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11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Dirigible_Plums 

9th April 2017:
Hello there!

I'm here to see if you've managed to hide a sneaky flag in this chapter for the CTF event!

I've always been fascinated with this story since it's summary is a killer. It hooks you in and keeps you there. It's fascinating to see how three different generations of Evans have beem dragged into a war and how they've reacted differently to it. Phil prefers not to fight, terrified of the thought of dying; Jack is more patriotic and a lot angrier than either of the other Evans; and Lily seems more level-headed. Just as ready to be involved but still somewhat collected.

Her conversation with James brought up interesting points and both of them were right in their own ways. It's true that Muggles should know about what affects them if it puts them in danger, but removing the International Statute of Secrecy is a risky move. At the end of the day, I personally believe it will do more harm than good. Realistically, many Muggles would believe wizarding kind to be a threat: they've lived amongst us in secret, they've wiped our memory when it suits them, they can do so much more than us with just a flick of their wand. They'd be the next "enemy within".

But it's still very interesting to read about how one world affects the other. As James said, they share a country. So to see people ignore laws like ones that forbid them to get involved in Muggle wars really gives an insight into how the two communities intersect.

Plums xo
♡♡♡

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Review #2, by PaulaTheProkaryote 

14th February 2017:
Hi katie!

I’m throwing a minor temper tantrum because this is the last available chapter. I know you’re all ~happy~ and ~having a life~ and all of that but WHAT ABOUT ME. and you haven’t published in two years? (yes I went back to check). You’re a cruel, mean person.

I’ve got to be honest I never even considered which family Alice might have been, but I love the idea of Fawley. Especially because the family is so heavily associated with Hufflepuff and both Alice and Neville put off Hufflepuff vibes. I’m down with it.

I love this meeting. I love Marlene recruiting Lily and I love Dorcas setting it all up and there's just so much opportunity here. It's a good scene.

I love mae. Is mae going to end up with Jack? I didn't pay close enough attention to names.
I love the cafe and James and Marlene and I keep saying I love stuff, but I love it. I love Lily's sheer enthusiasm. James is woke with the muggle news bit. He’ll definitely be someone she nerds out with.

“They can’t fight a war on two fronts.” There you go again with your transitions.

That Phil and Jack scene was everything.

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Review #3, by NB 

4th January 2017:
Oh I love this story so much! it is so great and such a different view on the war because i feel like people always assume the war was always plastered front and center on the prophet. oh i just adore this :)

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Review #4, by pathfinder 

5th March 2016:
For the Review-a-Thon

Katie,

Another outstanding chapter. I appreciated the balance that was in this chapter - treating each of the three storylines in about the same detail. As others have mentioned, you’ve done an amazing job with the development of these characters and the well-executed dialogue really pulled me through the narrative. Your transitions were very well done and there were very few typos or canon issues. I’ve outlined the few I could find below for your consideration. These are in order as I found them in the chapter:

“Sweet for them,” Marlene said. Dorcas laughed and Lily, a bit hesitantly followed suit. “So,” Marlene turned to Lily, “Dorcas tells me...” In this sentence, you don’t need Marlene ‘turning’ to Lily since she’s already talking to her at the beginning of the sentence.

“...and yet, Jack and never been so nervous.” [Jack had never]

Not cc, but I loved the detail when Jack was at the door of his parent’s house and realized that with his back being turned - it implied that his mom was about to get ‘the telegram’.

A canon point: James’ parents were Fleamont and Euphemia and were very late parents (like...in their 60s) when they had James, so they were also unlikely to be in Marlene’s class. I wouldn’t worry about changing it as almost nobody would know this.

“‘Oh, I don’t even read the Cokeworth Chronicles.’ She took a sip of her water.” I’d recommend clarifying it was Lily who said this...it took me a second to puzzle it out.

Again, not cc, but I appreciate the thought you put in here (the convo between James and Lily) regarding the interaction between the muggle and wizarding worlds. While I disagree with you that wizards wouldn’t be in danger if muggles knew about them, I think you raised some very thoughtful points in your dialogue and it’s obvious you put quite a bit of effort into how those interactions work...or should work.

The last part with Phil: ‘three days no bullets’ is certainly ominous - without meaning to be. The only addition I might recommend is to mention where he’s headed (probably somewhere named ‘the Somme’)

“I’m not going to get myself killed. I know how to avoid a bullet.” Here’s more of my confusion about how Jack sees warfare. Based off of his first encounter, where the person running just beside him was killed, but he wasn’t - how could he not see the randomness of death on the battlefield? Did he know better and was just lashing out at his dad?

Regardless of the minor cc I had, this bears the mark of an excellent story. I’ve finished all of your posted chapters and you leave me wanting more. As food for thought, here are my ideas about where - as a reader - I’d be looking to go:

For Lily’s story - I think you’re going to bring us into the first wizarding war and it will be fun to watch how you build the relationship between her and James. It’s only three years before she’s pregnant with Harry.

For Jack, I’ve mentioned that I’d like to get into his head a little more, and maybe have him reach the revelation that Phil is dangling in front of him.

For Phil, well, we already know he gets injured and marries Fiona...so I think the interesting part will be getting there.

As I mentioned in one of my earlier reviews, the only other addition I could possibly think to add would be to show some more physical connections between the stories. Besides the pipe that I brought up before, it might be interesting to see one or two unexplained happenings in each of the world wars (i.e magic happening in the muggle battle) that better link the stories.

Thanks again for writing this amazing novel and I can’t wait for more.

-Drew

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Review #5, by HartOfARebel 

3rd November 2015:
Really hooked on this story. Characters are real and different to any other story I've read on here. Looking forward to the next chapter!!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm working on it now :)

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Review #6, by canary in the mine 

20th September 2015:
Just read through the rest of the chapters and I'm so in love with your writing style and how effortlessly you pull off writing about three different wars and finding ways to transition between them. I also love how you have these three distinct characters with very different personalities in the same situation. I love how Jack is almost bloodthristy for war and Phil is squeamish and unsure of it all and Lily is resigned in a way, she doesn't crave it but she doesn't cower from it either and knows her place in it. The contrast between the three is just lovely to read. I haven't read ff for years and I'm glad this is the first story I decided to pick up - it's amazingly well written and like I said earlier, reads like a movie in a very good way. I can't wait until your next chapter :3

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Review #7, by Flower n Prongs 

17th August 2015:
I can't believe that there was another chapter of this up for TWO MONTHS before I read it. I suppose at least I had something to read when I came back and you get a review after some of the original wave that come with an update have died down a bit.

This chapter was excellent at finally showing us more of the dynamic between Lily's father and grandfather. You built up the anger and fear Jack had for Phil very well during his time back home, while he was trying to work up the courage to go home and then after he finally did. Jack's desire to see his mother and fear to see his father out of worry for their reactions to the same event - him volunteering for war - helped set a mysterious tone. It was clear that there was some reason Phil would be more upset (or at least less forgiving) than his wife and not revealing it until the last section was a great decision.

Hearing that Phil was crippled by a shell was an amazing twist that I did not see coming. I was certain that he was emotionally traumatized by what happened and that that affected him in the 40s and 70s, but did not expect to hear that he had received a severe physical injury as well, since that often does not happen in fan fiction... or most novels. (George RR Martin excluded.) The fact that he stressed it was not a bullet but a shell after his last section ("three days, no bullets") makes me think that something bad will go down the next chapter. I definitely have a morbid curiosity to see how it all plays out.

As for Lily and James, you nailed the banter between them. Having Lily begin to integrate herself more into magical society during her summers off now that she is 16 seems like a logical choice, since she is at an age where people tend to have summer jobs and more independence. I will say that it took me a few minutes to figure out what the DMLE was (that's what I get for waiting so long between chapters!) but I figured it out rather quickly.

One minor spelling note: there were a couple places where you have "Grindewald" instead of "Grindelwald". I'm assuming this is because it is something spellcheck doesn't catch as a typo, so it's not a big deal but I thought I would point it out.

I am very interested to see how you have Lily and James's relationship unfold in Sixth Year as well as how Phil & Jack's experiences in the world wars play out. I can't wait to read the next chapter. As always, excellent job. =)

(P.S. A lot of your ideas seem so great that they make my mind stat running for my own story. And, if you don't mind, I think I am going to steal the idea of Dorcas Meadowes being a journalist.)

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Review #8, by RavenclawFTW 

31st July 2015:
Hi Katie! Here for the review. Unfortunately, I’m not sure I’m going to be able to provide the services I promised in my thread, because I mentioned offering con crit and I have very, very little con crit to offer you. This might be my favorite story I’ve ever read on the archives, and I read a lot of fic. So prepare yourself for more of a long, gushing ramble than anything.

Just for background: I’m a history student and WWI is kinda my thing. So naturally I was super excited when I started reading this story and saw how WWI-heavy it is! I’m going to start by going over the WWI/WWII parts before delving more into Lily stuff.

You asked if the transitions were too jarring and if the non-Lily sections are holding my interest. Man oh man are they holding my interest! I seriously love how you’re developing the other storylines and relationships throughout the fic so far. The transitions are honestly perfect, especially in this chapter with the dialogue. They work so nicely to tie everything together and show how cyclical this whole war business is! Jack and Phil are definitely characterized consistently, and the way their stories are unfolding are super realistic, accurate, and suspenseful. I spend a significant amount of time reading novels/books about WWI and it’s actually quite weird to have the foreknowledge that the protagonist is definitely going to make it, but that adds interesting tension to the story. It’s tragic and gripping to know that Jack and Phil are going to make it while Lily won’t be quite so lucky.

Anway. I love the tension between Jack and Phil not only in Jack’s visit but also in the differences between their stories: Jack running away eagerly to fight for a noble cause, Phil thrust into the War unwillingly; Jack cracking slightly under the pressure, Phil soldiering on with a stiff lip (at least so far!); Jack lashing out every step of the way, Phil calmly taking it in stride(ish). You can see both of these characters in Lily, and the ways you’ve continually tied them together in the narrative style but also the details (especially the eyes) is wonderful.

I love how Phil and Fiona have interacted and how their relationship is developing. It feels like they complement each other very, very nicely, and everything about them reads very realistically to me. The knowledge of Phil’s injury and Fiona’s future dementia adds a sadder element to their story, but I’m insanely curious to watch everything unravel.

Jack, on the other hand, has much less to ground him, and he was already prone to more anger/outbursts. His alcoholic tendencies and feelings about his family are very intriguing and I’m really excited to see how he’ll continue to develop as a character. It seems to me that you’ve also done a really wonderful job capturing the camaraderie of war and the friendships that can form in stressful situations.

As for the consistency of the story...I just read it in one long go, and nothing felt out of place to me. I was really impressed by how you’ve managed to create a tone that works so well for all three characters/situations and slip between their voices. It read really easily (well, as easily as anything about war reads) and nothing felt out of place to me.

Moving onto Lily and her story...I seriously love the political edge you’ve given Lily and how you’ve brought the War inside of Hogwarts. This is a much darker and serious version of Lily’s Hogwarts days than I’ve encountered before and it’s incredibly well done and haunting. It makes so much sense why she would pay attention to the news as avidly as she does, and her relationship with Dorcas is very interesting and novel. I particularly liked the column you included by Dorcas that seemed like it was going to be about Lily-- there’s so much going on in the Wizarding world at this time, and it makes sense that Lily would expect to make more of an impression on Dorcas, but I just thought that was a super realistic way to keep her grounded.

Then the attacks on Lily are so frightening and realistic, and Lily is incredibly strong to bear them with such bravery. It’s also easy to understand and relate to where she’s coming from on the lack of whistleblowing. You’ve done a masterful job portraying the unfortunate plight of a somewhat voiceless minority.

I also really love how you’ve done James and Lily’s relationship so far. Given everything else going on in her life, it makes tons of sense that she’d be caught between appreciating pranks/humor and thinking that he needs to grow up. I love how you handled the post-OWLs scene and how James acted. The discussion in this chapter was fantastic and James seems so thoughtful and on the edge of really understanding Lily. I’m excited to see their relationship develop further and James continue to grow. I also enjoy the dynamics you’ve introduced about him and his position in society/how well connected he is. That’s something else I’m excited to see develop as Lily gets to know him better.

If there’s one thing I question about this story, it may be the effect of the attacks on Lily so far. It seems like having two men standing over her and discussing the merits of raping her (which she frankly realized and acknowledged) would have more of an impact on her than it seems to? I understand that she’s a really strong character and super brave, but it seems like a fifteen year old would face a little more trauma after that, especially when you factor in the other terrible attacks she’s faced. At the very least, it seems like she may avoid wandering the halls alone thereafter.

I’m honestly just in awe of this story and your brain. These connections are amazing and so well-done, and I really, really love how you’re expanding on the impacts of war and how war has changed. Seriously...I’m going to be waiting for updates with bated breath!! I’m sorry I wasn’t able to be more constructive, but I’m really blown away by this story so far!!

--J

Author's Response: YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY THIS MADE ME. I'm so in love with it. You are the best!

Thank you for pointing out the lack of effect on Lily! That definitely isn't something I'd consciously thought to include-- I'll definitely put more focus on that in future chapters!

I'm so glad you've enjoyed this, it's always so lovely to hear, and I'm glad I'm writing things that people enjoy! :D Thank you so much for the amazing review!


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Review #9, by Felpata Lupin 

7th July 2015:
Hello Katie, my dear!
Here for our swap! :)
Actually, I should've read this ages ago but... What can I say? There are always so many things to do... Better late than never, right?

Wow, what a chapter! Loved it so much!
The starting scene was great, I particularly enjoyed the little reference to Alice and Frank (made me think of "The right one comes along", and I loved the cuteness of that story so much...)

I love the idea of Lily doing an internship at the DMLE and getting to see the reality of what's happening a bit more closer. I also loved her exchange with James. Their debate was so thoughtful and interesting.

Oh, Jack... I would like to slap him and give him a hug at the same time...
I loved how you described his heading home comparing it with his marches, and how bombs and enemy armies and the prospect of dying are less scary than his father's reaction! Which was absolutely perfect, by the way. His coldness and quiet fury is just what should've been expected from Phil. Just like it was to be expected Fiona's reaction. Any mother would've acted that way, I'm sure.
Phil's talk in the end was just so moving, too. He loves his son so much, and you really showed that love so deeply.

And finally, let's talk about Phil himself. First of all, I loved the camaraderie you showed there. Even if he is pretty useless at the front and even if his comrades don't really understand him and like to make fun of him, there's still this friendly spirit and sense of brotherhood that I adore. It makes me smile that he hopes to be useful at least when it comes to mending, if not anything else. And I still find so cute his feelings for Fiona, even if they'd met for such a short time!

Oh oh... I think I've rambled a bit too much (this story has this effect on me...)
Point is, I adored this chapter (just as much as all the previous ones) and I hope I'll see another update soon (and maybe the next time I won't take so long to actually read...)
Tons of Pygmy Puff's cuddles!
Chiara

Author's Response: Better late than never indeed :)

I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter! I felt unsure about a lot of it, because I started writing it several months after I finished the last chapter, and didn't feel like I got the flow quite right. It worked out in the end, I think! "The Right One Comes Along" was actually written as a companion piece for this! You can picture that fluff as an extension of IFOP. :)

The debate between Lily and James was so much fun to write. I've been very war minded concerning these two, so I think it's important for James to show Lily that he's really aware of what's going on, and that they're very similar minded when it comes to politics and such. And of course, I love politics, so I really enjoy writing about stuff like this.

Jack! I think he was my favorite to write in this character in this chapter. I love him so much, even if I don't always like him :P He's definitely the roughest of these three characters, so I'm glad that he's at least a little likable! And I'm glad the father-son chat worked as well. I was so worried about that! I don't have a ton of personal experience with father/son relationships, so it was definitely difficult for me.

I love Phil. He is lovely and fantastic and I love writing him so much. It's a huge contrast from Jack, and even from Lily, so it's a nice bit of a break. He is who he is, and he is always kind and friendly. (If he were at Hogwarts, he would be a Hufflepuff FOR SURE.) I like his little crush as well. Very fun to write amidst all the heavy war stuff!

I'm so glad you enjoyed this! Thank you so much for swapping! :)


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Review #10, by Queen of Nerds 

19th June 2015:
So glad to see an update! I especially loved James and Lily's debate!

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for reviewing! Lily and James's debate was so much fun to write. I'm hoping they'll have a few more similar ones in later chapters as well. I just love writing those two together. :)

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Review #11, by Vanillaberries 

14th June 2015:
I can't get over how well-written and insightful this story is. I love all the viewpoints - Lily's is my favourite - but I'm just in awe of this story and your writing. Having read a couple of your stories, I wouldn't know which one is best but your writing/plotlines just get better! I love the argument between Lily and James, it is not often that people show the more intelligent, thoughtful side to James and also exactly how harsh their world exactly was. Hoping for another chapter soon!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review! I am VERY proud of this story, so it's so nice to hear that people like it! And it's so nice to hear you like all my writing, I'm a bit embarrassed by some of the earlier stuff now, but I'm glad you've noticed the improvements!

The argument between Lily and James is probably one of my favorite things I've written. I think it's important to show that side of James, and that side of their world, that's the stuff I find most interesting, actually!

Thank you again for the review!


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