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16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ANightingaleInAGoldenCage 

9th April 2017:
Hiya! Here again for CTF #5!

I keep on loving the contrasts between all three of the wars they're fighting, as they are so different in each and every way and how they have to deal with all kinds of different things - things others don't understand for various reasons. It gives a lot of depth to the story and it's sad enough to know that while Lily's grandfather and father both survived, she will not. But the lapses in time periods are really well done, as it highlights both growth and how times have changed, especially when it comes to Lily. You can feel the rift forming already here, and despite the smoking (which normally puts me off big time in a story but seems to work here) not helping in the least bit when it comes to her and Snape, it just works. It gives a lot of extra to the story and I love the fact that her family is doing or used to do it back in their day too and that they also found some sort of comfort in it all.
I must say that some details were a little gross though, especially when it came to the wounded soldier and the follow up after that. It might put some others off big time so yeah. It does add to the storytelling though, so there's that too. Well done!

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Review #2, by merlins beard 

9th April 2017:
Hello 😊 I’m here for the Claw CTF team – Claws for the win obviously ❤
Wow I love the idea behind this story. It’s so unique, I honestly have never seen it anywhere else before.
It must have been such a tough time when war was fought mostly on foot and you had to hike for a whole day and then if you got really unlucky you still had to fight. I can totally see how Jack’s legs would feel like they’re still walking, even after they stopped.
Wow that argument between Lily and Severus is pretty intense. It’s not even a real fight, but obviously whatever happened between the gryffindors and slytherins before must have been pretty bad. It makes me sad that Severus doesn’t see how wrong it is what his so-called friends are saying and doing. Sure, James and the others really aren’t angels but they don’t hurt people on purpose.
Wow you really have a way to show us the horrors of a war. Your description of the victims here is spot on and a little nauseating to be honest.
Ugh cigarettes. I don’t like them.
Oh Severus, please get it! You could make life so much easier for so many people in the future if you just stop and think. We all know you’re smart enough to get it. Muggleborns, Muggles, Wizards… does it really matter?
War is always toughest on the ones left behind by it, especially mothers, wives and children. Phil is right to worry about his mother here.
There’s so much war in this story, it’s kind of hard to find many positive things to write about here. But I guess that’s exactly one of those positive things. This is not a story to make the reader feel good and squee with excitement. It’s meant to be tough and frustrating and you’re meant to want to jump in and tell them all to stop fighting, to go home and be happy. I can honestly say that you managed to capture me completely. I just want to keep reading!!
Xoxo
Anja

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Review #3, by PaulaTheProkaryote 

14th February 2017:
Hi Katie!

Holy Helga Hufflepuff! Your descriptive writing is everything I’ve ever wanted out of life. When I grow up I want to be you. This line: “The sun was still beating violently against his face; every so often a drop of sweat would tickle him as it ran down his neck.” Just so beautifully written and well done. All of it. That’s actually probably going to be all of my reviews.

Jack is very Lily in my mind. I love this whole drive to help and do something and actually be useful.

"He don't even shave yet, of course he wants a bit of excitement." My brother-in-law is a new army baby and this is literally him. Can’t even grow facial hair but dying to see the action. Thankfully he’s just a weekend warrior.

It probably wouldn’t be most prudent considering they are in actual war, but I’m surprised they made it through that entire walk without any jodies.

I liked the conversation between Lily and Sev a lot. It shows the budding division already. I also like that she doesn't just write him off as the victim in everything. And she hemmed him up about the Dark Magic use.

Just the word morphine makes me queasy. I have the worst reaction to it. Somehow all of that gore in that paragraph didn’t phase me at all though.

Hot dog, I’m just so in love with Lily. She’s a boss witch.

The thing I love most about this story is the structure of it. Like the way we alternate between all three perspectives and they are all in war and THEY ARE ALL SO DANG ALIKE. It’s so well crafted.

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Review #4, by marauderfan 

26th December 2015:
Here for Review Hot Seat! I remember really enjoying the first two chapters of this that I read for swaps, so I'm glad to come back. Also, I'm pretty late on this, but since I was last reading this you won a Dobby, so huge congrats for that!!

Yet another great chapter, though that's not surprising by this point ;) I really love how you're establishing the story and the way you do your transitions between sections.

Phil's story is really compelling in this chapter, and it really reinforces the absolute horrors of the trench warfare of the first world war. I can't blame him for being so freaked out, and for being basically in shock at seeing what happened to that man. I really liked the last few paragraphs of the chapter in particular, how he's learning to strengthen his stomach and to not be sick at the sight of blood, and how he's worried it will change him and not in a good way. He's worried to lose his humanity and become a machine, and I just thought the whole storyline about him in this chapter was really well thought out. I feel so bad for him. That's a hard decision, and it's not even really his decision to make.

And the sections about Lily. Although it's sad, I like that you're showing the gradual crumbling of Lily and Severus' friendship. The most telling section, as I see it, was the one where Lily is smoking and Severus is irritated at her. Without really saying anything, you subtly showed how Severus is quite possessive of her and how he's kind of still seeing her as the eleven-year-old he was best friends with before they went to Hogwarts. It's like he refuses to accept that she's changing, much like how she's seeing the conflict outside as a war and he still refuses to acknowledge it. I just thought it was a really well written section.

This is such a wonderful story. Great work on this chapter!

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Review #5, by HartOfARebel 

3rd November 2015:
Unusual style but I'm really enjoying it! I love how different the Evans men took to the war, the contrast is great

Author's Response: I'm glad you're enjoying it! :)

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Review #6, by cherry_pop94 

13th October 2015:
I have fallen madly in love with Lily here. I can just picture, acting all cool and sauve, a cigarette in her mouth and a disregard for the rules. Wow. No wonder James and Severus fell for her, I'm falling for her too. I love how Lily is so into muggleborn rights and Dorcas Meadowes's writing. "You just don't get it, do you?" That just felt so powerful to me. It's something I've said far too many times talking about all sorts of different things and it just means so much I think.

Like, it's a reflection of Severus's relative privileged in their society, the fact that he is just so blind to what's happening, Lily's pent up frustration, her wish to change things. I think it's a very powerful thing.

Phil's section really killed me too. It was just so gruesome, but in a really real way. I mean, we all know that things like that really happened. In most fanfiction, reality is very separate, but here, this is actual historical fiction. What Jack and Phil are going through, real people went through not that long ago.

Anyway, another great chapter!

Stefanie

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Review #7, by canary in the mine (not logged in) 

20th September 2015:
I love how your chapters read like a movie. I can picture everything clearly and as a movie buff, it plays wonderfully in my mind :P Especially with how you cut scenes to the different characters in an effortless way that still connects them. I also love the way you write Lily/Sev and their friendship, it's perfect in the way the speak to each other and their different mindsets about the war. Just really amazing, I love everything so far.

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Review #8, by HeyMrsPotter 

11th September 2015:
Woah, Lily went bad-ass! I like the way Lily and Snape are gradually growing apart, rather than just being friends until the whole calling-her-a-mudblood incident and then falling out. Lily smoking is a refreshing change to the normal Lily/Snape stories, it gives him a reason to disapprove of her that isn't something to do with James.

One of the things I'm really loving about the story is the similarities between Lily, Jack, and Phil. Stubbornness is obviously an Evans family trait, they're all very set in their own ways and sure of their actions. I love the narrative style you've got, I can see why it's been nominated for most original!

Dee

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Review #9, by Penelope Inkwell 

17th August 2015:
Yikes. That bit with the man and the organs and all was...well...horrifying. In a good way? You wrote it well. It definitely got the trauma of war across. I'm regretting my dinner a bit, so you can take that as a victory.

You really do paint the picture of the First and Second World Wars so well.

And man, Lily's going through a rebellious stage. I've never seen anything quite like that before, but it makes sense. I like that she is standing up for herself and for her Muggle heritage, and that even though she lets Severus off the hook for so long, she refuses to pretend his friends aren't out to get her. She doesn't gloss over that to make things more comfortable. Good for her!

CC:

Slowly, she shook her head. Or maybe he wouldn’t even notice.
--I had a little trouble following this bit here. I assume she's talking about Severus? But I couldn't quite figure out what it is that she's saying he might not notice.


Oh, I really liked the detail of Phil knowing how to sew. Somehow that just really stuck out to me. It makes his character more well-rounded.

Another well done chapter. I'm noticing a theme, here ;)

--Penny

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Review #10, by manno_malfoy 

13th August 2015:
I must admit that I don't read too many stories about Lily, but yours is written so differently from all the ones I've read. We already know that Lily is bold and brave, but yours has a bit of an edgy side to her that I find refreshing. I was beyond amused by the scene where she was smoking and Severus was judging her, and not just because of the smoking. You're building up the tension between them gradually, and that's so realistic, because friends who are that close don't just fall out all of a sudden.

Your characterisation of Severus too is very impressive. He doesn't believe that there's any real threat for muggleborns, which explains why he wasn't seeing his friends attacking her as a serious problem. And I suppose it'll just go downhill from there until he, too, calls her a mudblood. It's all so sad. :(

What was even more amazing than all the Sev and Lily scenes was Phil's story in this chapter. Your writing on that part was fantastic and authentic, and for a moment, I forgot that I was reading a story on HPFF. It just sounds so gory and real, and the dialogue through out it all is top notch. I loved the closing scene and his thoughts about his mum.

"Would she love him more if she knew that he could point a gun at a living man and pull the trigger? He prayed she would never have to find out." is such a strong, touching closing sentence.

Such wonderful, unique work!

-Manno

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Review #11, by TreacleTart 

12th August 2015:
Hey Katie,

I'm here for our review swap.

I've been meaning to get back to this story for ages, so I'm stoked to finally be here. This is just so unique and interesting and really I haven't seen anything else like this anywhere on the archives, so kudos for that.

The set up that you use for this works really well. I love how you bounce back and forth between the different eras. Normally, I might be concerned that that would be confusing, but you handle it so well. Seriously, it's so smooth and each person is fairly distinct, so it's easy to tell who's POV we're in at all times. Really good work there.

Your writing is just so clean and effortless in this too. The words are crisp and the description is just enough to help me really visualize what you're talking about. You've balanced between dialogue and description quite nicely as well.

My only little touch of cc isn't really cc, but more of a personal note. I would suggest considering a little trigger warning on this chapter just because of the violent imagery. It might seem a silly thing, but there are people that can be really sensitive to it. I personally find that it's incredibly hard for me to read about people being blown up, terribly injured, or being tortured within the context of war when it's portrayed in a real scenario. Does that make sense? I think I'm particularly sensitive to it because I spent two whole years terrified every time the phone rang thinking my then husband might've been blown up or maimed. To me, reading your scene with the soldier dying literally made my stomach lurch and all of those feelings that I've pushed away deep down come popping up to the surface.

That being said, I'd argue that the scenes you write should be evocative of emotions and personal experiences. I just think that not everyone is always prepared to deal with that sort of stuff at all times is all.

Anyway, I'm sorry that I'm sort of off on a tangent here. The gist of it is that I really adore this story and I can't wait to see where you go with it.

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: I am so sorry that upset you. And I think it makes perfect sense. I know the violence gets a bit intense, but I hadn't considered that it might be really triggering for some. I will absolutely put trigger warnings on this, and any other chapter with violent imagery. Thank you for mentioning it.

I'm so glad you're enjoying the story! :)


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Review #12, by Liebeliebes 

18th June 2015:
I freakinf love this. I'm so glad I found it. I love the parallels and how you transition between times.

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying it! The transitions are so difficult to pull off, it's nice to hear it's working!

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Review #13, by Your Purple Pygmy Puff 

21st May 2015:
Here I am again, your purple Pygmy Puff, with your dayly shipment of cuddles and flowers!

Oh, I loved this chapter! Absolutely brilliant!
I can sympathize with Lily's grandad here! He is a quiet and pacific man, probably a bit out of place in an army... But that's what makes him special, isn't it?

Jack hasn't faced the harsh reality of war yet. He's still just acting like a boy who's craving to grow up into a man. I expect him to reconsider most of his ideas when faced with actual carnage... I love the way you're writing him till now.

And then there's Lily.
Her friendship with Severus is already getting strained, and I can see why, since he doesn't seem to pick on the seriousness of Muggleborns' discrimination.
I have to agree with him on one point, though... Smoking is really a horrible habit!

Anyway, I'm really loving this story! It's so unique, and so well built, and so full of emotion! Wonderful job, hon!
Many cuddles to you and see you soon on the next chapter!
Your Purple Pygmy Puff

Author's Response: :D Thank you again! Phil's my favorite :)

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Review #14, by TidalDragon 

13th March 2015:
And of course just as I comment on the seeming hypocrisy, Lily acknowledges it in a sense. It's interesting to see the evolution in her character and the relationship with Snape deteriorating over the year. It's setting up the beginning of the end nicely, though I will say she still seems a little more pro-Potter than I'd have expected at that point given Snape's Worst Memory. However, the more I think about it that's actually interesting to consider because we of course see that from Snape's perspective, tinged with his view which is quite unlikely to be objective - so fair play to you there I guess.

It's also quite interesting how you have the Phil and Jack set up differently in their attitudes about the wars they're in and then Lily somewhere in the middle, with a visceral awareness and knowledge that she has to stand up, but much more bitterness and conflict about what's going on than Jack.

While we're not too far in yet, I definitely think the story shows loads of promise with the unique approach and style and the strong use of language you've displayed throughout!

I hope you've found these (very late) reviews helpful! Feel free to drop me a PM or re-request if you'd got any questions or want me to carry on (though I may just do so on my own if life calms down eventually)!

Author's Response: I really appreciate your thoughts on Lily. She's my absolute favorite character, and I always enjoy getting to talk to people about her. It's actually taken a lot of restraint to not respond to your reviews with essays about her character, but I figure this isn't the forum for that.

As for her being pro-Potter, I think she had to have been at least slightly more so than people think. I think the fact that she marries him two years after Snape's Worst Memory says a lot more than her losing her temper on him. A matter of personal opinion, I think. :)

I'm really glad you're enjoying this so far, and I really appreciate the reviews! Thank you so much! :)


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Review #15, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap 

9th March 2015:
Sorry for such a late response! I’ve been writing more and I was sick so it was hard to get through all my request. You know I was going to read this story on my own but usually the stories that I read on my own I do take awhile to get through. Blame all the wonderful authors on here.

Any who, let’s get reviewing!

"It's France! Everyone has wine!"

I liked the interaction and the camaraderie you showed here. I think it can be hard to write about war and those involved in it. Some people don’t understand how military men go around like it’s normal, their day-to-day activities. Of course it’s effecting them but this is their life. This is their norm. They build relationships and friendships along the way. They become brothers but also they’re normal people throughout the entire process. They can joke. They can laugh. It’s not serious 100% of the time.

“Well, they’re not used to the idea…”

“Of a Mudblood being decent?”

“Don’t.”

Lily inhaled deeply. “Fine.”


And you see that friendship here as well but it’s different. You know lately for some reason I seem to end up reading stories about this moment in time between Lily and Severus. Everyone has a different take. What I like about yours is he’s forgiven (at least for now, I haven’t read on yet) but Lily is still pressing him on about it. She’s also sticking up for her House and people she’s not friends with but understands. Sometimes I think people write Lily too black and white. As if she automatically knows what is right and wrong. Her conversation with Sev presses towards that direction but then it doesn’t because she’s fighting him.

I think here she knows the lines are blurred between what’s good and bad. She sees some ‘bad’ in Severus but she knows behind the darkness and the anger there is good. He treats her well (or as well as he can) and cares for her and he is still her friend.

Also, thanks for not making Severus awful. I hate when I read a story and he’s this absolute pig because he wasn’t. He wasn’t a saint either. You wrote him like a person. A boy. With slight charm.

“You’re magic,” he whispered. “You have a wand. You’re a witch.”

“You just don’t get it, do you?” she said quietly. She rose from her swing, grabbed her bag and walked away.


You’ve got me, hook, line and sinker. I’m just captured by your Lily and Severus interaction. She’s kind of snarky and daring. He’s kind of timid when he’s around her. Yes he’s pushy and still has this flair about him but I also think he’s different from his first appearance to his second because they are not at Hogwarts. Here he can relax with her but it’s obvious their relationship has changed.

And I don’t think it’s going to turn back. This begins the downfall of their friendship. Well, the first scene was leading to its demise but this showed the stark differences between the both of them.

I see her father in Lily. They both have this sense to push the boundaries and see what’s beyond the safety lines.

Can’t wait for the next chapter. Again, sorry for such a late response!

Author's Response: Now I'm sorry for the late response! I kept rereading this trying to think of something to respond with that wasn't incoherent keysmashing. It didn't go so well.

I'm so glad you're enjoying this and that you think Lily and Snape's relationship is well done. That aspect of this story is so important to me and it means so much to get compliments on it! It's such an interesting dynamic and people have such strong feelings about it that it's really hard to write it without upsetting someone. I'm so pleased to hear it's going well.

Thank you so, so, so much! :D


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Review #16, by chinaglaze 

3rd March 2015:
This is taking shape superbly I have to say. The drawing of the analogies between three wars and three generations is clever and original and you are making a cracking good job of it. It will be interesting to see where it goes. There is one thing I noticed which I'm not sure about; you may have researched this already, but I don't know if English soldiers would have referred to distances in kilometers during ww2. Might be worth checking.

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm glad you're enjoying it! :) I did not research that, but I'll definitely check into it. Thank you for pointing it out!

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