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7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by PaulaTheProkaryote 

14th February 2017:
HI Katie!

Happy birthday Lily! It feels like Lilyís birthday right after the last chapter with her grandadís birthday was a nice touch. I feel like I connect her most to her grandad so I like when their lives parallel the most. Also her grandad making the dress was so, so sweet. My heart.

I like this James better too. Don't get me wrong I love obsessed weird awkward James as much as the next jilyer, but this just seems so much more authentic. If I had to pick one word to describe your writing, it'd be authentic.

"A misunderstanding." Oh my god, I love your dialogue.

I like the Fiona and Phil dialogue about how he wonít want to relive it and how rude it was and the whole everyone else will ask the same thing bits. When my best friend came back he said it was relive it nonstop and how people kept asking him how many people he killed like it was something to brag about. Blegh. But they are such a sweet love story. Perfect for Valentineís day.

Also I loved the James at the end of the chapter. He was very tolerable.

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Review #2, by pathfinder 

24th February 2016:
Another wonderful chapter. The development of your characters continues to be exceptional and your dialogue and prose flow very well. I donít recall seeing a single typo in this entire chapter, so well done (and - as a reader - thank you).

The only character Iím having trouble understanding is Jack. Itís interesting to try to figure out what Jack is thinking about war now that heís had his first encounter. He certainly didnít seem keen on battle when he was running for his life in the last chapter, but here we see him, anxious for another battle and talking big (or blowing smoke) about it. The short section with Jack at the end seemed almost out of place in its brevity and Iíll be curious to see where youíre going with it in the next chapter.

The friendly banter between Phil and Fiona is extremely well done. Itís very natural and you can easily tell who is speaking- even without identifying it. The only cc I would have here is to add some non-verbal actions (Fiona doing something with her hair, Phil reacting to what she said, etc.) to bring the dialogue more to life.

One continuity point I had trouble with were the compartments on the train. When I first thought of the scene, I imagined the compartments like the Hogwarts Express - that is, they open on an interior hallway. This made the scene where Phil watched Fiona step off the train confusing. Then I realized that the carriages are set up like the ones on a train I saw in Downton Abbey - each compartment has a door directly onto the platform. It might be worthwhile to take a sentence or two to describe the carriage (maybe as Fiona boards) so that the later action is more clear.

The simmering tension between Lily and Severus was well developed here and Iím enjoying how you are making the relationship dissipate over time like hot cocoa mix into warm milk rather than have it blow up all at once. The same with the relationship with James...one piece at a time, one small action at at time.

Thank you for posting such an interesting and well-developed story!

-Drew

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Review #3, by cherry_pop94 

27th December 2015:
Hello! I'm here for the review I promised!

Not sure if I've mentioned this before, but I'm such a fan of 'In Flanders Field' and it works marvelously as the titles of your chapters.

Anyway, onto the story!

This was a great chapter. My heart hurts for Jack so much. He's so eager to prove himself, so show the world that he isn't just some little kid, but his enthusiasm for battle will be crushed soon. His little section at the end was heartbreaking. It's terrifying. I really must commend you for the way you write battle in the World Wars. It's so realistic and terrifying. You really do have such a wealth of knowledge!

Phil and Fiona! Phil and Fiona! That was such an adorable scene. They're a lovely couple. And she's a ginger, I love it. I'm glad Phil will have someone to write to on the front lines and someone who understands a bit too. I mean, being a nurse is different, but they do both understand that there's nothing glorious about the front lines. Fiona talking about her brothers' eagerness to go was so sad. It reminded me of Jack.

I do wonder how Phil feels in Jack's timeline. How does he feel about his son so eagerly going off to fight? And Jack's so young. He's probably around the same age as Lily, but there's something much younger about Jack's demeanor.

I love how her father gave Lily the pipe. I love how it physically connects their three timelines. Phil smoked it first, then Jack, and now Lily. And she just got even more effortlessly cool. I swoon every time Lily shows up. No wonder James has a crush on her.

Lily's annoyance at Severus is really well done. I like how you show their friendship deterioration before it finally explodes. I can totally understand Lily's annoyance with him. He just can't understand his privileged position in comparison to her. She's putting herself before him, she's putting her fight before him. As she should. Lily's already showing the formidable warrior I know she becomes.

I'll be back soon to read more of this marvelous story!

Stefanie

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Review #4, by Liebeliebes 

18th June 2015:
Honestly his fic just keeps getting better and better. I am not sure that all the dueling in the hallway would be okay with he professors but maybe they just somehow don't know? Love it.

Author's Response: I'm glad you're enjoying it! I hope you continue to!

I get comments about the dueling a lot, and I think it's important to point out that you're only seeing glimpses of Lily's life, and I think that can give the impression that it happens more than it does. This is also a story meant to focus more on the war than on romance, so I'm stretching canon a little bit to make it work for my purposes.

Thanks again for reviewing!


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Review #5, by Your Purple Pygmy Puff 

24th May 2015:
Oh, I loved this chapter!!!
So much cuteness around here!
I loved the encounter between Phil and Fiona! And it really saddened and angered me (us Pygmy Puffs don't get angry easily, but it happens sometime...) when they talked about her little brother receiving the feather... People are really cruel...

Anyway, I loved that scene, and the way she runs back to leave him her address, just so sweet!!!

And I really had fun seeing Lily with the Marauders! They do seem an enjoyable company, when they're not acting like (to use her words) vile bullies. And in that scene in the Owlery James was just so cute... I'm very happy she decided to take that walk with him!!! :)

Of course, there are the serious things going on, too... All those Muggles killed, and the news given so little space and thought... And obviously Severus is still denying everything, and all he manages to care about is his jealousy towards Potter... Shaking my little puffy head and sighing...

I haven't talked about Jack, yet... Have I?
I thought after that battle he would've changed his views a bit... Well, maybe he isn't saying, but he has...
So, they lost Rivers?!? Oh... This makes me so sad... :'(
Poor Jack, hope he's going to be fine (obviously he will, otherwise Lily would never be born... But I'm a tiny bit worried nonetheless...)

Lovely chapter! Wonderful job once again!
See you soon, my sweet owner!
Your Purple Pygmy Puff

Author's Response: Thank you!!

Cuddles!


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Review #6, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap 

2nd April 2015:
She says tobacco is unhealthy, and she doesn't want either of you doing it.

At first the letter totally boggled my mind but I have to remember what era this is. Everyone smoked then. It was the norm.

Crazy. I canít imagine. The smell makes me sick.

"Then write to me," she said. "Please." She handed him a piece of paper.

I love that youíre showing us more into the past than just the war. I like to read their backstories and I fell for her grandparents in the last chapter anyway so to read their initial meeting was wonderful. I got a little teary-eyed when she came back and asked if he would write to her. Itís just so real because I know this happened quite often. Heck, when my friend went off and joined the Marines he asked me to write to him. I did pages upon pages while he would send me back a paragraph or two but just to know he was okay was good.

The fight with Severus and Lily is just building. Tension, so much tension. It baffles me that Sev really thought this was years ago. He just wanted to see what he wanted to see. Anyone who disagreed with him was wrong. Insane. It took her death to realize he was on the wrong end of things. That's sad.

Author's Response: I get that a lot, actually! People seem to be very against the idea of Lily smoking, but it really was the norm at the time! It might be pushing it a bit for a parent to encourage the smoking, but Jack is... Jack.

I absolutely love Fiona! I'm glad she's likable. And everyone needs someone to write to, even a stranger, sometimes.

Thank you again for leaving such a nice review! I'm so gad you're enjoying the story! :)


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Review #7, by Flower n Prongs 

23rd March 2015:
I settled in to read this with a nice mug of hot chocolate. I figured I might as well get comfy after seeing the length of this chapter. As usual, you did not disappoint.

I love your portrayal of Lily on her birthday. The fact that you have her as somebody who is able to have a polite conversation with people she isnít friends with is nice to read. I also like the fact that you made her have a proper opinion on Quidditch and be informed about the matter. Too often she comes across as another Hermione in stories, just a Muggleborn who doesnít know about Quidditch and who doesnít care about it at all. The fact that she held her own against the Marauders and managed to talk to them about something in the paper was great to read about.

Also, I donít think Iíve mentioned this before but I love that you havenít shoved all of the members of the original Order into her year. Having Dorcas Meadowes as a journalist who is trying to inform the public of the events that are occurring is so much more realistic. There needs to be more people on the front lines and people outside of the class of í78, but all too often you have some combination of Dorcas, Marlene McKinnon, and Nevilleís parents in their year. (I have to say, having Dorcas as a reporter may just become my new head-canon for her itís so perfect!)

Between chapters, I refreshed myself on Dunkirk through the ever-so-reliable Wikipedia to make sure that it was what I thought it was. The events during the evacuation are so dramatic and have so much potential so Iím glad you decided to show some of them from Lilyís fatherís perspective. The mention of Churchill made me hope that some references to his speeches were coming, since some of his best known ones (ďwe will fight on the beachesĒ) occurred just around the Dunkirk evacuation.

The interactions between Lilyís grandparents were adorable. As soon as I heard that Fiona had red hair I was saying to myself, ďIs that her Nan? It has to be her Nan, right?Ē I loved the banter between them. The fact that she seemed to be doing all the talking and the fact that she was so much more forward than Phil made me laugh. I suppose you would have to be willing to speak up in a family of 12 kids (my Granny is one of twelve and heaven knows she can chat your ear off!) and it provided a nice contrast to Phil, who certainly seems more stoic and by-the-book than his son.

Showing Lily and Severus drifting apart before the Mudblood Incident is wonderful. Given the snippets of conversation we have seen (i.e. Mulciber is evil, Sev!) I can imagine that it was a spot of contention between the two of them for at least a couple of years before their OWLs. I also like how you showed Snape villainizing James & friends in contrast to Lilyís reactions throughout the chapter.

Well, this is a monster review so I should probably wrap it up! Excellent job again. =) I can't wait to read the next chapter!

Author's Response: I'm glad I make the monster chapters worth it! And I hope you enjoyed your hot chocolate :)

And I'm so glad we're on the same page about the class of '78. And pretty much everything else regarding the Marauders era. When I was planning this, I very intentionally went against all of the common misconceptions and destroyed them. I suppose stuff like that happens when you ship something for ten years??

I said this in my last response, but Dunkirk is still daunting to me. I'm excited to see what you think!

Phil and Fiona are my favorite. (To the point I literally just spelled Fiona with a ph instead of f.) Fiona is so much fun! She's also one of those characters who sort of writes herself, and that's always nice. Sometimes I think I'm as besotted with her as Phil is. :)

Thank you so much for your reviews! I appreciate them so much!!!


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