donít want to be second form!Ē
--I don't know for certain, but it seems odd to me that she would address her teacher as "Teacher", rather than "Mrs." or "Miss". Is that how it's done? And maybe she would say, "I don't want to be in second form,"? Those could be Britishisms that I'm just not familiar with, though.

watching an ant make itís way along a green branch.
--no need for an apostrophe in "its", in this case

It was mum.
--This happens several times throughout the story. Mum/Mummy and Daddy are sporadically capitalized. In a story like this, they should always be capitalized, unless Petunia or Lily were to say something like, "My mum says..." But when referring to one's own parents by that title, without a "my" in front, they should be capitalized.

Lily bit her lip nervously, and the older girl scooted over in bed. Lily scrambled in, and together she and Tuney giggled at the story.
--This is a really cute moment. I would just suggest making one adjustment. Maybe something along the lines of, "Lily bit her lip nervously, and the older girl scooted over in the bed, leaving a Lily-sized space open. Lily scrambled in, and together she and Tuney giggled at the story." There are a bunch of ways you could word it, but I would just suggest clarifying that Petunia's movement is intended to be an invitation to Lily.

She twisted to look at it, and found the scrape coarse and bloody. That would never do. She stared fiercely at it for a minute or two, willing the wound to calm, and soon enough it stopping bleeding and the pain receded into the past. Much better.
--I like how you introduce Lily's power while she's still so young. She doesn't even know it's odd; it's just part of the magical world of childhood. However, she did strike me as strangely calm here. Even a child who did know she could heal herself would probably be upset by the pain, and the scare of falling.

With a violent scream, Lily threw all her weight toward the verge.
--What's a verge? Is it like the curb? Is this a British thing? Usually verge is used as edge, but only when written like, "one the verge of [something]". I don't think it's typically used as a synonym for "edge" in that way, if that's what you're going for. But once again, might be another British thing that I just don't know about. If that's the case, don't mind me!

I really like the way you're setting up their relationship. It still seems very natural between a pair of sisters--occasional rivalry and jealousy, but also kindness and help.

--Penny

Author's Response: This review really made me smile!

It's amazing/hilarious that you liked the foreshadowing with Matilda, because I also love that reference - but it fact, Matilda was not written until quite sometime after this takes place. But I'd already written it in when I checked the date, and I liked it too much to remove it.

And thank you for the compliment about the beginning line! :)

Teacher Gardner - I'm not sure why I did that. I'll probably change it in edits. I'm American, so some of the things where you said "maybe it's British?" are more like my silly ideas about what "sounds" British - which are probably way off! The exception is the word "verge" - I looked that one up specifically, and the internet tells me that's what they call it in the UK. Where I'm from, we call it "the boulevard." I think the east coast says "the parking."

Thanks again for your very helpful thoughts and lovely compliments!
~Renee


 Report Review

Review #12, by Ron 4 Hermione 

12th August 2015:
Me again! :P

Another brilliant chapter, I love the way you show the progression of the relationship between them as they get older. It's totally realistic, and I think that's one (of many) reasons why this is such a great read! I love how Petunia starts to become a little more resentful, it's great foreshadowing and really sets the tone for what's going to come. It also makes it more realistic because I don't think Petunia would just hate her sister for being a witch if she completely loved her beforehand.

I love how you make such a simple muggle thing, like learning to ride a bike, into something, that because of Lily, has hints of magic in it. It's an interesting idea and makes for a great read! I love how simple it is but it is really effective and works really well.

Another great chapter, it's a brilliant story! :)

- Shaza.

Author's Response: "I don't think Petunia would just hate her sister for being a witch if she completely loved her beforehand"

^THIS. This is exactly what compelled me to write Beyond Repair. In the books, it's clear Lily loves Petunia enough for Petunia's cold shoulder to hurt. And that love had to come from somewhere, and the cracks in it had to come from somewhere. I think there's a lot of complexity between them that usually goes unexplored, so I'm trying my best to put a spotlight on that and really make sense of their relationship.

Everything you said about this story was so nice and really made me smile!
Thank you!!
~Renee


 Report Review

Review #13, by bittersweetflames 

21st July 2015:
Hiya, Renee. :D

BACK FOR MORE. Bahahahaha. Okay, so moving forward in the journey of Petunia and Lily as children.. Which I really enjoyed, by the way. I love that you show a time when Petunia and Lily were friends; when nothing was between them but the love that they felt from being friends; from being sisters.
I love the tone and voice you use when writing children... It really comes across that they're children and, also, what approximate age they were. Like, Petunia still sounded childlike but she was definitely more mature than Lily. :)
Anyway, I really enjoyed the end...Lily just bounces back from nearly being in an accident but she acts, for all the world, like a carefree little girl.. Some part of me is really saddened by everything here because we know they're not going to keep this close relationship as they grow older and Lily is revealed to be a witch.:( And, yeah, I mean it's obvious they love each other... Just, maybe, Lily became too different and difficult to love. :( BUT!! That's a sadness for another day because, right now, this story was just sweet and adorable and I really loved it! :)

--Carla

Author's Response: Aww, you kept reading :D :D :D Thank you!!
You are a review swap over achiever!

I love writing children. It means a lot that you think it comes across well. I hadn't though of Lily becoming difficult to love. I think that's an excellent way of putting it! I will definitely kept that in mind for future chapters.

You are exactly right about this being a bittersweet story, because we know it doesn't last. :(

Thanks again for your super sweet reviews!
~ Renee


 Report Review

Review #14, by merlins beard 

21st July 2015:
Hey,
I'm here for our swap -sorry I'm so late.
I really enjoyed this so far. I love how unique this story is, I haven't read anything like this in a while. I think Lily's and Petunia's childhood is usually only touched briefly, because most people really want to get to the teenage years where magic and adventure starts out, and where the girls drift apart. I love that you go into depth more. There is a slighlty mean streak visible in Petunia already, it's not surprising that she later finds it easy to hate lily... I think you hit Lily's characterization very well. It's just so like her to go teach herself to ride a bike so she's not considered a baby and doesn't have to feel like a burden to her sister anymore.

I have one question for you -and it's only because I'm curious. What's the age gap between Lily and Petunia here?

You did really well with this and I'm excited to find out how this continues.

~Anja

Author's Response: Hi Anja!

I'm so glad you liked the story! It's probably true that the teenage years are more exciting - I have this story planned to last throughout Lily's life, so it will be interesting to see how the writing process changes as they get older.

Petunia's birthday isn't canon, as far as I could figure out. I have the age difference at a little over 2 years. Good question!

Thank you so much for this lovely review for the swap! I hope you keep checking back :)
~Renee


 Report Review

Review #15, by May 

20th July 2015:
Again I loved it I always like Lily and tuneys younger days

Author's Response: I haven't read many other stories like this. I will have to search the archives!

Thank you so much for your review :)


 Report Review

Review #16, by wolfgirl17 

20th July 2015:
Hey Renee,

Wolfgirl here again because I couldn't resist reading this chapter too. I really loved the way you portrayed them as being little girls together. Being the elder of two siblings myself, I recall a time or two when I no longer wanted a playmate in my kid-brother now that I had friends at big-school.

And just like Petunia and Lily we used to fight terrible and say horrible things to one another. I liked that you ended it with Petunia being nice to Lily and them having fun together and I love the foreshadowing of magic to come in the way Lily was able to heal her wound and to prevent herself from ending up in the street to be run over and mangled.

I really liked this story. So much in fact that I'm going to put it on my favorites list. It's really lovely. I love the innocence of Lily and Petunia as little girls and I can't wait to see where you take the rest of the story. I will most certainly be back to read more, so please type as fast as you can.

Keep up the brilliant work. You're marvellous!

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Ohmygoodness, Ellie! OH MY GOODNESS.

I should probably reply to your review of the first chapter before this one, but I just can't wait a moment.

This put the biggest grin on my face and absolutely made my day! I can't believe you added my bashful little story to your favorites! No one has ever said that in a review for me before, I don't think. ALL THE HEARTS FOR YOU!

I'm really glad you felt a connection to the story. That's very reassuring. I actually don't have a sister, and my only brother is quite a bit older than me, so I suppose I'm a bit of an odd duck for venturing into sibling territory with this story.

Also, I'm glad you picked up on the hints of magic. Lily is supposed to have "a lot" of magic, so I wanted it to start young.

I'm not quite sure how to express how much your reviews mean to me, except to say THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! And, to go leave my better-late-than-never review on your story!

grinning like a maniac,
Renee


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login
Add a Review