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11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ANightingaleInAGoldenCage 

9th April 2017:
Hiya! Here for CTF #5

And I continue to be absolutely disgusted by the descriptions you give us, especially in the latest paragraph. I think it's necessary to put it in, however, but yeah, it is disgusting to read, if I have to be completely honest. That being said i do agree with it being the best chapter yet. It was quite heavy again and the part about her grandmother absolutely broke my heart into a million little pieces. It was so obvious from the get-go that she had Alzheimers and I completely felt with her granddad to, with his hestitance to send her to a home. I admire Petunia for offering to help though, because I am with Lily here at the point that I probably couldn't do it myself It's also sad to know that Lily can't be completely honest about the war she's living in and it kind of enraged me that Petunia thought it was only because she was a girl...
The Marauder action and Lily helping them out when needed and the other way around was very powerful as well and it set a good precedence for their relationship as it is. It shows growth as well and the tiny bit about James wanting to learn from Lily made me laugh a bit - which is good because there is hardly any light stuff in this story as it is. Yet again a great job!

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Review #2, by AbraxanUnicorn 

9th April 2017:
Hello! I hear that there is a flag somewhere in this story, and I wonder if it's lurking in this chapter?

There is quite a lot going on in this chapter, which shifts from era to era. We begin with Lily's visit to her grandparents, for her grandfather's birthday during the Christmas holiday - I'm guessing she must be in 6th year at school by now? Her grandmother appears to be suffering from an age-related mental health condition, possibly form of dementia such as Alzheimer's? The conversations between members of the family that highlight this disease are particularly sad, especially when it comes to light that Lily's grandfather is not coping with looking after his wife on his own. I loved the fact that Petunia offered her help; it surprised me but it felt right. I knew she had to have some good in her somewhere. This was balanced by the exchange between the sisters at the dinner table, with Petunia intoning that Lily was a freak. Poor Lily. If only Petunia knew how much Lily suffered at the hands of the Slytherins at school, would she still be so cruel to her own sister during the holidays?

We flick back to scenes of grandfather Phil Evans during the war, and how he seems to be at the butt of his comrades' jokes, but gosh - what a horribly dangerous job to have to locate the enemy or ascertain their strategy. And later, there's an attack on the trenches, of which we don't know the outcome in this chapter.

Jack Evans's scenes are also war-based, and he seems to be having a few issues with his colleagues too. There are a few touching moments alluding to the fact that the men will look out for each other, but it must be unbelievably hard to be holed-up with people you would normally avoid on a day-to-day basis in the outside world. Yikes! The chapter finishes with Operation Dynamo and a march to Dunkirk.

I loved the inclusion of Wilfred Owen's Dulce et decorum est in this chapter. There was a huge amount of action going on in this chapter, but it was easy enough to follow. I look forward to reading more Thank you for a great read.

Brax X

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Review #3, by PaulaTheProkaryote 

14th February 2017:
Hi Katie!

All of them together for her granddad's birthday. Oh, I love the way this story is written. You're a brilliant person.

I love the domesticness of it. The way that life carries on post-war. The way that Lily is just peeling potatoes with her mom and grandma and the boys are off drinking. The scene with nan and her obvious memory issues was of course very sad, but I think that’s bringing your knowledge into your craft. You just paint people so well.

I love that you brought in those bits of Petunia's jealousy and the general tension there. It came really organically and didn't feel forced in the slightest.

This scene with Phil and everyone arguing about sending nan away is so, so, so important. I think it's every family's worst nightmare, but it's also something that happens to everyone. We all have loved ones that we have to make these decisions for and that's so scary. Also I love that Petunia not only stepped up to the plate, but that we get a glimpse of Petunia being caring and kind and all around sweet.

And Dorcas is strong as heck and I love her too. I love the way Lily kind of seems to idolize her too. She’s going to be a role model.

I wonder how Lily will handle war when the glamor of it fades. I bet she’ll soldier on like the Evanses before her.

All of this makes me angry. Why didn't Dumbledore do more to protect the students? Just casual duels and attacks and gruesome threats in the hallways? These kids don’t deserve that and now I’m grumpy for my sweet babies.

I think this was my favorite chapter so far too!

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Review #4, by pathfinder 

21st February 2016:
I’ll start my reviews here, since almost all of my feedback on the first three chapters has already been covered by others.
First off, like many of your reviewers, I’m a history buff and I appreciate the effort you made to ensure the war scenes and facts were historically accurate. You did your homework - and it shows. Let me also say that I certainly agree with the praise that your other reviewers gave on the first three chapters. It’s easy to see why you won the Dobby award. This is truly an amazing story.

I only had one comment on Chapter 3 and it’s not worth a dedicated review: “‘I suppose not,’ Phil responded. It was not a skill he had ever hopped to need.” Should be ‘hoped’.

Now for Chapter 4:
“That’s very noble. That’s not war.” As others have mentioned, this is an amazing quote and I’m glad you captured this point. I think you’ll get there in the story, but as a reader, I’m looking to see the transition of innocent (Phil) to skeptic; idealistic (Jack) to realistic; and Lily’s own journey into the true nature of warfare.

One thing I might like to see are more tangible connections between these three stories. If I didn’t know that Phil, Jack, and Lily were related, the stories seem almost independent - with just the circumstances to connect them. For example, the pipes that Jack and Phil pull out in the dining room - how do they tie to the pipe that Lily gets later in the story? Did Lily ever notice the cigarette burn on her grandfather’s palm? Maybe you get to these points in future chapters.

The rest of my feedback is relatively minor cc and editorial recommendations, which moves through the chapter in order.

The transitions were outstanding and I agree with the comments made by other reviewers that it helps these large chapters flow from section to section and also connects the experiences of the characters. The only one I thought might be improved is the transition from Jack to Lily:
"My father would've been just as excited as I am," Jack said. Which transitions to: "I won't do it!"
The way you’ve written previous transitions (very cleverly, I might add) is that the last quote carries over to the next section, but this one doesn’t work that way. Although I like the delusion that Jack has about his father, wouldn’t the last thing Jack says be something like how ‘Rivers belongs in an old folks home’ or that ‘someone should take Rivers away’ to tie to the next section? Just a thought.

“All of the Muggleborns or else advocates...” Typo: ‘them’

I had difficulty with the ‘good day’ reference. As I was reading, I couldn't follow why Dorcas would call disappearances and deaths a ‘good day‘ without knowing what would be classified as a ‘bad day’. “There were no other words for what was happening.” Again, I didn't get the connection here (perhaps I missed something…) about why there would be no other words for kidnapping and murder than ‘a good day.’ I know you use this quote further along, so it has relevance later too.

“They hadn't fought because they believed in the cause, they had fought because they believed in their country.” As I mentioned above, as a reader I’m really interested in how the experience of war changes the characters. I’m pretty sure you get Phil and Jack to this point, but I also hope you get Lily to where she realizes that belief in her country has almost nothing to do with why she’s fighting.

“...wouldn't let her join with now OWLs.” Typo: ‘no’.

“...she was hurdling through the air” Typo: ‘hurtling’.

“...cornered by two men who want to do serious harm...” Word choice question here. Would Lily refer to 15 or 16 year olds as ‘men’?

A minor historical point: The grenade that Jack would have used is a 'Mills bomb' which had a 7-second fuse in 1940 (instead of 10 seconds).

“He moved passed the alley...” Typo: ‘past’.

“That was where they were mean to meet.” Typo: ‘meant’

Don’t read anything into the length of this review except that I’m into detail. I really enjoy your writing and I appreciate the attention you paid to grammar, sentence structure, and conversation. It makes reading your story effortless. In addition, the dialogue your characters use is natural, believable, and flows smoothly. I found it easy to connect to the OCs you created and found the dialogue of your canon characters to be spot on. The slow dissolution of the relationship with Snape and the difficult start of the relationship with James are brilliantly done (as others have mentioned.)

I liked the way you ended this chapter and I’m hoping to find out what Jack thinks of war now that he’s had his first taste. I’ll keep reading and reviewing.

-Drew

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Review #5, by marauderfan 

28th December 2015:
Here for another Hot Seat review! I really loved the first section with Lily at her grandparents' house. You have this wonderful ability to convey so much about people just through their dialogue - not even a description or setting was needed, but the way Petunia responds to both questions with "Fine" and her sniping at Lily under the guise of answering her grandparents' question - it says so much about her right there just in the situation, without any of Lily's thoughts thrown in. It's very unbiased.

And oh the part with her Nan, that was really touching. I loved it for a number of reasons - one: although sad, that is something that happens to older people quite often, it's realistic; and two: it actually gives Lily the opportunity to tell her Nan about Hogwarts, because she knows Nan won't remember it, or if she does remember and talks about it, no one will really think much of it. It's so sad, but in a way really beautiful because Lily is able to tell her grandmother about school in a way she can't tell anyone else in her family.

I must agree with you that your transitions in this chapter are really strong! I love the way you seamlessly stitch these three stories together.

I don't recall if I've mentioned this before but I love how well you go into the war details, such as the confusion and weariness Jack is facing in this chapter, the long march, and the awful last scene where he and his fellow soldiers are being shot at as they run towards the forest. I also love that you've highlighted the differences between the two world wars in the methods of fighting, as that historical detail is really nice. I think you've done an especially good job with the first world war bits with Phil.

Also, you kind of left off on a cliffhanger with Phil and omg. I mean, I know he lives (that's the nice thing about having these three timelines running simultaneously is I know Jack and Phil both live, or Lily's story wouldn't exist) but it's still really suspenseful.

Lily's story at school got really intense here, and I like the light you're showing on James and Sirius - how they want to help her and protect her from the people who are injuring her, but she's still miffed that, in her eyes, they're not taking it seriously and it's all fun and games to them. At the end of the scene though it seemed as though they may have been fighting together instead of just them stepping in to protect her. I like the way you portray their relationship in this time period as well - it's not hate, and she still doesn't really like him - it's just frosty.

I have a lot more I wish I could say but it's late and I have work super early tomorrow. Anyway, I am still really into this story and I love how much you're diving into the war aspect in all three stories and highlighting the wars' differences as well as similarities. I feel like a story like this would take a lot of work to put together in the way that you have, and your hard work has certainly paid off. Wonderful writing.

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Review #6, by HeyMrsPotter 

11th September 2015:
Well, I was totally not expecting the feels that came with this chapter. Lily's Nan♥ I love how kind and patient Lily was with her, having the same conversations over and over.

I'm so glad Petunia was in this chapter, just because their bickering at the table was brilliant! In fact, that whole section was just lovely, a nice little snapshot of normal family life for Lily.

After reading Phil's section, I'm so scared for him! Even though I know he's okay because he's in Lily's sections, I'm still worried about him♥ I loved the soldiers' banter that they had before he went, this line in particular “Don’t die tonight, we need you to fix our shirts.” was my favourite.

I really really hate Mulciber and Avery! I'm glad that Lily is giving as good as she's getting though, and of course the help from James and Sirius didn't come in wrong.

I agree with your Author's Note, this is my favourite chapter so far too, all of the things happened!!

I'm adding this to my favourites so that I can come back to it when I have a little more spare time :)

Dee

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Review #7, by manno_malfoy 

14th August 2015:
Okay, whoa. It's taken me a while to get through this chapter today, not just because it's long but also because you've A LOT of things going on in it. There were a lot of different timelines, and James and Sirius (yay!). But you are right! The transitions in this chapter are a lot better! It's amazing how you've found a way to tie the end of each section to the start of the one afterwards. I could just see it in my head like a movie, when the camera scans over, and things go from vibrant colours to yellowish-tones. Sorry if I'm getting too excited about this, I just thought it was cool how you went about it this chapter.

The part with her grandparents was fantastic because it brings all three characters from the different timelines together in one room! It was also great how you managed to have Lily converse with her grandmother despite her the state of her memory and her repetitive question. I especially liked it when it took Lily's train of thought onto how she didn't have choice when it came to fighting this war, and how she felt rejected in both realms.

Then there was the scene of the duel at Hogwarts, which I think you've written with an adequate amount of gore and intensity. And when James and Sirius came along and Lily wasn't all too grateful because of their attitude really goes to show what sort of woman she's becoming. I really do admire her sense of independence and how grounded with all her values. And this also came up when she questioned James about what he does to Severus. -insert lots of hearts here-

As for the other two wars, Phil is my favourite, I'm not sure why. Probably because of how the previous chapter ended for him or maybe because of how his friends pick on him. I don't know. I must admit that I'm not very knowledgeable when it comes to history, so I can't really comment on the accuracy of all things. But I do like the vibe you've got going on!

-Manno

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Review #8, by Your Purple Pygmy Puff 

22nd May 2015:
Hello again, my sweet owner!
I have to agree, this is your best chapter so far!!!

I really loved Lily's grandmother! She reminded me a lot of my own gran... She was a very old Pygmy Puff, and she too used to forget things and ask the same question again and again...
Anyway I found Lily's nan really sweet, and I just loved how much Phil cares for her! I was quite surprised by Petunia's offering... But I suppose I've heard too many bad things about her and I'm a bit biased...

"Fighting for what you believe in isn't noble?"
"That's very noble. That's not war."
I loved this exchange! It expresses so well the realiy of the war, or at least the way I see it.

Your descriptions here are simply spectacular. You really can feel the earth shake, the lights of explosions, their colours and sounds and the smoke filling the air. You really can feel the panic, the dread, the will to live pushing you forward even if there is no energy left in your body. Absolutely wonderful job!

Leaving you for now, but I'll be back soon, don't worry!
Many, many cuddles and much, much love!
Your Purple Pygmy Puff

Author's Response: Thank you thank you thank you! I'm so pleased with it :)

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Review #9, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap 

2nd April 2015:
Hey! It has taken me forever to come back here. I’ve been super busy but what I wanted to know what happens next. Behind on all my favorite stories!

“Hogwarts,” her grandmother echoed, trying the word in her mouth. “What a strange name.”

Uh. My heartbroke with her grandmother. I love my grandmother and she unfortunately in her old age has dementia. She still remembers things but sometimes it’s the same question over and over again and everyone else gets angry but I don’t mind. It’s not her fault and it’s not fair.

Because she’s so pretty. Freak-ishly pretty.” Petunia stabbed her roast particularly hard.

Easy on the jealously there Petunia. Do you think she was jealous of James? I mean Vernon isn’t exactly…err…sexy? Or attractive.

The transitions were great in this chapter. I would have pulled out more quotes but I kept getting distracted. Too many phone calls and real life nonsense. I loved the different scenes too. We finally see Lily and her fight, the start of it anyway, and we have her reasoning behind fighting. We had the others, the draft, wanting to fight in the war, but never hers. I think it’s just always assumed she had too. I liked her interaction with her family the best and trying to find out about the war with her grandfather. I wonder how much he revealed and if he ever told his son how scared he was and hadn’t exactly assimilated to the lifestyle.

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for stopping by, despite the busy schedule! I appreciate it a ton!

I loved writing Lily's grandmother. She is based pretty heavily on my own grandmother, so I know exactly where you're coming from. It's hard, of course, and my family didn't respond very well to it either. I never really minded the repetitive questions, and it ended up working out very well for Lily.

I love Petunia in this chapter too. I'm not sure she'd be jealous of James, I think she'd be a bit put off by the fact that he's magical, you know?

I'm glad you liked the transitions! They are definitely some of my favorites.

Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving another lovely review!


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Review #10, by Flower n Prongs 

22nd March 2015:
That was a monster of a chapter. I was a bit intimidated at first (nearly 9k!) and thought you were a bit insane, but somehow you managed to pull it off. I definitely think the jumping around between time periods helped with the length, because each transition offered a break if needed. It also broke the chapter up enough that it didn't feel like it was just going on and on and on and never ending.

I was excited to get to see all three of the Evans family soldiers together for the first time in this chapter. Lily's grandfather's statements about his wife really melted my heart. I'm hoping that you will continue this long enough that we will get to read about how she helped him in the past. (I'm assuming they met in the war though, so I could be way off if that isn't how they met!) Petunia made me shake my head at first, but I was pleasantly surprised at how she offered to help take care of her grandmother so she wouldn't have to go into a long term care facility. Much better than the just-marry-rich aspect you showed of her personality at first.

Also, the passage you used for the summary of this chapter was fantastic. I thought it when I read it on the main page for the story and when I read the passage in the fic as well.

I'm pretty sure I mentioned this in one of my past reviews, but I love the way you transition from one era to the next. Obviously you had to do it slightly differently when you were jumping from Phil's birthday dinner to the past, but it still worked well.

The development of the wizarding war as something that is not fully recognized as such was a nice touch. It definitely fits with the reaction we saw in Order of the Phoenix and the Ministry's reluctance then, so it feels like a natural reaction here. The fact that you have dueling in the school and the war affecting everybody even in a "safe" place like Hogwarts was a good choice. It really helps illustrate the terrors of war and the uncertainty of it all.

The mention of Operation Dynamo at the end makes me excited about how you are going to tackle that. The comparison of Phil in the trenches, Jack back in England (I'm presuming) after the evacuation at Dunkirk, and Lily in what seems more like a guerrilla/fluid style war should be interesting to see.

I'm looking forward to continuing to read this. I *may* need to take a break before reading the next chapter though (another 8k! You are insane, woman!) to recharge by batteries.

Author's Response: Hello!

You totally made my day with your reviews. I'm sorry for not responding to them sooner!

Honestly, I'm so desensitized to long chapters I don't even notice anymore! I follow fics where an average chapter is about the length of a small novel. My chapters always seem so small in comparison. And I'm pretty sure I did these two chapters for Camp NaNo in 2013, and it made my chapters way longer for some reason!

Honestly this is one of my favorite chapters so far! It was so much fun writing them all together, and getting a chance to show Lily and Petunia and then Petunia being a normal person instead of the dreadful one we see in the books.

Operation Dynamo was one of the most daunting events I had to include! Second only to The Somme. I don't think it came out as well as I'd hoped, but we'll see :)

]This is ending up being a very short response but there's SO MUCH and everything I have to say is basically THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!


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Review #11, by chinaglaze 

18th March 2015:
Hi there,

Thought I'd drop by and look at another chapter. Not too much to say really, it's excellent. The time-jumps do require some concentration, I admit I had to track back from time to time to see what I was reading, but that's more to do with the way the pages are formatted here I think.

What I particularly enjoyed was the scene with Lily, James and Sirius. Normally Marauders era doesn't grab me but this little scene really did. Good Job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for stopping by! I'm glad you're enjoying the story! :)

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