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1 Reviews Found

Review #1, by CambAngst 

27th August 2015:
Hey, Pix! You definitely picked a good chapter title for this one. Blows to the feels happening all over the place.

GryCReMo (Review #35)

Oh, Wren. I'm not sure this is going to turn out to be a good choice she's made in the long run. I'm really curious, however, as to what happened to Bunny that came so close to killing him. Did he have a bad encounter with some of the other demon rabbits? Was it the separation from Wren? It didn't seem like that had bothered him so much up to this point. Was he simply starving to death from lack of blood? Inquiring minds want to know.

Ah, the Smeed and Burns story comes complete. And also neatly ties into Dillon's story. Wow, so Smeed and Augusta were a thing at some point? Crazy! I hope we hear more about that one later on. There are a lot of things happening here that I wouldn't have guessed, but that's the point of a Big Reveal. Dillon was a victim of a magic-drunk vampire, from the sound of things. His mother must have realized this, so if I'm reading between the lines correctly, she allowed Dillon to feed in order to save him from death. A very motherly thing to do, if not exactly a smart one. And perhaps she had no idea what Dillon could become. Ah, Uncle Toby has joined the party! One small observation: one of his names changed from "Travers" to "Trevor" between the last chapter and this one.

As I recall, you fell for the proper burial line from the grieving mother. -- Yeah, we've all fallen for that one at some point in our youth. ;)

He moved aside a chair full of rubble and swept half a century of dust off of the writing desk. -- Here's one more small thing I love about your writing style. Letting us know that Dillon has been a vampire for fifty years without somebody coming out and saying that he's been a vampire for fifty years. Bravo!

It's a good thing the vampire thrawls are sort of slow and clumsy, otherwise Albus and Scorpius would have been in even bigger trouble.

I've read through the last scene with Albus and Wren twice now. Something is still bugging me about it. I think it's that I'm having a hard time following the progression of Albus's feelings to the angry, disappointed place where he ends up. There's something -- ugh, is "disjointed" the word I'm looking for? -- about it. It just seemed to me that he was too quick to jump to the conclusion that there was something nefarious going on with Wren, or that her appearance was a sign of some personal failing on her part. My suggestion would be to mix up his feelings more. Let him be confused by the fact that he feels this repulsion toward her and let that confusion be a big part of his reaction.

Otherwise, another awesome chapter! I feel us barreling toward the conclusion!

Author's Response:

Hey again! I'm getting, I'm getting, but all these shiny reviews just look so beautiful in my "unanswered reviews" section. Oh well. Time to make that number go down. *sad sigh*

I revised a few things in this chapter after your review. Not sure if I answered your burning questions or not, but I definitely tried to brush up the clarity. You know me and clarity. Always an uphill battle.

There is something about the secret life of a vampire that intrigues me. I admit that there were many threads of backstory that kept popping out when Smeed decided to make a larger presence in this story, but I didn't have time for all of them, and besides, it's not HIS story. I kept having to explain that to him.

And now Smeed has the "Don't take my kindness for weakness" line to add to his repertoire, thanks to Burns' observations. #vampireproblems. This was the turning point for him, where he realizes that he really is a cold-blooded hunter and should start acting like it. That's why he gets a bit touchy with Albus later.

That scene with Albus and Wren, that RIGHT THERE received several lengthy discussions with my betas and everyone was coming at it from different angles. Needless to say, adjustments have been made. As I said above, I don't know if I managed to fully address everything, but it should be at least a more logical progression. Albus' feelings were very difficult for me to wrangle in this story. Such confliction.

That should be a word, by the way. "Confliction".

All the flattering things. I thank you again.

Pix


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